The nameless, faceless shape was shadowed against a bright background. Joni watched as the shape grew more humanlike. Oddly enough, though, Joni wasn’t scared. Instead, she was intrigued by the shadowy figure. Driven by curiosity, she crept toward it, unable to identify its gender. In a voice also seemingly genderless, it spoke to her in soft but insistent tones. “Don’t do it, Joni,” it told her.
“Don’t do what?” Joni asked, nearly blinded by the bright light that flickered behind the shadowy shape.
“Don’t marry Nadirah. Don’t do it. She’s not for you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She’s mean-spirited, insensitive, impatient, judgmental, bossy, and everything you don’t need in a significant other. She’ll only hurt you.”
“How can you be sure of this? She seems to have softened up a bit over the years, if only just a little, and the arrangement would only be temporary anyway. And only if she actually marries me, though I’m sure she won’t.”
The light intensified and brightened the shadowy being until it disappeared into the light altogether.
Joni awoke with a start, the dream fresh in her mind’s eye.
Had something been trying to tell her something?
Nah, it couldn’t be. Besides, there was no way in hell Nadirah Haddad was going to marry her. And if she were crazy enough to do so, it would only be until Joni had taken care of whatever needed taking care of with her ear. Then they would divorce and go their merry ways. She also assumed that Nadirah would expect her to live elsewhere the whole time, but she didn’t want to stay in hotels indefinitely either. This meant that as soon as she got a chance, she would look for short-term rentals in the area. But only if she agreed to marry her, and that was a big if.
A few hours later, Joni was dressed in a soft pastel-colored floral cotton dress that was between casual and dressy, and was sure to wear flats so she wouldn’t appear taller than Nadirah, should she surprise her and show up at the courthouse by some miracle. She had no idea if Nadirah preferred taller women or not, but she knew she herself preferred to be the shorter one, and while she wasn’t much shorter, she wasn’t going to let herself be any taller either.
So there she stood in her summery dress and strappy flat sandals, feeling like an idiot, in front of the courthouse.
Don’t be a fool, she urged herself. Why would someone who no doubt can’t wait for you to go back home even think of marrying you?
Joni glanced at her watch. It was nine-thirty-five. She’d been waiting for over half an hour. Thoroughly embarrassed for herself, Joni was about to take off when she spotted someone familiar approaching the large walkway that led to the front of the courthouse.
No. It couldn’t be!
Joni rose from the bench she’d been sitting on in order to get a better look.
But it was!
Joni’s heart nearly did double time as she watched what was definitely Nadirah coming toward her. She looked beautiful in a beige pantsuit, neither dressy nor casual. The outfit fit her perfectly. Her face was free of makeup, and her layered hair fell in soft waves to her shoulders.
“Oh, my God!” was all Joni could mutter once Nadirah was close enough to hear her. “Oh, my God! You look great. Just totally great. Thank you so much for coming. Do I look okay, or would you like me to make any last-minute changes?”
“It doesn’t matter how you look, Joni. We’re not doing this for the usual reasons, remember? And I can tell you right now that the only reason I’m agreeing to help you is that you’ll be helping me as well with a hefty tax write-off. You got it?”
Joni nodded. “At least I went easy on the makeup. I once overheard you tell someone you thought too much makeup looked slutty, and so I…”
“Joni, I don’t want to spend all day here. I want to get this done and over with as quickly as possible. Understand?”
“Sure do. Hey, getting married should never take longer than it takes to eat a slice of pizza.”
“Come on, smart ass.”
Joni started to follow Nadirah into the courthouse, but then Nadirah stopped. “Just a few more things,” Nadirah said.
“Yes?”
“You’re taking my name because I sure as hell ain’t taking yours.”
“I’d be honored,” Joni exclaimed excitedly.
“Well, don’t be too honored, Joni, and fail to remember that this is just a convenient business arrangement. And you also have to keep in mind that some of the things that go with getting married aren’t going to happen in our case. Like honeymoons. There will be no honeymoon or anything like that. Understand that, too?”
“Yes, boss.”
“And I suggest you don’t mention that we’re marrying for what’s basically all the wrong reasons. I don’t think they’d feel comfortable marrying us if they knew the real reasons.”
“I suppose this also means we won’t be living together, right?”
“Wrong,” Nadirah said, much to Joni’s surprise. “If I’m going to legally be your husband, then I’ll act like your husband. That means I’ll be responsible for you and for taking care of you. You will live with me in my home until our divorce is final.”
“If you’re going to act like my husband, does that mean I have to submit to you at night? Because I certainly wouldn’t mind.”
Nadirah glared at her.
“Guess there won’t be any love lost in the end, right, boss?” Joni joked, following Nadirah into the courthouse.
“Yes, that is correct, Joni. I’ll never even dare so much as kiss you. Not on the lips, not on the cheek, not anywhere. How did you get here anyway?”
“By bus.”
They filled out the necessary paperwork in a place that wasn’t crowded at all, to their surprise. In fact, they were the only ones around.
A few minutes later, the clerk returned and said, “Okay, so just to make sure I’ve got this straight, your last name is Haddad,” she said, gesturing toward Nadirah, “and you’re Gilstein, right?” She nodded toward Joni.
“Yes,” both Joni and Nadirah said at once.
“Oh, okay. Interesting. Really interesting.”
Just as the clerk turned to head into a private room, Joni rolled her eyes and said, “In other words, why would someone of Arabian descent really want to marry a Jew?”
Nadirah shot Joni a look of warning.
The Justice of the Peace soon came out of his chambers to marry them in a small room after both agreed on a simple, non-religious ceremony. Joni was surprised when Nadirah produced two matching gold wedding bands when the proper time came. She hadn’t even thought of rings!
Nadirah slipped the ring on her ring finger, and it fit perfectly. Joni was amazed. She was also a touch saddened by the fact that getting married wasn’t what she’d ever planned or expected it to be on the off-chance that she ever did marry in the first place. She’d never planned on anything big or extravagant in any way, but she’d certainly never planned on this either. It went on to prove once again that life wasn’t always what one planned it to be. Nonetheless, Joni couldn’t help but feel a touch of excitement and happiness on top of the sadness, as much as she wished she didn’t. She also hoped that Nadirah thought her enthusiasm was just an act, simply to cover their true intentions.
“You may kiss now,” the Justice of the Peace suddenly said with a wink.
Nadirah and Joni glanced at each other, caught off guard. Another thing they’d apparently forgotten about.
“Oh, gosh!” Joni said breathlessly. “I know you said you would nev…”
Nadirah cut her off with a kiss on the lips, preventing Joni from saying anything more.
Then they quickly left the courthouse after the ceremony. “I’m going to drop you off at your hotel room where you can gather your things,” Nadirah told her. “And then I’m going back to work, where I should’ve been all morning instead of making what was no doubt the dumbest mistake of my life.”
“Okay. And then?” Joni asked with a big smile.
“And then I’m going to pick you up around five o’clock. What’s your room number?”
“Five thirteen. Thirteen really is a lucky number. It really is. Oh, wow! And today is August 13! When’s your birthday?”
Nadirah told her.
Joni’s jaw dropped as she glanced at her new “husband” and said, “You’re joking, right?”
“Get in the car, Joni,” Nadirah said as they approached Nadirah’s car in the parking lot.
Laughing, Joni got into the car.
“Buckle up.”
“Yes, boss. The wedding band is not only very beautiful and something I prefer much more than any kind of stone, but it’s also the perfect fit. How’d you know my size?”
“Well, we are close in size, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are. How tall are you, though? Exactly?”
“Just under five feet. Joni, I don’t have time to play your twenty-question game right now, okay?”
“Okay. But I am glad you’re taller than me, even if it isn’t by much.”
“I really don’t care,” Nadirah said in a matter-of-fact tone and with a quick smile of satisfaction on her face. “Now, what kind of doctor did you say you needed to see?”
Joni sat in silence, staring straight ahead as they stopped at a light.
“I just asked you a question.”
“I know,” Joni said.
“Then why aren’t you answering me?”
“Because you just said you didn’t have time to play twenty questions.”
Nadirah found herself struggling with her feelings, which were both familiar and not. She had never quite felt for anyone else what she was coming to feel for Joni, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t like it one bit. She had never loved anyone as of yet, and she promised herself she never would for the sake of her own sanity. She got lonely at times, but she enjoyed her freedom and not having to deal with the crap that relationships often brought. Yet she couldn’t help but feel like she’d known her new wife for a long time, and not just because of what she’d learned about her through reading her journal, or because they’d met so long ago, even if they failed to start off on the right foot together.
Yet despite trying to remain as reserved as possible and reminding herself that they weren’t going to be married for long, she couldn’t help but find herself excited at the thought of picking up Joni and taking her to live with her. What would that be like? she wondered. Probably a disaster, she concluded, but it was all just temporary.
Nadirah approached Joni’s hotel room door and knocked on it. A moment later, there stood her little temporary wife, beautiful mane more than half her body length, clad in shorts and a tank top.
Cute.
“Hi there,” Joni said with a smile as she held the door open for her. She wanted to hug Nadirah but thought better of it.
“Hello,” said Nadirah, slowly entering the room, thumbs tucked in her pockets. She looked around the room as if inspecting it.
“I spoke to the company I work for that sent me here,” Joni began.
“And?”
“And I told them I would be leaving the hotel, even though it doesn’t save them any money since Huan still has to stay here. It turns out, however, that they were going to fly me home for sure in two weeks anyway.”
“Oh,” Nadirah said, now looking at Joni. “So, is something wrong?”
“Well, yeah. Your rent may be the same with or without me in the picture, but I’ll be out of a job in just two weeks and won’t be able to pay my share of whatever food and utilities I may use.”
“Oh,” Nadirah said again, picking a piece of lint off Joni’s shoulder and letting it fall to the floor. “I own my own home in the country, Joni. I have a well, and the place is all paid for. I also thought we talked about how I would be responsible for you while you’re with me.”
Joni smiled. “It’s very sweet of you to care about me, or to at least live like you do for a while.”
Nadirah suppressed the urge to laugh.
“But seeing that this isn’t the fifties,” Joni went on, “I thought you’d want me out there working.”
“Joni, did you really think I expected you to work while you were seeing doctors and all that?”
“Uh, no, ma’am. I guess I didn’t. But I can work a little bit online at an artificial intelligence site, so I’ll be contributing somewhat.”
“You’ll be contributing by cleaning, cooking, and just being a wife for a while, even if it’s a bit of an unusual one and a traditional one at the same time.”
“So, you believe in those old-fashioned values, huh?”
“Some of them, though I’m certainly not against wives who work. As long as you behave, you can do what you want, Joni.”
“Thank you, boss. I was going to start shopping around for doctors, but then I realized it would probably help to wait and see what insurance plan I’m under.”
“Yeah, that would probably help,” Nadirah agreed.
“I did call Mallory.”
“Who’s that?”
“The lady whose house I live in out in Cali. I let her know my stay’s been extended a while, and what’s going on and all that. She said she’ll hang onto my stuff until I get back, and that I’m free to come back anytime I want. Fortunately for her, a friend just moved into the area. So, she’ll have someone to help look out for her.”
“Well, that’s good to know. Got all your stuff gathered?”
“Yup. Sure do.”
“Then come on, troublemaker.”
They both carried Joni’s belongings down to Nadirah’s car.
“There’s just one problem with the tax write-off thing,” said Nadirah a few minutes later when they were on the road.
“What’s that?” asked Joni, not sure if there had been a quick hint of a smile playing at the corners of Nadirah’s lips or if she’d just imagined it.
“You’re not going to do my taxes any good if we divorce right after you deal with whatever’s going on with your ear and whatever other checkups you need to have done, so it will have to wait until next year. It’s only August, Joni. Think you can handle me for five months?”
Joni laughed and said, “I’ll do my best.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Joni said with a nod. “But just try to stay at least a little bit of a bitch so I don’t fall in love with you. Ever been in love yourself?”
“Uh, no, Joni. I haven’t. Love was always just another nasty four-letter word as far as I was concerned.”
“Really?”
Nadirah nodded. “Same as hate, shit, fuck, damn… those kinds of words.”
“Guess I’ll never have to worry about you falling in love with me then,” said Joni.
“Why is that?” asked Nadirah as the city fell behind them and the scenery turned rural.
“Because there are four letters in my name.”
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