|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbW1CRXDbdT
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZxhT5d9z2
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSHYrWWA7l
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4LaDFeq2U
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJZ1rGTOjx
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJiRPvo8No
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RwnuAsQVF
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ7EoeXaJN
You’ve got the wrong Eli.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEZByvnkUY
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmxyoRUdSM
aka Eli Martin
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZIciMgnzo
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAiaDHbMWX
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4IUsUth6U
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamwLOdCvxe
definitely wrong eli.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qkLOv1lJb
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiOldS0v9b
sincerely,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CTa1ZsEmD
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjks0CeVylz
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSnAGFiWKa
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6gZQJ3tDB
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhA7V4KTZz
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBxGbKsk3w
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0CYH7ZyGu
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvEED3sCMe
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwHFw9IU63
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKxRiP2zIy
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡca5LsvEKdR
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfdoyJ4WAE
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbzCEe2jsG
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtuuvWjObs
is this our meet-cute?43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsDzffsbRe
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnhQmWZF4K
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0l3hqb7Ewn
but i might be a decent one
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQpXApqEmS
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CmqKg7x4r
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7ZH2Wv0jm
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZBlbCERhU
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4M7TQfej5U
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gAnwCbnlc
professional emailer of strangers
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGi7nt7g2y
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsWf4pJpuo
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSIyjcxgSL
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWSPNQ83vV
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyraiR4egT
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlv24IKWTu
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOUlqH8nhR
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93A3JredcA
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43GKJ3zg1y
