Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgxQ7Kj8Ln
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Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLfrcCA2Q3
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Her face remains serene.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoODU23Yyo
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IjiTI1ftk
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuafCrA5Z0I
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVw9vl2iP9
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjVuzZw8Ln
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1MJKITb8l
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1WdomkfsJ
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUoveTO9CM
This should have been her beginning.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZd7w6hK02
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35MGHKVlNZ
*/*/*902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwB7Ci1JbD
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS53nmGBwn
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSb02L3mwHN
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3QZA9cGno
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W0P8ZJGkO
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1wHzgbyUC
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgMEtSBxxN
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqez0TOv1B
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkV2Dpy9je7
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQmML9dslF
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVDohfLP3V
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscXSlpHabz
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5xqRi4hxs
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqShxfNBHRT
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCdEbJXzbB
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMiAawRHl9
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPnSUpWYxv
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7aaEaI6dO
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IKE0eRKlo
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5uBuvmul1
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjtfbgATt9
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*/*/*902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcno4Uu8W66
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJadIL3KH3N
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS39Nx8vrLV
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixkuNdVNOz
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwuUu6XVvc
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIrFBNWh3U
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWMkuxel0r
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUgOHPD9oN
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxhvomQ8lo
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87mUB7kNDU
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqYi8m4pNQ
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4WtXWoTnp
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOm01Oqvmm
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyonTi7WvFO
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtRSuZ7Wek
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7begIBCH0J
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8LaHdz7ei
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjHpdKqbS0
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WqCZgpkFD
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUwZJqUTCI
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2esDcWb4k
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63dMdkYsTs
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskHrIHDlta
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSf5RWaVYe
*/*/*902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4ZkUfVLfV
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“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoouCpXw2yc
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxF0JqE8ZMR
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6hFvOCT9T
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“Of course not,” Megumi lies.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZmsunevVV
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She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7tMYHz2ue
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKDmGMFd9M
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSCM9L6iZA
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6gUCbVVGA
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8UroZ8Ie2
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocr7aOSMyH
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGPN6vbHc7
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjw0TnyQm8D
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXl9kFYIpP
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyiV1Pii2D
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0H7UluIZaP
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Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSB7MFoheR
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhoqbcRPUt
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmcSHXxoDt
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*/*/*902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmwOeWuAgT
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Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclUrfU2kv5
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivBZcCWC7Z
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6B65v5w0X
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWthhQXwlv
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQESViH8GB
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She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOVqzKKi62
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Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2JbGi7YDQ
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She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh80JofMWZ
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*/*/*902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIzDRHLCAF
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The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4lZOJpQV6
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Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7eLD66eO6
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Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo9489EFe9
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoW7INE4R2
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRScGPkg7jc
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“Are you okay? How do you feel?”902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUhVynnjsq
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEotkYaYzf
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNNLkXPq2c
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That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYoA6HmuIb
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKoX2pRhRs
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJio9UP1nJ1
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“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfwVqPd4Qk
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzEhU4KTkQ
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUIEj4gHgv
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As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthpOOUEPKC
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzdMrxpIhv
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MRqMCtIIZ
902Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9BGqbjGU4
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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