|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANA1n8X8MqGUA
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAKArmfAxbs0
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,50Please respect copyright.PENANAHETsd5ZgZK
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.50Please respect copyright.PENANAkpwLzWebek
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
50Please respect copyright.PENANARnD6zC8WrK
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAMsBdaBjA1O
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAyF18pjMS75
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,50Please respect copyright.PENANAd2RwbH2iic
You’ve got the wrong Eli.50Please respect copyright.PENANAJMthXcxkho
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli50Please respect copyright.PENANAXP17nFzkEV
aka Eli Martin
50Please respect copyright.PENANAWsAXZCW60S
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANA6Ery0Z98es
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAT7vMmq0bTv
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.50Please respect copyright.PENANAc20otQwQ2n
definitely wrong eli.50Please respect copyright.PENANAuFN99rZvJ2
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.50Please respect copyright.PENANAPRGpObH98d
sincerely,50Please respect copyright.PENANA9DW2SSmcdQ
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
50Please respect copyright.PENANAC8C0yrZH4l
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAGmjhyv5gk8
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAdA0ITncRgM
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.50Please respect copyright.PENANAhdkVijzYij
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”50Please respect copyright.PENANAlJeDDxcHJe
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
50Please respect copyright.PENANA8iYADX66Vk
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAeUdgzdIA9B
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAczxqmOIRRQ
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.50Please respect copyright.PENANAmmSM2pte5U
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
50Please respect copyright.PENANAudPttkrT39
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAIqgWCyaqLE
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANA8lHRSwksVK
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,50Please respect copyright.PENANACjXEVcig9K
is this our meet-cute?50Please respect copyright.PENANAMfgbt3IUNt
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.50Please respect copyright.PENANAUewcvNGLGF
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli50Please respect copyright.PENANAXExbFwX3bO
but i might be a decent one
50Please respect copyright.PENANApGDw6Zngfd
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANA8B6HvJZJtH
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAoqkr7Dh2GR
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.50Please respect copyright.PENANAavkDNmTxoV
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)50Please respect copyright.PENANA4LwJzcRRbG
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya50Please respect copyright.PENANALRnEYDbm00
professional emailer of strangers
50Please respect copyright.PENANAcdvSiPkkGl
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAZ41qldRYHq
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAHbH9RutIGQ
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.50Please respect copyright.PENANA5ObogeMEjI
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.50Please respect copyright.PENANAE8SadA1gmo
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAsCdU1p9KCB
To: [email protected]50Please respect copyright.PENANAgDEK39BflZ
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya50Please respect copyright.PENANAgR9rdH0Jq1
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.50Please respect copyright.PENANAoMInkfAIFR