There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4m8pephd2
'How far can you walk into a forest?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfmW6X0wIJ
Some of them know the answer, some don't.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgE6ApGdoM
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoccuJ3Os4q
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajD12f82wU
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhAiw4mGSi
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgvaIYJHX5
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthBSnu0Z86
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPzehqBK2u
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLUg7r0VNf
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9stZ0e5FN
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzP8Co3hhxz
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9PXLDdlbv
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOsAtlyp0u
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbP7FwHnRN
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJfxMtktS0
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGs2zQfzJY
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9LcstjfIi
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIEg4BHlMS
'Another one?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW4zHNBn8I
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79K0FghZ6T
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7t9OTOQ3T
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUENZC8v71N
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH4V3JALOj
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nAzHxYPmZ
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UgR2KlaIs
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblzm0qYEzb
'You can still fix things.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsFYg8CDT6
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1TH63GmoG
'You tell me, sis.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VFBaA8yW2
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlQe8eyt4V
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqphdCWOKcD
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xlNHODe0t
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJRgj8Nbgl
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIWzVZXrsz
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH4WT0R0bQ
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRnWpnEhaW
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinKdpCkPEO
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWA9gNQgwI
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5vcNZi2Pi
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W2xiCaUv6
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9E0F3SVyfL
'How did it feel, Al?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1jGxImws2
'How did what...'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnT3KPypeU0
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7igK3OtjH
'Why are you asking me this now?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sJX2pZpIZ
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8hmfXNpBQ
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPlgCKstkE
'Sis, I'm sorry.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hKz5ce1KA
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4crrvyqeP3
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjMoSP56Rz
I stood.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GLaz85ptt
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmbeEgtksB
'Do you ever wish you could die?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZspuWG57m
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiHOz2hHzT
'No. There's so much to live for.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs0iF7CSOs
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjdzvEp2WI
'Don't say that.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphWWDA0tfG
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJXKAI4rcG
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVUg7Sf8Fc
'Sis... I can get you out.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYSto1cbO3
'...what do you mean?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBhWeIFodI
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMh2rf3xETn
'...I don't understand.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PZqRfyqjc
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCXuJOR2z7
'But how?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfmcEDOgWc
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZn9jIG8Hc
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDAYw3aawE
She turned away again.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeRQQotkBV
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8sUID7Sq3
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGorPu9fKC9
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdEcjoXCnp
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31tyKUfGzm
799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuPf8rAibu
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZJ2lWIjjS
'Father?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrDhVt9p25
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOi6soylnou
'It's not Aria.'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAbi40JROQ
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgb8H9l2Ko
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rja1jk905
'Allemande?'799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybvf6TkXmG
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSdOiGMCMp
'Wait.' I say.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGsl7rIMwW
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbDa7luZok
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyZjRcidXJ
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7yqdwpCj1
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kej9uEe1z
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.799Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTr2Q0VN5G2
