Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmvtuIrKOS
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Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aQyQeVY6E
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLw3CqjdmfV
Her face remains serene.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡger94fb0Kz
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREEqwnXv3y
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsvgaFwlr0
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSutiITW7Pd
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSpxH15oq1
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGBuqspK7y
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClJYPyLNXA
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzfiubeTmF
This should have been her beginning.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQ2o41WY8S
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9cUOOVRtt
*/*/*900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU5FmoxB5A
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4LWNnzkUc
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTsuSOSxIs
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxI4qRC8xJ
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6rg8sqiRX
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dVUHX3vOU
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡni4AnjVEM8
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDSOtnZyhI
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1jiti8TrZ
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuh1X9TnzQ
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEVle3iQyo
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVHzbzbJoi
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2geyB6pyW
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmUyZ6AeAa
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcmz9i1IWh
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yoFqfyET7
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6luWxFTw2l
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55L13MZBdr
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnoRzNjFdj
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7xugm5SWE
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9p4j4fgA4
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H162l56UF
*/*/*900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWi8iSZNwH
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZIKPHn4kz
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWd2K99D7C8
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sFjKw00mb
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7u28DLaFzx
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVqNjdE7MT
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwc8sd0O3gs
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFbOMMriH4
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnwEWwn4vH
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdqQnRQY9L
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zN7UOrJtQ
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoMdWVHbQf
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cJ7JWz5pM
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFYzDPdyTL
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveCIShTqfQ
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SMfElqO01
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dq3nHynal
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ5SiH37LF
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqsjcpWdqM
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZqkTS7mxW
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpodiaBUP3T
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aA1XJ5oCU
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCNL0LflIB
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHrpS4KMua
*/*/*900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWmu8w32T0
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWdCjzqTop
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbRLxxXE7H
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHWKpPPyxf
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ThV9LTPdR
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsYvgbk3Sx
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTR8hoFjXx
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She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlshxChi9T
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzVK2tltds
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMeIuOT5OH
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0w079iw4LC
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojDkZC5cTR
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRVlkXn0B6
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4njxi6zRH
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBMagQK2mN
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEc42N3LAqR
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKesvcuoZJO
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkuDY6tuCL
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8bd7TErzF
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtAScqBfdM
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxs5wWchLsz
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNdekjNVA1
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*/*/*900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreB8Rmd9ho
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1FjnxEYy2
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcqNMn9mjX
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE1cmSfGt3
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfZJvqmTnp
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdI6MNQkCN
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumKDNLlgtB
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt9r5fh6Sm
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIEckIPegG
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7poEH5TB4T
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbm5jc45Uq
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvugm8F7tIy
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3731EEerS
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzDSnlvJwA
*/*/*900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LBHkGCCWL
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqp36pc0qQ
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1yEDaYCnC
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhGMuWOlky
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgvjLUuJUR
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvaraNPt5C
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbE3miKG0eJ
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODUCn0VHqJ
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhRoCFET7x
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRvzBfVAXj
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4JwmXRcTw
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5IDw9mfVM
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR69dkYS6dy
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVIZqFaDWQ
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GGvdx1cWO
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrelbVcab7P
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSHDBOgSgJ
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yRGAQJxVQ
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Y398bjne7
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrHEh7pPJI
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQwYkKqzyd
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN1IP14bTa
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2fzrxfejf
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHL5xvZ4crB
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1lIfeH89Y
900Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7ZzofKgc0
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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