Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeB8RbBORM
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZa3HQq3cvM
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhKJtkJ8ua
In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e24A7kw3b
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡka0ric6NLA
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgFTkLu1A7
Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cM7FUXua6
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2lwk9TkCj
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivO6ZBfmzr
It's what's inside of me that's the problem.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9HwtpBiY3
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTSZRAfONL
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOStLKvi0h
You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx7CBkl63f
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ygEcZGykX
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3zWtOVW8S
Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgQlAscSWo
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORrW9Vblo2
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMtZPrjZjC
My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5x9HZX4Ui
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4thHz7XoI
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGrsKf2FKG
In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9t0zIDJU9
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjq1LQwlW6l
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQYqfHOklA
I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQk4uRAIZ8h
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxbIDdsRIr
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5BGCo9Faz
I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzPXDRY6vJ
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ628blpn6GW
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34Baeuy686
"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREraWcSLyP
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqfKrkt8ds
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1nRGNrFwm
In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hkHgHIiHZ
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThZn7SfGjj
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvAwoK6AEh
"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzffCjJe9C9
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEIXIktfYH
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo67tqgrFgq
She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICaIn5d0Lp
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGmVQXNT5k
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDsk493k6I
"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjGQxsvSQk
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35ZPrpSa80
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yPAmvxMad
"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNkwUn6rdX
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzm0QIFC1yh
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jozuIDqp5
She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh7OTeoF5h
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88Z8DOqN4l
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VNkB9quh5
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e1Kuq6gM6
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6gBF9m7qS
*•*•*•*932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6JwbZ9uG8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI46FUX0nBI
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJr7sJ6Uuz0
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsbtvjh07h
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4XnY6m4mO
I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVV95HweP7
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzYHmGvYsP
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzj6U25S7a
"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKMhRPEIFT
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHIUgqiazp
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi08ZmqMkg3
"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnIwOJip60
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPpCmzLtk7
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKHUA2td7g
"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXjdmJuz2D
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnduUmxmdCd
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uf5sB6NE0
"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3apghV0vjq
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJwrg8xAf8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSN1t7swIS
And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNadJu0RYm
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonHKlFlVLt
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVuzMW8fEC
"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyHuB9HPGe
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSNtNvdxoE
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSjvItIr9Q
He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCn8WZdM3F
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDqy0s7fBr
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gJaVDhit6
"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPGsqLYBcv
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBv3eOJKdHU
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSujQmP3pl
All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAzstVdWGP
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzRuUIx0zZ
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiwpmv87Rx
He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWtZZIT2h3
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ4isX2aW8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxVytpfoZV
"It won't be painful—"932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3IOl6BEv8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8hMRdTzx1
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpnbKa91lP
"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWJk2Cx2t0
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGby78VoRgL
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7RqX35Di7
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFuBxfilCk
I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRmJ0NeSga
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2URcQRfY1V
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxmk5pSomj
He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm63cILjZRZ
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvLGqkeM3B
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMSUi52Dh7
What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHG9ul45b8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6q8OTZi1iK
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rp3RqhdyA
I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblt11HctUV
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeEWbHuJhm
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6oRRGsxbl
He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKm2KzVFn7J
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaplLvEia2
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAy6wNMS9W
However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fpP7kQn7x
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnkysmelW7
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWA3eMXFWx
This is it.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTcFHjcIBi
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTCgUV2aOn
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLSw6AKfMh
He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgentt84HS
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs7Ya6XeXW
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbKBlBtAKD
"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36tHFizOOU
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurIlmSDxvO
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIqOt4XvZ6
I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbvqaSSXfH
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIEk4tSCv2
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PdNiCFUK3
"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeTSMtx7W8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAH0rCr5w02
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGWBCH42wq
I freeze.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotUWlTAHQb
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBO1OT5chIh
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRhY6ztHrM
Then I breathe.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfdFvIZvIT
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN886tiGbx
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4AaUeWdA7
I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYcDG1HSxE
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6kba2Vdb4
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhoapjVfHN
However, as soon as that breath is released, I 932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6h2Byh1uT
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nEvlfLdMQ
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ycxHy8fzQ
1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBaUyoja06
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAchyhdORM
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rpVtLClKg
2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy6q9TPcBl
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCFL9kiEY2
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxuQkQKsRZ
3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcF35v0azlL
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVbdSFZKNv
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvKmexYPyz
Something isn't right.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWTaHhOEHG
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0StftEEtS
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6FaZjfyZn
"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYFA31jfj8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD45mN6btqq
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEHCUg4CLN
He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTquoK6Odw
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyA9Jzv0rFG
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BiMKttQJC
He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkZS8gw9gz
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4OExXSAzS
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiswI3qeOK3
"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BfeQFh54k
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIdpwDup5U
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7DhKUy7jx
"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1Og8i4MTx
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHDbz7prM0
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE60VHpTxA
His lips twitch. 932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpeW71Qc5u
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY56nEQ9m0I
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLaFgLp2Qi
"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2e3s7NvvgX
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DAhZwCzrD
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvXs2F7hAj
Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGmQfOQARg
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4OxkwIBgS
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuubWntFaFY
"Okay so what do I have?"932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4Q1tHQjzD
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6U0UMMF3xh
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOchBwnRXk
"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6l16aHpA0
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDpei4KYj7
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGDu6m1OM8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30u7ryHAQ8
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaQRu0ERJU
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2i8znO6TK
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5z3jj75P04
932Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR1UkG7MDk
