致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJoH5Z2VBN
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前提，是特殊情況之下287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdyjCMtVQN
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1iMAsT15r
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大概287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFYTV6EqTF
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv4rRNejzf
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7sEgClCMk
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「⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNJnqzn0Ce
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxNIEwVToM
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42LeU7Z9HH
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvWXz6mmWL
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhseqk2FLsu
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不良日常性時候287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6D06YGGBSO
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhe3eSQ7T9
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOkmROvyGZ
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIszHz14aR7
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNF5ajXw1PB
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVzL2n6LIX
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5DKUmcVfT
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmETxbrS8U
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FNO6vzIEk
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjEQbP8Vs9
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZZSYuw8b0
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「呀！來了、來了！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF81BndO06f
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「走啊～」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L07jBD6Xq
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJz0rBMG9Ic
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡep1vvRRpPF
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他287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXocUSUkzUk
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「又被欺負了嗎？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYitmBZfgFt
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdkjVsG1b6
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1scexdunW
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0jsaYUrtM
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TsbdQ7bLQ
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjluTN81j0U
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⋯⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlZL7fZ5Gj
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怎也好呢287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTEXmcBTXB
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「⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NZ11iiyVg
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAXFT43qk5
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3DYSMHCqj
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—— 咔 ——287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUBhtFjO9P
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⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFohDPxS3lf
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⋯⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24ovCzrne8
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrn7LBhXFKE
「嗚⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCh6ILCxXJR
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBGu0nVdIL
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMEHe8I6kV
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxpgclOVOV
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「啊？！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t4WCdlBlW
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—— 啪噹 ——287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QvoRvP8vO
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CXbZW7ni3
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RyFYpAG5e
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她一樣287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ORiBtDyiL
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzu7Hvpqc2
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5j6bCw1jE
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「對不起！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpa6srsKQYm
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUa2xQSKmZn
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「來」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvm3Q5V95na
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「⋯謝謝」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcssSdDTp0
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsTBbKJ06Q
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfvUqUrpcu
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffk3h5QrrC
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumO2RYzIHw
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「那個，水無月？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23eMqtvkWx
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「怎麼了？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzWDMjSl0L
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnJOprE7JS
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各種287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Zm4OUbaSq
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjscM1rQFCb
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bLj7D7WP6
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且只能回味287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oWPMo1150
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「回來了嗎，島見？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXeLeAFkSK
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEW60dVCjj
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjbPT3TyOk
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeylSmk3rXL
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「媽媽⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzH68WWx0k
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「⋯⋯是的？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoshtvffgX
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICxWtwiqeB
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOakQ3en7Pi
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ160j4FboRZ
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3tYMll6jC
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呢287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSURj4wjqm
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmcPmZsFuF
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSYISKlupC
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjab4IRc9mY
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「欸？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNrO69OsTr
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQp7JmSYAE
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「這樣嗎⋯？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGCPgbeDeg
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiM8MPS3Cx
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「生日快樂！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8UrK80Irx
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvK2wXnizD
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太過成功才使人後悔啊287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUe6vP6zW1
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBih8QPn8g
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「⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuSDm88W6s
「所以說⋯你的⋯你的答覆是—— 啊⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocVvCpB025
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—— 噗 ——287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIft7cR1jx
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「喜歡」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfGvlyUiTa
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「賀羽？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡch6g6sOksk
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「嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2ZGoFbLzK
「太好了⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3Ug7TAkUT
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7NioUxU1z
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如果⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqtrOOD3tU
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJgOUFMcJh
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來得太突然了，去得太突然287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2qLnZ3H3m
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287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7nlV7xsuH好痛287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpNMQNX5gR
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「什麼？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8O5ARv7n2
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXyPM7Co6v
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvCIwKr9a0
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBr3VSKwZQ
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxXQ3P7riC
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「⋯對不起⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTl2fLfATg0
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對不起有什麼用？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlXYcu3tXV
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道歉又有什麼用？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwWL4FhLB4
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卻287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4mqemAFzo
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla1OdcOccq
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要説再見了嗎？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCViaLj6fi
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我不想287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzJ9kr8Tqc
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMrvGXnpjW
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyKhvFSbwK
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我不想那樣子287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv745S7esoS
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTfM0C17dn
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgMI5IHNYF
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不在這般的前半生之後287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZfT8NHkSW
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⋯⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCelz82yDia
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無論如何，日子倒是來了287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPpXA8aWge
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最後的笑容，就在當刻287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzjTV9POvr
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPe1ruF2JG
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB0LqZMVnI我不接受287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjL2XjRgrrs
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6dvh9ybHo我不接受287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZA44OvEHUr
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—— 啾 ——287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaPgDT9HRX
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我不接受287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeGKkWktJO
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「賀羽⋯？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNeHiJPq6d
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—— 啾 ——287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJceW1TMhE8
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHDgiJ9Rm9
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtPl5FBqza
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我不接受這樣的結果287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGKIsjb5B9
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZT4rYcf8A
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTLbfP1nwJ
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3iM7r5VaI
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我的本性287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZoy8zpf7s
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IciWJGrm1
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—— 啪 ——287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9RjTR5pJN
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「給我閉嘴」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VQ5N3I6NP
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRvsC5GUtv
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我終究只是野獸而已呢287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZY2kSP15c
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBY0y7hilk
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j7DuxJoeS
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而作為人形野獸真的該死287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFVuuSogd4
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如此痛苦也是活該287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAo9NzbQO4
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忘記不能也是287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZuA5w8yKB
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycaQ4SzLVV
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6stddPpJl
「張開口！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaLjL4xZyq
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0xGdSCEsA
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發現了嗎？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3qKPr0C8L
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3JO959Nag
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E0XWsH3HC
這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8P6bD4Slw
287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ypLOLgOIo
我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUN6SkbFeC
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「為什麼⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTf73PcB4p
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我所嚮往的287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmE6UrEKTer
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所謂的287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzmNZRjEhh
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「正常」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa68BKcE7ID
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純粹是個謊言287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzFGVFWA62
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8B8gJAy1BE
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYwMvGnBFR
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⋯⋯287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhMg78xK2g
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所以說，我是異類嗎？287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbs3rmI8Rj
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「⋯⋯再見了」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlJoHNv6CX
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當然287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3OHNmb9ag
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dc3Es4anz
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHmZCL6l26
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUGtZ7Cett
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「嘿⋯」287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LmhzDTb4h
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自討而已287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vsbsYKnX2
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
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