|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANASYUU6I8xE4
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANA6s0ca3uEAv
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,47Please respect copyright.PENANAn8zF4y4D7o
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.47Please respect copyright.PENANAeL3laV8inT
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
47Please respect copyright.PENANAHNTPshLrxH
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAv1E6nphcoJ
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANACEIX8SI4SS
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,47Please respect copyright.PENANAFIiRBkjI8j
You’ve got the wrong Eli.47Please respect copyright.PENANAvYXVR9F7pi
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli47Please respect copyright.PENANAIZZ544t5oF
aka Eli Martin
47Please respect copyright.PENANAYCn3ojwyIS
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAcd0J0ekb4R
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAyM5ZXl1Ui2
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.47Please respect copyright.PENANAgPZ6O33ybK
definitely wrong eli.47Please respect copyright.PENANAbUB1n1kV49
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.47Please respect copyright.PENANAoIQaEjTSU0
sincerely,47Please respect copyright.PENANA2AkfeIU9dT
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
47Please respect copyright.PENANA2UhrhtmtcB
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAsBb6hX24BA
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAgg8Jou5RMl
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.47Please respect copyright.PENANAC4dc6yAcxK
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”47Please respect copyright.PENANAWjaTsJ19Yu
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
47Please respect copyright.PENANAei5mLRqYtZ
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAer14pQNOvH
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAI5prLc7QXG
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.47Please respect copyright.PENANAtNkJXuhHS8
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
47Please respect copyright.PENANAQBgTJv9Zct
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAzDt7D079O6
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANATDpDxaez2M
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,47Please respect copyright.PENANA0MfgSz6p0t
is this our meet-cute?47Please respect copyright.PENANAo9waM1Fgxi
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.47Please respect copyright.PENANAeaFrEYvU3W
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli47Please respect copyright.PENANAYHNl0o2uyV
but i might be a decent one
47Please respect copyright.PENANAnadCKbzOOX
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANADA6U8GAUni
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANA3biKZxRmC3
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.47Please respect copyright.PENANAjDQQ3rMYEJ
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)47Please respect copyright.PENANAvro4t3NBZW
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya47Please respect copyright.PENANAayXDyEGEhV
professional emailer of strangers
47Please respect copyright.PENANAwoGXZUaYMJ
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAVAyhvY4E01
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAl5lHt4xfAs
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.47Please respect copyright.PENANAHfHVYhSvBw
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.47Please respect copyright.PENANAhsJih9UfAz
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAV8aypN3YUa
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.PENANAVzryWhqoEW
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya47Please respect copyright.PENANAWHCAxrXZNw
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.47Please respect copyright.PENANAlxFddEKrjG