x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXlBzgk9CO
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9alRjCahFf
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyuiVPxwbi
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnva4BOqPm
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepM4KNSFy4
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsim82H5Ecr
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJ0VT7AhlV
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYi9FFASdLJ
為何記住？我解釋不了。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjavQrlti5
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRR07XnyJk2
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SF9qSmBiB
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMaUzfKqyb
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl634O5FcNE
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQY7VMsMiX9
其中一個是他。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKZnqRBKmT
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxz2YD9bWT9
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ2QgrlYlw
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgiuvFbFc8
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL386Pnh1Ro
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2NiB1MqKL
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMSAw1mW5V
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9ZGPdn62N
「你遺下銀包。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlT59MMXeh3
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGih8zpOtP
「謝謝。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMppwKOZQ1
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7btBnlpFQa
「不用客氣……」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqW6BoTwyb
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgt6aDlwErH
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YaeeZTQUE
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpi1bNpRJqC
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBdzPmfs59
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOcbTH4ckw
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyf83BKlV1
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjuayz8MBV
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE8imkQprh
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUaZ01gi1t
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMEJNUSaw8
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjK3LEko5B
「我是文班許家偉。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37BngMAYUA
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKYkLDXH2j
「我是理班李浩榮。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgAi5jISWN
其實我早已知道許家偉。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNX6niUuekS
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG573XTTlOc
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6YzaM9SR6
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU2ocpjF0U
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJT0rnmrdH
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qezRyQJfp
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo972OrM6S
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FEanpHP9M
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSBJ3Thnek
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcZSf2UiNi
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySzsMtNk95
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWHwbrLQC5
不服氣。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHgsyaG76L
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uRht8aQQY
繼續觀察他。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6Oj9wOnYt
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteWVpj2EKJ
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdJ59kUVvr
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiCuzG0pVI
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfDExwqplo
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO2iOJZ4Ry
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0LmIVyEKG
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oeL1kmGb4
我急步追趕許家偉。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzajnh1mUgY
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHREkx82Zb
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGL759q6Db
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa84xsIqwuM
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsFKnkwpNw
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrhUvAnxYJ
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlcYFr2RjI
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRLgbqOi7N
「你遺下了銀包。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96AwZqkQwa
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckFU4YlMcO
「謝謝。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ478w5MPX7x
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1v28pyAToM
「不用客氣……」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHli75b3Vu
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1FvToZU6r
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj4bch3u5U
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9WE5bc18E
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wc6r2igHK
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WZikRIJ3Y
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwGnbBIOct
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPnP4Y28pA
我望入他雙眼。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5ILGRrmOX
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4vhbTFmiM
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVycTLXBlq
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLi9v9flty2
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcMVoLCJg3
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYC4jgcxXI
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLoEUPmxgz
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOw0Or4lJt
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPtiptacxF
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa43jvcFh0r
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGylKZ6dt2Q
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7u7SSTLPI
「我是文班許家偉。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGw6QZHJBET
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYonR14eXvI
「我是理班李浩榮。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGPH9BMUKi
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObeUzzh6jA
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVxf1u66wM
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFgIGyZH6d
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoboqkeB56
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡON85py1IFr
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna5pqpbLsc
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4748GOx3d8
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlI0I8xWt0
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8w4R5MDPR
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3esAqdnMtf
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAT9M3Qvdj
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99aYh9ToKa
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmujulIYDH
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXPGhpAYst
但我沒有阻止他。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbo5Oh6ryf
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkg2hm7p4M
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQDpov0RfP
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq74rr3KkDa
我慫恿他繼續說下去。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdko7zE0GL
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZDeyWZxlh
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzHHoO01TL
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IGGQi8I6Z
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIoGXImFhD
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPYxEY42YO
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdm1oaaqAMQ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLhLb1XbdW
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoJRJ5vPl2
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnSKdmIHai
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzxDYRQcO3
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWjZDSUJnx
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoQLxGCTPG
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzygwdqK7VT
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqwpPUiWGB
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3XiBOGjtr
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBAxAlcioK
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewBjTiQ0vI
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix00Xbchc7
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM75yybLVx9
但我掛念他。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgmhKim5Hj
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFnwlJnY36
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX30whmaBZ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09MIy5icNn
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqZIWsJdgw
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSY6PGP3i9
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauC6LGp2Rq
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheHI57pQla
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tgiZd8QfA
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJUEBtzWGx
不要說。不要聽。不要見。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0E7CVCYtQ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PW9q7Q9Y0
希望時間會沖淡一切。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSvS9YhsOh
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl31F67GplL
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CShtC3Gww
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0D2fyJeq2Z
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCWLm4hlup
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡar32Or0Pqe
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosvODqNiKK
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrnlDdkRQq
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVbwD0Kf4f
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYS2WRqk51
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRoj4bJW4J
「我也不明白。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzHBb9jHUK
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoE0mhWeKI
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs5D5C7P9h
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv52jCoHjM
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZJ6mbmf7v
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Dx7fO3zaX
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8B9XhdHcd2
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDgmOOVg1S
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vt9oBGoIU
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJk5wuhq7V
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtq6B8wJlfd
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSPZBaHa94
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1iYW8q1ED
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfhKn07vKB
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG30HERbGL9
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0JjgiQe84
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQy1ftBYiHS
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5TvJRcROO
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhP0EwBzuR0
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0u9AUo8M9J
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVm3PwdSkQ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFavJPMEEVU
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQwmLoNg4P
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9poLiz9Yx
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MrteoVWuE
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAu5gH19eTS
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFo81ctnYm
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKEGPMxa9u
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpzcMhJ7CT
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjd51NmOcm
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhRVJk7jCJ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48cMKm0jPU
為何要走到這一步？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUMNi0LIKf
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrGLxoHkyT
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWLJdufxpl
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBT1kspNEN
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nsZZ7tQ4n
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5ZXDFxx66
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRnMhZTYj7
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNxsGgp9IQ
「別倔強。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoREzuF3st
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5xFtw1zVq
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEH3m6vd1q
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh0EVSRB7z
「我想你放棄。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzL0oChMBh
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjgku5anwv
「原因？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAjHevWkHy
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVwFq0IFay
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WhEVjBc45
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSDCAejOQL
「我知道。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFyvoUIgGR
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGtPa8CT8b
「何解還要繼續下去？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRr8VdHYE7v
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhMS3xBCzx
「感情易放難收。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofRAOOaZHF
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GutxSmDTa
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoPBNBqT8n
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRDC9rdmfJ
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGWReBgZ3E
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZd1nqFJG6
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOm1y8tQ63N
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2KED1SB0N
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuv8vehhkYE
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXdqMW2Gut
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFSE1vZdYH
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto8YdrKzpz
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlZvvTyMqG
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡar5Dmcotyn
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7saSMazwN
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzCc4l01KH
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDhJRmiMJe
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM0Pc82t1F
小醉。半醉。大醉。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOOwn3eria
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaR23BaKcX
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvZLWp1YA7
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw5UyX8lk7
「直接講我愛他。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4BEjcugv7
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzZCH4FEA5
「如果他拒絕？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7Z1aeZAc3
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9anfSb1Qn
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXumYQwQv0
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8kZLVAbVt
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGq3duPbu9l
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsREgeDGAAb
「我當然是高興！」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncwiVMSmwM
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzom2Tna5EL
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXveTE3mqs
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmPJ19sgAv
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnB4bDCNCj
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsG66un8Dq
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1MSyMGHvw
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUYDMUeVPR
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshNjEJQpUk
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvvCAdobDT
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDtPSeFyYg
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gNnnr5xfX
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCgN6bYiiN
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPVP4A8dxq
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGKqcN3mw0
「你仍然單身？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc1gzyimSC
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx5stdOmBi
「是的。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo31POY4EB
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmAK9yEd3R
「要我當媒嗎？」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDqCc3zq4t
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS91veG9J7z
「不了。難為情。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68S5H0R5lw
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyL47hOI7X
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmebtoorj7v
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqovd12tTR4
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK44l9xcJaC
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoRbj2uDUL
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB37OTH43P4
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYWky4nQeo
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkq4hDrRrG
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1rbgf5VVS
回家吧。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwmIDjMUjw
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Shins3Nmo
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgMkxVgtQu
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQpX6Vqp4o
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmNFeIZi8v
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFXr7oVBI7
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Kn8kpfDv8
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHerV8VbP7E
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT3FrA5rti
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMvJeAoiMq
大概是一見鍾情吧。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXYiRJ2THJ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo17FhCWeL
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdH2iMKGLJ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MafGWEUYC
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD1bNiRKrJ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQB0AIQHXvU
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQuxJMaL4s
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvFXRBOodN
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqB6w2moCgJ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiz64HHmp3
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bh8FNC90m
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpNAxsWH5J
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoj6x5NAwf
百感交集……197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaQHFg8Ceo
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjDLoI08IQ
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMR0DUjioh
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxSLTAXKni
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWgCsXYffe
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGabTDvz8t
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9aTh6cLSb
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGIdQBkaBT
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCPawT1zmZ
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDKdY3kdmv
「認得。你是文班的。」197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgGVRQ9OzG
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZM6gQZbOF6
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwRVgZqQw9
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhKh5s3JFM
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0ycT6rPq1
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMjDWPabdu
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYBcjeZS9Y
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fy5Rqty2p
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesFfRqEroI
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCvmc3qOWP
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6VHlonnQV
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSS2SG82DPS
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquAMdjvH9n
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTna7GP1cMm
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEnFHTF62n
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AUyggAl9j
我哭笑不得。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMllJ40OYA
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTZ7XZxkXU
無意跟他繼續對話。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxijU04Tjn
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjuJDYCRIw
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi87B6QdoUC
197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2559EgSpx
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。197Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡro54cvw0d9
