From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkImO3QlZst
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1yaFRrW6P
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2XypL9lxU
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnqM8ErcuG
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJNX4UzppL
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd05E2UiAw
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBufRp9bKS
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwemGn7Xm91
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k1GOoDyoy
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMvdECVt0h
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZibodBLWR8
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf4dcjxDOg
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQqtn5CRgq
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXknzTl0YXW
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJCTbRikPz
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgN2SW6dcs
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJk6hj6FhdE
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzoqLI1c6S
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBTy0VPt7W
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqKeDqm4wS
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0slII5KQW
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUd2vlz5QR
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUI6Zr1won
and never speak of feelings again.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVzmzx8xNt
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28rR2iyuy2
what would you write in a breakup text?9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsY9zbDPdl
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbVs9JFU5x
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzIUGinowb
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaGC2E0fWJ
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tHWs8RGv4
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS2jIP8plT
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkAAwgGfou
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdZ12hAFGY
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkIR66jVML
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm09IFBoMjq
that was weirdly lovely.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfG684oQzDB
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vYtypCJbi
was there a form i missed?9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBOTAaHRaF
should i be sending muffins?
— maya9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMOG78hvQU
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzNDfrgrUP
To: [email protected]9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfK4YBZ8scG
Subject: it’s official
congrats.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTAxbfMA7c
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymRdw93GHU
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmmf6gHhCO
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMNGj19Plv
friend of font victims
9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC0lcNUpAL
