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Janelle narrowly escaped jail time for her child abuse charges but she didn't get off scot-free. She was given six months of probation instead and supervised visits with her son.
Naturally, Janelle didn't hide her irritation whenever the probation officer, a young red-headed woman, would drop by unannounced, sometimes waking her up.
Her son was returned to her 60 days into the probation, so the probation officer made a point of checking him out first upon coming to the home before she did her typical walkthrough of the house. Then she had Janelle fill out a standard form in which she complained about having to provide the same answers to the same questions over and over again that she'd already given.
Janelle's biggest complaint was having to take “piss tests,” as she called them, in front of her probation officer so she couldn't use someone else's pee should she be drinking or doing drugs. Janelle described these tests as horribly humiliating.
Janelle didn't like her PO very much and the feeling was mutual. In her journals, Janelle described her as a “snippy bitch with a bad attitude.”
She comes into MY home uninvited – I don't care if she's my PO – and she rudely orders me around unnecessarily, wanting to check some drawer or a box or some cabinet. There's always some shit with her and it's like she's just itching to get me somehow.
Janelle also wrote of coming to regret having a child.
I wanted this for so long. So damn long I tried to get pregnant, but this just isn’t how I envisioned things to be or what motherhood is supposed to be about. I'm just not happy. I'm accused of child abuse, I had to play the court and probation game yet again, and of course the thing won't shut up and stop screaming nonstop. It's costing way more money than even I expected it to, so yeah, I kind of have second thoughts at times.
It was around this time that Janelle’s health issues which had been slowly brewing over time were catching up to her. She gained an enormous amount of weight. She tried to lose a little at first but put it back on soon afterward. After that, she insisted that one’s size was simply a size, weight was just a number on a scale, and she was how she was meant to be. Did she really come to believe this or was this simply her way of making excuses and trying to hide her possible embarrassment and frustration over her weight?
Based on her symptoms, it was thought that she may be diabetic due to a lack of activity and a poor diet, and this was ultimately proven to be correct. On top of that, it was also discovered that she had low thyroid function.
No one knows for sure what caused her to age as fast as she did, but it was speculated to have something to do with her intense emotions and always feeling such stress and anger. Yet even though she wasn’t quite 40, she was nearly 100 pounds overweight, her hair had thinned out dramatically, she was starting to go gray, her vision was horrible, and her skin was beginning to sag along with the rest of her.
The only time she was active was when she was doing gymnastics, another thing no one could figure out. Everyone was baffled as to how she was able to do this at her size. But she did it for extra money whenever someone happened to allow her to be part of their circus or acrobat show without feeling embarrassed by it. They agreed to give her some showtime for what Janelle believed would be good “exposure” for her to get picked up for various jobs as long as she agreed to accept that she wouldn't always be paid.
For a while, she felt too sick to do much of anything as her medication doses were slowly adjusted. She and her husband had what Janelle referred to as “health fights.” Apparently, they would argue over how Janelle handled her treatment and communication with her doctors. Janelle seemed to feel as if her husband didn't want her to seek help and as if her health issues were a burden to him that was putting him out while she was the one suffering.
One of her doctors admitted to observing that Steven did seem to be rather detached and almost like accompanying Janelle to the doctor was quite a chore for him.
“You have the support of your husband which is good,” the doctor said one day when Steven agreed to go in with her, curious as to what Janelle may say to that if anything at all.
“Yeah, but it's like he never wants me to call you guys when I have questions and concerns,” she complained.
“I just worry about her making too much out of things and calling you for things she can handle on her own,” her husband said in his own defense.
But the doctor assured him that if Janelle felt the need to call, she should since that's what they were there for after all.
"I told him this. I told him I would never call unless I felt it was absolutely necessary.”
“Oh, of course. She definitely shouldn’t let things get out of hand before she calls us,” the doctor told Steven.
"Oh," Steven said meaning to sound a touch sarcastic. But if the doctor picked up on it, she didn't show it any more than his stupid wife.
That day, Janelle went right home to write all about it in her journal.
“What if he's trying to deter you from calling your doctor in hopes of you going into a diabetic coma that you never wake up from?” Byron asked me last night. “Then he wouldn’t have to go through a messy divorce.”
Nah, my husband wouldn't do such a thing. I know that's what I said about him saying we could have a child together but would he really risk my life just so he didn't have to go through the hassle of a divorce? Besides, if he really wanted a divorce, why not just file for one? It wouldn't have to be “messy.”
After Janelle went into a diabetic coma one day that neither one of them had planned, her husband hesitated a bit to see if she would come around on her own. When she didn't, he called the paramedics to revive her. Her eyes blinked open to the sight and sound of a stony-faced husband and a screaming baby which one of the paramedics was trying to calm.
She'd had enough of that damn kid! She was too sick and too tired of hearing it almost every hour of the day. Something had to be done.
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