如果有人告訴你,你已再不會感到痛楚,你會怎麼辦?361Please respect copyright.PENANAMVZu7gBC2k
361Please respect copyright.PENANAjeXXZ51zZ3
拉扯皮膚、用拳頭錘向手臂,測試方法隨便你。361Please respect copyright.PENANAcuf54KBnD3
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若果真的不再痛,你接下的一步是甚麼?361Please respect copyright.PENANAuimKo7iWgU
361Please respect copyright.PENANANHFNgV1NIu
你會繼續嘗試傷害自己嗎?恐怕不會,我們對痛楚的恐懼早已刻進腦袋。進化論提倡人因擁有恐懼才能避開危險,我們也正完好無缺的生活着。361Please respect copyright.PENANA3WRavCL0hv
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以下是最後的問題。要是一起初已不認識痛楚,你會去尋找痛楚的知覺嗎?361Please respect copyright.PENANAlmbZhLX0CC
361Please respect copyright.PENANAVa9xvMVqyz
無痛症,指的是失去痛覺神經的病症。世上存在着其先天患者,一生中未曾感受過出於神經反應的痛楚;換作同一立場,你能頂受嗎?361Please respect copyright.PENANAixGhFl9FXB
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十二月二十六日,是節禮日。361Please respect copyright.PENANAcOAtcYL6og
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我和阿雨算是有互送聖誕禮物,當然是正常的東西,我有吸收教訓乖乖的送他一對鞋子,尺寸是趁他睡著時所量的。361Please respect copyright.PENANAjC90gEQk2N
361Please respect copyright.PENANATrGHtrM2cl
阿雨在同一個時段只有一對鞋子,到壞掉才會去買新的。送新鞋子是對他舊鞋、以及偶爾會順便替他洗鞋子的自己的體諒。361Please respect copyright.PENANANrLsST0vU8
361Please respect copyright.PENANAsvGf7PwA3I
我喜歡他的味道,不代表我也喜歡他的腳臭。361Please respect copyright.PENANAmFHQsUhvEb
361Please respect copyright.PENANAl6z5qhuBbX
至於我收到的是……咖啡機,可以手動磨豆那款。說實我十分喜歡。真的十分喜歡,但另一方面……作為送給妻子的禮物,真的可以接受嗎?361Please respect copyright.PENANAMMG2zUvnIK
361Please respect copyright.PENANAfvxUvvGiPM
我曾嘗試反思,不過還是放棄了,開心便好。361Please respect copyright.PENANAegzlQiBKlh
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而今天早上,阿雨收到來自教會神父的訊息,說希望他能幫助某件事。當他準備出門,沒有打算穿昨晚送的新鞋始終使我有點忐忑。難道他不喜歡嗎?361Please respect copyright.PENANAYJE7idkKf4
361Please respect copyright.PENANALtn1ycJ1mD
教會要找得上阿雨的當然不會是好事。361Please respect copyright.PENANA1vcjMqqHg7
361Please respect copyright.PENANA12TXzlqDeo
不麻煩的都不會找上他,所以我在心底的某處有點討厭那位神父。但事實上亦是他允許了避雨亭的運作。361Please respect copyright.PENANATGnuBCRSUG
361Please respect copyright.PENANAUcC1EgOIm3
本來神職人員不能兼職,教會內部對此十分嚴格,被發現基本上必然革職。而阿雨是例外有着原因,只因為他的存在可讓教會處理有點「灰色」的請求。361Please respect copyright.PENANAAlfECVzCol
361Please respect copyright.PENANAxncmOJmh9U
教會的形象必須純潔無垢,為了不沾上一絲污跡,有違形象的委託都不能接下,即使私下亦不被允許。361Please respect copyright.PENANAH698tZV0k8
361Please respect copyright.PENANA3i8KwpkSGH
阿雨另起爐灶的行為之所被允許,就他可撇除教會之名和的形象來處理麻煩。反正長期坐告解室的他面孔不為人知、聲線亦不同,即使同行亦很難以被人發現。361Please respect copyright.PENANAkfnq22DoF6
361Please respect copyright.PENANAsXS8NRm9cJ
有關今次的工作,那處是昨天新聞上所報的自殺案現場,他要替某位信徒收拾她兒子的遺物。361Please respect copyright.PENANAy9cAwHWfzM
361Please respect copyright.PENANAHQEDhM8LAC
「這也算「灰色」嗎?」我問向阿雨。361Please respect copyright.PENANAMsxLpGhTFl
361Please respect copyright.PENANAkzLSo4ZdtH
「有關自殺的教會都不能碰。」他是如此答道。361Please respect copyright.PENANA83xHBmhQ1y
361Please respect copyright.PENANAALTj9qL2zj
事發家庭是一個單親家庭,兒子是母親唯一的親人,不願面對也情有可願。而地點則是廢棄區附近的公共屋邨,由於廢棄區令車輛不通,要到那處可相當費時。361Please respect copyright.PENANAg3cXE3xXZz
361Please respect copyright.PENANAGaoQGDOk9f
要不是帶上我,阿雨可能直接橫跨廢棄區。361Please respect copyright.PENANAM9SJQqLa8L
361Please respect copyright.PENANA0WDs01ecCS
該區域不富裕,反而說是正正相反。要是說我們居住地區是混雜,這邊是香港最黑暗的地方。361Please respect copyright.PENANAUHHo0tzQt8
361Please respect copyright.PENANAfWnAsaiY78
地區的色調是鉛色一片,給人沉重的氛圍。現場異常的寧靜,但沿途的行人路上,一旁有大量發臭的垃圾,這般詭異的垃圾量和靜寂使我放不下心神。甚至一個空罐滾過,也能使我進入備擊狀態。所以未雖上樓,我已筋皮力盡。361Please respect copyright.PENANAYk5dP2oA7y
361Please respect copyright.PENANAERrwuREAac
「不要勉強,你在屋外等吧。」上到樓後,阿雨見狀說道。361Please respect copyright.PENANANMgt2HpoNz
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「…好吧。」我只好默默點頭。361Please respect copyright.PENANA5J8TPHLRKr
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才下午一時左右,走廊已像是黑夜一片。361Please respect copyright.PENANAi0CNNDuVUJ
361Please respect copyright.PENANA0Z30Q781AC
使用夜視能力下,發現鄰居們也避之則吉。每户在門口掛上一些驅邪物品,各門各派,宗教五花八門,中西融合的也有。361Please respect copyright.PENANANDm7ra49f9
361Please respect copyright.PENANAsohGsRSHJb
話雖是近鄰,血案始終使人不寒而憟。361Please respect copyright.PENANAfBrOazE27E
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而時值冬天,我正站在通風的走廊,冷風不斷吹過,可謂又寒又慄……361Please respect copyright.PENANAZSyaYin9xR
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「拿着。」361Please respect copyright.PENANA2IuH0SIxSu
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突然,一個重物落在自己頭上,頓時心臟彷彿消失,腦機能就如完全停止活動,淨下身體的擅自反應。361Please respect copyright.PENANAFu1Vzic9RJ
361Please respect copyright.PENANA5Vtk6DEUOL
「呀!!!……別故意嚇我。」361Please respect copyright.PENANAzN25Hykgfv
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轉身一看,是阿雨。361Please respect copyright.PENANAKIo8WGCNzu
361Please respect copyright.PENANAF2XTaSExOV
「所以一開始便說了不要跟來吧。」嚴格來說,這不是避雨亭的工作範圍,算是阿雨的私事。361Please respect copyright.PENANA49IOL5ZPJM
361Please respect copyright.PENANAR9SbLeJpeZ
「…我才沒在怕。」我喃道。361Please respect copyright.PENANAFPuHc9XDPL
361Please respect copyright.PENANAmFiwqiqe2k
「那進來坐着吧,客廳沒有異樣。」361Please respect copyright.PENANAnJqFBRfkST
361Please respect copyright.PENANA9byVSIca7l
然而一進家門,這家的客廳明明沒有開着窗戶,氣氛卻異常的冰冷,空氣也尤其乾燥,毫不舒適。361Please respect copyright.PENANAzniGDHpyJq
361Please respect copyright.PENANAHwIeBSVrXp
白牆配上白燈,這裏只有一張長木椅直向電視機。361Please respect copyright.PENANAS5vXdWtqOq
361Please respect copyright.PENANARmR0pfvQjg
「這本是甚麼?」我拿著阿雨剛放到我頭上的厚本問道。361Please respect copyright.PENANAyetawJ3XlH
361Please respect copyright.PENANAZBn7QvMhA6
「死者的日記,要當作遺物拿走的。」361Please respect copyright.PENANA1577BMAmMw
361Please respect copyright.PENANAVjUthb0viq
他說完這句便繼續走向那昏暗的走廊,走進死者的房間。另一方面,我則把日記輕輕的放回在桌上,假裝無事發生。361Please respect copyright.PENANANXQdF7VwZV
361Please respect copyright.PENANAZdGhO7nWu6
混蛋,剛才竟敢還用這本書敲我的頭頂……361Please respect copyright.PENANANNu9AFbRF0
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很想洗頭。361Please respect copyright.PENANAFnhEpotyRL
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與此同時,日記的內容正吸引着我。361Please respect copyright.PENANAVYxMZJxHHB
361Please respect copyright.PENANATOHXjAqPNG
有關這案件,新聞上是以「自殺」一詞來含蓋整個事件。實際上他的確是在自殺,是毫無疑問的自殺,因為死者他在「自喰」而死。361Please respect copyright.PENANAA22NH7IIGJ
361Please respect copyright.PENANAzq0BoiLw1M
故名思義,就是自己咬掉自己身體的肉再吞掉,因此遺體兩臂的滿佈着撕咬痕,屈膝於在房間的地板上,死因為失血過多。361Please respect copyright.PENANA1NAjsdg1RS
361Please respect copyright.PENANAEN9wm8jaqE
出於其獵奇性,昨天在網上討論區引起議論。死者是蜥蜴的能力者,有蜥蜴會自斷尾巴並且吃掉,所以有人指他的死因會否與蜥蜴習性有關。動物習性會影響人本身的行為,雖然科學上尚未有實證,的確有說服力。361Please respect copyright.PENANAqd9leixHYp
361Please respect copyright.PENANAIBTyPFpvEW
此時有自稱同為蜥蜴能力者對此反論,「這跟脫牙時不小心吞下牙齒的不是等級,這是病態行為」並請其他討論者不要加深對他們的歧視。361Please respect copyright.PENANAWqJfWaXpkl
361Please respect copyright.PENANA2qthUD72ED
兩者最後當然沒有共識,各自接受自身認同的說法,不了了之。至於一切的真相就在我面前,好奇心也不斷在推崇去窺探其內容。361Please respect copyright.PENANACMRkF1bXq3
361Please respect copyright.PENANAhCcMsUid9C
我始終還是翻開了第一頁。361Please respect copyright.PENANAJqWdDiu1go
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由於日記中不含他本人的名字,所以以下「P」代稱。361Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8QoDwEo1V
361Please respect copyright.PENANALFqVMbp9ZA
日記中最舊的記錄是在十三年前,最初記下的事是與親戚到茶樓的時候,他的感受。361Please respect copyright.PENANAAGtN1FxwDN
361Please respect copyright.PENANAqh9NaWMJTS
「P」的鄰桌有一位嬰兒,抱有好奇心的他看見眼前的白瓷茶壼,不禁伸出小手嘗試探索。及時被阻止後,嬰兒便大哭了起來。然而哭聲不止,漸漸引起旁人目光聚集。361Please respect copyright.PENANATrRSToKGzF
361Please respect copyright.PENANAh1dfd3bV8S
「讓他試一試,他知道燙後便沒有下次了。」這句是從業員大嬸的原話,他記下了這句話。361Please respect copyright.PENANAOQktDb4Ffk
361Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4NlmYabMP
「P」理解不了嬰兒哭泣的理由、亦不解負責注熱水到茶壺大嬸的話。361Please respect copyright.PENANAGjGSRjH3Uk
361Please respect copyright.PENANA9Gj6LvScyi
「P」記憶中甚少哭泣,普通的小孩會因為受傷、或者不如意而哭泣。然而他即使擦破膝蓋,在咀嚼東西時咬破舌頭,由於他感覺不到痛楚,即使連受傷後也不能即時察覺,所以也不會哭、亦不懂哭。361Please respect copyright.PENANAhGItNBfjUN
361Please respect copyright.PENANAyEXImI3CDC
聽到大嬸那番話後被謎之魔力吸引着,萌生人生首次、並影響他一生的念頭,他想知道「痛」是甚麼。361Please respect copyright.PENANAx5UDmhq6zN
361Please respect copyright.PENANAZnH50MbcNd
襯周圍人目光亦不耐煩的瞄向鄰桌,他找緊時機,悄悄地把食指拍在剛補充沸水的茶壺上。361Please respect copyright.PENANAua5VdWPS1m
361Please respect copyright.PENANA0C7Xk84Wo8
現實如常,反而背叛了期待。361Please respect copyright.PENANABnprRuYJKL
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他,果然甚麼也感覺不到。361Please respect copyright.PENANAfDJ8eEwjAw
361Please respect copyright.PENANARpEnk1YUXB
接著手上長出水泡一事則由母親與親戚道別,一同離開時拖上手時才有所察覺。被母親反問當刻,他生起了淚意,在大街上啕哭。361Please respect copyright.PENANAWNCAJeCYe5
361Please respect copyright.PENANAkdi24dzx8P
在外人看來似乎是母親叱責兒子而哭泣,但實際上完全不同。母親因為疏忽而內疚、兒子因疏離感而痛哭。他在這天感受到內心確實的變化。361Please respect copyright.PENANAV0PleEKK9F
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他想追求某些東西。361Please respect copyright.PENANA7B5BrSTzhu
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「P」踏上尋找痛楚的旅途。361Please respect copyright.PENANAeTAOw59Val
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要理解痛楚,便有一個重要課題等着他,正是情感。361Please respect copyright.PENANALYZVblA6vg
361Please respect copyright.PENANAzoCokf7lfK
他對基本的情感障礙。氣氛他倒是能分別,大家一起笑的場面、大家肅靜起來的畫面、依靠觀察他才能知道現場該做甚麼。只有他一人在的話,基本上不會出現任何表情。喜怒哀樂、高漲低伏的波動,對他而言為極奢侈的東西。361Please respect copyright.PENANA09sSHp76CS
361Please respect copyright.PENANApbQ0YVAgrd
他喜歡午飯時間,與大家一起吃飯。因為惟有「食」一事可令他感到安心。味覺能給予他有跟他人一樣的感覺。無痛症所伴隨的汗腺麻木會使身體保持高溫,因此吸取的熱量會自行流失,也使他不會肥胖。361Please respect copyright.PENANAKlyjGBoLkJ
361Please respect copyright.PENANAWFj5VSuZcj
但據「P」的說法,他曾因長期高體溫而被其他同學都說他有股煙燻肉的氣味,而被人避開。361Please respect copyright.PENANAwmtNJphtiv
361Please respect copyright.PENANAu0fEElXnuH
「人喜歡食物,但不會喜歡嗅起來像食物的人」。361Please respect copyright.PENANAbL81edMv53
361Please respect copyright.PENANAEhrcOA5B5U
多虧這事,他學會「傷心」。是種莫名的感覺,莫名地身體像被掏空,莫名地使不出力氣。361Please respect copyright.PENANAoFeJwngEX9
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莫名地冷。361Please respect copyright.PENANAk12G72VTXn
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本因無痛而缺乏同理心、本因溫度冷感而不知人情冷暖、因為無汗水而不懂抒發的他,流下了淚水。這是他感到最接近「痛楚」的一步。361Please respect copyright.PENANAQb89aV1glL
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隨著成長,他在踏入中學的途上的課題則不斷增加。361Please respect copyright.PENANApxinVK9FKo
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世上最讓人感到痛楚的是「現實」。361Please respect copyright.PENANApalEkmDbeW
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他出生於單親家庭,只有母親一位至親,父親早已在得悉母親懷孕時逃亡了。跟他的病沒有關係,只是個純粹的人渣。361Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5V0OIbARg
361Please respect copyright.PENANAXMzUJdRJZA
但說實,他對這一切不在意。即使他自行受多少傷,母親早已習以為作,最近已不太上心。失去關心獲得的「傷心」就是他最好的禮物。361Please respect copyright.PENANAIkxvxY9yt4
361Please respect copyright.PENANAoRK0YdvXef
但他漸漸發現在經濟環境不富裕的家庭裏,他所需每兩週一次的檢查費用對家計而言亦是重擔。361Please respect copyright.PENANAVZKhnrSMxQ