|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n8X8MqGUA
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKArmfAxbs0
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHETsd5ZgZK
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpwLzWebek
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnD6zC8WrK
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsBdaBjA1O
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF18pjMS75
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2RwbH2iic
You’ve got the wrong Eli.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMthXcxkho
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXP17nFzkEV
aka Eli Martin
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsAXZCW60S
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ery0Z98es
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7vMmq0bTv
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc20otQwQ2n
definitely wrong eli.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFN99rZvJ2
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRGpObH98d
sincerely,50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DW2SSmcdQ
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8C0yrZH4l
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmjhyv5gk8
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA0ITncRgM
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdkVijzYij
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJeDDxcHJe
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iYADX66Vk
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUdgzdIA9B
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczxqmOIRRQ
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmSM2pte5U
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudPttkrT39
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqgWCyaqLE
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lHRSwksVK
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjXEVcig9K
is this our meet-cute?50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfgbt3IUNt
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUewcvNGLGF
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXExbFwX3bO
but i might be a decent one
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGDw6Zngfd
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8B6HvJZJtH
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqkr7Dh2GR
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavkDNmTxoV
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LwJzcRRbG
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRnEYDbm00
professional emailer of strangers
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdvSiPkkGl
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ41qldRYHq
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbH9RutIGQ
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ObogeMEjI
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8SadA1gmo
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCdU1p9KCB
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDEK39BflZ
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR9rdH0Jq1
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMInkfAIFR
