我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2l0wSXVL9h
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUd4uIzOhub
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUzyYNJuA1
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDCeYhKq81
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIyLLpZruh
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexVqRBliuG
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoYIFI35ND
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vHHPeHMw9
壓力似乎一併消散。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnCiq7trz9
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrIifamDaP
茶盡。我再續杯。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBsWPk8Szd
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA7QJuZwBP
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoE0BXt0Xk
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfPvcLk2Hs
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06VSM1lHd8
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLYTbRLzdF
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNdgmPS7V9
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWc3qDjMpsI
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUuikhpt5e
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOzSDdZFfB
夢醒一場空。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07QjvijE3h
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07J5pXQSQx
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAryuX4YWH
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGbbrPol3r
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn5zp3pvVb
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmn9hpSl8zr
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kr3LJDkQh
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfUIRRaNvE
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eFA1MVyXK
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4WKLiFdbb
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswmWhFko4U
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKXYXaLOWK
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjo6Gxc6edc
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTMasKDEkr
我沾沾自喜。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfL388r8HP
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4DSKvjkbv
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSe0P6D9Ggv
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pqvP3AgJ7
但我沒有向同學們坦白。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdED3QVOgF
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy7s6iJ4hm
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOo2roQq4HD
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F6uPDQ2hp
努力，努力，努力。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtgAGydx7r
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jmAKxrWMn
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVTIVyRLRC
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zvavqW4KK
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGtIm2M476
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUzKgXYPBy
以為。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj61pR35qCg
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDaPWauLLs
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhzu4M8uzE
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8ZyNve6gU
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIH3DJAEvK
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9Z6TWTWSS
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UJZgWfohI
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nCKA1AAKl
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYzsfICSoa
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbV6hEX4A4
我的作品感動了我。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiDH5pBUnL
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVw5siOan8
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSDIg0lzZU
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4N8pJpaGRE
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHooqOZa1w
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWPmnWwSsZ
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg88rIioWxK
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCFx9ZPrp3
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuNsXatJFc
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUU30rpiF5H
熱茶又涼了。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKizyawF4g3
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSA5jOzpyl
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFT81rnrs99
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojJCVDjm8G
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfnAUVHGyX
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tDtve320r
我的作品只感動了我。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVCEwSaGwg
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0NdrstjZl
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9z01D4YiO
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns3.148.250.255da2
