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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCynXGDKRj
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcdLzod55S
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIURj85GDp
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM1xVomAqy
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpD6Vtl5gLG
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpzuW5CrUP
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVr1p5g4UA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN6lHFjPtV
為何記住？我解釋不了。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzgJ7AU2Tu
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0Mu7P5Dfm
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkeOLuD5xv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpMftndwRR
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjYaUKOEEw
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWi2egE2bJ
其中一個是他。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb5F39vrs0
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZ4Cm0mQL2
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYX3EfqQyv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPJYaBxeuC
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcpgIbiLwT
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUu0yt8TgXD
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuvC4UxUrC
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVk0F4ql9lE
「你遺下銀包。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oW6vZmrAi
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqPjkK2KRf
「謝謝。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtBhz2Wj49
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbilWpv4UN
「不用客氣……」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gAlAMNNSe
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx2aqF3Zed
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGgMJLGcr1
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2R676Ady4
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyjuaCF7sz
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9fU0Fso9O
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKN0H2VI3l
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97D1btUE2S
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zXQVs6tTO
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2mmP1eS5R
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTzqybSr5v
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwPDS6Fabq
「我是文班許家偉。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedQ1MBcH4W
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3ZWqYEn9N
「我是理班李浩榮。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcE8auNKwN
其實我早已知道許家偉。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb69nGj6X6q
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4R5e5V7VHj
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLORQzQ9Zob
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKkItCNLLI
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTfGbwsCBi
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSXUKx4GLE
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZuPrUZQNi
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWaLnB3Wx9
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzrV2LstQp
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyLE3JuAZE
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t9OPAmzM9
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFRtUJmDxf
不服氣。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mvbfX6ziX
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMovz7o2Xm
繼續觀察他。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFi8VxqnKa
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMzxgW9chY
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qlMpcAvIN
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNouXqkt1XV
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYM6a0Xdsq
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKW9qIwB898
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkUUUUHTUk
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCeDlHRH5V
我急步追趕許家偉。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7JsuuGR83
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UldEiyBaK
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KzzVEqdXn
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxVMsEiM2x
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDZQrOb9BX
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNRyxa1Mls
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AYp4ZQlFl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhV1PA9YFwm
「你遺下了銀包。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPUe8c3Pk2
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSUfK6ZwLz
「謝謝。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjfzIOlf7N
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQD5kBX5yQ9
「不用客氣……」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcMMDzQdjY
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTq9ylatV2
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZgJHxEITQ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysc7Eu4pOq
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9t3sRJy0N
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HA1wg3zYJ
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHugpVDQYe
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuEffrg8tx
我望入他雙眼。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuuIMDO03K
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkXgEuJILi
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymBiLBzGQR
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIsx1XJzOp
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzhD9sIYrE
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SK9jGvfHY
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfI2duU1Xb3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEq8Gg4hxp
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aU6agE8Cc
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQV1V5ZLRO
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaI5FBBrpD
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja6VbjMLjR
「我是文班許家偉。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaVIXJh3xi
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWqUomfJck
「我是理班李浩榮。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlPGsrW7DT
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOHKt7eYer
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYAEYHshfD
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TJt3DPHyN
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZflSG2tpI0
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYmPvK12B5
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajEfcZ6fuY
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4ZzNoEKrE
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ShGQlN4XM
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJ9AcHoYrS
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNnSGSyHkd
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CpMHp70vH
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2cvvpGn0e
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3g3EhRPVaX
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGdbKvZ6SY
但我沒有阻止他。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6ppg3BaxV
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WG7NKQgo4
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgYBRkVhnK
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgpr6tVvWw
我慫恿他繼續說下去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlq52w7gnn
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyahDOlB36
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9I1sjY20Q
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUHUPr1Qag
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWT0avLLVjN
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZKFbZmbVM
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsL7bZL4B2b
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQEjd2r54I
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH84XslqWx
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCI54wRRnjb
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNvcPyxapK
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHB7oS0Rg2j
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMEJ6J7ypF
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapszvGWP73
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrA9WDgHKW
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6OJl66i5n
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBy0FOVPJR
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVDSJrgIEO
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluEvMcITCc
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbDTpZTG31
但我掛念他。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ahw4Pk8Ve
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T4p98DdCh
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKtLQeZgKG
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahdyLGCfEV
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATj8uhqRjS
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTS2rLqAUnX
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTygBfiFOro
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXiHhY62uK
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKurJADebwx
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqauVleYth
不要說。不要聽。不要見。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UCsOql6jb
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBK9MmPqbJZ
希望時間會沖淡一切。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSX1O40n3wl
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSevJUsga6k
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEg74tSv8OP
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYWkuYhrrU
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsuYmp0aCw
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCl6C931qN
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hqKvn5y28
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2enkw6kJe
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEL0565Qzwv
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2tI3cYL3m
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuvDX1h0US
「我也不明白。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQERW5rj8n7
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrhMzHzAiR
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RIy4FIrDm
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Tk0ZDWq5s
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVyPeF3Giw
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpI1SJTM5i
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCAaQ8THhC
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpW2TjtUSx
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW0StYWdua
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTbP5Ju69r
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uyvpuA9s3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3DBUjOjq0
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx7Tvt9gob
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzGsnVi5zb
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVNNmspEHU
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumpzjrUa0f
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEdMyyDLKB
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHX5sf8VFv
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHJSvcgm8O
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUd5bHCnwS
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlTqd4ekCW
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfueL52JrcD
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGggI3MQ1y
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03naxYTXBD
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQUyyOk0ii
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7XW0dxKw4
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCIMU2MhD8
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnExt1NrqZ
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHh0gB9VKW
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfJmaMA2ec
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi919brzHZN
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh5FTNkMaZ
為何要走到這一步？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJwgAYnU5i
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjeiXfYNce
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJfSH28GJW
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rABTm89OQ
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gyIzGzHxn
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoWFmeyzja
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡify5MmDjhc
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBoYcTmLPe
「別倔強。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqQeISDF3H
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPX1sxTano
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Tf2Ok6s7Y
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0lAAl3Kxn
「我想你放棄。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OwacNoLgs
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihfvPOclUn
「原因？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYAkUk6YbA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbETPeqdXNd
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9U0S05Zas
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyaZ2KA6Z3
「我知道。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5vyMGeOOK
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDc7fhdZwYv
「何解還要繼續下去？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENJgKCNxCl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqPNW1qwId
「感情易放難收。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4HJ7vxIlD
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tiHD0nmoi
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRYCOCXbsn
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0yoFsCxZk
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOYqP8zrPm
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHG9yCSlaT
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dHd77OgEZ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLyk0JdhbW
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNgJyqf1X5
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Tym3OYGfO
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHcF7RWDf2
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9JMh6jutq
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPjChz8eml
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNpLxuKCHf
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fDEsLLfLm
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2xZDDI3rf
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJgt0WyXj4
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgIbL5GkeM
小醉。半醉。大醉。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Fl0aJRm7e
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jr0BBrY51
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5UhS1VITX
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi6mASf9gk
「直接講我愛他。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpngv697Lg
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08UIcqBy1D
「如果他拒絕？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoMMJFVei8
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtEcHnazmG
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXiMr0cT7Q
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmydSekpkB
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhNIxDpVHM
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUGJxsokX9
「我當然是高興！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqBsywn4Vf
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJLDbL6wN2
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufSMOlxLRW
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCo7uoBt7hm
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkngU9HEn9W
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlb5Fbxg2o2
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILrwdqMEVx
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQq1CfuO8r
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfF5myqmuu
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIeVNikFp7
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8kWQz8RUj
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7ayeLe9hh
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlQJC0Mmz1
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvPD4Paf0X
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL2u0atv7z
「你仍然單身？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFu2o7iibx
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvbqH6VUnN
「是的。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgMhJ8vHBG
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAWbThy3EF
「要我當媒嗎？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKQQC4T7uA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYNR5NVKet
「不了。難為情。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz6PZj3eSF
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtWfmV5QRd
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1fVmw9nXF
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSJJlJYJsp
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRGfODXdeA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqozNLEW71i
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqneWfKutp
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz07Ejcllaz
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡap1kJPTj0o
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLoTLUNFx8
回家吧。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUjAzM6xdM
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdCVeIX1J5
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclHFepmdJd
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb7E3SYePC
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPFrNNnOtI
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDglLVL9Wr
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTbdEvDAEy
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LZRA2Dc64
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsOOUjKqEc
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6WAkzNQ4i
大概是一見鍾情吧。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSQT9P4pb7
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6c99nOdys
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtiUzJTa6p
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoNNfDTJ9b
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVys7weqmJv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrcEznkCUf
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPExBOzQOj
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESj4LldzXn
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAJAtVixmF
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAjKj423Qb
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19kcUvKHVM
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjVylKDIw9
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2omugqheYA
百感交集……237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6OGF28fYf
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNbaLrXY82
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRUReuIOHC
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ziylgHs0W
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IqzumGvXP
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARphqtHr8P
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoxnaD9cz6
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUcjQgzzRX
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAloBvp7Qp
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhqn5NO3LC
「認得。你是文班的。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82LbyOEP7z
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedZb6oGgNp
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllFb6vhyQB
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnZX6v2KEh
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMtiK4drOl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFmv4NR71i
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2rlZ8JJdj
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3hmRiV84j
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRo9b9vrRu
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oUZP9UHhb
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96FuC0Yxwt
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvpGvNnuz7
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqdW9PLzzJ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx9naZ6Qfp
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyGdBC4Ry7
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbt6bS1SkWc
我哭笑不得。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlm3F2XQpT1
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCzoaB1uHz
無意跟他繼續對話。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgwpmaLAc0
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzOYFHeb6E
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gURafPUPv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WHj5c0r0g
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXxq3pJjQT
