Triggers | Penana

Login

Register

Please use Chrome or Firefox for better user experience!

Comments

Show more...

0

0

Prev

Next

Style

Expand

Menu

coins

Sponsor

Request update

Share

Report

#1

Triggers

shnuffeluv

Nov 25, 2015

725

2 Mins Read

x

They start innocuously.

A passing jab

An occasional remark

Daring each other to ask me out but rarely doing it.729Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eP0OSTN54

Sometime-I can't remember when-it gets worse

Individual events get blurry, but the idea is the same.

They mock me

They ask me out more, laughing and watching each other to make sure it happens

Every time I respond,

No matter how I respond

Is taken as a joke, either on me or others729Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2liGeuT6wz

The worst part is always a blur.

They mock me when I had a high fever for a week and couldn't come to school

They mock me when I read to escape their torture

They mock me when they ask me out

They mock me for the things I enjoy

They mock me for being a reader of books, a writer of poems, a watcher of psychology videos

They ask me out, I explain why I say no, and they twist my words against me

They start calling me a lesbian

And the dam breaks

What happens after that...I can barely remember even with great effort.

My mind just can't handle the pain I went through

Someone flippantly says they're "so depressed" for feeling sad one day.

I hold my tongue

But ask if they've ever felt a void where their emotions should be

If they've ever felt sad for days

If their only hope was to escape for a few hours

Before being dragged into the real world again

Just wanting everything to stop, just for a little while, so you can pick up the pieces again

Sure, depression shows up differently in different people,

But neurotypicals never show the real symptoms

There was a boy

A senior

He killed himself my sophomore year

Everyone might tell me to not talk about it

But I have to

Everyone is walking on eggshells,

Not talking much to their friends, let alone me

No one can say the word

Even the teachers are somber

I want to scream,

"I've been there, I know, you can't understand, though you may try, unless you go through it yourself!"

Everyone seems to be asking why,

And my only response is "For him, there was no other way out"

But no one asks.

The egg-shell pieces of my composure are smashed under their feet.729Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZCNqbc6qN

The anxiety attacks set in,

And I can't cope with my triggers

Any more

ns3.133.132.218da2

0

coins

0 likes

Be the first to like this issue!

You have reached the end of the story.

Tags

No tags yet.

Have a friend who might like this story?

Click to share it now!

You may also like:

Blood-Red Lipstick

What Is A Writer?

Inside Out: Being Bipolar

100 Demons (And Then Some)

shnuffeluv and 1 Others

Madness Meets Obsession

Explore more stories

Triggers

Bookmark!

Request update 0

Table of Contents