午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNJg7e7KmO
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38WKyy89lN
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcC9Bl5sjax
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWoZgqmsiv
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2tgIGIjaD
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfLMDB6ZMN
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFQLakmalz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMvPI79mZY
為何記住？我解釋不了。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZYtIlGZVe
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtO46dkjk7q
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcykHEZMQ6E
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn56W0FWXcp
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wLl4bJ9RJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYtHDGPaVb
其中一個是他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLndGKOGCe
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEJUDVrnbL
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNixGrwIxZ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvwtnsTHns
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspSfYlOErf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzRImttTS2
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTF9SKBzOzB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnJzHWuSpI
「你遺下銀包。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqD7QyXufaD
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmp9tyo7CKl
「謝謝。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv3OgRAGZH
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ec2RjjzLp
「不用客氣……」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIBJyX0vjb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiPr8o0upR
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZRhU7M1M1
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9aA0sr10G
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87UTUv4x2D
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhF0ZnSoFOo
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyiZ8cHO8Z
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fuAwaHbTY
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EzFbndpKf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQMYtRaTXG
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuLwhEIVGy
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEuTOFxBpy
「我是文班許家偉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1j1Sg3f7ul
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aTjqY9YRL
「我是理班李浩榮。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78FGwNLPdW
其實我早已知道許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCmr3lfrGP
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVfZKHZF4X
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTA1KozG7v
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhturwFDbun
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxqUtVyPEN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUAQnBtFxz
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9FZJY1qZU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQuZZmnmj8
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnJF42rENh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tgeyj8teP
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3mNJfGfJv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh3xOFuXnv
不服氣。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI0x47EIp8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7g4NAel4zR
繼續觀察他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprCn9WKxzk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVG981XWz4r
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS1WEMqCbh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcCskDxLBN
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BgEgQ4oam
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5U8zz1SoqR
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhs85xBA9g
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEfcbLLm2S
我急步追趕許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BWm0VMszX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuoVnlkx2f
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqnHeAzE32
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HzvFN2Ex5
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLQ0FYOa64
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfjtQvWEWX
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMQcpgcExf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2XbN3QZU0
「你遺下了銀包。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKJ0mMBFhm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66795DP9Sd
「謝謝。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkX7DaeEOk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoIXFUQrPt
「不用客氣……」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1aK120mqW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO20j3rGc3I
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FV7hEWTPK
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2Wlfl6u38
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJPFmT02Jc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBH8eHX0as
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusrKzgQi2l
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t1cPXxwEN
我望入他雙眼。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQeGAqFl5j
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj31PCdVTcB
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjFhu07KN3
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JeswWAbWO
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡji1CTnT79y
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeXnF2Jv29
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsXeqJp4Wt
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOU0p3BR117
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPfPnsRIeF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj49wEv9XJ2
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45GEpax3MK
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ174QaSkAWS
「我是文班許家偉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulusXUGldm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBlMxhpuYs
「我是理班李浩榮。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVv8jsFMnf
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlPYmHoSeW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovEB68JGQu
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqZ7AGAhYi
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrhMRiPxRv
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO99JeaCI1Y
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZdYzFptNS
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelfBG7AYHB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfafLOwrFKm
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTyvgmLufB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuY2FKOmHx
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpD4NS0b092
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgawjVJrFzP
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVmPehcZWT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAKNIXHeR2
但我沒有阻止他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9hmT8jKH7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsxNXijpDa
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8vwc1kqoO
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEMPRYovSd
我慫恿他繼續說下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Drsd2Ftgz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBDetONc3z
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVjsm2yAAb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekThgqp0Le
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvxhFaoF80
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMgus34CC4
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfDQ8b6DNy
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPwYf65ZoD
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JfT6oE6Hn
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqJfAN7XLq
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpe7y8Lgua7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnYLHW9viD
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47COjveWVU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfL8lOiwitJ
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eapBIuuJB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oguTUOuK1
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFa6u0eUOTc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYzbdx4svc
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHpclw61JA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRS0UijWLL
但我掛念他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLPDiPGmx1
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3vy8OBy80
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMpexQdVyF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzppz1v8J6
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LihL9NvWy
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnF8uSh0W8
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5Nya6oQfY
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bm5AfAv3v
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIFYn2Xzmc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnn07ECm17y
不要說。不要聽。不要見。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVHJTaNlaP
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk3tyq96WQ
希望時間會沖淡一切。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2w3Do0u2P
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwy4lESvuhB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04RunuyvIa
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhomRKY0v13
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38wV4vAGKS
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K7OTwfQWv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHwLiZbBqD
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6xNGKuZot
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD35I2YJuz
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2Q4GluxOL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw42E6tJVZn
「我也不明白。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV181VhlAM1
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDbyAk2s0a
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKyVjlwJNF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrq2Gvy0YI
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7paYw2Oal
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxiBmWYqMg
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7S58ejWLi
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlZxmrCoQl
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8KenNQNkb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWoBDfwawB
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ng9eFujVp
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSBWmywVcO
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnt7KhDbFJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqbiUxzBh9
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HAbOmcAkR
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiM9Pj1Xra
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRtMozcB9M
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvU0vIaHaV
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyz4apmFLX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIJNne13Mj
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55IjpA7j8v
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXSrd95bDV
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeibEZmrOi8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfIvFYlid9
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bcaLhuVty
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIarC4UsEgE
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0eW7UpgWV
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XbsFtgpaT
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqv7y7ftygr
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v79fXjTaF
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGr1gLq1Fm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡassDtTs10f
為何要走到這一步？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNlgOBLcfm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBiT5Pm1Sc
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuFxh4BRf6
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7cGlKZWDG
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1kYhwywSM
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkyvLg8abB
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9P3CE2LkCi
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqvTqxCi02
「別倔強。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HjYjFx7Lz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxt8I8JrpWZ
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhaW7uojpU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7dpfVFAbd
「我想你放棄。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GIXGypkyN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxBnMVqe60
「原因？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOjtnjSJSf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxuxt4X5DW
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbo1j8ie2o
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ErzKdGsJo
「我知道。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWC5UMWYNV1
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡko0bMHnlHV
「何解還要繼續下去？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZiQZknpo1
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvBeM08epk
「感情易放難收。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYCoDwR79e
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QpPto1NZj
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCcYNaWgrv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtR8kSj1ZiM
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RyB4vv0aQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9HGQeP800
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSWian9KrP
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulxmhfjU9q
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxK0rOLTHW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm52CC4TOiJ
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMl7yEdVrKk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3etz8HSdGZ
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHXTpUhW7G
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDoAVrJ8x1
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpt88gUCWuI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6fBpPjF2w
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrSpppHjUa
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9jocvtm33
小醉。半醉。大醉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVkMdfMXiX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQsipbLy2g
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVyUNyZlN9
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5JNKlecn8
「直接講我愛他。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡop6sWLL53t
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEobYbkvvu
「如果他拒絕？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5qIq9rEvm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBCYh9a2HC
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFGY2vJMCA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhxqQGi9pO
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8aqhKN2BU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesGS5kVLTJ
「我當然是高興！」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsw7SjQMqr
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf09lecFPx1
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQYUZdZjqI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6uOYNfSl4
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rsk1jRZWn
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxfYP3JNRP
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tp9c7iBtd
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSDHrKxDbI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWUTEwHeRo
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJ9tEIglrx
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7EE8Qdfwl
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvE74oh4nqC
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHX5zJyKtD
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Zr7roL2lh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAr5br7KuMH
「你仍然單身？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKXx0wp7Le
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f6yYdYcaq
「是的。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieJBXLWgU2
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilXclsbjsI
「要我當媒嗎？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fMLE5KbTw
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1W0Reh3MQ
「不了。難為情。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGEc8zaqpM
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2v4QFQGLO
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRIWVpVfdX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jzaDTrbWX
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrffOduicU2
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbXKFM7v4l
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnWirOWfkq
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKm64nFezjY
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY30ByY6Ufg
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nOPSnYfSj
回家吧。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaftnQNStc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbmQVnO0fX
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlgrDNG38M
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqO15fL09f
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjixcWaCfWt
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQvpgnt6OW
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPpq0QsFc7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklFK2llFz0
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5WYN9eSWG
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjL1buz0OD
大概是一見鍾情吧。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZo3PC9ISF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOi6sFic6X
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1apDFyexA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUtA3fLmtY
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYERnz1K2eI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXrD8jk8ch
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEezV9djO6
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIpOADzLkc
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aLQou4s7r
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsRsJFiS6a
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0E517MaZY
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvkxO7EP4S
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mhkbXrDX5
百感交集……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EyNPhig2d
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPO36aMptT
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mQhR0V30D
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Riyxg6aD1
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZbLmMBtmb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNooKL4TgCv
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyqxHgDKTP
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrjBBa6oIS
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DV914vSrm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ952d9p30eZ
「認得。你是文班的。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKp4Y8ozcJA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlFTE2JLaf
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFwbkPvanr
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeyoQKq31w
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngJBuYwqZv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2dlcKmgyD
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJqr76IUVC
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxp82XpVHm0
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLtY0zQGjz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JTm7UeLAs
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqftM8arSk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6l11l2S9g
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AO5BCf1Dy
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2HhZDQHzJ
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4g33tYXpJW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEo5kwYvj3L
我哭笑不得。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiT9hyLyTvx
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkOT9cuhnE
無意跟他繼續對話。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfSfwRyABH
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPf7zfhr9Uv
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtcpyHxs7W
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfp99ugQXY3
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhlYxpHHgc
