One thing Janelle hated to do was accompany her husband to visit his family because of the way she was often fat-shamed, something that was more acceptable back in those times. She was even snickered at for not becoming pregnant as if they somehow knew her husband had been taking measures to see that it didn't happen.
Sometimes, when Janelle was at her in-laws’ house, others would be there as well. Some ignored the shaming and some participated in the constant teasing while an occasional few spoke out against it. Sometimes in front of her, perhaps with a simple, “Hey, that's not nice.”
Other times she would overhear bits and pieces of conversation from another room like she did one time when someone was trying to point out to her tormentors how their behavior helped influence her behavior and things like that.
“You know how it is. If you don't have anything nice to say, it’s better not to say it no matter how much you may not like the person.”
“Oh, is that so?” someone - usually Ramona - would say with sarcasm, leaving it obvious to even idiots like Janelle that they had no intentions of changing their cruel ways. Needless to say, Janelle was responsible for her own actions and she doesn't deserve any sympathy.
When certain family members stopped holding back on their rudeness, Janelle first reacted with shock and would often look at her husband as if to say, why aren't you defending me?
The two would go home with Janelle ripping into Steven for sitting back silently while his wife was humiliated and insulted.
“What should I have said?” Steven would ask leaving a gaping-mouthed Janelle staring at him in disbelief.
Eventually, she learned not to expect him to defend her and even tried to hide how much his lack of defense hurt by appearing as nonchalant as possible.
When ignoring the verbal and emotional abuse failed to work, Janelle tried to pretend to be amused by it and would laugh along with the others whenever cracks were made about her weight.
She dropped her smile a little too soon one day, however, when a crack was made about Janelle’s hips almost looking dislocated due to being so wide as she was turning to leave the room to use the bathroom. Someone who was visiting caught it, though.
“Hey, guys?” she heard the younger woman say to Ramona and a friend that she was talking to. “Guys?”
“Yeah?” Ramona said.
“I don't think Janelle likes being teased about her weight.”
Janelle slowed down long enough at the end of the hall to catch Ramona's response. But the only response was to resume her discussion with her friend.
Having an unusually hungry day, early in the marriage, didn't help on one of their other visits. Janelle normally had a ferocious appetite, but it was especially out of control for some reason when they were invited over for Thanksgiving dinner. Janelle ate ravenously. Heaping portions of just about everything. Deanna tried to engage her in small talk to try and slow her down but if it slowed her down at all it wasn't by much.
Afterward, Deanna would take it upon herself to serve her at future meals, only she went the polar opposite with Janelle's portions. She gave her no more than two or three bites of anything.
“Deanna!” a young woman sitting next to her named Judith chastised one time. She was a friend who was visiting and studying to be a nurse. She was sure to add a slight chuckle so as not to darken the mood even more or appear to be stepping out of line.
Ignoring her, Deanna handed Janelle her plate. Janelle took the plate but didn't set it down in front of her. “Could I get a little more?” she asked barely able to contain how insulted she felt.
“Yes,” Judith said cutting off whatever Deanna was about to say. She gave Janelle her biscuit, saying she wasn't going to eat it anyway, so why waste it?
Deanna looked slightly annoyed that her determination not to help Janelle stuff herself was intercepted but not nearly as annoyed as she would be if someone like Janelle herself interfered with something she was trying to do.
A little later, Janelle overheard the young woman lecturing the others about how going too low on calories wasn’t any healthier than overeating, explaining how it was bad for the metabolism.
“I understand,” said Deanna. “It's just that we don't want to feed the problem, pardon the pun.”
Janelle heard a hearty burst of laughter from Ramona and her daughter Stephanie. She felt her cheeks flush red with embarrassment and her body began to shake with rage. Oh, how she would love to go out there and throttle the shit out of them!
“If she wants to choose to make a pig out of herself, is all Deanna is saying, let her do it at home,” she heard Ramona say.
“That's just the thing. These people need support and understanding, not ridicule. People don't choose this. It's a genuine problem and is considered a disease by many doctors. It's like an addiction as with alcohol or cigarettes.”
“Yeah, but don't people have to help themselves before others can help them? She needs to recognize that she's got a problem and be willing to do something about it.”
“Yes, she does,” said Judith. “It's just not as easy as some people think.”
But support was the last thing Janelle would get. Instead, it was harsh control and degrading words. No longer able to ignore or laugh off the digs, she finally snapped back.
And finally, her husband spoke up. But not in defense of his wife. No, instead, it was to try to stop her from defending herself.
“Okay,” he said firmly after his wife bit back against the picking.
“No, it's not okay!” Janelle shouted on the verge of tears, both frustrated and angry. Then she slammed her fork down, got up, and stormed out into the desert heat.
“Yay!” she heard Ramona say as she was leaving. “More for us.”
A year later Janelle agreed to accompany Steven to Deanna's house for another dinner get-together with both immediate and extended family members.
Janelle was surprised by how silent the others were at first. The only thing she'd gotten from Ramona was being told she looked “wonderful.” Janelle's automatic reaction was to thank her before she realized it was meant to be sarcastic. She didn't look wonderful at all. Every time she visited she had a few more inches around the middle. Otherwise, she was wonderfully ignored and able to blend into the background quietly. She was a little surprised that she wasn't hit with insults but enjoyed being ignored nonetheless.
And then they sat down to dinner. She was still largely ignored and even surprised with being served the same portions as everyone else. However, she found the food so horribly spicy and knew there would be no worrying about having to control herself.
“Everything all right there?” Ramona asked her, noticing she had barely nibbled on her food.
Janelle nodded politely and said, “Yeah, it's just a little spicier than I'm used to.”
“Oh, then maybe you'll like dessert instead.”
But dessert was rock-hard peanut brittle that Janelle’s sensitive teeth couldn't handle. Instead of being offered anything else, she sat there sipping tea while others crunched noisily, the slight sly smile on Stephanie’s face across from her making her uncomfortable.
Deanna apologized for the spicy food on her way out and Janelle said, “It's okay, you didn't know.”
It wasn't until later that the not-so-bright Janelle began to wonder; did Deanna really not know? Or had she gotten together with Steven to ask what she absolutely would not eat just for the occasion?
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