A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 937Please respect copyright.PENANAtwvp1N8gJj
-:-937Please respect copyright.PENANApODacdONPn
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE937Please respect copyright.PENANAWz7l21HGMA
CHARACTERS937Please respect copyright.PENANAxOuKoAQnhm
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed937Please respect copyright.PENANAEwgjiJWoZj
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette937Please respect copyright.PENANAa7pEh6TUgl
--937Please respect copyright.PENANA7rZYVL67jk
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT937Please respect copyright.PENANAfH08usbKzw
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.937Please respect copyright.PENANAqQltHmRnWo
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANA6q1lbrJxRH
We don’t have much time.937Please respect copyright.PENANA9zXRQq4YZD
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?937Please respect copyright.PENANAUgpukMnJb6
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAFdtn0ZqY9S
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 937Please respect copyright.PENANAasizTevsNJ
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANA6eXmakNqAb
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!937Please respect copyright.PENANApZbvQrDYtg
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAvYHO3htgMq
I understand you’re upset - 937Please respect copyright.PENANAbfE6je5eGW
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANAf79JQGoee4
I damn well am! 937Please respect copyright.PENANA8GmxFsCLAD
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANA4vLi13PnhF
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.937Please respect copyright.PENANAO35TX3CNu8
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 937Please respect copyright.PENANADjwwkBfZ8m
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANAmUZgt6nRfl
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 937Please respect copyright.PENANA01dwL7ROZk
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAfDdREUN9EB
(slowly)937Please respect copyright.PENANAQK7v0PZGv7
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.937Please respect copyright.PENANA57IbVV2WP1
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 937Please respect copyright.PENANA36wqVwqFII
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANAhSvRzTHACX
What?937Please respect copyright.PENANAnAQBaRrHHx
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAL5A8NJLJbl
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.937Please respect copyright.PENANAXNAiPzUjoT
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANA4KbNMLMf90
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!937Please respect copyright.PENANArpdnVE8KkX
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAmTfMi0g15O
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.937Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9kf82I4Xe
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANAJhpk1ZFo51
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.937Please respect copyright.PENANAEMLe3mBEVp
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAKQvsnUSjYu
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.937Please respect copyright.PENANAoPU48Zi3Nm
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANAshRt60bvns
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 937Please respect copyright.PENANA7V169hrrk2
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAk0qvhmILoU
That may be the case, but look at this.937Please respect copyright.PENANAXxbhbRBjhJ
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 937Please respect copyright.PENANAjDrPDjQhZu
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAITyitH1aKX
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.937Please respect copyright.PENANADTrx2yvaR9
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANAXpa97dQCjN
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.937Please respect copyright.PENANAHeEwGvQleK
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAJNNsr0GZgL
(grimly)937Please respect copyright.PENANAz5Ln3pAZGU
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 937Please respect copyright.PENANA8xxQsIAteD
CECIL937Please respect copyright.PENANA6XGOfhULBf
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.937Please respect copyright.PENANAv5Sk1Hs3Hm
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 937Please respect copyright.PENANAw1eompLwtY
XIUYING937Please respect copyright.PENANAdJNa3wHWwg
Who said anything about paying them off?937Please respect copyright.PENANArTQgWEGO14
--937Please respect copyright.PENANAYLobDWnzvm