Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2eeQ2jAEa
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkKZB9xNJB
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgGw4tcMBJ
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMh6thqz2VY
Her face remains serene.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG47JpWEHgK
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3vLK9HEue
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBe0sQUkOu
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TZMaIbSdT
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcfzYKJvQ8
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwprhCKzmvE
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVt2a0DqpB
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOfncXJNC0
This should have been her beginning.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE3Pmv23t2
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uWRrvu3o8
*/*/*1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWeBQVDbcu
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrqkfj91Xk
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxCryH8RLl
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhykxHZEpp
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh27cgJBKfy
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSpEvBPQGa
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9kZ1gM2bD
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRPtQE2tLf
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLkd9MiLnq
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUfvWzHtxo
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20cH8oC3Wb
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghBRYaES5V
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA46yOyOSLT
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNf7PKDS3F
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprOYm4M4OY
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZNDJYmpTO
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAL4zMQBSYn
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZvQuZ0Krp
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrHCmhBoWX
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUuItzmVWC
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUE4fBTtH3
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmFWA1xKqx
*/*/*1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwsJsPPbVU
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRhA91sIhQ
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetnCnw7h0b
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnpSPcw0UJ
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8MvWHXfVh
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQiy0b5KsU
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrpMpmTR0u
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yjggV9GWG
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4haDiRyBG
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmd0f4725b
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWW09lYYfH
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO92IpbrYLY
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfU7CML7OvF
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3R6nRcoNxm
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1eq0VIcME
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzd1BkGwj83
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hA0RgUOpQ
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52eexQHukk
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHh5YyS0UP
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11rKeSBLUH
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGGNNB9hSR
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaFp2vKL6s
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeD6LiqkFl
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9E5jcV7Ko
*/*/*1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UeXVELcaj
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX66OBbSPAW
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRI6q5E9gW
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWzUU7yI4s
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2fh2H4T3m
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYx07LVFCQ
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu40i1Upieq
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71DgvnY3aX
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPTKew6W3W
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ7JvYWI9E
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqP8sVRx92
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUO9C159Dul
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6uvbKXO5j
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcLpAWtPWg
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY7wj1LKy7
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXh5hw6xTgi
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuj3vNKNOEq
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzn9UUYXk0s
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Kp8uBUpX6
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcR9tKDZxS
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALSxG7Vzco
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9reQNvvr8Y
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNOEfxUaY4
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLFBYNh5TD
*/*/*1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAIKKBl5t6
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiv9uAdG44
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTz70JhTND
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJ1pRv46my
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsTWmwe4pd
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhrSXxPsTL
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvZxm5au95
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZt3GfbZlNf
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWy2VQOFCx0
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPggqzPeA2h
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplQxnevpP6
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJSEqsszZu
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRmElPuXao
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1517KdntpD
*/*/*1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1885ZqCJyV
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMM2xXT1vW
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxe0ch98sa8
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz6upd86t5
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6vHlx9iG2
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU2fvw4aLw
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvO7PpX8FFw
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4KBk13bho
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94Q6CeUdG9
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnd6xM6DESg
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT57JgZogNl
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRujNwAQjJr
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hQVL3Z79c
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOx4asualE
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQdPSWKMyh
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iyG0cyobL
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDiRpZwgmv
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7tiHAFUeY
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjc2gFBbdb
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUDQHmnScB
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmrBFTqpyN
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYlrX8PRyK
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHiIuTbcL5
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpwimmBcdVo
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0Y4KchAJO
1008Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRhcnMej74
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
search
Loginarrow_drop_down
Registerarrow_drop_down
