A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAYKBKbNRF95
-:-936Please respect copyright.PENANAzvnfp9Dz2j
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE936Please respect copyright.PENANABIUkx4eFnT
CHARACTERS936Please respect copyright.PENANARVsZW6SgxO
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed936Please respect copyright.PENANAekyIwg6HCy
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette936Please respect copyright.PENANAV0gdSpKW93
--936Please respect copyright.PENANANf5cBlqki9
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT936Please respect copyright.PENANArsCQhAsWRV
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.936Please respect copyright.PENANAopQjBCbnGq
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANA4FtU2dk39o
We don’t have much time.936Please respect copyright.PENANA0o4dOwd5KM
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?936Please respect copyright.PENANAIR2GnCheBA
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANATDHH9QHgpI
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAEWf9Ukl7oM
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAgYEnnaNjfu
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!936Please respect copyright.PENANAAjgpnzjbZg
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAxLfBxu7B92
I understand you’re upset - 936Please respect copyright.PENANAYiqTAlVIvm
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAIyuaDjsiwZ
I damn well am! 936Please respect copyright.PENANAHizlo6qeYD
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAy2YDi07oTs
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.936Please respect copyright.PENANAiN8Y2Pfa5O
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAKpJzWrNAM2
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAQv8epIz0SZ
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAZeCok9J9dM
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANA3D0CYacUPZ
(slowly)936Please respect copyright.PENANA2kxZfHI0n1
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.936Please respect copyright.PENANAwXSnoA3CLy
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAFs4Shfmaq4
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAWwR2ajk6iq
What?936Please respect copyright.PENANAoEOO3cfiHD
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANA0QqiJ8QR5h
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.936Please respect copyright.PENANADK1GlPxxED
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAWaBYc9RpdY
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!936Please respect copyright.PENANA9BMbH4Kf9k
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANARuNmtG3hB1
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.936Please respect copyright.PENANAkOH5QnYkWb
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAAsTNUiTdbk
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.936Please respect copyright.PENANA2bOQXuZOhN
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANA1vQo2EmeFM
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.936Please respect copyright.PENANAm2KHUTqMXr
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAeIOxWJ7Vox
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6ZUptPugQ
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAeAc7eXuw43
That may be the case, but look at this.936Please respect copyright.PENANAY4SOozm6WD
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 936Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZEchx3UIA
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAGja512r9xQ
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.936Please respect copyright.PENANA2jch1w5KPk
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANA4QQ4TCTqaa
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.936Please respect copyright.PENANAxgndCUJu5C
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANApA2QA4fdBP
(grimly)936Please respect copyright.PENANATQ7CoUC6Ck
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 936Please respect copyright.PENANAhwFOdcvhmD
CECIL936Please respect copyright.PENANAYYzeMIDuWi
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.936Please respect copyright.PENANAuv4aSHefV1
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 936Please respect copyright.PENANABOXSrhBO3b
XIUYING936Please respect copyright.PENANAHZmakxvqOz
Who said anything about paying them off?936Please respect copyright.PENANAHRdGPYobJM
--936Please respect copyright.PENANAYX6TbcnH7S