《A》 - 12 | Penana

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當我第一次意識到，我需要頂住我最鄙視同憎恨嘅身份生存嘅時候，係再次見到程予原嘅時候。

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「你如果無地方可以去，可以繼續係度住，唔洗擔心錢。」

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再見面時嘅第一句，佢望我嘅眼神，好奇怪，好空洞...

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「你唔掛住我咩？」

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我其實無乜機會睇自己全身，以前係自卑難過，而家有嘅係自信，佢會肯嘅...

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仲準備埋『聖水』，今日我哋精神、肉體都要『有入無出』，重拾當年雙方嘅好，又修補返當年想像同實際上嘅不足。

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「你比較賤，唔洗點掛住都可以搶走人嘅嘢嚟生存。

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畀我睇下你今次又搶走咗你嗰妹啲咩～

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哦，條命同埋下面堆嘢，都唔係你嘅，有咩用。

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仲以為你有幾咁本事添...

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咪要做一世嘅影子囉，今次角色調轉，要扮一世，我一定保證你一世出入平安...

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呢杯嘢你自己飲返，我當無事發生。」

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佢一直都係咁聰明就好，佢太遲開竅，我又唔識驚。

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需要佢明察秋毫嘅時候做唔到，而家講條春啊？

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「你唔賤...

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賤得過你，連勸佢都做唔到，眼白白睇住佢亂講嘢認罪？

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又唔知道佢之後做過啲咩，連而家佢係邊都問唔出口，懦夫。

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我飲完喇～」

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『聖水』邊個飲都唔緊要，『調味料』嚟啫，開咗個頭，以後就唔擔心點樣收尾～

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然後，我當日由鎖佢係房度，變成日日被佢韞住係房度。

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出唔到房門，即使有人送餐都唔可以走出去，因為我無衫可以着出門口。

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我以前好鍾意見到自己，但我而家有齊晒一切最合適嘅嘢係身，我一啲都唔鍾意呢個自己。

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點解咁多樣嘢都換咗，係佢嘅人格換唔到，頂唔順嘅時候唯有攬炒...

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我做唔到佢，點解當年佢會做到我...

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我唯一讚佢嘅位喺呢度。

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最後嘅我係打爆咗全房嘅鏡先出到門口，聽到醫生講：

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『精神失常又或者失戀，都唔好傷害自己，有BB喇要學識好好照顧自己。』

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一世人癡心妄想嘅事發生咗...

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我居然有機會有家庭，有後代，雖然係借人嘅嘢嚟用，但係人哋自願畀，唔係我搶返嚟！

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然而我聽到朝見口晚見面時都尖酸刻薄嘅聲音：

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「副偈真係有用㗎？

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仲以為你呢啲死變態，目的只係想玩死自己個妹，又要填補個人缺陷...

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啊嗰啲叫遺憾～」

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我突然覺得，以前嘅自己好蠢，點解要拼命去鍾意眼前呢個人，如果係另一個人鍾意佢、同佢一齊會唔會有唔同結果？

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但我想要嘅嘢，注定係屬於我，而家佢都係因為我個樣、我到偈所以離唔開我，佢都係屬於我。

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唔係我點解會花到心機同時間去關注，甚至係愛一個人。

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一定係屬於我，或者我需要佢、同埋我哋之間嘅愛。

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佢只係被偶然代替我出現嘅人鬼迷心竅，以後無機會再出現，佢以後身邊只會有我。

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佢見我唔出聲好疑惑咁問：

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「要生出嚟？

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你唔係你個妹，所有嘢都係你一手造成，有咩資格去養育下一世，等佢學埋你啲仆街嘢遺禍人間？」

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好難過，以前嘅我要風得風，要雨得雨，只要唔順心嘅就放我個替身出嚟受。

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點解而家要咁樣做人，明明事事都同我以前過想像嘅人生相差無幾，點會咁難過...

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佢到底做咗啲咩好事，個個都咁鍾意佢？

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然後每個人都會因為佢所以討厭我，明明我咩都無做過，至少喺過往十年都無害過佢，相反嘅係佢害返我轉頭。

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我轉念用報復嘅口吻回敬：

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「嗰B係用我個妹嘅基因，你確定唔要？

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你從來都未無得副過我個妹，唔係我，呢件B連出世嘅機會都無。

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你同佢，係呢個世界，咩都無得剩。

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我幫你哋留後，我當做善事咋。」

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一家人，我總會逐樣還埋畀你。

64Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0s6QgyAuF

保佑我又好、詛咒我又好，我一定要你鍾意嘅、上心嘅，同愛過嘅，都留返畀我。

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