午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo4yBeF2Tn
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdSYpnDg9l
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhnVnWjjmQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9VSu7T0uk
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rlTOjEpF7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9RVQRRlvp
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsoYYB3XtL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmWS5Iv9Ki
為何記住？我解釋不了。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyx0ZpQa69d
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3HiDygesv
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooymRwWUJN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWt55OBo72P
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6R7CDhGLe
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCqwF2uxOU
其中一個是他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2nPW7hviU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5IRvqDTUag
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3bM7AdGwv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctwp2FncTF
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PBjQO3uwb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPBCArczsX
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMs46t5RgX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatK4iutTHV
「你遺下銀包。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRFhMjqCKl
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEIjiDGHfd
「謝謝。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AeOfUAwlf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCsXeeKLzn
「不用客氣……」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDjtEqV03a
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSf0dRO5oq
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjXMQ2yd0M
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMp6FLY8Czp
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX1wjmKR77
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXr6uDeIkQ
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaLzHS61QF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapPF8jVQJ8
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceUsoZnMOJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2kYYpHXEJ
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4bH8ADvIV
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIcIfCfdNt
「我是文班許家偉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJbTcpJExV
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31IEN9hCOs
「我是理班李浩榮。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsSEx6YtzZ
其實我早已知道許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivXGnbkowQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvKwJGUhC1
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjHBEQFkvy
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq37B3CzNQz
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH9ACGJuPH
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkl70lRzbdR
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhJt1doXW8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zggTF4wVL
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mfNVp86dT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZU7Lm4vOU
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrl5zpPxYc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93DqmBxvKb
不服氣。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMz1Q5StcuT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYHmfc738T
繼續觀察他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXduzmk99N
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgP1cYNFoK
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1Old1Xwcw
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmHpiGwyI2
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKVZo4wKfI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQ8YUFPV97
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVfD7CTH19
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl71nt3Ppnh
我急步追趕許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiw517DClu
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRbKeDdzTd
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k4dkRxLcW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iCAjdm99h
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkmSqICajk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPkb1c68rE
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPt430kMjUW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5R0puzbAYj
「你遺下了銀包。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡga0vE4MjfS
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuPCYejJAx
「謝謝。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO01ARzzyRx
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ux3rbzOph
「不用客氣……」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiDiR2hsKi
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHu26Wjoy1
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHYfnS0yMZ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVKABs2GkF
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jeoUhUJme
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WQHo5sPPJ
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf3EgMOOkh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmoZuahsQt
我望入他雙眼。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9w1CiFTGG
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRn5UJb6yN
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8R47RwFkpm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvzAaobRv7
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj8pSQqp9q
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmeAjSGjjY
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2qHIf13zE
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuAUCF1gTi
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3wxAIga9J
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKrvlpwMVa
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJi4HNEbmMB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjdJUeEBTt
「我是文班許家偉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHDNnlhaui
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN14rhgXCZc
「我是理班李浩榮。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ysINvb1BN
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxlyJcBfSJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8KFRihHj2
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJalt3D7fm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIahK6sLfP
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyc0xYnHpBT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQh14XN0Sg
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUbZBEThTb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJ71GmiKzx
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5k07GeKbX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb8Y38Y63b
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSrNwALFtU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19wGCgB13g
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyo9YxddBE
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Vp36rfwDK
但我沒有阻止他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOCCjsLhlQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXaMAuq08M
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49QtE0A2RI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBP3j7xpNQ
我慫恿他繼續說下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsEovU00wy
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUPMczD3yd
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDDCMtgc0L
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFgJf1hAqS
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwS8cpIk3y4
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pcR8Ei3eK
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkHcvQGKo0
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbHMaFGh1V
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehND54uKmJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydCn3gWwSy
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYNKOtQyrO
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VMn4X77Y4
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjrCc3nyQR
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGj6I35HZo6
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSM5fbI95v
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEiU8H7Yov
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6VINvHIrX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvBQxXqdUt
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoInoBxUBKQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRy53iRnsy
但我掛念他。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdFjdTnUx6
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDHsar6BMW
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhcJLCB9Ui
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcTRJE0KED
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIVZ3qj48y
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFqce5M3Xr
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡar3mxqGyUh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbYdNE5Hwp
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIZE7ljKoi
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbj7kZ3iyo
不要說。不要聽。不要見。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWocz0copH
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfoCXU26sj
希望時間會沖淡一切。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdvPVNpLc6
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZjo3Im8zw
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFeF4rFsCs
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4QiAW3ZBe
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeA0vrpsTW
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQh5oH9sTyA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmdx96D94u
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIHLMBC3yq
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlMk3wewVj
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM6dc6UJQd
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgZbMR58Bw
「我也不明白。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvvnq5h8Vp
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxj1J0Ugh4M
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEqCi3cJwQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZAy9By3Ku
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GvmL3ms7h
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3EkTduYRu
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4qlWpZ9ig
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DphXYEWT8
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsGL1sxQ0X
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VCqXRBTMN
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOfFjB9UpV
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYno6fb5ivR
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3XJ8Hus8k
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7o5bsaNhN
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2I8xdcaEJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg1DeIlTOX
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgx5xSL9HQP
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucUnJnUb6g
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIwPLN7mMs
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxZUGFT5jo
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRHVlYXRWr
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeGPVRwFMv
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahgYcz5dZ8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv13zRfvxs8
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1p053ROp7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyNeZJCrT7
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRZzej2nf4
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUnkmSEJCg
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxMCMZquuq
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp1WtPKrbM
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrg3TO5oJUE
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrTYW0bk0l
為何要走到這一步？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTygv6dyhI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtMwm4tJif
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJVUXYT5Q0
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k1iaCFYbx
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjXHONbzAN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBV6CTq4GSV
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDhpIxFw25
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0BZdrTwPY
「別倔強。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCzCbz0F7R
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXJjQUZiCQ
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuyuyb00BW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nst5LU224
「我想你放棄。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnzZO0xSbr
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgW6g7bPm3
「原因？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYhx1i1RVU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xdZUeQj8r
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg99JOnLM2k
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rcFTYeCWB
「我知道。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC0POfXM9q
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ5rMfWcaC
「何解還要繼續下去？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5YZPQ2Xei
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR2utbYXzG
「感情易放難收。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymrTnxOhDY
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU271nMlywq
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPu3HKwcKVH
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWoQ5sUSfu
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhYBiHvuv4
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTXNq9qhGP
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RdXpMXxEJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzfwIDJteZ
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBlDJR6C8e
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugFSJUf27m
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPtDcDVLbN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fe2tovEom
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpXGZ2e72a
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22GlpakmAk
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8g7PLCp1X
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lAEfhVu4M
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmjxel1Hv6
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Kpb27UDpv
小醉。半醉。大醉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFqvkQDJDH
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nW4uBxxcx
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0yFU0NnkV
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsuLBMBnwB
「直接講我愛他。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCxDkvW8NQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnczjXYLlad
「如果他拒絕？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S1brtcSBr
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaP3q13ZKUw
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV0DFWHHWA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcARd9ryiJ
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6I6metyjJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHiOsHpw9k
「我當然是高興！」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbvjngpPM7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oOLzCVGu9
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nVAzRy9xd
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9v0I9PiM7Q
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡch2IFiSKcw
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUHGEojieL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfJv7gamju
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxrSSBdH2l
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wTg3jusH4
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJMS6lmNM1
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMmXxXpHOw
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP3GNYpyD8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqJ4sSwDjG
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNo2wJQun05
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREqNpIj6lN
「你仍然單身？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7KHX5H4Zh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYb5880ua1
「是的。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVEPfAAMol
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzzrbyYHnS
「要我當媒嗎？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTAvQpe0BT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZvllrqc2u
「不了。難為情。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1HiVK3Iao
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cbSp0aj5g
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YifkSBdUQ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolJOlSQ0Cy
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM14aLqmlrh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbzRgvvE8i
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgrRApxzuC
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxqMoyiWrQ
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRiYBqTJQL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb42Goj5Hrv
回家吧。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBXfPpglov
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezLG47wSbt
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2n3Erilva
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhL4HBEL0eO
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQswa94mrtL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRD00J5PPe
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfw7cITlf3M
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnp8IC3ZOIj
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4hwUzlt4U
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntetUHTdyw
大概是一見鍾情吧。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKk1ZkYmga
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kJWkherWK
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ug7Jg6WtK
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV11CRmoqEB
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFlIsH4Sto
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPHYkSkD5H
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdSYsc7YKp
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwUEJGTwkU
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIZceLjYVv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcbXgpIL38
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQtyBjkMV6
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKnCoxmx40
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbbx7XOjI8
百感交集……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgNX1CIi5c
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoLna1ZmrU
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapYRzPtJEX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMfJGmUGyx
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10hByAqGWC
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7ICUHb18I
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmNlPozDqN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilzVP0bMwV
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwl6tlIz3Wb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwO3fiHiyXg
「認得。你是文班的。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBngQbEI8QG
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNae7VyFXd8
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xPCaurW2z
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLEKaWzZVf
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdrUD7XQQM
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipg15TcaXQ
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXG4WsleKHv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegHoz08WIl
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfcsfws0Zu
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkqSvsJHyc
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFeTmXjE1x
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZALAraMXsx
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw3HUxWFVx
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXqrdbe67g
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjgOWX9oQf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrEw9zan5w
我哭笑不得。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP98ldlSWxh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUI5HYwDlz
無意跟他繼續對話。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOkvnKzXF8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8l7XzKrDyE
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xpkTR1wym
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPIw7nKEWD
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkLrFvsc4m
