From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnc7P13NvJ
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHVsVHlJPk
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡli2ZVZS6DJ
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9t2YJhAjc
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRztcA6kIRD
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3UJlNk7P0
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3w8ixHFcAu
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrKnXX621l
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡez6OPBeScw
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7rq58h4Ud
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7XcXpiNPR
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGXyHqde5p
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CZqdGaLnY
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz14aaa6Vo
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyO6Ntv0KE
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdV1OCwaDM
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNqlY1BNXl
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaqPGr8uvF
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0Uxcg1dJP
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBPfnilZhv
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhFAw6YMqQ
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9UY3om7yd
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZNJKpNukR
and never speak of feelings again.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxc9FwuG02x
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeZbSoq5eb
what would you write in a breakup text?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBB3pEU4do
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8ECTiQ0AD
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOZvAUNG0J
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf13Wjdj60f
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhj2DqWfiD3
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1csfhwoPs
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyD1mrmS2C
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9YbDPoQMl
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwLbscrz5w
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdWtmaCMIU
that was weirdly lovely.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBH3YcdKTeU
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBtDo1rxYm
was there a form i missed?14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDd5obOTgNG
should i be sending muffins?
— maya14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O2eoVoSBA
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLojcEMBu5
To: [email protected]14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFNQvdynpv
Subject: it’s official
congrats.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRXUtj3Ud5
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jRBU1WDrH
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5TsFl8vkw
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwQQ6k06vq
friend of font victims
14Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5LHmv9PFP
