《noA》 - 2 | Penana

第二日準時12點出現係office，戴住耳機無留意周圍環境，直接行入自己房。

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入到去發現所有要開會嘅人都係齊度，點解一間細過傢俬舖陳列室嘅房，可以坐到咁多個人...

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我張梳化...

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仆街又要清潔完先用得！

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「我哋啱啱開完會，而家夠鐘Book咗枱去食飯...」By我老細。

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「我啱啱食埋嘢先返，你哋去食～」

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我懶得揭穿佢哋，扮下嘢有禮貌拒絕，條友仔搵埋班同佢一樣唔洗點做嘅人，嚟搞我呢啲需要返工做嘢嘅人。

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一班有錢人形移動壁報板，梗係覺得佢哋心懷不軌到一個合法嘅地步，佢哋應該會將我盲婚啞嫁指婚畀某人。

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可惜，我好彩，無可能發生。

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某人見到啲幫唔到手、等緊食花生嘅豬隊友唔出聲幫手時，佢只可以靠自己。

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「咁你今日晏啲陪我去倉睇嘢？」

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等到某人尷尬出招，我當然係笑住口咁畀說話佢聽—

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「大哥，我係屬於呢一間公司，你嘅倉我呢啲外人去睇唔啱數。」

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「你咪去囉又無乜嘢搞，會我哋又開完，你得閒喇...」

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27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tjpK9Up4W

最可愛嘅當然係我老細，我名義上嘅老細趕得切幫口，真係對朋友好用心，咩老細都係員工喺廢嘅返工第一條鐵則。

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而我呢啲員工只能夠改變自己：

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「我唔屬於你間公司咪去囉，好喇吓你班友！」

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老細開始慢慢開門撤退，開門大大聲講畀其他員工聽：

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「你去啦好唔好～

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我哋要Hea一日去睇演唱會，今日呢度無人想做嘢，你死咗條心唔去睇演唱會就去睇倉～」

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門外面大家都好開心，係我一個人唔知咩叫開心，唔止係返工後，可以係做人前。

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簡單都做唔到，快樂就自然感受唔到，無嘢係必須，快樂同生存都同樣，可以對現實麻木同失望，停下本來嘅腳步。

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但唔係被人強行控制，同自己因為現實而悲觀改變得出嚟嘅結果，所有決定嘅前題要係自己掌控完，經歷透、玩透人生同世界規則之後，真係覺得夠皮先去選擇結局。

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思緒回籠，見到老細仲係度同班細嘅一齊起哄，火都嚟。

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「你班正...」

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「正常人嚟嘅，同你一齊做嘢嘅一定係正常人～」

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某人開懷接過我話頭，完全無當我嘅火氣係一回事。

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如果佢一早就咁對我就好，我會好好珍惜。

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而家佢咁樣做，同對其他人做嘅效果一樣。

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令到件事、佢本人，同我嘅感受都唔重要。

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「你去食完飯再通知我，喺度處理少少嘢先。」

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「好。」

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收火收得莫名其妙，一如當初愛火噴射到街知巷聞，都一樣咁莫名其妙。

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莫名其妙愛上一個人，被迫失去愛嘅一個人，再被愛佢但唔愛我嘅人，夾埋剝奪我可以愛上人嘅能力。

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霸道到連愛其他人都做唔到。

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咁我只可以收起所有愛嘅功能，去愛自己。

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當佢等我出現時，好似以前返學放學時見到怕醜嘅佢一樣，係地點、裝扮同身份嘅變化。

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有我眼中以往嘅迷人，同埋而家嘅無奈，我無辦法去解決出問題畀我嗰個，所以我同佢之間係完全無可能。

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「去倉度睇嘢係藉口？

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係嘅話，咁就去其他地方。」

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「好。」

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用乖巧呢個詞語去形容佢不為過，以前嘅佢都係咁，安安靜靜、又對住咩人唔啱嘴形唔會駁嘴。

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佢好順手咁幫我拎住把遮，普通朋友幫手拎遮如果太明顯拒絕，咁就係我無私顯見私。

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「你有冇帶身份證？」

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「有。」

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公司附近行兩步就有嘅銀行，唔係返工時間，就係拎唔到籌，今日放半晝就可以慢慢等。

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我哋兩個後生爭唔贏凳仔，企埋一邊嗰，佢終於忍唔住問：

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「做咩嚟銀行嘅？」

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我唔會承認我心血來潮想做一啲嘢，由本來嚟銀行簡單處理帳戶，到進階嘅想法。

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「放半日假唔嚟搞銀行嘢等幾時...

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星期六日瞓晏咗又嚟唔到搞...

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啊我呢啲窮人未有資格去做優財客戶...」

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「唔好咁講，我哋有時間，可以慢慢等。」

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唔小心搞到氣氛尷尬，佢又好委屈咁，係佢退化到好似以前咁，定我過去呢段日子走遠咗...

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呢啲咪叫唔夾囉。

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始終係晏晝時份少啲人，等一陣就有職員可以幫手：

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「你好兩位今日想嚟辦理咩項目？」

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另外一個都望住我，我有啲唔敢望佢，正臉回應職員，我未得到過人哋允許去做以下嘅動作，我承認係普通朋友身份嚟講係過份咗。

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「我想開聯名戶口，唔該你。」

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隔離嗰個捉住我隻手，我唔理佢，職員見到佢咁樣都有啲警剔。

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「你哋係咩關係？戶口用途係？」

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等到呢度，佢最多都係捉住我隻手，唔夠問我問解，佢應該更驚失去咗可以一齊完成一件事嘅資格，咁我就唔理佢繼續嘞。

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「佢係我契哥，我無屋企人，佢幫我理財。

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唔直接轉錢畀佢，開戶口我可以查返啲錢，冇詐騙成份。

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開咗之後麻煩你將我帳戶裡面嘅錢三分之二轉入去聯名戶口，唔該晒你。」

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佢聽完放開我隻手，無再講過嘢，人哋叫佢答嘢就答嘢，簽嘢就簽嘢，完全安靜。

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直到我哋出咗銀行門口，佢拖我上車之後先講嘢。

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「你知道你係度做咩...」

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好難明咩？

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我輕鬆地真心向佢解釋：

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「唔可以畀條命你，又唔可以畀個人你，畀錢贖抵消返畀你，開唔開心？

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人你又唔會得到，起碼得到錢，有人咁樣對我都開心...」

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「你要點樣先信我，當初無出賣你，同埋我真正鍾意嘅人係你...」

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終於迫到佢暴躁鬧我，好奇怪睇唔慘佢扮乖扮慘，反而想睇佢真心鬧我放鬆一下。

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睇到佢爆完我又好迷惘，究竟佢諗緊咩，對我嘅未來諗多咗，覺得自己諗唔通透，所以迷惘？

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我都未對自己覺得迷惘，幾時到你？

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「我有錢畀你，仲要唔高興，唔係要我畀埋『棺材本』你啊嘛？

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你哋班人，得饒人處且饒人...

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唔好再逼我諗、或者行返轉頭，我夠膽保證—

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邊個再踩我底線，我會用返佢哋對待過我嘅方法，十倍奉還。」

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收起氹細路嗰套，回歸本性，是人性本惡，佢嘅善改變唔到我同其他人，佢份人正直到連善變都做唔到。

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差唔多到放工時間，我都唔想落車迫巴士，見到佢仲係心有不甘想諗嘢反駁，只能夠生硬地轉移話題。

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「去邊定各自返屋企？」

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「去倉。」

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佢情緒回復穩定但低落，坐佢車都幾穩陣，我返嚟無去好多地方，喺佢架車度望外面根本認唔到路。

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實際意義上嘅物事人非，不過好彩我唔鍾意、亦都無需要周圍去，搞清楚屋企附近有咩舖頭同設施就得。

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去到郊外咁滯，多草多樹多蚊蟲嘅地方，有一間格外白淨嘅倉庫，一睇就知唔係放貨物嘅地方。

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一打開門入去，好乾淨，又白賴晒咁，唔知以為係我舊時住嘅地方。

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黑鼆鼆都係我以前住過嘅地方。

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兩個都唔係好地方。

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行到入去後面，我見返啲一切都未發生時嘅嘢。

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我嘅創作，我嘅作品，代表我之前嘅人生。

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我睇住佢逐塊白巾掀起，其實係有感動，如果我都仲係創作時期嘅自己，有人咁愛惜我嘅作品，你話幾好呢...

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但而家嘅我睇返啲作品，我只係覺得好可悲，我無能力再成為嗰一個自己。

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「啲嘢仲係度？賣唔到好價錢就丟咗佢，仲要放係度晒倉租、打理同冷氣錢...」

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我一步都無行前摸，以往親手打造嘅作品，今日幅幅件件皆陌生。

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「唔係無人要，我買返嚟，係你嘅，我會收好，唔會浪費你嘅心血。」

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佢想拉我行前睇，但我無被佢拉郁，我只可以低頭輕笑：

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「咁我啲錢唔夠你彌補你份我唔需要嘅心血...」

佢將啲錢用錯咗地方，助長咗啲壞人，呢份佢以為畀到我嘅感動，其實真係好雞肋，咁耐以嚟，唔止錢唔到我手，關心都係，對我一啲好處都無。

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佢見我無佢想要嘅反應，都終於泄氣放䠋：

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「你唔要，自己打爛丟出去。」

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佢一句就刺激到我諗返起舊時：

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「唔洗喇叫人掉出去就得，費事親手打爛，到時反口被人拎到指模，咁啱有證人，到時又成功被屈～」

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我笑咗出聲，有一種走舊路嘅重疊，以前發生過嘅，而家又想再發生，我再無多一個十年可以浪費係人哋設嘅局度。

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佢捉住我膊頭大聲吼叫：

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「你要點樣先可以放過自己，所有事都過去，你都出返嚟、過嚟新嘅人生。」

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睇到佢仲唔明發生緊咩事，心諗呢啲人真係好幸福，成世人唔識做人，都可以生存咁耐，條命真係生得好。

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「我成日都放過自己，係你哋個個都逼我放棄自己。

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每一個人都要提醒我，過去，有一個人傻尻咗，屋企同外邊都被人陷害、設計，最後仲要承受與我完全無關嘅後果！

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點解你哋唔肯放過我？」

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本來好聲好氣，到後來我都有啲唔甘心，係佢哋唔肯放過我，我都好委屈。

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結果係有另一把聲係倉門口講嘢：

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「點可以放過你，你係我屋企人，你係我分身，我只係放你出去，經歷唔同嘅人生。

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你唔屬於你自己，你屬於我...」

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佢終於今次選擇擋係我面前，唔畀對方行近我。

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而對方當然唔會當佢係一回事，佢越過晒我哋，行近觀看作品。

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佢緊張詢問對方：

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIkkhTor0a

「你點解係度？」

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDC70NkmnB

人哋漫不經心咁回答：

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzedzEwwrSB

「我嘅作品放係呢度？應該捐出去...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieB70ITq8S

唔係連被人欣賞同鬧嘅機會都無，廢物都要有空間畀人鬧先可以成為一件真正垃圾。

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gk5YH73hm

同佢一樣，仲可以喺度嘅原因，係要成為襯托我優秀嘅垃圾。」

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslCiIMYViI

仆你個臭街...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡui1nTt6gCV

唔發火當我係病貓...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDuueG7jF4

沉住氣，笑住回應：

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtT57D4Ckh

「你咁多年都無變，仍然咁蠢...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPx2l3dKDnb

你嘅世界除咗我，無其他嘢可以睇到咩？

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY6XY7aHOj

你都幾失敗，我連你都唔想見到，連你要唔到嘅人都唔想要，你睇吓你...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuA0F5ko4g

垃圾都不如，無人想要，拎上手糟質都嫌無聊。」

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRly1pxBYHI

睇到人哋個腦轉唔切，想衝過嚟打我，以往幫佢嘅變成擋佢嗰個，我就心涼。

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxz0os44at

不過都係唔好畀人哋當佢係二五仔，我會畀落台階佢。

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel6zOD482b

「好彩我無打爛咋...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy7N19glIj

你幾時先聰明少少？

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhC8VV6uYsA

快啲去安慰人喇...」

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiPo0WO2lX

我慢慢行出倉庫，唔理佢哋後面點樣拉扯，佢到我腳步聲遠離時心急大聲講—

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Nv8f7k9XP

「我無同佢夾埋，我無同見過面、聯絡過，我係企你嗰邊...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpLmDVFcNA

你信我、你信我，我唔佢點知呢個地方！」

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl73KxVh1oN

中間應該有出拳，有人倒地，贏家衝上嚟捉住我，嗯...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOJCFROq28

望吓倒地嗰個，眼神好兇狠咁望住我，哇好驚啊...

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZZce3D08q

「你哋之前嘅嘢關我春事咩，唔好阻住我去食飯！」

27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28jOyKwMa1

平等地鄙視每一個阻住我去食飯嘅人，不知所謂。

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