With the next early autumn, I had now counted 24 moons with you.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiyw7z8xgA
"No" became your favorite word. And now, and this was new, you could open doors.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JT4kfRs4d
The pantry. The cellar. And to my deepest dismay, my study. A place I had explicitly forbidden you again and again. For reasons that would seem rational to you, if you weren't an unreasonable little imp with too little intelligence and too many ideas. I heard it every time. From afar. The sound of a brass, albeit worn, doorknob being pressed down by sticky child hands. And then carefree pattering on the dark wooden floorboards.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEOnsNA2Av
"Leonora." My tone was calm. Far too calm, because I saw the danger. I found you on the chair in my study, arms stretched out like a young tightrope walker. In front of you a table with vials and phials of liquids, most of which I still had to identify, and a scroll made of animal skin, older than Grellborn's back pain. I had not sealed it. Because I was tired. And thus careless.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyly8g1gYx
"Look!" you laughed cheerfully, with a phial in your hand, its contents shimmering dangerously green. I had no idea what was in it. Something from Grellborn, something he had once bartered on the black market. Probably in exchange for a cursed bezoar of a ruminant or whatever else he kept hidden in his thousand drawers. I froze in the doorway, rigid. My arm outstretched, a finger raised. Like a conductor trying to prevent a cacophony of chaos. My left hand slightly defensive against the approaching danger. My body leaned slightly forward, as if ready to leap at any moment.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrfdbpCtai
"Leonora," I said again, slower, warning. My gaze darted between you and the phial in your hand.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqIQDAfgCj
"Don't. Move." I said clearly and unambiguously.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZULJmPwLNT
"Why?" you asked and I swear, by all dark gods, Nora, that tone was exactly like a queen denied her dessert. I stood still, because I knew, one wrong step, one unconscious provocation on my part, and not even the most renowned necromancer could piece you back together. Nor me, probably.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcaB2KR1mc
"If you move," I said, clear as a mountain stream, "you could explode."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhvXW54LBO
You tilted your head: "What expode?"15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9E9OROnqRk
"A state in which you..." I searched for a phrase you might understand. Found none quickly. "...would hurt yourself very much." You considered.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyot7wNPiq8
"Aha," you said cheerfully. I stepped closer, slowly and every step calculated. You had been carelessly swaying the phial. I drew in a sharp breath. And then, in an act of ultimate rebellion, you simply poured the liquid out. Onto an ancient parchment. The liquid began to steam immediately. The parchment began to sizzle and dissolve with a crackle. No explosion or fire, as I had feared.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGLAuisqC8
I blinked.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1a4FyXX7E
"Leonora," I said with a calm only maintained through centuries of meditation, "this paper was older than you, Grellborn, and my cynicism combined."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BvPwTAGUe
You giggled: "Look, moke! Maic!"
I pinched the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger and sighed. You had already climbed down from the chair and came toward me with a satisfied grin. And I? Took a deep breath. Then I turned around and made a mental note:15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTyooTDzxE
"Grellborn. I need valerian. For me. This time for real."
I handed you over to Grellborn.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBt18c22Lp
We sat in the great hall. A room that pretended to be a living room but was, in truth, a jumble of carpets, antlers, clocks, and wax-clogged candlesticks.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURis6HxbeI
The ceiling too high, the windows too small, the paintings too suggestive; and not a single one hung by me.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2mlP0BvJI
I never quite figured out whether this house had shaped itself around me, or if I had simply adapted to it like a sulky guest who never left.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0ynE84Wr2
The fireplace spat the occasional spark, as if it wanted to remind us it was still there.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqP5207fdbX
Above it, a stag's head glared at me with glass eyes, as if I were the intruder.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHRtrD7Cgx
I couldn't really blame him. He was right.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavlEvqYS83
To the left, three red armchairs and a matching sofa, upholstered in a fabric that reeked of outdated taste and disappointed hopes.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5xMDP8JxI
To the right, a grandfather clock that never kept time; I didn't care. Time had long since lost all meaning to me. The chandeliers hung from the ceiling like lost spiders.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagr0LEUR6n
I had taken over the house about a century ago. Not bought. Taken.
Back then, the plague was sweeping through England, and the former owners had decided, quite unanimously, to die. A few of them were still upstairs when I moved in.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpsuwnsnsC
Some bloated like overstuffed pigs' bladders, others still stiff.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIVO3tce0O
I was polite enough to bury them in the back yard. No flowers; I was merely a pragmatist with a shovel. You'd played in the grass there the other day.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkz0IFJXc26
Of course, I said nothing.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDx6c9Xzfn
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As so often, Grellborn had simply invited himself. I wasn't truly bothered. He brought you warmer clothes for the coming months (you had already outgrown the old ones) and even a carved deer, with which you played on Grell's lap. Grell assured me that your provocation phase was normal for toddlers, even if overly taxing for the nerves of a guardian.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQeKYkDmwl
"This is a really good sign for once, Szandor!" He beamed over his wrinkled face, half covered by white beard.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHOw5ATKWH
"For once?" My eyebrows furrowed.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKgM72HZes
"She trusts you," he expertly ignored my question, "if she were always sweet, she wouldn't trust you."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlqgF24CGN
"Trust," I repeated, "a dangerous instinct in beings with such soft skulls."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nomxnF3GK
"Godbless, I'd have every scribe sign this if you'd believe me then," mumbled Grell, as you let the deer vanish into his beard.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTk1NShXAME
"She doesn't say no because she rejects you. She provokes you because she knows you'll stay."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvFPLj41F2
I blinked slowly: "Wonderful. So it's a sign of trust when she sets fire to my scrolls with alchemical fluids."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xR6O1Dvxr
"Exactly," he nodded, as if I had just passed the druid apprentice's exam.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz8KV0oSoK
"What nonsense. She contradicts everything. Even the weather."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzuV01zxFD
"Exactly." Grell leaned back, I wasn't sure whether it was the chair or his brittle bones creaking.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh5dX8PHum
"She threw herself on the cold stone floor last week because I wouldn't give her a second bowl of carrot mash," I said with a worn-out voice. Grell watched you silently, with that old-man's smirk; neither sentimental nor foolish. More like someone who knows the abysses of all creatures on Earth and still pours milk into his tea, just for the fun of it. You looked at him and laughed. A soft crackle in the fire accompanied your joy, then he spoke again:15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMQd2Xieo7
"And yet... she falls asleep beside you. Trust is not always a hug. Sometimes it looks like a tantrum on a stone floor. You never screamed, did you?" he asked suddenly.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHqMLadY1B
I snorted. "I was a quiet child. Disciplined. Compliant."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc7PYw6nNU
"How unnatural," he said dryly. I wanted to contradict him, but I realized I couldn't. I tried to remember, any moment from my childhood where I screamed, cried. But I found nothing. Only insignificant images from a distance.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoylhof2O3
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You were just about to explore Grell's fluffy beard, when once again a raven landed on the windowsill. You waved to it. It was the same one that had appeared almost daily in recent months, always at the same hour. Over time, I began to recognize it by small features. The little feather that always stood out slightly from its back. The slight scratch on the beak. I stepped to the window. The raven looked at me. No frantic cawing, no wing flapping. Just that gaze. A gaze too long. Too aware. I crossed my arms.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjlas89AON
"Grell..." I began, without turning, "you have nothing to do with this, right?"15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZClhDoNbB
"With what?"15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr18jRhvdlz
"The raven."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPU3MnuBOO
"Godbless," he murmured, "you think every creature that survives more than two days in your estate was sent by me." You, meanwhile, had slid off Grell's knee and came to stand beside me at the window. Your little fingers touched my leg to keep balance.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWdtVcEOBE
"Caw!" you cried joyfully and pointed to the feathered beast. I said nothing. The raven looked at you. Then at me. Then back at you. A caw, softer now, almost watchful. The raven slightly lifted its wings but remained seated.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyqAqF4BpH
"Birb good!" you said then. Just like that.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYISjBY4aTE
"He's a scavenger." I stated flatly. You nodded with satisfaction, as if I had merely confirmed your opinion.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkGVX9UGl9
Grellborn giggled in the background like a cheeky maidservant: "Ravens don't come without reason."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2JyuGbyfg
"But you said you didn't send it." I turned slowly to him, accusing with a spider's gaze, though that never intimidated Grell.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC733YklgQx
"I didn't. I'm only saying, if they come, it's with meaning."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5VIJOgWjn
You wiggled your toes beside me, still toward the bird.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtG6XYeMHz
"And oh, wise Grellborn, once forged by lightning, what do these avian vertebrates proclaim? Is the end of the world finally upon us?"15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2elTt3KAu
Grell kept his pipe in his mouth as he stirred his tea: "In this case, probably not. Ravens often herald change. Sometimes they appear when a shift is happening. Sometimes they are messengers of coming fortune or misfortune, who knows for sure? In any case, they embody wisdom, omniscience. Or a threatening kind of truth, Godbless."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3i8NHhjlcF
I sat back down: "Your knowledge is as fuzzy as your memory."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OIW0OvCxE
"As with all things spiritual," Grell grinned like a rascal and then fell silent. And I knew he knew more than he let on.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x9Vqp7wIX
I hate it when he goes quiet. It's never disinterest. It's too-much-knowledge he refuses to share.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudI7wOTOvh
"Grell, if you know something..." I pressed again.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mBgrfZ94W
"I would tell you once you're ready."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtNvdPaMb2
I stared at him: "That's not an answer."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhppPeNTdh
"It is," he said, "just not for now. Have trust."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGgbJZi2zl
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Then the raven flew off and you watched it, fascinated.
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