|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YAJENUVXB
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr5xji3OBO
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlIsqiHm1V
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeEwAuNs1A
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJRZuH4drx
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrBjDX9KMB
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKlTnbckA5
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c8YSCjtcn
You’ve got the wrong Eli.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNveIB1bjX
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10kTeObXTg
aka Eli Martin
33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJ38Zfpf0A
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCUL41jc6a
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLYEyvNSNd
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBwulr8MNb
definitely wrong eli.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPXl4h4Y9q
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡac7E62fg5B
sincerely,33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFauCTIK6lO
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gmd6U3xqK
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEMZ5obquW
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvaWtI5vTh
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiaJGsnuim
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR2GolqVXu
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLfUhg3JSJ
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5YytZlSF6
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaCNP1PgLG
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpLPYbrdq4
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3Jfewjlnw
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAzIPcu96J
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2sIqEp6su
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ84Yyy0dD9
is this our meet-cute?33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aSW3EH4nU
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAWTnvcw36
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5HQjWdOMY
but i might be a decent one
33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlpiDkybeR
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvS4VWdjRP
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqBCgL2PND
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvJtq65s8z
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizLcen1EH4
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7I68fZSxPT
professional emailer of strangers
33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BGIgXrISD
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2gmQtK64u
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbPgCcCspW
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi0lKB9CD9
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eIng145Ik
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY08CcOV1K
To: [email protected]33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b6IYt5Rf1
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0qslyFv1l
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.33Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoJVgiGGt5
