|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbk96hGQmTR
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbpT95tMwC
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uxk2H8Pm1
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5C9vNtNDme
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E8R2NeKg5
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLkpESWFOY
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNXKmK19Ic
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUhtoYcfxy
You’ve got the wrong Eli.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCxuY0sfyu
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMX0xnNDie
aka Eli Martin
8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡar5hhwSlcL
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OVa1EbYVZ
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHknpAi0zK
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvyaZawUoM
definitely wrong eli.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbfY9BB1fM
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhnlmLMVw7
sincerely,8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CHccDlFwt
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjSu4FQTLz
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMuVqGlTJw
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzshWTFl71h
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSKfTHiDlc
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6H6LF5muRv
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXogno31Uv
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5qsIwiEhF
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mHErLZ6wk
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacBoR12j2C
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnOwGB4g6g
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4WgtfeoKt
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVUyPFBZLG
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wO1QwMtrg
is this our meet-cute?8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjMkJ3ngd3
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7q90v9xqb
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNtUTm6YDQ
but i might be a decent one
8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9dXkU23GB
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMhJoC8HUx
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRt5fX0ZKe
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR05ikr2wy
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpv7nToDvXE
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSFj0kewyJ
professional emailer of strangers
8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO7ejjqfj7
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvmKi8nkE6
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GbbdNE4hx
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsaa5CD0w4
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWvxfmixN4
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uYKCj2W0K
To: [email protected]8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2T7Mzrj02h
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTP10lO7zQ
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FAn2TNkjP
