|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAbW1CRXDbdT
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZxhT5d9z2
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,43Please respect copyright.PENANAzSHYrWWA7l
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.43Please respect copyright.PENANAt4LaDFeq2U
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
43Please respect copyright.PENANAbJZ1rGTOjx
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAsJiRPvo8No
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA2RwnuAsQVF
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,43Please respect copyright.PENANAnZ7EoeXaJN
You’ve got the wrong Eli.43Please respect copyright.PENANAbEZByvnkUY
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli43Please respect copyright.PENANAHmxyoRUdSM
aka Eli Martin
43Please respect copyright.PENANAkZIciMgnzo
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAXAiaDHbMWX
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAG4IUsUth6U
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.43Please respect copyright.PENANAamwLOdCvxe
definitely wrong eli.43Please respect copyright.PENANA7qkLOv1lJb
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.43Please respect copyright.PENANAEiOldS0v9b
sincerely,43Please respect copyright.PENANA1CTa1ZsEmD
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
43Please respect copyright.PENANAjks0CeVylz
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAmSnAGFiWKa
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAu6gZQJ3tDB
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.43Please respect copyright.PENANAzhA7V4KTZz
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”43Please respect copyright.PENANAjBxGbKsk3w
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
43Please respect copyright.PENANAT0CYH7ZyGu
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAtvEED3sCMe
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAHwHFw9IU63
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.43Please respect copyright.PENANAlKxRiP2zIy
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
43Please respect copyright.PENANAca5LsvEKdR
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAsfdoyJ4WAE
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAjbzCEe2jsG
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,43Please respect copyright.PENANAqtuuvWjObs
is this our meet-cute?43Please respect copyright.PENANALsDzffsbRe
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.43Please respect copyright.PENANAPnhQmWZF4K
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli43Please respect copyright.PENANA0l3hqb7Ewn
but i might be a decent one
43Please respect copyright.PENANAXQpXApqEmS
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA3CmqKg7x4r
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAj7ZH2Wv0jm
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.43Please respect copyright.PENANAMZBlbCERhU
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)43Please respect copyright.PENANA4M7TQfej5U
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya43Please respect copyright.PENANA0gAnwCbnlc
professional emailer of strangers
43Please respect copyright.PENANAnGi7nt7g2y
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAjsWf4pJpuo
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAtSIyjcxgSL
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.43Please respect copyright.PENANAFWSPNQ83vV
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.43Please respect copyright.PENANAzyraiR4egT
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAMlv24IKWTu
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAPOUlqH8nhR
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya43Please respect copyright.PENANA93A3JredcA
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.43Please respect copyright.PENANA43GKJ3zg1y