There's an old riddle I tell to the folks who come tired to the halfway house.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFhOkwZmvE
'How far can you walk into a forest?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgOlvvIoqa
Some of them know the answer, some don't.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnMSxlsrgA
'Halfway. Now take your rest.'
The Wood of White Nights was my home.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwDeHwrSiR
It was a place between two places where rarely people had a reason to stay. Two poor towns, farming areas, or so they claimed, because the crops always failed and never the baleful cry of an animal I heard.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHtxaoi15f
People had their own reasons for passing by the Halfway House, and I had my own reasons to live there.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWANXV2b9X9
I suppose, if nothing else, it gave me something to do.
It was a hobby of sorts - I had always had a way of talking to people, and at the Halfway House I could learn about a different life every day. All the sadness and - occasionally - gladness that would lead someone to stay at a dying building in a forest full of dangerous beasts.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEf7f0jHDt
For some, perhaps they were seeking something. Tales of lost treasure in the Woods, or old friends who stopped returning letters or calls. It's strange, really - the people who were looking for something were lost themselves.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dmriBM5qr
The House provided refuge for others, a place where the outside world no longer mattered, a place where time itself failed to keep composure, a place where they could escape the judgements and expectations.
And I suppose that for a while it kept my interest. Lives and stories were precious things and the knowledge of each one was like a temporary high of intimacy - something that I could never have achieved elsewhere.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYS6i0qOrM
But too soon, I learnt that life was like a loop, a pencil retracing the same track over and over again - I met the same people, the same stories, the same tired faces with eyes of broken promise.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLcLBx0mVC
There was nowhere else for me then, of course. So I stayed. And with every passing year, I couldn't help but feel that I was looking into the mirror every time I greeted a lost soul into the House. I was running. Away, or to, even I didn't know. But I was running, by staying still.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9WUPx3uKe
You see, runners inevitably hit a brick wall. For them, it was death. For me, it was an old friend who returned as a stranger under a rain-soaked sun.
'Welcome to the Halfway House.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUMZfh5oxU
The girl was dripping, and the warm rays of light from the sky had done nothing to dry her. She was English - with those perpetual dimples and perceptive eyes - and her hair was dyed an angel white. She was short - and her complexion said that she couldn't have been any older than twenty seven.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKRo08fHTN
'You must be tired. Sit, please.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrJxHk4LFG
She remained on her feet, and walked up to me.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0raian4CqL
'Do you know how far you can walk into a forest?' I asked her, seeing myself ask myself the same question from the inside of the droplets hanging at her eyelashes.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGlCf7lMLe
'Halfway, you bastard. It's me.' The moment that tears began running down her cheeks and not just residual rain was misty, like a watercolor - perhaps she was crying before she even entered.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0d9M8YNMBb
'Aria!' I embraced her, but only lightly, conscious of my suit getting wet. 'You're looking younger than I last saw you.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyZWccxgoH
'Please don't give me that bullshit Al, I'm old. I'm too old for all of this.' She let go, and finally sat down. She never liked being told when to do things.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiurvFbG2id
'Another one?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ899XISZrM5
'What do you think? Of course it was another one.' She pulled out a few sepia polaroids from her satchel and gave a heavy sigh at them before handing the stack to me.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVT1HLtkESX
'What was his name?' Aria always picked the ones with the lovely smiles. Here - riding on his back in a park, laughing. Here - him making a mess of the spaghetti. Here - a kiss.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2Uyh4f5Oo
'Jacob. Jacob Ryans.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJGqkfmVxi
'He's very beautiful. You two look so happy together.' Here - both of them asleep on a couch. Here - a walk on the beach with a white dog.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4Z7XEOOgg
'Were, Al, we were happy.' She collapsed into an outburst of bodily fluid again. Crying, bleeding, orgasming, I never really got the differences. There's always the pain and the pleasure, and at the extremities, they merge into the one - like a great circle of emotions. 'God, Al, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3gEE3DW26
'Don't say that. What you do is a good thing. You give these men an extra few years of happiness. You know that all these people would have died if you didn't come into their bodies.' Us Muses could pass into any dying body and grant it with immortality so long as we stayed inside. She was the Aria - the outpour of raw emotion. I was the Allemande - the noble, the detached.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxHrDMYa8g
'But you know what I took away? Closure. And not having that - that hurts more.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5CHgV45Kx
'You can still fix things.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCAbC7wJI2
'Al, you know I can't do that. I can't tell them, I can't leave them in any way. I loved them all. I love them all.' She took the photos back and took a long look at the one by the beach. 'The dog was called Marbles. You like riddles, Al? Why's the dog called Marbles?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxPNCG68IO
'You tell me, sis.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46D8XBZqr8
She laughed. 'He's batshit bonkers. But adorable all the same. We got him from the adoption place in - I don't even remember. But he was heard barking from the sewers. His previous owner left him there.' A corner of the English girl's smile appeared and faded just as quickly like an imprint from the past.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23L3bfTHxY
'I just don't know why I keep making the same mistakes.' She folded the photos.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4neg2KjrwO
'Well, sis, life is like a loop - '881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGEZNFMKfA
'Can you just shut up for once, Al? Not all of your goddamn philosophies are goddamn right. You're stuck here for what you've done, how can you say you know about life?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Kc34hq8w2
I stayed silent. She was in a mood.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70LDDMUM8w
'It's like a spiral.' She said, suddenly. 'You always think you're heading somewhere but you just keep going round and round. You know the funny thing about spirals?' I didn't interrupt her - it was rhetorical, and I would only frustrate her further. 'You can draw an infinite number of spirals. An infinite number of lives. They get close, but the only place they really touch is at the center, at the end. At the end of them all.'
Having Aria around was always difficult, but I know she did it for me.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHTISs3dyq
You see - I couldn't actually leave the woods. I had made a mistake, a long time ago. Aria takes photos of the world for me, with an old polaroid that she never found the strength to throw away. After a few decades I had had enough of the cities and mountains and lakes, and I asked if I could just see her life.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmqlqaWIwT
It was always about the love, for her. I never understood why. But she would purposefully try to find the ones who were in a healthy relationship, the ones whose boyfriends or girlfriends were always by their hospital bed.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLH9Lwj0MVb
And once those dying bodies woke again, she would never let those people go, not until she had to leave. She stayed with each one only five, ten years - you see, the bodies don't age once we're inside. To keep us safe, she left before it would become noticeable.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSpt24pJRy
I suppose I should have thanked her more than I did.
'You're still here.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZmacaFG3f
It was morning, and Aria was sitting, the English girl, in the dining room. She had never stayed longer than the night before. 'I need a break from it all.' She sighed.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4imcx7Vrv9
'You're at the right place.' I took the place beside her. 'The cornflakes are shit.' I reminded her. 'Have the yogurt.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweoSWpE42H
'How did it feel, Al?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cET09gMVT
'How did what...'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0B8JrBz9et
'To do what you did. To do that to all those people.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoprKmZin0e
'Why are you asking me this now?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXdcvYWhWI
She laid her head into her palms. 'Because nothing has changed.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiwOhO5fYL
She didn't want to say it, but I knew what she was thinking. She was tired of being trapped in this world with me.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtho1hd499
'Sis, I'm sorry.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqbfu4PeXj
She looked up, crying again. 'But were you really?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQ9ikIBYyx
I couldn't answer that. One option would be a lie and the other would break her heart.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0FlUMqq3t
I stood.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFIE5kprf2
'I'll go get you some yogurt.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyWuV7AB0b
'Do you ever wish you could die?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaxGQzNnWW
Aria was slowly retreating into a shroud of depression.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmP4aGGCVp
'No. There's so much to live for.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSv3YRIRii
'But I've seen it all. There's nothing left.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJK8EUbK84
'Don't say that.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRuOlqltHg
Even I was surprised at how much she cried those few days she stayed at the Halfway House. It bothered me. I never wanted to see her like this.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAj5EzGtC3d
And it was only then that I decided to do what I knew was possible several, several years ago.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpRKWDfWhM
'Sis... I can get you out.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWtTXQUzP1
'...what do you mean?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYoujU3Fmw
'I can get you out. I can get you back home. But you have to be patient.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqzoPzoNLG
'...I don't understand.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQOaIVWCoo
'Back home, sis. Away from all of this.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWwlIzREoz
'But how?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWXNXxauLk
The tears had stopped and I knew I had made a promise that I couldn't bear to break.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6j8BF6h4rR
'You'll understand tomorrow. Sleep on it.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSoxQIqLDk
She turned away again.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ePIELMMxC
She didn't say thanks - reminding me even now how I had mistreated her before.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqjmtoZFVx
'Remember. You'll have to be patient.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJPQxXm7uv
I wait a few moments for a response before I close her door.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBja1pjXEYM
It was time for me to leave. To run away, to run towards.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfaEyoBEWW
881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8AIp07vlr
An English girl with hair angel white, kneeled before the gates of her home.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgaBdGRk8D
'Father?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsYF71MSsO
'Aria. You know you're not allowed here.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTgaXAtJbi
'It's not Aria.'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPIUFLJVEb
Muses could go only into dying bodies, of which there were none in the Wood of White Nights, where time itself lay tired.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79STMmo0pt
But there had been one - a girl with cancer, who should have died seven years ago, who woke at the brink and came to the woods.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRV5PiSwNP
'Allemande?'881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2d4CAQzN4
I could feel him, ready to send me back to the forest in a single spin of the landscape.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggBLJ2fust
'Wait.' I say.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPd4E85jkd
I know what I need to do to make things right. I know what I need to do to pay for my past. I know how to send Aria home.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyQY1WT8CL
Because I realized, longer ago than I believed, that I was wrong. Life didn't have a simple shape, an order - life was a mirror, in the corner of the universe, in which you could see eternity, and the reflections of a thousand others -881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MFuDBM2A0
And so I will suffer the reflection of the suffering I caused.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXHfjayHRI
I had been running - not away from the forests in fear, not to the forests in hope of comfort, but to hide from the forests that festered within myself.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhS9wj3DDsp
And when all the pain finally ends, they will offer me the heavens once again in forgiveness - but I would stay only a moment to say farewell - and return home, to the Halfway House.881Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lVuJPTmyp
