我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5raJyB7Ax9
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaclQdHI7p
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KLKH64iKS
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3GKtCnPyo
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDENfSp797L
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2svFiHARo
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHb2TRvoIll
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FmbWUsOp6
壓力似乎一併消散。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4H3zMI7w9
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRK1fSqqAOL
茶盡。我再續杯。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbKjct2vK2
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLN4f5wXpLn
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5YERNakpJ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYcbeydHxA
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMWcRonqBm
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRKCs1zb2k
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfINUGPQgb
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYTWKmr17r
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncQ2QB4T8l
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcB8ggr4YlL
夢醒一場空。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThYkivw2hy
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLyjwpgFPQ
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9TOJtCTqO
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjXNb9metz
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkGTnViG5O
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zPwgg2KnO
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdiMDiuaPT
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLyrF1hC0e
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmEZGHfFTl
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5y9DPVpe47
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUfMvV0Mhi
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OTt2WM66s
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6trodICb6L
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sBAH2rUJI
我沾沾自喜。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1IK6PqRQi
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU34N1whDOP
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ftQEO2iVt
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsrpvPjNX7
但我沒有向同學們坦白。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAgIqdtDMS
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqUlVL5PG1
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7Oy3TdGT1
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv8uHoMCMQ
努力，努力，努力。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXwLUUr68r
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9niChRSn2
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3WEIf83uR
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0V6CDcW2mK
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzICILqK2fu
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMDpIxcawI
以為。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOChAGDL1hw
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFj3uEGyH2v
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpQe0IOrZp
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWy7iajw2n
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuZSisvqdF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGAKYn1VSZ
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWqjYjXlJo
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxPxxomwwj
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHyPQHexHR
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JiRADPjFf
我的作品感動了我。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCLCARv8Bl
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRnGVM5OjB
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaP7k4PlHi
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIIcuzl06E
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wvFd6d0Qy
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfa3ZMbCTNg
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYb7aOSbuH
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfZs2sWJev
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpy7JYZwrrN
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8wl1WNrGS
熱茶又涼了。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8p5vlEbJU9
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbDnqpAUtt
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3VOhbuMs0
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7otrMMAKz7
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXcWzBzFVq
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKaSBYA7Lt
我的作品只感動了我。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAq22KJA0N
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrDTazZApV
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JAyx16w0f
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.41da2
