Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiDdj7iRcd
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Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzsWYtw7Gw
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Her face remains serene.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxvu8LyDfQ
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A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYaaczxCJy
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKP8nfGxhz
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin5Dg8x57i
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzupFxn4g5
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE5OlKXweP
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This should have been her beginning.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZi44HMBOA
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQ0u0wlCld
*/*/*903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGDEUbFixY
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTVlWXAhfI
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQIOatFTTU
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lyRDnIERo
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA7oQbt74c
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wwjKOJGL0
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nBt9hD8X3
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2sbFTCBt2
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg0Gi1RNij
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCdzIzfSDk
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4g4aFS1Lkd
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddoLyxLbYc
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbgQvWOsm6
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXNh2iOV0Z
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MFlA1Gxxh
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfLPImRfPm
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2UYEkzdJ5
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0W78Ifz9Y
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKd6OXoXZLb
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoGaEdcWY5
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvtIPfDr3N
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*/*/*903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt6GTl3nbp
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After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQprCkYLsl
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcgZgaZplg
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZcE2AAmfc
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb9bEFWKtO
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMNj4ek3un
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1E35NewX5
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1reK4YYOMX
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr02cou35On
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0etrBfscDP
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZahXlXIY9Y
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1y4LobjOC
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgUtOExiql
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVXIXjiFVd
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEWmJWfbbc
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEoBgZK8mu
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNDb0QJ6CI
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMc21HFeMtE
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULWQOkSgMA
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWDjHTz5jA
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Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkY8Em6LUHV
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpTt1Ti9mw
*/*/*903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2QhRgSFwc
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf24ERBJZ7P
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQjWpZrlkL
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHlXKK1j21
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1xG82npao
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkG2Ro8jz9
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3zPwkygvL
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She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrqK9SdAYl
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgBYocLLrl
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tEYueq4WE
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUCepAhn88
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsybDlouB7p
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“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhuLUC2s58
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYFCsAQReb
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4Vpy8LYjV
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeacrRXdbOy
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKGfR2bVEa
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Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0MNAnhhUC
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Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9kAoVd6CM
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*/*/*903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYz8f3ZptE
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Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m1WQYny7n
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPaa3gKH4s
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5BTuCysm6
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CqcNV1Mm0
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhW4FTx41u
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUozPP5UXM
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0J6yA5odN0
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Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPmrbMpuXS
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She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6JCZrQfK3
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*/*/*903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM8WeESfKQ
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The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEmZJOKzAP
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Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GP5EKDit0
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Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJi0tO3xja
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But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW37h6jiKhG
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“Are you okay? How do you feel?”903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MowIxxSTS
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Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZYiWS4N6z
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaGtsehzrN
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqKIq8IaIS
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AMTQz7oXv
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDnIOdkYy8
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“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvevuXVoAYY
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySg93DXkAg
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YsnxGMHKL
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb45aQamEa
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNXG4hB2XS
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG81QE7jfjv
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsCCg0PleW
903Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej57u7kldp
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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