"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNY37DAL3EV
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4H3EZeDkyD
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOzfJfC7bN
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7FizMcJse
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFVAYdBgiY
it’s a mood.
– maya46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3BJYeSpwA
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUo7GlcFWR
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sXHJSE7se
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFieL8h86MT
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E0SngKmBE
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4n9dHt7Nmx
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcneUEgE2Ey
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2LDh3Bfe1
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8BYn6ngTs
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWja50eub3
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOfr2uiSql
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjy9KAoynX
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6VUWzZWp1
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHLIBfdEyF
i have goosebumps.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7clERjpNKJ
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGWzWybfUs
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxXiCu80me
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYluTnjgLU
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEP4lVKXpYt
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09cB6R8DgU
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTt5vYWx1pf
you passed the vibe check.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhEpVdmtFX
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuwjt3QRjS
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDpFTuwvgB
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArGuxxbv5u
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7ZMFb2dGC
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsdEUUwsiS
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZlL3t3ujX
i did cry.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw5XV6r4tU
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uzz8Z6Rgk
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vqVeUImP7
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nP1aNyxW5
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkELs1Xkkbi
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwYLD8K8We
To: [email protected]46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYFCfiTOcS
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4GrHTyr4B
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspUxjKlRj0
together we’re like...46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlilJcA7qk
the emotional avengers.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4ZgOzhoi5
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vMerDHfPE
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsfdRznXXy
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUcg11bddV
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGPfJ527Od
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorgLE47Hpc
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYOZKV8vuZ
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UT0TZoT0p
screamed into a spoon. felt better.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaEqPrPZQ1
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeI6XqTYeP
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO50O0vlEBH
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7gaVoXO9i
the rain cried for me.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZbEpy9XlI
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EZXeWirn7
i do not condone murder. but i understand.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8LqduDTMz
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCcwHQP4q2
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivJ06THDv1
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwDb0dHLXK
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RKNHz5YRr
officially unwell in a poetic way
