From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjrAchJoy4
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28pzWEByJu
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4S6mbEGnR
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOb498KNKz
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡParNWdNorR
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIFOWBo9mi
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PA17U4Wzf
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20IHxgqfvL
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfhZIu2T4x
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyr297Oa6n
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarjSmju6e3
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJYHHHknmo
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0g45QpdGM
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuepCXoHbp
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm7VzzriXq
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J5G8IMUVj
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQnabFhiNv
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVOLrCXvCV
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfewWAzfPi
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPm7hZ4Goz
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnK2grieh1U
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuxL5Sg0hk
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMcUS1yJym
and never speak of feelings again.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhPHXXdMtt
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEifHtYCd1D
what would you write in a breakup text?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1qi9njsGz
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoaB6USlJP
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcz6guGABW
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOXMrvU1Ej
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp6NjtaauQ
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBt8FSIFTb
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kQf8RZViK
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TthNxC0DK
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgqlrUmE1v
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9MHdsObPz
that was weirdly lovely.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwjcESWmIT
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCLaCckS5E
was there a form i missed?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveWPb96MZY
should i be sending muffins?
— maya13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA73qp6Z8pD
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXgwOpdCUo
To: [email protected]13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlCXCrWzR4
Subject: it’s official
congrats.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhmdQIWEdF
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa6PEMcxcI
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmA1fhPy7ZQ
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhLB0xuzFv
friend of font victims
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcWuOOx6yQ
