A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAcC33YrdMz1
-:-936Please respect copyright.PENANAGktiXfdY86
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE936Please respect copyright.PENANAV6lhhVykek
CHARACTERS936Please respect copyright.PENANAriD4oidMEB
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed936Please respect copyright.PENANApEXJmzmkM8
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette936Please respect copyright.PENANAvQ93PQOmHr
--936Please respect copyright.PENANASh330fApwT
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT936Please respect copyright.PENANAUz83qjcW3r
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.936Please respect copyright.PENANAvm5QoTc46r
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAhxc9UeZ5BF
We don’t have much time.936Please respect copyright.PENANAglNEq6xdq5
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?936Please respect copyright.PENANAp8pinFewqa
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANA3xWlp6vhim
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 936Please respect copyright.PENANABAVyHifZR2
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAKTGNcMk2tS
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!936Please respect copyright.PENANAVK9tG5PJLK
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAFILLYlHMZr
I understand you’re upset - 936Please respect copyright.PENANA7yGt6L9XSG
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAjBfGzMpTCB
I damn well am! 936Please respect copyright.PENANAros5f9H3WF
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAU73OlNLzJT
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.936Please respect copyright.PENANAs2V7MzCewu
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAueNJ62SUqX
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAjWr5fb5YiV
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAKclqXJu7yO
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAICp0jKLT69
(slowly)936Please respect copyright.PENANAmz15sBYejl
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.936Please respect copyright.PENANABls9pupFSy
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAgEzHxMLJ3x
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAnL2dmKMXfY
What?936Please respect copyright.PENANAb7QklsDTJr
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANA3GuaCKIZB8
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.936Please respect copyright.PENANAlCEtntnRqk
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANA1nlTtfdsJ4
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!936Please respect copyright.PENANAxZxrUUEo7T
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAemOiniJS4m
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.936Please respect copyright.PENANA9mMdqfUWcG
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAsBQdqVk7U6
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.936Please respect copyright.PENANAeZD7XuD6SE
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAAw30X0IbaS
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.936Please respect copyright.PENANAdz8QwQbJQ4
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAKUcI0C5xAe
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 936Please respect copyright.PENANA7B1qlXO7oV
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAa4DtzoRc03
That may be the case, but look at this.936Please respect copyright.PENANAXhwW06ZdW8
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAetrlxwtzM3
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAaogj8mOrxY
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.936Please respect copyright.PENANA7NJwDT34hc
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAVtL72XGXgR
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.936Please respect copyright.PENANA05GpY5uQHC
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANApOyf2G8Eat
(grimly)936Please respect copyright.PENANACfPgIfqhex
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAerVmtQKU6P
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAPyY1LufB5K
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.936Please respect copyright.PENANAgJjYERKqy0
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 936Please respect copyright.PENANA6lUOKxCTQh
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAVwuwd7xXxK
Who said anything about paying them off?936Please respect copyright.PENANA5ULozUlgm3
--936Please respect copyright.PENANAZKBVQfxlLm