如果有人告訴你,你已再不會感到痛楚,你會怎麼辦?362Please respect copyright.PENANAezMGqLes7B
362Please respect copyright.PENANAesqMmt6cnM
拉扯皮膚、用拳頭錘向手臂,測試方法隨便你。362Please respect copyright.PENANApacukVZrWg
362Please respect copyright.PENANAOsDf5Qqeip
若果真的不再痛,你接下的一步是甚麼?362Please respect copyright.PENANACTTH0zCgS3
362Please respect copyright.PENANATaLfgAxTtL
你會繼續嘗試傷害自己嗎?恐怕不會,我們對痛楚的恐懼早已刻進腦袋。進化論提倡人因擁有恐懼才能避開危險,我們也正完好無缺的生活着。362Please respect copyright.PENANAlonHHFUHx7
362Please respect copyright.PENANAcE7fX0m1CO
以下是最後的問題。要是一起初已不認識痛楚,你會去尋找痛楚的知覺嗎?362Please respect copyright.PENANAVDqbvGsOlX
362Please respect copyright.PENANA7wHaQ98OJc
無痛症,指的是失去痛覺神經的病症。世上存在着其先天患者,一生中未曾感受過出於神經反應的痛楚;換作同一立場,你能頂受嗎?362Please respect copyright.PENANAsc9rSY7RDX
362Please respect copyright.PENANA0nABtF5KzY
362Please respect copyright.PENANATA86wAOBki
十二月二十六日,是節禮日。362Please respect copyright.PENANA9u7hvUrn76
362Please respect copyright.PENANAgXbhSrjAuo
我和阿雨算是有互送聖誕禮物,當然是正常的東西,我有吸收教訓乖乖的送他一對鞋子,尺寸是趁他睡著時所量的。362Please respect copyright.PENANAdjOfDesd53
362Please respect copyright.PENANA5xSSRbFR3t
阿雨在同一個時段只有一對鞋子,到壞掉才會去買新的。送新鞋子是對他舊鞋、以及偶爾會順便替他洗鞋子的自己的體諒。362Please respect copyright.PENANArG0I4hWYbx
362Please respect copyright.PENANAmsbbxbnzib
我喜歡他的味道,不代表我也喜歡他的腳臭。362Please respect copyright.PENANANjFvLzpMcg
362Please respect copyright.PENANAldYcaUFWLv
至於我收到的是……咖啡機,可以手動磨豆那款。說實我十分喜歡。真的十分喜歡,但另一方面……作為送給妻子的禮物,真的可以接受嗎?362Please respect copyright.PENANAM5SD1On4e8
362Please respect copyright.PENANAv1ARpdx9pj
我曾嘗試反思,不過還是放棄了,開心便好。362Please respect copyright.PENANAM07GGXuEMc
362Please respect copyright.PENANA02hJ7EwgUc
而今天早上,阿雨收到來自教會神父的訊息,說希望他能幫助某件事。當他準備出門,沒有打算穿昨晚送的新鞋始終使我有點忐忑。難道他不喜歡嗎?362Please respect copyright.PENANA7ECAKRhvr5
362Please respect copyright.PENANA9lzWKMv734
教會要找得上阿雨的當然不會是好事。362Please respect copyright.PENANAD46gNq8RVv
362Please respect copyright.PENANAWRvoalL8fD
不麻煩的都不會找上他,所以我在心底的某處有點討厭那位神父。但事實上亦是他允許了避雨亭的運作。362Please respect copyright.PENANAiBNTjULvW5
362Please respect copyright.PENANApnzLXkvb9v
本來神職人員不能兼職,教會內部對此十分嚴格,被發現基本上必然革職。而阿雨是例外有着原因,只因為他的存在可讓教會處理有點「灰色」的請求。362Please respect copyright.PENANAQpJvZCuxyA
362Please respect copyright.PENANA1hGW9iHgqf
教會的形象必須純潔無垢,為了不沾上一絲污跡,有違形象的委託都不能接下,即使私下亦不被允許。362Please respect copyright.PENANAMKwkNX2rG8
362Please respect copyright.PENANANQQ0jnZ606
阿雨另起爐灶的行為之所被允許,就他可撇除教會之名和的形象來處理麻煩。反正長期坐告解室的他面孔不為人知、聲線亦不同,即使同行亦很難以被人發現。362Please respect copyright.PENANAgrvXCSsR7f
362Please respect copyright.PENANAYuAXnHcVqj
有關今次的工作,那處是昨天新聞上所報的自殺案現場,他要替某位信徒收拾她兒子的遺物。362Please respect copyright.PENANAMKGi9GBDVG
362Please respect copyright.PENANAWUw538S4Qm
「這也算「灰色」嗎?」我問向阿雨。362Please respect copyright.PENANARhjuoTTHt7
362Please respect copyright.PENANAf3a0yFdJkY
「有關自殺的教會都不能碰。」他是如此答道。362Please respect copyright.PENANAZLq7kC4zux
362Please respect copyright.PENANAlGzOpSSVMR
事發家庭是一個單親家庭,兒子是母親唯一的親人,不願面對也情有可願。而地點則是廢棄區附近的公共屋邨,由於廢棄區令車輛不通,要到那處可相當費時。362Please respect copyright.PENANApDKzZq8n9a
362Please respect copyright.PENANA8xrvGkB4XN
要不是帶上我,阿雨可能直接橫跨廢棄區。362Please respect copyright.PENANABtGfMqlBqY
362Please respect copyright.PENANAWTh1C5JDlC
該區域不富裕,反而說是正正相反。要是說我們居住地區是混雜,這邊是香港最黑暗的地方。362Please respect copyright.PENANAoDPvwsbqhP
362Please respect copyright.PENANAGun2LwKyVj
地區的色調是鉛色一片,給人沉重的氛圍。現場異常的寧靜,但沿途的行人路上,一旁有大量發臭的垃圾,這般詭異的垃圾量和靜寂使我放不下心神。甚至一個空罐滾過,也能使我進入備擊狀態。所以未雖上樓,我已筋皮力盡。362Please respect copyright.PENANAlJKa1F4Na7
362Please respect copyright.PENANAOx3zrOzKns
「不要勉強,你在屋外等吧。」上到樓後,阿雨見狀說道。362Please respect copyright.PENANAusNH4Uigpt
362Please respect copyright.PENANAtCAdR02vKF
「…好吧。」我只好默默點頭。362Please respect copyright.PENANAQF765qIKWf
362Please respect copyright.PENANAVtGe8LBG5I
才下午一時左右,走廊已像是黑夜一片。362Please respect copyright.PENANAMsFSe1T5Zq
362Please respect copyright.PENANAFE0Z0bS563
使用夜視能力下,發現鄰居們也避之則吉。每户在門口掛上一些驅邪物品,各門各派,宗教五花八門,中西融合的也有。362Please respect copyright.PENANABYRvwvYTK0
362Please respect copyright.PENANAXBI0MdSp8M
話雖是近鄰,血案始終使人不寒而憟。362Please respect copyright.PENANA4zK5TgMuDR
362Please respect copyright.PENANAFIfE2zWaRV
而時值冬天,我正站在通風的走廊,冷風不斷吹過,可謂又寒又慄……362Please respect copyright.PENANAo0D35oKS3t
362Please respect copyright.PENANALIvw53GA92
「拿着。」362Please respect copyright.PENANAlAQ0Tvt0MK
362Please respect copyright.PENANApkjD5E8KqH
突然,一個重物落在自己頭上,頓時心臟彷彿消失,腦機能就如完全停止活動,淨下身體的擅自反應。362Please respect copyright.PENANAzWMFq4ofkG
362Please respect copyright.PENANAVOaBOlhwr3
「呀!!!……別故意嚇我。」362Please respect copyright.PENANAY52aKliGii
362Please respect copyright.PENANA4UnlgHoY8T
轉身一看,是阿雨。362Please respect copyright.PENANAFE4ZieEWFm
362Please respect copyright.PENANAxYAyhhGqED
「所以一開始便說了不要跟來吧。」嚴格來說,這不是避雨亭的工作範圍,算是阿雨的私事。362Please respect copyright.PENANAyCpjbsO1Qq
362Please respect copyright.PENANA3375RNqAXB
「…我才沒在怕。」我喃道。362Please respect copyright.PENANAXFS7VCLbP2
362Please respect copyright.PENANA6Z71ZbxniY
「那進來坐着吧,客廳沒有異樣。」362Please respect copyright.PENANAr8MDsUxa69
362Please respect copyright.PENANACwjQDnJWYx
然而一進家門,這家的客廳明明沒有開着窗戶,氣氛卻異常的冰冷,空氣也尤其乾燥,毫不舒適。362Please respect copyright.PENANAmRQ4HZBHOO
362Please respect copyright.PENANANx3eouzo0c
白牆配上白燈,這裏只有一張長木椅直向電視機。362Please respect copyright.PENANAiyyEbNJ3X3
362Please respect copyright.PENANApntOi6SBCZ
「這本是甚麼?」我拿著阿雨剛放到我頭上的厚本問道。362Please respect copyright.PENANAR33MvvvybD
362Please respect copyright.PENANAIFZgMx1rno
「死者的日記,要當作遺物拿走的。」362Please respect copyright.PENANACyLCV28A51
362Please respect copyright.PENANALzxgEKefBK
他說完這句便繼續走向那昏暗的走廊,走進死者的房間。另一方面,我則把日記輕輕的放回在桌上,假裝無事發生。362Please respect copyright.PENANAoAEufyjEEq
362Please respect copyright.PENANASARoygApAv
混蛋,剛才竟敢還用這本書敲我的頭頂……362Please respect copyright.PENANAraUK8sG882
362Please respect copyright.PENANAyQbjxV3gHT
很想洗頭。362Please respect copyright.PENANAT3ISJWBnJo
362Please respect copyright.PENANAriwHNU3FvV
與此同時,日記的內容正吸引着我。362Please respect copyright.PENANA3ifQn2DyRx
362Please respect copyright.PENANA7AqUKgMZQa
有關這案件,新聞上是以「自殺」一詞來含蓋整個事件。實際上他的確是在自殺,是毫無疑問的自殺,因為死者他在「自喰」而死。362Please respect copyright.PENANAa8tzujYFPo
362Please respect copyright.PENANAvtG2C72C7K
故名思義,就是自己咬掉自己身體的肉再吞掉,因此遺體兩臂的滿佈着撕咬痕,屈膝於在房間的地板上,死因為失血過多。362Please respect copyright.PENANAzfNU1e7AvT
362Please respect copyright.PENANAiBboYqoqhG
出於其獵奇性,昨天在網上討論區引起議論。死者是蜥蜴的能力者,有蜥蜴會自斷尾巴並且吃掉,所以有人指他的死因會否與蜥蜴習性有關。動物習性會影響人本身的行為,雖然科學上尚未有實證,的確有說服力。362Please respect copyright.PENANA3yG0A0HsvU
362Please respect copyright.PENANAutogTSgGbF
此時有自稱同為蜥蜴能力者對此反論,「這跟脫牙時不小心吞下牙齒的不是等級,這是病態行為」並請其他討論者不要加深對他們的歧視。362Please respect copyright.PENANAdpTKRyGidh
362Please respect copyright.PENANA0oktkGBm7u
兩者最後當然沒有共識,各自接受自身認同的說法,不了了之。至於一切的真相就在我面前,好奇心也不斷在推崇去窺探其內容。362Please respect copyright.PENANADqilwTk1Wf
362Please respect copyright.PENANA2AMNUFMSpw
我始終還是翻開了第一頁。362Please respect copyright.PENANASuBmoiCVIw
362Please respect copyright.PENANAB5SPQo88fe
由於日記中不含他本人的名字,所以以下「P」代稱。362Please respect copyright.PENANAs04glghJX8
362Please respect copyright.PENANA9Vcr3JPhSb
日記中最舊的記錄是在十三年前,最初記下的事是與親戚到茶樓的時候,他的感受。362Please respect copyright.PENANA1x68M6nBqD
362Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7T3xRXeDN
「P」的鄰桌有一位嬰兒,抱有好奇心的他看見眼前的白瓷茶壼,不禁伸出小手嘗試探索。及時被阻止後,嬰兒便大哭了起來。然而哭聲不止,漸漸引起旁人目光聚集。362Please respect copyright.PENANAsyy0rrKRTQ
362Please respect copyright.PENANAP4nMGcHJiq
「讓他試一試,他知道燙後便沒有下次了。」這句是從業員大嬸的原話,他記下了這句話。362Please respect copyright.PENANA2KphVcoT2p
362Please respect copyright.PENANANc3U6j3Slu
「P」理解不了嬰兒哭泣的理由、亦不解負責注熱水到茶壺大嬸的話。362Please respect copyright.PENANAeNX0hqUUTj
362Please respect copyright.PENANA4jegtWSC81
「P」記憶中甚少哭泣,普通的小孩會因為受傷、或者不如意而哭泣。然而他即使擦破膝蓋,在咀嚼東西時咬破舌頭,由於他感覺不到痛楚,即使連受傷後也不能即時察覺,所以也不會哭、亦不懂哭。362Please respect copyright.PENANAfBwmP0tNPg
362Please respect copyright.PENANAzDJWNRgUZJ
聽到大嬸那番話後被謎之魔力吸引着,萌生人生首次、並影響他一生的念頭,他想知道「痛」是甚麼。362Please respect copyright.PENANAPrjtNjOn8x
362Please respect copyright.PENANA93EOj1r3fH
襯周圍人目光亦不耐煩的瞄向鄰桌,他找緊時機,悄悄地把食指拍在剛補充沸水的茶壺上。362Please respect copyright.PENANAaJVe4lnNO3
362Please respect copyright.PENANAnc9OaPajIk
現實如常,反而背叛了期待。362Please respect copyright.PENANAkKiVGr3Yy8
362Please respect copyright.PENANAn5CIk8GWao
他,果然甚麼也感覺不到。362Please respect copyright.PENANATvERl9R6Jh
362Please respect copyright.PENANAhLdKDKeOkf
接著手上長出水泡一事則由母親與親戚道別,一同離開時拖上手時才有所察覺。被母親反問當刻,他生起了淚意,在大街上啕哭。362Please respect copyright.PENANAAfS05iNJfr
362Please respect copyright.PENANA7a2E8eUdoX
在外人看來似乎是母親叱責兒子而哭泣,但實際上完全不同。母親因為疏忽而內疚、兒子因疏離感而痛哭。他在這天感受到內心確實的變化。362Please respect copyright.PENANAmWxCk4Whpk
362Please respect copyright.PENANATVYIT1xnF9
他想追求某些東西。362Please respect copyright.PENANAwycxAiBXYg
362Please respect copyright.PENANAomyK6SCgq3
「P」踏上尋找痛楚的旅途。362Please respect copyright.PENANAQbHPvhVG7F
362Please respect copyright.PENANAtF3Dvgimtf
要理解痛楚,便有一個重要課題等着他,正是情感。362Please respect copyright.PENANAse7Y6OtQsk
362Please respect copyright.PENANAUkKrx7lS4P
他對基本的情感障礙。氣氛他倒是能分別,大家一起笑的場面、大家肅靜起來的畫面、依靠觀察他才能知道現場該做甚麼。只有他一人在的話,基本上不會出現任何表情。喜怒哀樂、高漲低伏的波動,對他而言為極奢侈的東西。362Please respect copyright.PENANARDM8zwovkz
362Please respect copyright.PENANA2qx4OYgHUV
他喜歡午飯時間,與大家一起吃飯。因為惟有「食」一事可令他感到安心。味覺能給予他有跟他人一樣的感覺。無痛症所伴隨的汗腺麻木會使身體保持高溫,因此吸取的熱量會自行流失,也使他不會肥胖。362Please respect copyright.PENANA3wohL4emuW
362Please respect copyright.PENANA2p8oWuYxjL
但據「P」的說法,他曾因長期高體溫而被其他同學都說他有股煙燻肉的氣味,而被人避開。362Please respect copyright.PENANA97Jixe8FdF
362Please respect copyright.PENANAH4wFhFLoxO
「人喜歡食物,但不會喜歡嗅起來像食物的人」。362Please respect copyright.PENANAG5gTK47sgJ
362Please respect copyright.PENANAlyzdV6ww9M
多虧這事,他學會「傷心」。是種莫名的感覺,莫名地身體像被掏空,莫名地使不出力氣。362Please respect copyright.PENANAZhOtPR0Fjz
362Please respect copyright.PENANA7BqYJXKM8V
莫名地冷。362Please respect copyright.PENANAFJhwGo5aOm
362Please respect copyright.PENANAmugzuWs6qt
本因無痛而缺乏同理心、本因溫度冷感而不知人情冷暖、因為無汗水而不懂抒發的他,流下了淚水。這是他感到最接近「痛楚」的一步。362Please respect copyright.PENANAIAAKcfRb6S
362Please respect copyright.PENANA7495ln6KQT
隨著成長,他在踏入中學的途上的課題則不斷增加。362Please respect copyright.PENANAnoXDDfQJZ6
362Please respect copyright.PENANAuDUuZfSY3V
世上最讓人感到痛楚的是「現實」。362Please respect copyright.PENANA5DxJZltRgK
362Please respect copyright.PENANATjgAGIDp3z
他出生於單親家庭,只有母親一位至親,父親早已在得悉母親懷孕時逃亡了。跟他的病沒有關係,只是個純粹的人渣。362Please respect copyright.PENANA5r9TMb8laL
362Please respect copyright.PENANAe6KOGLGU07
但說實,他對這一切不在意。即使他自行受多少傷,母親早已習以為作,最近已不太上心。失去關心獲得的「傷心」就是他最好的禮物。362Please respect copyright.PENANAepLiKcBWOn
362Please respect copyright.PENANAdAJ03K5ybV
但他漸漸發現在經濟環境不富裕的家庭裏,他所需每兩週一次的檢查費用對家計而言亦是重擔。362Please respect copyright.PENANAVWUupRXWUR