我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWxSC3IqZU
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pQXS1jUTG
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aEDM1DCxQ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknN6NyR9Sn
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyxtbIbAN1
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcNYT1HT1Q
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ030LSRQY9
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRHrbXoH8X
壓力似乎一併消散。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8gARfyNZw
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzLgA31bk5
茶盡。我再續杯。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsT3A12v8d
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdqqnn3c3t
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPDI9jqigu
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZJSgao5Q1
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQjOkk910C
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI7RQ71HQ1
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSS97uITmA
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDP6fZI8SIH
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGkjXsE8n4
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6TsiMdpI2
夢醒一場空。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZguFGZtEb
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ApUiK4oiJ
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Y2B739xxd
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOpdWo0k4A
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxPC4In1h2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZV3sP0m2fa
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZjGNreAUN
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4zuEEHpDO
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJUIyRi1R2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDYX6TMCxz
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMB3JXyUCv
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyd4JEikG1r
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscBvBwjeGb
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhvSQYRIcU
我沾沾自喜。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYQYk1sHIU
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVvfKGYrPo
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXwC6Utj85
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OtKBEM9CY
但我沒有向同學們坦白。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaGUwVJZSO
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWeWGSUxfB
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9tA1wL1f6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkfFORQknD
努力，努力，努力。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMqPzkkLqY
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHdeEgPkHb
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyCmIYc2JP
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAoHx19MP6
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEjgCZ1VUJ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRmmyEECRv
以為。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QQwj9Zw2l
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnbZzUzHUk
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfcBBPkMov
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbw52O6Rfyp
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2feSv9CxFT
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEkaqqMNZn
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNOBkwVWAS
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrapPt5vKH
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8o8CWytY3
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxyYrHpMDw
我的作品感動了我。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OG1ZEcwvY
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylvckpA0Sk
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLv2632I9H
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw5UYn1P9t
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauvcpkJNuI
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt32ps0ZNtg
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwT1JYuBwk
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnVv56THEd
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOpiA0AuqR
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Qy3FQMdAy
熱茶又涼了。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKSg7SCkzM
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7Qdk4X722
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtVDwXkdN1
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wdcud8R3w
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7X4mE37fb
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ0tPOu8PO
我的作品只感動了我。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55JtHoqe56
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsClUl0vyR8
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotyJytWU5G
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns18.191.239.71da2
