Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHxTD8LjEL
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkofnMNZGt6
And yet, language is always power.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiAnNjBSbt
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SIgGU9tUE
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdCTTUtsvz
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqr8VT3IWT
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRPNSjRNCb
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rrbwUpTu8
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UB0nPP32P
And that was precisely the problem.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgIPRjRwKt
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HrXyNVtQM
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdh9L6MFAYE
"Come here, child."19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodPs9582CW
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Eu0kWk8dp
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkundZNQ75
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaEogqsjLe
Leonora.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT466NwS4fY
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jT7gkLZEu
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlSoDyBNEC
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXXXpqE8fg
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYASHgncpMP
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnh8mk9bEkb
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVKi4h6MMh
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizvWLjJSsG
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXN9u1wRP5
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3blDYZDPg
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNMlyhoEQ9
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7L2hgOTXXL
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRPycjOENB
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKuKeY6pnI
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZY0I19ynB
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9D2sck1MP
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk22r63aVQ
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8mZynHTrO
But like you.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwpvy4gmDJ
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfZgcsQBEP
