Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcasWPcrpG2
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsHig38gsD
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JU5QUwy8V
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAVJG6YK5C
Her face remains serene.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9FkrAZ1tB
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFWleLBJGU
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HWt8sjoEi
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4TAIA0dfD
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChiAONvmwS
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFdagtnXcq
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhF27k5POft
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvl2iAcuzd
This should have been her beginning.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyp285hlW11
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvxHrTay5C
*/*/*958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOjYS7jp7R
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGdTHXc4Sb
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uQG5jaEoT
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofuFyzc2HA
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSlDqgqRYx
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvclbdK6tR
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvyt5p9lZO
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgxrCdItib
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWt0kLZ6w9Z
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OxEEJOO2q
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOg1DTQjSf
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJRs12GPWg
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8s9XwLHzC
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHGnBVTDq6
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjCIJ3C1gE
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMr2vJFgyDJ
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rLHsVS24x
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjajamord0
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XndWePPE9
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuMqZy1w9o
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiud8KlDt6z
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7kkMwi7FE
*/*/*958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5YTdkfpNI
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeDpvH1R61
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaOKdiQ1nn
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tblScCMBr
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2KkuW2h0M
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssUx3CoE0L
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NT2qNI7cO
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJha4Xscqf5
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENrZRiPObc
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkP008udFH
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrOD37zGeX
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnHZSaYqQq
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnmFywnqlK
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSDHf3qwPR
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64ccLM29UM
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yZTLBl8Jz
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkE34voXDpm
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaxNNucabE
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTlHGzG2zT
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6TiSAUfN1
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pMetd9Adi
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8BZ0pvnKH
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgzLipaOxj
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIqrlJMbyH
*/*/*958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4WoHC0aCT
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93JV71xgSI
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviEeo5SVXA
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx6xaeC92x
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9VtztecNh
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjUbPuitgp
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtlGaO39pB
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kE9ZqHXqO
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jUXSEtA3w
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EXyKJU73d
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxANoQaYZe4
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXl7jWXySc
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHWcQS3NUl
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv5dsp4tCv
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1on8awpqW
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHODALhyaF
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbn95E1k6rG
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIxnsLG8tE
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZ5G2Hlb9e
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwBa0CqZfX
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6hOPKpyR1
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibFjpkz6wF
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQyl2cL3ya
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDP2Oe4cFX1
*/*/*958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS0qn7FIiT
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5uNcZnebG
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuBH436pkH
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKv5Y3M6fR
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPb3xdvW6M
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5iXLrFs1W
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6G5L7Mz9ww
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKYVjioh3x
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnzJEpyJHO
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yXYn8yQ7z
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8k65TXv0sn
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivdwjAdS93
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7689XoaQ8
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlDjdRZcw6
*/*/*958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvwQ9X1HEG
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1SwpDEAh8
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLbvnkIBgT
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKd2tyVL7gg
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4S2fWAOjm
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFa5ytM5P8
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEibEhY09M
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENgSQuw7en
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZy3tsUKdbv
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXYZ8ABpaQ
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vpUIbBniM
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWtTZ2H5oR
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxntF6To01
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw0Ib3moCx
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11C9u3PY2R
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuMtgbakvE
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CT3gfewIX
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4WrxQHdhq
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusPqGrqkej
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3J1hT7mJmB
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkm9zz5V13
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGfXGpZj0V
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBqq0xRIJ2
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5VmpSXTwW
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwtUVkiwqK
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUsHkeyHr0
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
Penana
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