我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKX2YVbx8LJ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDYk67IWhx
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZTewAI1j1
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrDGZE2uVb
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZr1OdJIgH
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrSU4X8QsC
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJMS99v05z
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2UIF4NgZC
壓力似乎一併消散。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUObwmjh5cp
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FwSI1s76r
茶盡。我再續杯。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBNqL1pRxO
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFkxRDG9uL
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWcR0GX4zE
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrawEAryP01
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlO0ewkQn23
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4weOuCJfN
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoUkmJJpuU
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFyZ0VLDkl
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXZD2iklEi
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6WnmjKmEO
夢醒一場空。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwUMsepuvB
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkBRkaqWcW
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11WFOaPa70
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GINJBE4h9
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Z84utN6qQ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzvuZ2Kp4k
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBIbwLWmDA
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhj0YTi3sra
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmDLnRePq3
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xzpMLH3WW
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpeoxNuAPF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdq3AtU3AB
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWY4ncC97R
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHCY0nVPpV
我沾沾自喜。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4bITH7RhX
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6T6hqVfhqV
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfrrzLNdii
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspyaLv9bTl
但我沒有向同學們坦白。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2R4khpN73
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQieDHCjub
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjP2vv7p5Ar
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLt9ivqhtcP
努力，努力，努力。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebdxtYyBvz
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccxQLKESuP
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXwuPJaKrg
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkllwzPw3HJ
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkHzVseyDC
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEl5e43eh2
以為。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxg96MEH4B
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfnwMqEADB
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMDSIuKD9X
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdiCYGKvkz
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNpG0T2dTS
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KGZJTAb2A
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe5Vw2bKGi
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcGUcQawlf
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1iT1Dc2bE
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdGRueqSby
我的作品感動了我。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu0teS04qC
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQYUSUw3jf
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLFfNM9Yph
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5geTOhof9V
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqe0Qh4Knsf
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFXpPfz9qJ
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyayXrK29c0
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmaUABF9bZ
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUZYBMJsDF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCplYk2lITD
熱茶又涼了。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9aNIAK7Gp
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY77KSchl5T
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbcdehcR1o
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCHNpAhrgZ
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNVvFZJdAd
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIbrvfQt1x
我的作品只感動了我。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOstcGhCaIV
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12PBxytX6A
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2XRSaG7Ay
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.25da2
