致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEgTFyZNAB
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前提，是特殊情況之下334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEKnH9Pn2s
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHFvg0e6Fy
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大概334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0sCbSW0Vx
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKMq1zxBZh
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpQYjrPPgG
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「⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PuC0snrWe
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNiXdy9vN9
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeddcAAsEWq
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfKFTIWfWS
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnPmJ9cAUa
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不良日常性時候334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZ2ssxRA27
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQxLfIX5qm
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXummghdas
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FxtScI4bx
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbW2wkEOmt
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmWBoGuasW
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKwJyvdOy0
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpNe7AvtUa
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnB85CJ5ta
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFVBqLcciB
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIOWfitvL9
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「呀！來了、來了！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9qtYuw2iz
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「走啊～」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJEU6mdA3T
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE10y6ZO3cF
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiYLcRoKRp
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他334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MZx4VmRuM
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「又被欺負了嗎？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8PJL9s8kc
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcCv8JU6SN
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljBVsIgPl8
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2ZpBSGBwk
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSmfUEfKWf
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpXu8XWeGi
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⋯⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuncVg5e35
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怎也好呢334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19WAOggiw4
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「⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbTdWGO3HS
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVR4cthMyOP
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVP7SHWV6D
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—— 咔 ——334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDOAT3vmw9
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⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDGYGp1NNW
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⋯⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2304xxY8Ym
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZ0bwnKgyV
「嗚⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF70BrPKUkM
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTSajnZLOr
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgIUuAVBFU
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKz9PPli8V
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「啊？！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkhTuZtQ79
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—— 啪噹 ——334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8xeGRS1wl
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAjKXj8EJN
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqU7fsS79Vt
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她一樣334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO39yT9kEgi
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZymbjnjclS
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3LhigCRb6
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「對不起！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoL5UB0CMG
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDnyhx3cdo
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「來」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMVVLGgVYf
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「⋯謝謝」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe062gBj5fS
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD5NgOb9cx
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQF5XZJFcCL
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkHdclwvM2
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjrwsJR7m5
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「那個，水無月？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡII3NLiKZ5H
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「怎麼了？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwoaXaS9Dv
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPk99LuItt
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各種334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJ9ZHLe267
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0BhB2tghP
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXwgfmQymT
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且只能回味334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbJQwdrt4W
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「回來了嗎，島見？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfbhudiO4Q
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKZ58Lqqgp
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvUwC7BWJS
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKK5mm7psbF
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「媽媽⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0JSfPpfcF
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「⋯⋯是的？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTVuhAc1Ik
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieiwpgvQj7
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XmCX16RPR
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYoy1CWfQn
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3hQ3Zsuok
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呢334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKJlwm22Z6
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSwE4ASjpC
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xnKPBwOyE
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGWzp9ZpSn
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsday7pIIG
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEAWdoyjyL
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「生日快樂！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1mQLlb2gf
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0c5uWYWknj
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太過成功才使人後悔啊334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWLcBsANPr
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuavAX6qlx
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「⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYbMUM1nZC
「所以說⋯你的⋯你的答覆是—— 啊⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePosb4ZEK3
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—— 噗 ——334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUFKF1LOrz
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「喜歡」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo31l5297zY
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbbvRxDhxY
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如果⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XeIF9BT9f
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfS5EdR7BK
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來得太突然了，去得太突然334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzjos6AtC5
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「什麼？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wcZVei729
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux26zL9k1B
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmQ864LkfX
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0hXcdAFwL
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqX7D9hCcS
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「⋯對不起⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvdVGsznVr
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對不起有什麼用？334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrS2HqiSMn
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道歉又有什麼用？334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVi9iD3fSVq
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卻334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqTIGma8RG
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNadKgaGvQ
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要説再見了嗎？334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmtBr5uWnV
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我不想334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFlYE3H1Ko
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUdWMj0y44
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRH5qMN0QN
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我不想那樣子334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgyZ67q5VG
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeRAN8NNgs
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsWiZ4xw5X
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不在這般的前半生之後334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUJEMYhXWk
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⋯⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHO3Ux1Fi0S
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無論如何，日子倒是來了334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj9NZyrP2i
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最後的笑容，就在當刻334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTvBMtE9Pz
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7S1mqi3k0
334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoR6wavyC7Z我不接受334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinggGn34WI
334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQ2Bp1szzk我不接受334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3tpQblPYd
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—— 啾 ——334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SMMvvzzPx
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我不接受334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdk9mO6DFe
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「賀羽⋯？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvicGmNWSiK
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—— 啾 ——334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt1QPhEko2
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChPAMce3q8
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUPc3XPRAZ
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我不接受這樣的結果334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeQq1NTT36
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqejJE5tn3Z
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDGFHhjLfV
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymayadcHSZ
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我的本性334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdssn18g5MF
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo143ePGSxr
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—— 啪 ——334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBTg41WZFS
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「給我閉嘴」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBfbiUHMXL
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadxAwLXiw7
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我終究只是野獸而已呢334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxVB8FMUhP
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9QLJxsloj
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRVt9F2TjH
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而作為人形野獸真的該死334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiTXD6swJa
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如此痛苦也是活該334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLLddpd5Rl
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忘記不能也是334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH13DIURbqA
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhuGIdPmSr
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OD7RDcoKs
「張開口！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZhSChU0BK
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6DNt4EBHg
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發現了嗎？334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ht2XM11au
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuV8RpJVWS
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf35bvrES76
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QnpRbK76F
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「為什麼⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9tc9onZiN
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我所嚮往的334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1K5ZFFV5Z
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所謂的334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8SiEdmfPU
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「正常」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7wOhC559K
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純粹是個謊言334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mZ9zZTX0o
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6TQ5tbwcr
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxuwWrQ5Y6
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⋯⋯334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zag9N6jU3
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所以說，我是異類嗎？334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre6ki1ZnJT
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「⋯⋯再見了」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmpKBJuPqr
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當然334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQwURdae81
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH5qFbs4uF
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy290S5qy2I
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwO5zhpNAeS
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「嘿⋯」334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaelkQZJTQ0
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自討而已334Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfad33RPelS
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns216.73.216.222da2
