在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKoPeCTV1G
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJDfgZ6fBn
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJYHl3dDMp
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqx3ckToYxu
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdUZGapows
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfblEPnQHV
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEUS5TzbWU
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMcuJO4685
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOak71s7UnI
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPXnI5lXKj
「你條裙有血！」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4MHwqEhhf
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9S0fOWiUdy
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZu2UFKueM1
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpL0IizhmlT
「大個女啦。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cw5YtaatZ
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiE2a2FljGs
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXOwpdALja
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD921cHegVf
「去廁所清理吓。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxPV8AAbB0
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcnZvpfnw7
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLslySynm9
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoclP0Ikqc
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4e7xH87VTN
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuuNEboBjZ
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXXEXFjpBc
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxmEB6CnRb
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCcI76z9Kw
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtXgKyajil
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LXugRkWUm
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx4Uq4Xjo6
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc1Z2TWDsA
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStvqWazehg
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HTEl2GGMT
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzt7BHXaiQD
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EgYQxAZKE
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RflItoAhc
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQI0565ReZw
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJANgrfSQd
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99uqZkxpjr
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNjbgSf4nk
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqkbLSAonM
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWScpfieMG
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto1JfADDfr
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSH0iuRMje
只聽見他說：303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhS8qEV1q6Z
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURWz5ZuA3E
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVgoPihm8R
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7fIFbGpru
林蓁心下一沉。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCm9bBsD5C
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3waXHCz8H
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57x7D5DZyo
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvzReteqET
她又想，會不會是他口硬？303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡve6hKmzk38
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VGnH5L7Dy
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhH6uPpXeo
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PK6xYM2QF
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEvkbUba5x
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGNuvAM037
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqtN5yscDP
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYFc93On85
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GgfkRpUYL
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOICKddfw5
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkt2oaSjOe
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7CNivC2FU
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJhuDv948a
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/303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRITLt8qCUg
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfd8iHKF0f
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa59Lm017IQ
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KM723IBYD
她去見了周立沖。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0by7WEVEMl
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEXiOlp83A
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbUP0g953y
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4g0z2fCRw
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOkbEI6pze
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOE9r4pIuzG
「無所謂。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxTNzqu4qL
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0sve0fVGv
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BrUvHNR1n
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUsCGmDl14
家裡沒有飯吃。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaf1twuQ5G
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKZySxailh
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOv0bBpUy9v
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYt4uVJ3jC
「你煮咩我都食。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oN02SQ9NI
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvzCNp2TbH
「傻瓜。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCejhoy0sK8
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKx6OO9VbDH
他摸摸她的頭。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayP5e6RzIN
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zYucsgp8i
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhvVTdQOzV
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiMfcVI6ut
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xh5nyB6Lg
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT91kqxAVW3
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozv80pDvWP
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlheIKAzyZ3
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDTK9d7DoO
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyYO9n5bo1
「不如食咗我先。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ861vwNFrPN
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUgu0vzhXb
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8HEWpe9TV
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqLYcc5DaC
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hy54gTPTV
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd6FUS5yMp
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjMITfoa85
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlPQxqzN4I
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DKaaGjzIg
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCcbO7JKEu
不過，幸好，現在他在。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxqffyvJ05
303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmPYjn1noC
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。303Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsuGHmYYAC
