|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsXFxxfchx
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJZAtQsCPL
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTdx4kI0R1
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN3RjNsfVF
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshiNExXPuU
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0Hao2rGTD
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6hlTrtQXR
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmh7coN3Gf
You’ve got the wrong Eli.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHC0wgW4G5L
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGUEwnBuzd
aka Eli Martin
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8LwCJOTXo
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8dv90513f
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGQF9Nzrly
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzkL58qAlA
definitely wrong eli.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE630Z1VsTB
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡez2UchE14p
sincerely,19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4homuEvIs
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLjGzPWPLP
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWyMebm5Op
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs7zCC8ikq
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5cYhde4ff
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcuyNZP5AU
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWdyq6SBVX
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0ckgNFz52
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5SrK3lKIj
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNER96NonK
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGf1lpkIub
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yxptRPOw1
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxCBU1LgHC
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeQJ1c63S1
is this our meet-cute?19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTVb1k76py
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbB9JIxDep
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUfxEMInXs
but i might be a decent one
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwzLkHr0JV
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Qc7KHrS6I
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SWTvHDRBA
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXVlXsiKTf
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPczZJmkPZk
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dwvijCibR
professional emailer of strangers
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujtdwHLdCA
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgibTfjb3r
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kPX1w7mcO
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRsmrtiKjD
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnPsyhFqjb
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT3at3Sjd8
To: [email protected]19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKgAoJ88t7
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQDuhdwFEK
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNS3Ix4Mm1
