|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYUU6I8xE4
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s0ca3uEAv
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8zF4y4D7o
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeL3laV8inT
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNTPshLrxH
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1E6nphcoJ
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEIX8SI4SS
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIiRBkjI8j
You’ve got the wrong Eli.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYXVR9F7pi
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZZ544t5oF
aka Eli Martin
47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCn3ojwyIS
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcd0J0ekb4R
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM5ZXl1Ui2
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPZ6O33ybK
definitely wrong eli.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUB1n1kV49
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIQaEjTSU0
sincerely,47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AkfeIU9dT
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UhrhtmtcB
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBb6hX24BA
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg8Jou5RMl
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4dc6yAcxK
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjaTsJ19Yu
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei5mLRqYtZ
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡer14pQNOvH
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5prLc7QXG
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNkJXuhHS8
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBgTJv9Zct
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDt7D079O6
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDpDxaez2M
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MfgSz6p0t
is this our meet-cute?47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9waM1Fgxi
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaFrEYvU3W
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHNl0o2uyV
but i might be a decent one
47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnadCKbzOOX
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDA6U8GAUni
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3biKZxRmC3
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDQQ3rMYEJ
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvro4t3NBZW
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayXDyEGEhV
professional emailer of strangers
47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoGXZUaYMJ
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAyhvY4E01
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5lHt4xfAs
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfHVYhSvBw
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsJih9UfAz
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8aypN3YUa
To: [email protected]47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzryWhqoEW
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHCAxrXZNw
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.47Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxFddEKrjG
