隔天夜裡,風從窗縫鑽進來。房間裡很安靜,只有鍵盤偶爾的敲擊聲。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAQPZ62q3Zo7
賴夏陽正坐在書桌前看著模擬考解答,眼神有些恍惚。他揉了揉太陽穴,覺得最近頭老是痛,胸口也悶得很。
25Please respect copyright.PENANANmATT8isIq
「應該只是太累了吧……」他低聲說,拿起水杯灌了一口。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAhnJP2xBi92
但下一秒,他突然開始猛烈地咳嗽——
一聲接著一聲,喉嚨像被火燒一樣難受。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAWeWF22FTxS
他急忙起身想去廁所,卻沒走兩步就扶著牆滑坐下來。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAlOCWZRZija
咳嗽沒有停,他的手掌按住嘴,卻感覺到一陣濕潤的黏膩。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAJF6pEIumOE
當他看見掌心那一抹鮮紅時,整個人都愣住了。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAdJytG7e44t
那不是鼻血——
是血,從喉嚨咳出來的。
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—
25Please respect copyright.PENANAY0TrlmBPtP
他沒有馬上驚慌,只是安靜地坐在地上,看著那血跡發了一會兒呆。
25Please respect copyright.PENANACvl7ra7ymV
「……怎麼會這樣?」
25Please respect copyright.PENANAzYU5DWI6AH
他的聲音幾乎聽不見。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAqom4kuvkJd
幾分鐘後,他勉強起身,洗掉手上的血,換了件衣服,悄悄出門。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAlefPXGFZFe
沒有跟任何人說。
他只是覺得,不能再拖了。
25Please respect copyright.PENANADVILQjKrQu
這件事,他必須一個人知道答案。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAxKxvZh1kqG
醫院的空氣聞起來總是混著消毒水味道,冷冷的,有點刺鼻。25Please respect copyright.PENANACdsKboBy1F
25Please respect copyright.PENANAurK5ygjf04
25Please respect copyright.PENANApGRXmJlmu7
賴夏陽拿著掛號單,坐在等候區的角落,帽子壓得低低的,背包放在腳邊。他左手插著口袋,右手握著手機,螢幕亮著,但他根本沒在看。25Please respect copyright.PENANAuobEpn1uIo
25Please respect copyright.PENANATo4aAt8EqL
25Please respect copyright.PENANAgffYTbLm4u
他沒告訴任何人。25Please respect copyright.PENANAEyD0M1Qj5V
不是不信任,只是——不想讓別人擔心。25Please respect copyright.PENANAyQS0gTKzHy
25Please respect copyright.PENANA69yiXLfRH7
25Please respect copyright.PENANAnbhQAKSGfU
「賴夏陽先生,請進診間三。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAzRA1qzz1lh
25Please respect copyright.PENANAk95wqgk7dV
25Please respect copyright.PENANAghzepBTHEb
他站起來,深吸一口氣,走進診間。25Please respect copyright.PENANAi7LjKXQWgO
25Please respect copyright.PENANAozSa5SZoeu
25Please respect copyright.PENANAVTufnC2ooS
—25Please respect copyright.PENANA8pEltQ3YGo
25Please respect copyright.PENANAfCORUdSdbS
25Please respect copyright.PENANAfWuyfaFACY
醫生是個中年男人,戴著眼鏡,臉上表情一如既往的冷靜與專業。25Please respect copyright.PENANAohVOuUK7GJ
25Please respect copyright.PENANAbaVMEkisxm
25Please respect copyright.PENANACXfOnPA2X2
他看著報告,看了很久。25Please respect copyright.PENANA8LHA2JowwZ
25Please respect copyright.PENANAJf2BCPR4mu
25Please respect copyright.PENANADp9kTYmG3f
「你的影像資料我們已經仔細判讀過了。」醫生說,聲音平靜卻緩慢,「目前來看,肺部的異常陰影已經明顯擴散,我們懷疑是惡性腫瘤。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAdNdXLUGYSH
25Please respect copyright.PENANAaEOWANIXLX
25Please respect copyright.PENANAKycRvGwK5J
賴夏陽一時間沒有反應。25Please respect copyright.PENANAa9GiQ0w1Jn
25Please respect copyright.PENANAsesfTgC2zV
25Please respect copyright.PENANAmKeV9IJh0p
他甚至下意識笑了一下:「惡性……什麼?」25Please respect copyright.PENANAACrJFyBAhP
25Please respect copyright.PENANAXCarTzpW0m
25Please respect copyright.PENANA4E9Znfo30g
「肺腺癌,第三期偏晚。建議你盡快安排更進一步的切片與全身檢查,並與家屬討論治療方向,後天再來做一次檢查。」醫生說完這句,才抬起頭看著他:「你今天是一個人來的?」25Please respect copyright.PENANARNeowH0PLC
25Please respect copyright.PENANAiqzfpMh76p
25Please respect copyright.PENANAPmSvvMOdAu
「嗯……我爸媽都在外地工作,不方便過來。」他語氣輕鬆,但指尖抓緊了背包的拉鍊。25Please respect copyright.PENANAxsLMeqCFRp
25Please respect copyright.PENANApYnem3VTPE
25Please respect copyright.PENANAI0OUd8EETk
「這不是小病,孩子。」醫生的語氣比剛才溫柔了些,「如果你信得過我,我們會陪你走下一步,但你要讓身邊的人知道。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAKgRXOz6X8H
25Please respect copyright.PENANAXShd9rzgyE
25Please respect copyright.PENANAf4fssq7EHl
夏陽笑了笑:「我知道了。謝謝你。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAi3bn0ULTOU
25Please respect copyright.PENANA4LcfPFaeEJ
25Please respect copyright.PENANAXFxtY7NyD1
—25Please respect copyright.PENANAz3rAu9pqNU
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走出醫院那一刻,陽光很強。25Please respect copyright.PENANAxExE2ie2TE
25Please respect copyright.PENANAO5KU0ovBuK
25Please respect copyright.PENANADupPiaS8Na
他站在門口的陰影下,低頭看著手裡那份檢查報告。25Please respect copyright.PENANAmnzn06sZkN
25Please respect copyright.PENANAkIJMDYeuY6
25Please respect copyright.PENANAOO0pIsNgxH
手有一點抖。他不記得自己最後一次怕成這樣是什麼時候——是國小第一次騎腳踏車摔倒?還是那次父母吵架,把家裡東西摔得亂七八糟?25Please respect copyright.PENANAOsw1eE5d8f
25Please respect copyright.PENANATPa3IAxk5x
25Please respect copyright.PENANAJcN57YWAGT
都不是。這種感覺更孤單。25Please respect copyright.PENANAjrPvZkh0WQ
25Please respect copyright.PENANA9g2wkQeted
25Please respect copyright.PENANAUsguHbfLQh
他把報告折起來,收進背包最底層。25Please respect copyright.PENANAjceKH5T8vX
接著掏出手機,給冬月傳了一則訊息:25Please respect copyright.PENANAiRveGTBFQG
25Please respect copyright.PENANA3xAiS0txbF
25Please respect copyright.PENANATsc495A1cd
【等等要不要吃甜不辣?我今天嘴巴很饞。】25Please respect copyright.PENANA9EKXvqU7Ho
25Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8598EDDyz
25Please respect copyright.PENANARIyh5p2RR1
螢幕亮起時,心裡的某個東西也默默碎了一小塊。25Please respect copyright.PENANA0rKmEKqAO3
25Please respect copyright.PENANAJzLoonunfE
25Please respect copyright.PENANA97EitBdxx4
但他的語氣,還是一如往常的陽光。
25Please respect copyright.PENANA6PPQ53Bd0Z
這天,醫院裡沒什麼人,窗外陰雲低壓,像雨快要落下。25Please respect copyright.PENANA7c9VAJUdOH
25Please respect copyright.PENANAFJAMRNt6LV
25Please respect copyright.PENANAhSuEa0wsM4
賴夏陽坐在診間外,一隻手撐著額頭,一隻手握著手機,螢幕停在一張和陳冬月的合照。照片裡她笑得很甜,笑眼彎彎,而他就在旁邊笑著看她。25Please respect copyright.PENANAl39tQTrVUV
25Please respect copyright.PENANAnZ41gcsLtJ
25Please respect copyright.PENANAq8YW3R2fx4
診間的門開了。25Please respect copyright.PENANAiKAzAahlB5
25Please respect copyright.PENANAtiBQzpMu5Q
25Please respect copyright.PENANAV3J6o7kBVN
「賴夏陽,進來吧。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAIz974u0gJt
25Please respect copyright.PENANAIn0SB8wQej
25Please respect copyright.PENANAV3n671QlvI
—25Please respect copyright.PENANAu7CD5qbXT7
25Please respect copyright.PENANAoi1zWCFoKV
25Please respect copyright.PENANApmBwYzHtRT
這次的報告比上次厚了一些。25Please respect copyright.PENANAPlyQrDEpAA
醫生沒有立刻說話,而是翻閱資料,再三確認過數據後才抬起頭。25Please respect copyright.PENANAnWmvaJrOl6
25Please respect copyright.PENANAEVlbaFYxe1
25Please respect copyright.PENANAdTz9noNYwo
「夏陽,這次的結果出來了。我們已經進行過切片、影像與血液標記檢查……很遺憾地告訴你——你目前的病情是肺腺癌第四期,癌細胞已經轉移到淋巴與骨骼組織。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAHztvb8aVQS
25Please respect copyright.PENANAbdTEKSgvQL
25Please respect copyright.PENANAjQTmJZ6Baf
他愣了一下,眼睛眨也沒眨,但胸口突然像被重錘打了一下。25Please respect copyright.PENANAUlSGPdFarM
25Please respect copyright.PENANATqRIer8MVU
25Please respect copyright.PENANAbHmY9xXeZ9
醫生語氣盡量柔和:「以目前情況來看,若不接受侵入性治療,存活期大約只剩下三個月左右。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAuVZqJf2aJ5
25Please respect copyright.PENANA3mN2TaU6xD
25Please respect copyright.PENANAltSNaagKnv
「……三個月。」他重複了一次,聲音低得像喃喃自語。25Please respect copyright.PENANAWarV4yrsqa
25Please respect copyright.PENANAKwKW2zMtQR
25Please respect copyright.PENANAz2yE85DeXO
「是。」醫生點頭,「如果願意配合化療、標靶,或許可以爭取更多時間,但這些治療……會很辛苦,副作用也很強。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAgp7Okcyeqa
25Please respect copyright.PENANADQC1weJtVH
25Please respect copyright.PENANAfaZ2WijMac
賴夏陽沒有馬上說話,只是靜靜地坐著,視線落在桌面某個角落。25Please respect copyright.PENANAWV7XxrunOy
25Please respect copyright.PENANAURkSXOJcwM
25Please respect copyright.PENANA393Hll3m3d
「這些話你今天第一次聽到,可能會很難接受。」醫生遞了一杯水給他,「你需要一些時間,也建議你讓家人知道,這不是你可以獨自扛下的事。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAn60p71LKyV
25Please respect copyright.PENANAuaed0rUl0a
25Please respect copyright.PENANAhg2RYm4bDv
他看著那杯水,手卻沒伸出去。25Please respect copyright.PENANAqQpDqEBc5A
25Please respect copyright.PENANAajrwJhzxSu
25Please respect copyright.PENANAxiBuLaacop
「……謝謝你告訴我。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAniVVnC24Kh
25Please respect copyright.PENANAkC2M3g0Ghm
25Please respect copyright.PENANALYsXcSWWLs
「夏陽——」25Please respect copyright.PENANAFqhrAT1V9D
25Please respect copyright.PENANAR0MCP8wZkQ
25Please respect copyright.PENANAjdzRdlAu7m
「我知道該怎麼做。」他輕輕打斷醫生,語氣還是那麼平靜,「我只是……還有幾個人,我想再陪陪他們,然後,我會處理好我自己的事。」25Please respect copyright.PENANAQBK7GeHimq
25Please respect copyright.PENANA1I9BXxYiNJ
25Please respect copyright.PENANABSKredxXGK
—25Please respect copyright.PENANA1UprU1ZFpW
25Please respect copyright.PENANA3OzLhKD675
25Please respect copyright.PENANATtCxv9mfXl
走出診間的時候,他沒哭。25Please respect copyright.PENANAseob48yjVG
25Please respect copyright.PENANAt0gTu3IXCc
25Please respect copyright.PENANAePAQQZzTVh
只是手指一直摩擦著褲邊的縫線,像是用這個動作提醒自己還活著。25Please respect copyright.PENANAc5QTPeFKJ6
25Please respect copyright.PENANAP73FD4NL1A
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三個月。25Please respect copyright.PENANA61IAHLSe67
25Please respect copyright.PENANAFdgfY046w4
25Please respect copyright.PENANAMkXlTVW9Lq
這是醫生說出口,但彷彿用刀刻在他心口的字。25Please respect copyright.PENANAvueW2M9VVo
25Please respect copyright.PENANAiLSg59FsbQ
25Please respect copyright.PENANAeU7IEIJc6x
他走到醫院樓下,站在陽光底下。25Please respect copyright.PENANAkYEJk6hXBe
25Please respect copyright.PENANAXZu8Am7YCB
25Please respect copyright.PENANANaTT9lD6at
這天的天氣很好,天空藍得像不會崩塌的夢。25Please respect copyright.PENANAr0CxHsFqHe
25Please respect copyright.PENANAgVjJ8RN6HD
25Please respect copyright.PENANA0SToGhGK1B
可他知道,自己的世界,開始倒數了。
醫生說,只剩三個月。25Please respect copyright.PENANAYantxX6M2x
25Please respect copyright.PENANAWC3WZJJt60
「不過也有例外。」
「你可以選擇化療,但……機會不大。」
25Please respect copyright.PENANA1IDxGSuqti
他搖了搖頭。
25Please respect copyright.PENANArpIaXgfByc
他想到冬月。
25Please respect copyright.PENANA64ScRcv296
不行,他不能讓她親眼看見他一點一點地衰弱。
25Please respect copyright.PENANA4cYKYEAuej
那會成為她一輩子的夢魘。
25Please respect copyright.PENANA25YbExpIC2
他要把最好的自己,留在她記憶裡。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAleSYWb2dUG
—
25Please respect copyright.PENANAYcKYr1sL7F
那幾天,他突然變得格外貼心,天天接她放學、帶她去吃她喜歡的甜點、看電影、吹風,什麼都順著她。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAZOj5Xknjn1
冬月察覺到他的異樣,卻說不上來是哪裡。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAFe2xQhzklh
她只知道,這幾天像一場夢。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAAYAIIXVLWU
是他們之間,最美的一場夢。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAmATz8QM0zm
—
25Please respect copyright.PENANAnXa9gPTHO8
幾天後,他開始變冷淡,不再主動、不再回訊息,眼神也不再柔軟。
25Please respect copyright.PENANA6ATJz05Qss
她問他:「你怎麼了?」
25Please respect copyright.PENANATMDbmm1nQ7
他只是淡淡地說:「我們……是不是該給彼此一點空間?」
25Please respect copyright.PENANAzcF9S9F8IK
她愣住。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAFMkdrgCjQ7
一顆心,瞬間凍住。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAKvVOelcEzu
—
25Please respect copyright.PENANAJCnynwsHp2
然後,他消失了。
25Please respect copyright.PENANADRHavcBElw
只留下一封信。
25Please respect copyright.PENANAjur5S1P6UC
「小月亮,對不起,我太自私了。我不想讓妳看著我慢慢死去。妳值得更好的人生、更完整的愛。
所以我選擇一個人去走這段路——
到我人生最後的冬天。」