Chapter Theme Music: Antura ~ Valentyn Kosterov115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7muigdEu8
<08/04/2011 - 08:21 | Saffrin Middle School (GA History), Austell, GA, USA>
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The sound of pure silence, the absence of all noise, still sings. Silence has its own crests and troughs, its own waves of energy, its own music, just like the sounds of the oceans at shore. I let the alluring rocking of the silence take me, keep me safe in its embrace, swaying in opposite directions sluggishly. My mind and body were cuddled by this coffin.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpV0Ysi3fQa
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Teenagers my age spoke all around me, their voices melting into the background of my oceanic void. I cared not for their words, so my ears obliged me in tuning out the entire world. They sat next to and in front of me, the people that I knew. I cared not for the displays of ugly and beauty around me, so my eyes blanketed my surroundings with a filter of darkness, like blackout curtains against the sunlight. Some of them tried talking directly to me, curious still about my unchanged, empty expression in my lifeless eyes. I cared for myself, for the feelings I used to know, but I also forgot how to feel anything. So, I buried my emotions so far away, throwing aside the key and embracing this new slumber.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNqeBVEIYH
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I ignored anything anybody said to me without so much as a huff of air or an eye movement. I wasn't ignoring anybody on purpose, but I wasn't sure how to talk anymore. I forgot who I am. I don't remember what I'm doing here, what I'm supposed to be doing, or why I'm even alive. At the same time, I didn't care to ask the question or to know the answers. I was in a dark place, a quiet space, inside somewhere I've never been to before. I felt so calm and safe inside, encased in some shell that let me rest always.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUM94qy1EK
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"I guess nobody is home." Banarus had been addressing me, getting all the heads at the clumped desks to turn facing me.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rQ7ER4Gho
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Some part of me still knew what was going on outside. I could still hear, see, and feel the rest of the world around me. I just didn't want to interact anymore, even on autopilot. So now, I was ignoring her. I don't care one bit if anybody thinks anything good or bad about me anymore, so there's no sense wasting a single second replying to her.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTTEgDjcpD
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Despite being back in school for the past two days, I've been in this state for much longer. Yet I still barely found my way around the middle school again, sitting nearby familiar faces. None of these people were with me when I needed them most, so I never considered them to be my real friends. Even so, some magnetic force kept attracting me back to any seating arrangement near them, in virtually every class, including this hellish one they call Georgia Studies.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXQEaQqQo8
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Next to me was Zero, who stared deeply into my empty expression, curious to what sent me away. In front of me were Banarus and Kate, and Laura was sitting to the side of them, adjacent from my seat. These were about every person I knew in one way or another compared to the rest of this class. If I had any care left in me at all, I'd be furious to be in a class with an unworthy name such as this one.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Gc1emY7No
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"You know you have to cheer up sometime! Just dance your troubles away!" Enthusiastic as ever, Laura tried to get a response from me as well, lifting both my limp arms for me and swaying them around to make it look like I wanted to dance with glee.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwL0k08eNC
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When she let go, my arms plopped back on top of the desk with a thud, my sad face totally unchanged. I looked up for the smallest moment, towards my arms while Laura held them, but soon enough lost interest. Nothing Laura could say would ever make me care again, so I don't know what she was expecting me to do.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHKc0NETC0
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With as silly as Laura was, it was more than rare for her to be unable to lift someone's mood, even if the difference was minuscule. For that reason, they all became more focused on my depressing sulk. "People have bad days I guess. You should try not to ignore everyone though Reed."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZRwGJAJrM
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"No, he's been like this since starting back up at school." Zero had to remind Banarus what she observed herself.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyJ9P94oV5
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Indeed, every minute of every day, I've been responsive only to the bare minimum of surviving another day of school, writing notes without bothering to learn them, only getting up to move when I had to, only nodding to teacher's questions instead of speaking, and listening passively if I felt I had to. There wasn't any point in going any further, so I wasn't about to change that over someone's meaningless concern.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyszKnOWTI
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"Really? What happened?" Banarus was as curious as the others around her, but all Zero could do is raise her arms and shake her head in uncertainty.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2ugj7jtHU
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Nobody knew anything about me. Nobody knew anything I've been through. I knew from experience that trying to convince somebody about this would be pointless. I already know how it ends. So I know, no matter how curious they are now, not one single soul in this entire school actually cares so much, that they would be okay with the truth. Their concerns are but a front, part of a selfish mask to wear every day they enter this school.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGgw8eiSnQ
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Before anybody else could try and bother me, the teacher of this classroom, Ms. Hill, went around announcing the news of our lives while passing around the single sheets of papers. "The schedules are out, and after the end of this week, they will be permanent. Don't freak out if you see any mistakes. There will be time to work them out."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zcLAOy2rs
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Seconds later, several papers were passed out to our table, with my eight grade student schedule hovering right under my arms. I've already been following a temporary school schedule for all the same classes anyway; this was just the chart that solidified many of the easy errors people drew on their first day back. I should have known that looking at it was a waste of time, yet my eyes drifted onto the page anyway, glancing at what all my classes would be set to.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsvoKh6ZSb
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Great. I'll just glide through this day like I did the last. It was a well-thought out plan, a plan of nothingness, a plan without meaning and without end. For the next ten minutes of starting some new bookwork assignment, everything proceeded according to that plan, until the first class disruption walked through that door.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdR60MlY5d
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It was only Ashly. I couldn't care less where she was, but I'd rather not even have to bother my conscious with anything more. I haven't forgotten the way Ashly treated me last year. Unfortunately, every memory I've had since the purge has only gotten stronger rather than weaker. But if I can just keep floating on this ocean of nothingness, no painful memory will ever penetrate my armor again.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IgcZeAURd
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"Do you have a pass to be in here miss?" Even Ms. Hill was somewhat bothered by her presence, but she couldn't hold any awkwardness against her, since the current assignment was solo paper-style classwork and reading, building off the lecture from yesterday.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaChM96jdr
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"Right here." She actually presented such a pass, signed and stamped by her own class teacher, who apparently doesn't care if she visits other classrooms at random.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4Z267Flv9
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Having to accept the pass, Ms. Hill just nodded and let Ashly hang out with her own pals today. Of course, she kept the official story as 'collaboration with the same class homework.' Anyone with half a brain would know she only wanted to sit down with us, to talk to Kate or Banarus.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXfh36wFar
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I kept tuning them out, caring not for anything happening around me. It was still difficult to replace all of that chatter with the oceanic bliss I fell into earlier. A sea of my own sadness, spawning gentle, timeless waves I could float on forever.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOJcfG6mvC
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"You get to hang out here again? Awesome!" Kate seemed overjoyed as she partially hugged Ashly's arm, calling out how close the two of them were as friends.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3vZ2Wo8fc
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Giggling, Ashly replied, "Quit hogging my arm," without actually removing Kate's grasp, while her presence shifted the curiosity away from me and onto her.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MFOOyN5cX
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"You look mighty comfy in that that jacket." Zero pointed out that the cute pink fluffy unzipped jacket Ashly was wearing stood out from the crowd, whom all adjusted to the average room temperature from the heater of the building.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0nyLfPKq6
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"I had to wear it on over here. It's pretty cold outside for a Thursday morning." Her justification was made easy, and Banarus soon enough changed the subject.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8CWlh0RAC
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"So, I saw this new show on yesterday. I forgot the name, but it has some good comedians on it. After we get through today, you should try it out." Her words were addressed only to Ashly, but the others were embedded into the moment nonetheless.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswam7GunV5
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"Who did you say was in it? You'll have to show me on my phone, cause my TV broke again."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1hZlPNNUy
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"Your stuff's always breaking," Laura pointed out.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI24npbPB7k
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If only I could tune out their mindless chatter. Small talk; it's the one type of conversation I'd slaughter with a sword if it were somehow possible. There's plenty of mind-numbing TV to watch going to sleep as it is. All they want to talk about is their TV shows and their jacket outfits...115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSS33APlle
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Jacket outfits... Why would Ashly be wearing a jacket in a room temperature school? No, wait a minute. I have to back up. Despite trying to cut off all my hearing from the acquaintances, my dozens of thoughts quickly refreshed the memories of their tiny conversations, shoving what I was looking for in front. I think Ashly just said she wore it over here because she was cold, but that can't be right. I wasn't sure if I was misremembering anything I heard, but the mere possibility of what was laid before me widened my eyes awake. It felt like my entire body and mind had been in some deep state of sleep, only to now shock itself awake.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNV28lBywp
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Without warning, I sprung to a stance, shoving my desk forward slightly. When my mind finally caught up to what I needed to confirm, I nearly slammed my open hands on my own desk, fixing my gaze only on Ashly. The others were staring at me in shock, as my mere gesture shut the five of them up. "I need you to run that by me again. What did you just say, Ashly?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiktKCnCAfD
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For more than two seconds, she couldn't let out more than a broken "Uhm," and the others bounced their eyes to each other. When she understood what I asked her, Ashly tried to answer as normally as ever. "That my TV was broken?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPiXdmcq1Y
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"No! Not that!" I kept my voice down just enough to not raise attention from the teacher, but I made myself firm. I had to know for certain if what I just heard was true. I may have hallucinated it. "Before that."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEaFgdQcPQ
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"That I was wearing my jacket, because it's cold outside?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqngQ0YMcFv
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Her words triggered some electrical reaction throughout my body, forcing me to gasp before some parts of me started to twitch or tremble at random. If what she was saying were true, then the cold must have sank in only now, since it was lukewarm when I came to school this morning. I didn't think she was telling the truth, but the mere possibility of a sudden temperature change like this shocked my mind awake at the same time.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ68FWI92kp
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Every memory I've ever had of her, every moment and thought I've ever expressed about Lumina came flooding back at once, overwhelming all my senses for a duration I could not contemplate. Whatever color I lost in my eyes returned in full force. My heartbeat, calmed into a tomb broke free of whatever shackles I imprisoned it with, beating with a heavy solo of anticipation. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be overjoyed or freaked out, so I fell somewhere in between. Since my ability to act was so delayed by my difficulty believing her, I only looked more like a weirdo to everyone.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewqqSqX4OI
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"It's cold outside!" I repeated in desperation, holding my gaze despite knowing I was freaking her out. "You're absolutely sure about it?!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzw6iiDtFWJ
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Ashly backed away somewhat, disturbed and uncertain what to do, so Banarus tried to speak for her. "Why does it matter to you so much?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNil1uimHGB
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Right. I shouldn't bother asking them about it if I can just go see for myself. If it is cold outside right at this very moment, I may only have a slim window to make contact again. I must seize the opportunity. "Ms. Hill?" I walked away from my peers, finding the teacher so that I may ask for a bathroom pass. I had to reassure myself that I would be leaving this class with or without a pass, but I'd still rather try and stay undercover for this where possible. "I need to go to the restroom. Got a pass?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcuNqYyPuN
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"Yes, oh, let me get it." Ms. Hill was more patient than I was.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCGunETKZ0
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My jitteriness and growing anxiety played somewhat to my advantage though. It ensured Ms. Hill would believe I wasn't lying about my intensions. As soon as I could, I took the pass and made my way out the door. The bathroom pass system is stupid, but I play along anyway. I can use this to leave my class without drawing attention to myself, but only for that specific class. I had to rely on a bit of guts and luck for the remainder of the walk, from the hallway to the side-exit linked together. If anyone catches me going this way, they will assume I'm skipping class. Of course, nobody is about to stop me from what I'm about to do now. I won't be sure what to do until my bare skin touches that outdoor air, to determine if my punishment can end once and for all.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcMPlaX3XL
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I made sure to walk a bit further through the doors, turning aside so that I can safely hide myself away from any open windows or visible fields where others might be walking. I turned out to be alone out here, and the chilling air took my breath away. I had to wave my arm through the air several times just to convince myself that I wasn't dreaming or mistaken. It really is colder outside right now than it was only an hour ago. The culprit appeared to be glacier style clouds covering the entire sky, mixed with wind speeds that were much higher than an average day over here. The dryness of the air following the sudden storm and wind told me of only one possible outcome; a cold front.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLQZKPhDAU
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An amazing smile formed on my face, only to drop away with a full body cringe. I didn't think about it until now, but I have not actually contacted Lumina in such a long time. What if I don't remember how to do it anymore? What if I try when everything is right, only to find myself unable to call her again? The thought terrified me to no end, but I swallowed that fear, trying to ease my nerves so that I can try this again.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaXioliAMK
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So long have I waited in vain for this moment! The cold air out here is easily below 52oN, granting me the chance to form a mildly weak connection to the only person I know most... Lumina! You have to hear me now. You have to hear my voice. You have to feel my heart. I planted my feet apart slightly, preparing myself to try something I've failed at for so long now. Trying to recall how to project psionic waves wasn't easy. It's not an exact process I actually understand. Instead, it's something I can only feel my way through, like some kind of virtual organ that became available one day. I can't think my way into this; I must feel the echoes of my own thoughts as strongly as I used to.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4jpx0pWAY
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Lumina! Lumina! Lumina... I tried everything I could to trance myself into concentrating my thoughts on two things at once, Lumina, and the physical projection process. It wasn't easy to do after all this time away from it. I had to take everything I was thinking and feeling, and shove it further into my own mind, into a deeper zone I could never access any other way. This process absorbed most of what I felt, echoing back into psionic waves, or so I presumed. I had to hold this moment of concentration for quite a while too, more than a dozen seconds without letting off. As I continued the attempt, my emotions of us became much stronger, and my thoughts about Lumina became crystal clear. Before long, I continued chanting her return, following this light from the prison which consumed me for so long. Lumina. Synchronize with me. Connect with me. "Feel me again Lumina. You can sense my presence. Please connect with me again Lumina!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDUq94qmvu
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"Reed?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4qa344gYM
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Following another gasp, I stopped trying to project so strongly, looking around myself, at first in fear that I've been discovered outdoors doing something I shouldn't be. When I saw nobody in my surroundings, I tested this again. "Lumina?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMpGbwcgn2
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"Reed!" She shouted, telepathically echoing into our minds.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5I1AKRYmW
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I started laughing and crying at the same time, unable to process how incredible this was. "Lumina! It is you!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxRHhIotQq
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"Oh my god! It's finally cold again!" Even Lumina had not expected this sudden cold front.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWr5zMrWu9
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"Finally..."Happy as I was, I couldn't stop the other feelings from returning to me at full force. My body sank to my rear on its own, and all the tears I thought dried away were pouring out again. My breathing became unstable with the sobbing, and I was unable to hold anything back this time.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdPDWSn3Bj
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"Oh my god! Please don't cry Reed. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7BTLM07UT
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With my eyes and mouth busy with the water works, I could only use my telepathy to tell her how I was really feeling. The sadness in my chest still bubbled up into my virtual voice. "I... I waited for so long. You disappeared after that night we spent together. I was so worried about you!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMoTM8LruN
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"I'm so sorry Reed. I wasn't expecting it either." I could tell, by the sounds I was hearing from her sniffles and the disruptions in her voice that Lumina was crying with me too now. "I know how that must... No, I'm wrong. I can't even imagine how horrible your summer was, even though the heat storms won't be over yet... I missed you too Reed."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1ucSilxNi
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I could feel her here with me, crying alongside me. I managed to get a hold of myself a lot quicker though, haunted by another earthshattering possibility. "Forgive me for asking this. How do I know that you're the real Lumina?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjq7cFNiWQ
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"Huh?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOr60wp92dT
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"I need to know that you are the real Lumina. I need to know that you aren't some hallucination or fragment memory. I need to know that I'm not losing my mind like before." It wasn't the only mental break down that I had this summer, but that embarrassing moment dug into me the most.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIz7Dvc3sg
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"Like before? What are you taking about? Of course it's really me! Who else would I be?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hwI94uksm
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Her reaction seems more genuine that I hoped for, but I still couldn't take that as a good enough sign. I need some kind of proof, proof that this is the real Lumina. "Tell me something new. Any update will do. Tell me something about your world that I couldn't possibly know until you've said it here and now."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8USz9Ctdp7
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"Okay..." I waited patiently for her to comply, making it clear that she had to give me something if I was going to keep trusting her. "As a matter of fact, I do have some news... The queen has decided to lift the previous restriction on you revealing the Altiri secret to a potential friend you could trust, but only if you want to, and only if it's for that reason, and only among those humans who are not heathens. We had a meeting about it during the summer."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaL6zZD8DR
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"Oh." I let myself fall silent, since it was a bit to take in. I didn't recall ever hearing about such an existing restriction in the first place. I haven't bothered to mention to Lumina yet that I've already used up that right on someone. Just thinking about it now made me so mad, so I tried to keep my focus on the more important matter.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniTRS4FgXn
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"But who cares about that? I've missed you for so long Reed! I wish I could show you just how messed up I've been about this."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKNNrOBgNp
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Her? The fact registered with me a split-second later. "That's right! How could I have forgotten...? I'm not the only one who suffered through all this time. I'm sorry Lumina." Lumina loves me back as well, which means she must have gone through similar sadness and insanity in my absence from her.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMwrG9iNGj
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"You..." Lumina slowly cut herself off, confusing me on what she was trying to say. "I don't know Reed. I still had my sisters to keep me company. But I feared that you might be totally alone. Are you okay?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkIJhuV5aI
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Her question threw of me off. As she asked me, I also asked myself the same thing. All of those memories of the summer were now back and fresh again. Lumina might be here with me now, but I can't just turn off everything I went through like some kind of kill switch. It still hurts me, even right now in this moment. Despite what recovery I just made, I started tearing up again, holding nothing back for what I was to show Lumina. "After all this time, after all of that blazing heat and total silence, you're asking me if I'm okay?" I can no longer go outside during a clear sunny day, else I cringe, freak-out, and panic myself into a pathetic state. Nothing will ever wipe my memory of how horrible I've felt for the past consecutive three months, or how confused I still was regarding whether I was even sane anymore. "Well I'm far from okay Lumina. I've never been doing worse in my entire life; never!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGdFjDKNhU
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"Oh..." I heard her voice crumble as Lumina moved into the main room, slouching against a metal wall and curling into a ball, ashamed by the thought of what this put me through. "Should we talk about this when you get back to class?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uB7GKPBMu
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"No," I replied. "I'll go back to class when I damn well please."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8tjGq8lzp
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"Okay, okay... What about earlier? You said something about making sure I wasn't a hallucination? Don't tell me that you—"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGkp7oeiu5
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"I did... It was only once and for a fleeting moment, but I unfortunately lost my mind in many ways Lumina. I'm really embarrassed to even admit that it happened to me at all. Let's see. I also had at least two mental breakdowns, several more UAD attacks, and I think most of my own sanity has been shaven off too. So, if you're wondering how well I handled things, now you know."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8smQkujeE
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"I'm so sorry Reed. You suffered a lot worse than I did."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOWOhuK6nf
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I gave credit to the fact that Lumina probably had an easier time only because she had loving, trusting company she could confide to at any time, unlike myself. "And that's not all. I did actually tell somebody about us during the summer."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMcoAfu63q
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"What? You did?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OU9cVpW7y
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I wasn't surprised at her shock. Even I was amazed that I actually said anything about it to anybody. I question to this day why I was so stupid to try such a thing, expecting so much better in the outcome. "I told Maddison... We can consider her an enemy now."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeiQQrk29N
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"Enemy? Oh no... Is she threatening you? If she is, we have to—"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JUtHieUsN
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"Relax," I interrupted. "At the very least, she's not going to pose a threat to us any time soon." I found out only yesterday how things were, when I confronted Maddison about the horrible thing she tried to do over the summer. Instead of what I was expecting however, she played absolutely dumb with me. "She claims to have amnesia regarding that night. So either she's lying to me for some reason, or I scared her so badly that her mind repressed the memory of it somehow." I didn't think Maddison would pretend not to remember. She's the one who approached me first about it anyway, asking me if I remembered what happened on that day I visited her and pissed off her step-father.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6db8sk8nJ
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According to Maddison, her guardian banned me from ever coming near the house again, even though I was never aware of it. I mean, I didn't want to go near Maddison anyway after the way she tormented me. His anger brought up the moment to Maddison, but she told me she only remembers bits and pieces about whatever I did to piss him off. In other words, she doesn't actually recall that I told her about Lumina being an Altiri alien, and that I had contact with her.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMdrzhcw0j
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That's not all. On that same night, I was so afraid of what was going to happen later on, I checked into the Facebook pages, waiting to see the expected embarrassing post outing me right on Maddison's wall. However, there wasn't a story to be found. I looked further into Maddison's profile, trying to be certain whether she blabbed about it or not, but I didn't find a single thing. I attributed the possibility that the commotion her step father added in caused her to forget about the Facebook post, leading her not to send it off after all. Or, she simply used direct messaging to another specific person, in which case, I wouldn't know if she ever shared that or not. Considering how nobody at my school from anywhere questioned me about any alien or UFO stories, I had to accept that Maddison never did reveal my secret to anybody.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdu8ogVgWk
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"Whatever the reason, Maddison wasn't afraid of me in that moment. She laughed and taunted me with my own story, calling me crazy with those wild laughs of disbelief. In short, she's a stupid ass bitch."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVu4i7sfG5
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"Well, I'm sorry Reed, but that's just how humans are with this kind of stuff."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwn23Rtpy6
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"I guess you knew all along then... I really was completely alone, for all that time." I knew that's what did me in the most. I could have lessened my pain if I at least had someone to talk to about it, anyone at all. With the Altiri stuff aside, I never had one real human friend; not one.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJitounZh4
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"I know... I put you through so much pain..." Out of the blue, Lumina started crying so strongly, her uncontrollable weep locked her into her own sadness and regret. "I'm responsible!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLILjQRyQn8
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Her deduction made me wince in surprise, but I quickly tried to assure how wrong she was. "No! How can you think that Lumina? You're not—"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UyDo4SeQj
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"I am!" she retorted through her tears. "This is my fault. I can't believe all the trouble I caused."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PH9QrbGy3
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"Lumina..." At the very least, I understood why she felt so guilty about the pain we've endured. Lumina knew this would happen all along. She's the one who warned me what would happen if the two of us got too attached to each other. Even now am I still hurting, delaying what I wanted to say. "You've done nothing wrong. I'm the one who fell in love with a girl I can never be with. I'm the one who wanted you to myself."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf1J1tF1TC
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"You don't honestly believe it was all you, do you? I'm the one who sent that purge to you. Reed? I was already too attached to you before you even met me." Lumina held her head in frustration, seething her panicked exhale through her teeth while digging her nails in further, all to emphasize her shared blame in all this. "I fell in love with a fourteen year old! I must be the most messed up person I know."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFimVJipR0Z
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"Don't ever say something like that." Even though my eyes were locked on to the stormy sky, I acted as though I were staring Lumina in the face. In all the time I've known her, I haven't forgotten about our age gap. I'm sure anybody else would be disturbed or disgusted by the situation. But I'm not like that. "There's nothing wrong with us trying to be friends at our ages. I don't care if you're eighteen or thousands of years old Lumina. What matters is how much we know each other, how intelligent we both are."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoKjHmVAHm
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"It doesn't change how much this hurt you. I should have known you'd be devastated, but I hoped you could handle this, somehow."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPmMs2osNu
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"You certainly gave me fair warnings." I realized that Lumina and I were both to blame, equally responsible to how much psychological damage we ended up inflicting on each other without meaning to. "You warned me about the summers in Georgia, about how long they would last. This cold front is also lucky; it's not common for something like this to even happen. I figure it will go away and warm up again in less than a week, giving us another few months of silence. The point is, you warned me about this, and I totally ignored all of it."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6WSG7Smim
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"But that's—"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqbptQnKUF
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"I'm not finished." No Lumina. You don't get to bare this burden all by yourself this time. I now know there was nothing either of us could have done to prevent this. There was no way to stop me from having those breakdowns and hallucinations, or those anxiety attacks and UAD episodes. "You are the one who purged me. You did fall in love with me for most of that time, and somehow I was oblivious to all of it. I was just that good friend, until I wanted us to be something more. So you're not entirely responsible for this Lumina. I fell in love with you. I still am madly in love with you now." Everything swimming in my heart and mind felt so confusing, but this was the one thing I was so sure of. I love Lumina, I love her more than anything else in the universe. And that right there is the problem.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMEe530Wsm
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I could tell Lumina wanted to respond, to say something, but she was just as confused as I was. I can only assume she was trying to get a read on me, about what I was saying and feeling, as the two contradicted each other strongly.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FrO3w707H
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After a brief pause, I gave her my ultimatum. "However, you and I both know that it's a problem. We both know what this will mean. All of that terrible pain I've had to endure, all of that horrible isolation that ripped me apart piece by piece; that was only one summer. The longer I live on this planet, the more summers I'll have to endure. If I ever really decided to be with you, in a real relationship..." I struggled to finish that sentence, torn between two awful choices I could never escape from.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8Jq3LQMTo
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"You'd have to repeat that hell all over again, year by year. I would too, even though you'd have it a bit worse."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjo1N6gW3n
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So she does understand. If I keep hanging out with Lumina, I'll fall apart over and over again. "Exactly... Lumina? I don't know how it's possible that I even survived this. I can't do it again. I can't handle another summer like that ever again!" The mere thought of it still traumatized me.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4r1uGMf5Y
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"I... I understand."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYFQFtmXiX
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I knew she wasn't going to be happy to hear me say that. "In all reality, it might just be better if we part ways, if I pretended to never know you at all. If I did go with that route, difficult as it would be, I think I might be okay during all following summers... But I'm still not sure."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GDHSWrgcN
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"You want to split up?" Lumina's tone became desperate and whiney. My mention of the option upset her enough to bring on additional tears, though she tried to keep them silent.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCarLC93V84
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"I don't know yet. It's a decision I have to make on my own. On one hand, if I continue staying in love with you, to try and make this relationship work, going through the motions somehow, it would mean following up great winters with hellish summers. Long distance is already tough enough; this only adds the worst element to both our worlds... I don't think I can do it again Lumina, not like that... Not alone, by myself, sick in the head over how much I'd miss you every single day, when the summers are longer than the winters, each and every year. But on the other hand, I could just save us the trouble and forget we ever knew each other."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Skl0MYFea
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"Wait Reed! Please think about what you're saying! I still don't want to split up from you like that... I love you! I love you more than anything in the world!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuLd740VF4
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"I know Lumina. That's why it hurts too much. That's why, if we were to put a stop to this, if we cease telepathic contact for the rest of our lives, saying goodbye until the end, I'll eventually get over this... Maybe." Even I wasn't so sure. My mind was now heavy with the thought of two terrible choices. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Lumina behind and never seeing her again at all. At the same time, I can't survive another summer like that ever again. Loving Lumina comes with a price, a love that hurts too much for me to stay together. "I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. I could just forget all about the Altiri, and move on with my life." I wanted to vomit just from saying that, and I had to fight back more tears from how much this idea hurt me.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBIqLuvmDu
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Lumina was already crying, so she paused in between her whispering speech to breathe. "Is that... Is that what you want?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLCd2kdww6
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"I don't know. My human life on its own is nothing to be excited about, but maybe I can change that. Maybe I would be happier, after a long time down the road, with somebody else who I know will have the capacity to always be here for me."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSY4U8Pj9K8
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My words threw a dagger through Lumina's heart figuratively. Her sadness deepened stronger than ever before; I knew I have already broken her heart just now. "You... You want to breakup forever?"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzZ91BpV3r
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"Don't make this choice harder than it has to be Lumina. I haven't even made up my mind yet. I'm still debating which option is better for us both. I really can't endure another summer like that Lumina."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPO70d5GOy
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"I... I know Reed. I'm so sorry that you had to suffer through that. I promise I never wanted that to happen... But I did realize this would come up before the purge. I knew what kind of place Georgia was. I was never expecting to grow attached to you Reed, but I did. And I don't think that was ever a waste!"115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZVsclLgkK
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"Yeah..." I don't know though. I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. "Look Lumina. I'm going to need a moment alone. I need some time to think things through, for both of us."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvxK4cCzMu
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"Okay... I'll phase out then."115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgKbQ6MOHK
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"Lumina, wait!" It was too late. She phased the connection as soon as she announced she was going to, and I could even feel the shift of energy inside my mind, which only made me more lightheaded and thirsty. She didn't have to phase out for this. I probably upset her with this, but I can't focus on that now. I have to make this choice and think for myself too.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz11TKqiwTy
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With temporary isolation from everyone, I took my time staring at the sky and pondering the choices I had to make. I've never thought about this possibility before, but I have to figure something out. I could have anybody else on Earth, any other human woman to love and share my life with. If I instead go to Lumina, what kind of life would that allow me to live? I'd be unable to do any physical activities with her outside of telepathy. The only way I can physically be with Lumina is if I die and get transperated over there anyway. As long as I try to be with her here, I'll never know what a physical relationship feels like. I'll never know what it's like to be kissed, to be held, or to hold hands. I'll never know what it's like to get married, have sex, or even have children. Telepathy limits us from doing anything physical in life, because I'm on one planet, and Lumina is on the other; a situation that will never-ever change.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV4NhtXTbG
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Even if I put all of that aside, it all comes down to whether or not I can handle any more pain matched by any subsequent summer of separation. I already know the answer. I already know that I can't go through that again. There's no worse feeling in the world than getting my hopes up, only to have it all crushed into powder remains. But what about all the good moments Lumina and I could still have together? What about all the memories we've already made? We still have the chance to intertwine our lives together, overlapping our worlds into one infinite moment... Is that even worth it?115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGRTAF2azI
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Another summer, one after the next, after the next... That's all my mind could think about for the moment. It hasn't been bothering me over the past few days, but that's only because somewhere inside, I think I totally shut down in every possible manner. I can't ever forget this feeling, like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on, as nature toyed with my emotions until I couldn't control myself anymore. I almost ran away from home. I almost went insane... Correction. I did go insane. Somewhere in the middle of that storm, I lost all sense of reason, and forgot who I was. I'm still not sure if I've managed to recover from that, but I am certain I cannot ever endure the same moment ever again... Every year... Every year for the rest of my life...115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPFWdr6jQq
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The imagination of that life made me cringe from head to toe, shaking in the fear I've developed to the idea of summer heat. There were some good reasons why I should stay with Lumina, but there are even better reasons why I should shut this down now, before I fall apart all over again... I'm sorry Lumina, but I just can't do this anymore. We're both better off seeing other people. We're better off forgetting everything that happened, so that we can try to live more normal, plausible lives on our own. Even though it kills me, I have no choice but to say farewell to Lumina, forever.
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The end of this chapter marks the end of Part 2 in Overlap. The next chapter is the beginning of Part 3 (The After Story) in Overlap.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5JdW9Vqqg
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