
The lost Kid Pov
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Under the raging fire, smoke rose everywhere, and the heat blurred my vision. A few moments ago, a bright light bathed this hidden village, followed by unusual heat and a huge rumbling sound, the roar of giant beasts which seemed to tear apart all shook the whole village. As I noticed, everything is in a state of collapse, and the color that catches my eyes is crimson, the fiery red of flames, and the bright red of blood. I kept moving forward, ignoring the calls for help around me, and kept looking for a way out. In the end, I ended up being crushed under the rubble just like them. I have no other memories. The memories and life before this disaster have nothing to do with me. I just clearly understand the fact that I lost my happiness. I just remember I was crushed under the rubble at that time, I peeped helplessly through the gaps in the rubble at the sky dyed red by fire, and stretched out my arms as much as I could. No matter how tired I was, I kept holding it up, hoping that someone would see me and save me come out.
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There is no leisure to think, but to urge for survival, and someone grabs my hand and pulls me out of the rubble.
The coldness, that is different from the temperature of the fire scene, wraps my whole body in warmth, and the stranger hugs me lightly like a fragile object.
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"Great, there is another person!!!...... Her amber eyes stared at me intensely, and the person who saved me was delighted to find someone.
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She picked me up, pulled me out of the depths of despair.
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"That's great." Her expression seemed to harvest the happiness of the whole world, smiling with tears streaming down her face.
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I don't know anything about her. Even so, I am still very grateful to her.
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I don't know why she cries for a stranger like me, maybe it's because she is a gentle person.
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I was in the clinic when I came back to consciousness again, and I was surrounded by people who were rescued from the same disaster as me and survived.
But the person who rescued me has never been seen again, and my impression of her is only a vague feature because I was too weak at the time.
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I only remember the teary smile, the golden pupils shining in the firelight.
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But if possible, I want to thank and repay that person.
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I survived, survived alone, survived without friends and family.
There is no memory of the past, and there is nothing to rely on, and it is impossible to get back the life of the past, but I still insist on surviving.
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Because I was rescued.
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Out of kindness, the old doctor adopted me who lost everything.
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"What are you going to do after this?" he asked calmly.
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"I want to find the one who helped me, and I want to be someone who can help others like her. …
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"Then follow me, and I will pass on all my knowledge to you."
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So I followed the old doctor, assisted in taking care of patients for 3 months, and came to this mysterious town by the sea.
This town is a place that has never been marked on the map. It is shown on the map as a ‘Grade A endangered species protection zone’, and it is impossible to enter without certain procedures. However, the old doctor followed the direction of the gunpowder smoke and entered this place by mistake. We came here only because we knew there would be casualties, but we were treated as refugees here, registered and assigned to housing.
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After an unknown war, there were a large number of dead and wounded here, the doctor and I both assisted in helping the wounded and sick, and one day the doctor was summoned by a certain person. He was entrusted to treat a certain person, and it was heard that the person had a serious injury after the war, and weakened by a certain drug, she is still in a coma.
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After learning about the patient's condition, the doctor adjusted the nutrient solution and medicine, and gave the patient some brain stimulation. All judgments were made without hesitation, and after only two weeks, the patient woke up.
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The patient's face gave me a familiar feeling, as if I had seen it there before, as if it was the person who rescued me.
But whether she is that person or not, I don't have the ability to help her now.
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I hope to become like a doctor sooner, who can help the sick and injured decisively, quickly and surely.
At that time, I can hold my head high to thank my benefactors.
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Starting by following the doctor to help others, in order to achieve the goal one day.
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Edna pov
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The town after the war is on the way of revival as before, and the scenery has been changing, developing towards the completion of human beings.
This town was built for humans and seraphim to live together, and of course the seraphim also joined the rebuilding team. There are seraphim who are eager to help humans, and there are seraphim who tend to be on the sidelines. Edna and Lailah are one of the bystanders. members.
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Lailah is tired and wants to stop and rest from the looping Shepherd journey. No one will blame her, because the task has been completed, and the world no longer needs a Shepherd to tackle the Lord of Calamity. As a supporter, she can also Retired from the duty of guarding the holy sword.
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Edna hates helping humans who are not grateful. Even though the humans here are grateful, she doesn't intend to help them all the time. To be more precise, there are only two humans she wants to help, and both of them are in a strange state, so she is on the sidelines.
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In Edna's eyes, Eleanor was an anomaly, she only took a short break after the war and then help humanity rebuild devotedly.
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"Aren't you bored? Don't you feel like you're at a disadvantage? You didn't get anything" After the war, Edna had nothing to do, either go to the guild bar to chat with Lailah, or visit Sorey (visit Velvet by the way). And sometimes check the situation in the rebuilt place, and there will always be Eleanor helping humans for free.
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"I don't consider about the merit, it's just something I want to do, and seeing people with smiles on their faces is a big reward."
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It makes Edna feel tired just listening to it, a fool who doesn't expect anything in return, this person is like a saint. To Edna who values fair rewards, she is a strange person.
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"It's good to help, don't force yourself to hard--" Edna turned her head to leave when she heard the sound of objects falling, she turned her head quickly, only to see that the female seraph who was talking to her just now had fallen on the ground.
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"Fell down just after I finished speaking..."
Eleanor didn't express any fatigue, and was talking to Edna normally until just now. Maybe her senses became abnormal after following Velvet, so that she didn't realize that she had reached her limit. After all, Velvet often breaks through her limit in the fight, Edna guessed that she was either patient enough to forget what pain was or her senses became dull.
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Seeing this situation, Edna could only sigh, and silently carried the fainted Eleanor to the hospital.
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It was one of the very lucky things that the hospital didn't collapse during the war, because there were so many wounded to deal with after the battle.
After the war ended with their victory they both helped carry the wounded, a job Edna did not for the first time.
She skillfully used the strange power unique to the Earth seraph to lift Eleanor's body.
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Because of the height difference, Edna couldn't carry the Eleanor on her back, so she could only choose the carrying posture, lifting the Eleanor with one arm. Generally speaking, the little girl is lifting a tall woman with one arm, which alone is very prominent. If Someone nearby will definitely be attracted to her.
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"Edna, what are you doing? Huh? Eleanor?? What happened?"
Mikleo saw Edna carrying a person from a distance, so he walked up to talk. After a closer look, the person being carried was actually Eleanor.
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"What... Mibo. Eleanor fainted suddenly, I'm carrying her to the hospital."
".....(sigh) I let her go to rest and she started working in another place... Well, it's normal to fall down after working for 3 days and 3 nights without sleep. Let me carry her, this kind of work should be done by men."
From what Mikleo whispered, Edna felt very helpless. After working continuously for 3 days and 3 nights without sleep, it was natural that she would collapse.
She has a better understanding of Eleanor, such as being stupid and selfless. She reconfirmed that Eleanor has not changed since she was reincarnated as a seraph. It seems thats he is a complete idiot, and the degree of persistence that is no different from Velvet really makes Edna lament the similarity between the lord and the servant.
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Mikleo is similar to Sorey, subconsciously maintains a gentleman's attitude under Gramps' training, and seems to want to show a gentleman's demeanor and proposes to help.
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"You know I have strange powers, don't you?"
"I know, but after using the strange power, your whole body will be sore, right?"
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Edna once told Mikleo about this and asked him not to tell Sorey, but this conversation was 500 years ago, unexpectedly Mikleo still remembered this.
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It would not be an exaggeration to say that he is like those princes in fairy tales. Caring men are not everywhere.
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"You still remember."
"You told me this, of course I will remember."
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"Say it as if you will remember what I say."
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"...How do you say it as if it has several meanings? We are companions, of course I will remember what you said."
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"...Yeah." Edna would never admit to feeling a little lonely after hearing that answer.
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Although they are companions and stay at the same place, they haven’t seen each other very often these days. The two have their own lives, and basically only meet when they visit Sorey. Because there are fewer points of contact, the distance has become a little bit awkward. There was still some time left on the way to the hospital, and Edna didn't let the time go by.
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"What have you been doing these days?"
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"Look around outside of town, gather supplies and find places for those victims to stay."
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"Did Rose ask you to?"
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"Yes, I am the standing director of the guild and the town government, and I also have to work."
Although it has never been introduced, Mikleo himself is a member of the guild and town government founded by Rose, and has participated in the operation and management to some extent. It is simple and natural that it will become like this, because Mikleo met Rose and Alisha. After greeting each other, Rose proposes mutual assistance, providing resources for Mikleo to travel around, and Mikleo also assists in the operation of the town and guild. Mikleo will not refuse things that are beneficial to both parties and can help others. The relationship between the two parties has continued to this day.
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"You take on works spontaneously and have been running around for the past few months, no wonder I haven't seen you in town.
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"Seeing that there are people in need, I can't help but lend a helping hand."
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"I just heard something like that from Eleanor."
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"I'm resting well."
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"Who said I was worried about you?"
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"I never said you were worried about me?"
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"---you---!"
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"By the way, Edna, what have you been doing lately?"
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"...not doing anything, just looking around the town."
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"Is that so...... bored?"
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"......Um......" Being silent here is no different from admitting it.
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"If you're bored, why don't you take a look around with me?"
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"Are you inviting me to work together?"
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"...Yes. There are a lot of things that I can't handle alone. I feel that You should be able to handle it."
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"If you talk about this... I can't help but join you."
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"Yes, yes, thank you for your great kindness."
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"...Mibo, won't you be disappointed that Sorey lost his memory?" Edna saw that Mikleo was not very disappointed by Sorey's amnesia but was living a normal life, which made her feel incredible.
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"I feel lost, but I know he'll remember."
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"Because he remembers our names?"
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"There's a reason for that too...but more than that, I don't believe our memories can be erased so easily."
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"So it's groundless to believe him."
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"Well... you're right to say that. But don't you believe it?"
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"...I believe it, after all, it's those two people." After all, Sorey and Velvet have overcome many difficulties so far, and there are many times when Edna has to trust them.
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"Yeah, they've been through a lot to get to where they are today. Just wait now."
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While talking, the two walked to the hospital. It is common for people in the hospital to see Eleanor, and it is no surprise. Eleanor is a frequent visitor to the hospital due to overwork, and is usually assigned to the ward of Sorey and Velvet, Edna and Mikleo followed to that ward.
Usually in this ward, Sorey is always seen reading a book, looking at the scenery, talking to Maotelus, or looking at Velvet in the next bed and thinking. Today, a guest they don't know came, according to Rose’s words, he is a very intelligent doctor. I heard that this doctor has been observing the state of patients recently.
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"Excuse me, Doctor."
"Hi, are you coming to visit them?"
"Yes, by the way, send a friend to the hospital."
The doctor looked at the seraph behind the two of them, and knew about it, knowing that it was the seraph who didn't know how to rest came in again.
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"Is it possible for her to wake up?"
"Nursing staffs are helping her move her joints on a regular basis, and the hospital's equipment is also making the best adjustments for her long-term care. The transient cerebral hypoxia and organ failure caused by drugs have also recovered a lot during the recuperation."
The doctor slowly talked about the work that everyone had done and the recovery of the patient.
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"I've done brain stimulation within the allowable range, and the rest depends on her will. If someone is by her side to accompany and call her, it should help to some extent."
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"...That's good, then, is it possible for Sorey to recover his memory?"
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"Amnesia can be divided into mental causes and physical causes. According to inference, the cause of amnesia should be intracranial hemorrhage caused by severe impact and blood clots formed in the convex brain. Perhaps because the blood clots are in places that are more difficult to operate, the doctors did not Take out all the blood clots, and later I will arrange for him to have a computerized tomography of the brain to confirm the location of the blood clots."
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Although they didn't fully understand the doctor's words, the two of them were immediately relieved when they learned from the doctor's response that the doctor had a clear direction to treat them.
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"...Okay, we are counting on you, Doctor."
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"Okay, my diagnosis and treatment are over, leaving now."
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The doctor left, leaving behind 3 patients and 2 visitors.
The two fell asleep, and only Sorey was still awake. They started a conversation, chatting about the current state of the world and the ruins in that book.
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Sorey and Mikleo once again entered their world, and when they met, they always talked about the same things, but there were endless topics to talk about. Amnesia doesn't seem to be able to make Sorey forget the things he once loved, or sever the bonds between him and the people he cherishes, Edna, who was watching from the sidelines, came to this conclusion.
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She listened and thought about the punishment for Velvet, the ordinary punishment would not make Velvet experience the cost of messing around. Velvet is a person who is used to pain, so any pain will not be effective, no, it is foolish and arrogant to think that it will change her mind.
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If she wakes up, she will definitely not be able to leave the hospital bed for a while, which is already a great punishment. Instead, it might be appropriate to give her the opposite of pain.
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Edna looked at the sleeping black-haired woman with an inexplicable smile.
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Until your mind changes, it's probably a punishment.
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The quiet time like standing still flows quietly amidst the sound of conversation.
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Velvet Pov
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The sun shines into the room through the window, silently falling on the sleeping person, and the curtains flutter in the wind.
The fingers of the person on the bed trembled slightly, and the young man who was watching at the side immediately went to notify the doctor and his companions.
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He didn't know why he was so excited, and he couldn't wait to share this feeling with his companions.
In fact, all you need to do is press the "emergency bell" and use telepathic communication, but the boy who lost his memory seems to have forgotten this.
So the red-haired seraph sitting on the other side of the bed smiled wryly and told his companions about this matter through contract communications.
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She had to inform the others that a patient was running out of the hospital in hospital gown to find them.
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Then thinking that the doctor might prevent them from gathering in the ward like this, Eleanor stopped the action of pressing the "emergency bell".
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She thought: It’s okay to be a bad girl like this once in a while.
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The person on the bed followed the sound of the early birds, and the eyes of the sleeping person slowly opened, and she saw a boy and a girl guarding the bed.
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"Phi, Eleanor."
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”Velvet!”
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The boy couldn't help hugging the man who had been in a coma for too long, while the girl beside him just watched with relief and smiled.
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Then familiar faces appeared one after another in front of the people who had just woken up.
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"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty~" the topless seraph said flirtatiously.
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"Finally awake, what a bother." The blond seraph with a black Normin and an umbrella hooked concerned not frankly.
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"Zaveid, Edna."
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"Yo, finally got up, I can’t wait to fight you."
"Oh, finally woke up, I really want to share with you those video clips I treasure."
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"What are you talking about to a patient who just woke up..."
"That is to say, how can a person who just woke up accept such a stimulus, she will burst blood vessels."
"I haven't burst my veins against you every day, Bienfu. Don't worr~"
"Bien...Because I am the one who bursts blood vessels and stops the heartbeat every day...."
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“....Rokurou, Magilou, Bienfu…”
There was helplessness in the tone, and the three of them would piss her off as usual, but they fully gave her the real feeling of returning to reality.
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"It's good that you woke up."
The silver-haired Fire seraph folded hor hands and sighed with a smile.
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"...Sister?...Ah---Lailah."
Although the hair color and eye color are completely different, Lailah and Celica's outlines are somewhat similar, so that Velvet, who came back from the dream, recognized the wrong person for a moment.
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"Fufu, I didn't expect to see the scene where Velvet in a trance." Lailah snickered, the cheeks of the person on the bed flushed slightly.
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Then from outside the curtain, Mikleo came in smiling and looked at the person on the bed from a distance.
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"Mikleo..."
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Finally, Sorey came in slowly, and showed a bright smile to the newly awakened person.
Although there is no memory left, he is sincerely happy and grateful for her return, which is a feeling that even a blank can't erase.
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And the person on the bed looked at each other and smiled back, muttering his name: "...Sorey."
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"Everyone...sorry for keep you waiting so long."
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Surrounded by companions, the ward is filled with a warm atmosphere, which is the sweetness that makes the awakened unable to extricate themselves.
Everyone here is telling her that she can stay here, so that she can't even doubt.
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It is precisely because of experiencing a happy life that life in darkness becomes painful, and it is precisely because of experiencing the most desperate pain that one understands the value of happiness.
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This makes this moment an extremely precious treasure to Velvet Crowe, and she is terrified and happy to have this moment.
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She was afraid that people would not accept herself with blood on her hands, she emphasized this to others and herself, and wanted everyone to leave her, but they didn't.
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Her subconscious wants to be a good person, and wants to punish herself, so she ignores her own burden and helps others, saying that she wants to be in arrears with others, but everyone thinks she is a gentle person.
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Everyone's feelings for her grow slowly like a tree root and they hold on to her who wants to disappear.
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No matter how much she tries to keep her distance, everyone's enthusiasm will eventually melt her frozen heart.
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It's very warm here, and you can stay here.
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Even if everything is lost, even if you make a mistake again, you can start over and try again.
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The message everyone worked so hard to convey to her has reached.
The patient was a little perplexed, but smiled with nostalgia.
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"Thank you........"
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The patient on the bed spoke weakly, with a flat and happy smile on his face.
This expression is much more stable and calm than her previous one, as calm and happy as a wanderer who has found a place to live.
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Later, the group of people gathered in the ward was reprimanded by the doctor who received the news and left the scene, leaving behind the doctor and awaken patient.
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Although she just woke up, Velvet is still quite awake and can recognize the most basic things.
After she saw the doctor for the first time, Velvet immediately remembered the previous events.
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The doctor is the one who rescued her. Without him, Velvet might not be able to return and integrate into the life of this era so quickly after waking up. Although Velvet has not fully integrated into the life of the new era now, the doctor let her be an ordinary person. The identity of re-experiencing life as a human being.
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Even though Velvet didn't expect to survive at the time, the doctor was an important benefactor to Velvet in every sense, and because of that, everything that happened afterwards made Velvet feel more guilty towards him.
The guilt once made Velvet self-hatred to the extent of becoming a hellion. She wanted to escape, and fled to an uninhabited place and disappeared quietly. That was her wish as human and as hellion.
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Now that Velvet is rescued, encouraged, and cherished by her companions, she will no longer think about disappearing, but the guilt still exists, and she now accepts that one of the reasons for being alive is to atone for sin.
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It is her responsibility, and her self-satisfaction, perhaps only self-will, for her sin will not disappear.
There was no escaping the events that had brutally drawn her to reality.
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She still remember that the day she was released by Tartarus, she couldn't stop the controlled Eleanor from destroying the village with magic. This was an order she should have carried out, but because she was too hesitant, Tartarus directly controlled Eleanor to summon thunder with magic.
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The village was ruined by the thunder instantly, turned into a sea of flames, and into a purgatory on earth.
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The accident was so sudden that no one expected it, so most of the villagers died in the flames or were crushed under the rubble that day, and the doctor's wife was one of the victims.
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Velvet thought that if she could have noticed the abnormality earlier, maybe everything would have ended differently. Of course, choosing a different future also means that one must be mentally prepared to lose Sorey.
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Eleanor would have said it wasn't her fault, but the state of powerlessness self was a sin to her. Because of knowing what was going to happen but she was not desperately gaining the power to deal with it.
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There was no turning back. At that time, Velvet could only rush into the fire to save people, but he failed to save his benefactor.
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The doctor rescued her, but she cost him his home and his important people. She thought, if the doctor knew all this, would he still save her?
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And if she simply stated all the facts, it would be just irresponsible. Both of his losses are irreversible, and confessing and not dealing with the other person's immediate emotions is no redemption. Doing so just makes the doctor's life more messy.
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Considering all kinds of things, she had a complicated look on her face.
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"What's the matter? Could it be that you are troubled by making your body like this and meeting me?" The old doctor said amusedly after seeing her expression.
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"I...."
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"Everything will be discussed after the diagnosis and treatment."
The well-informed doctor thought that would affect his medical treatment and decided to listen to it after everything was over.
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Velvet's reaction has made the doctor who has been on the run for many years realize that she may have done something sorry for herself, but whether standing on his own position as a doctor or as a person entrusted, the doctor chooses to heal the patient in front of her.
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The patient in front of him may not cherish his body, but this time he can see the will to live from her.
It appears that the boy did save her, much to the relief of the doctor who had taken care of them for some time.
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After a careful examination, the doctor found that Velvet's body was weakened a lot. It was as if he had been injected with a tranquilizer mentally. He was awake but calm as if he was asleep. His body also suffered from muscle atrophy due to long-term lethargy. She has grown a lot, and now she can't move casually. Although the previous doctor had already given her blood transfusions, they also injected antibiotics to deal with the various bacteria infected by the wound, which increased the burden on the already existing organs, and the doctor had to find another way to restore Velvet to health. In the current state, At least Velvet must be rested, not suitable for discharge from the hospital.
In Sorey's condition, it is because he has already woken up, and there is no need to follow up in various aspects. He only needs to slowly restore his body and clear the blood clots in his brain.
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Although the doctor can deduce the cause of the injury from the body and prescribe the right medicine, but some information can only be obtained from Velvet to get the most accurate answer. Rather than making a diagnosis and treatment based on guesswork, the doctor judged that the current Velvet needs the most accurate diagnosis and treatment. After all, the best time for treatment has been completely missed. Doctors should rely on the condition of Velvet at that time to judge the treatment method.
Regarding this point, although it was troublesome to explain, Velve reluctantly answered honestly.
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Skip the reasons for the fight and go straight to the reasons for this injury.
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“Some wounds were left over from previous battles, and I joined another battle before they fully healed. During the battle, I was attacked and caused many small wounds. Although I rested my body in the middle, I kept dragging my body with serious injuries and fatigue to fight, and I used banned drugs to support the battle beyond the limits of my body. For some reason, I cut off my left arm, and then fell into the sea with Sorey from a very high altitude, trying to drag Sorey to swim ashore with one hand.”
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Listening to this made the doctor feel distressed, just listening to it felt painful, and he felt that it was really incredible that this person survived.
Just think about the pain of soaking in seawater with bleeding wounds, let alone swimming in it. Coupled with the previous behavior of constantly tearing up your own wounds and fighting, the doctor is already sure that the real golden time of treatment has long been missed.
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But it also shows that Velvet really desperately wants to live this time, and the pain will not be able to support it with less willpower.
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From Velvet's description of the results only, the doctor could understand why her body was in this state.
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It’s just that the fact that there are many wounds is not a big problem. What makes the problem more complicated is the bacterial infection when soaking in sea water and the banned drugs that make the body weak.
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There is a certain risk in taking medicine for people whose liver and kidneys are weak to a certain extent. Fortunately, all the nutrients absorbed by the body during the unconscious period were controlled by the hospital, so the functions of the organs have recovered to a certain extent. Therefore, doctors can carry the treatment with fine drugs prescription with moderate portion control.
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The result was as Edna expected, Velvet had to be tied to the bed for a while, and even if she wanted to move, her muscles in atrophy would not allow her to do so. But Sorey was able to leave the ward and go for a walk sometimes.
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The near-silent diagnosis and treatment prolonged Velvet's thinking time.
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Velvet couldn't say what she wanted to say to the doctor, because an apology and a confession didn't help anything, and the result was only self-satisfaction, which seriously affected the doctor's mood.
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Although the doctor's performance is undoubtedly normal, but Velvet can still feel a sense of loss. Those dead eyes are somewhat familiar, like Artorius' eyes, but also like her own eyes. Even in pain, he still clings to his own value to survive.
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He is doing his best just to be alive.
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For such a desperate doctor, Velvet felt that it was impossible to solve anything by letting the him vent his anger, or that it was an arrogant idea to want to solve this matter. So Velvet decided to think more carefully about what she could do.
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For Velvet, promises are not easy to make, and answers are not easy to give, especially an apology.
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‘If you can't do it yourself, then don't bring it up, and you must do it when you talk about it.’
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So she thought, maybe she should have done all the 'redemption' she could have done before confessing and apologizing.
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Then she'll soon start worrying about something else.
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"Velvet, there's something you need to know."
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She was told Sorey had lost his memory.
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This made her feel that God always liked to play jokes on her.
—---------------------------------------
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Edna pov
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I thought today would be the same as usual, repeating those parts that almost bored me, even with Mikleo around now I can’t return to my usual rhythm, I’m not even in the mood to play tricks on Mikleo.
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I think I probably understand the reason, that is, those two human beings who always make troubles have been worrying me all the time.
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That's why I don't like connecting with humans, because parting always hurts me.
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Man is mortal and feeling sad about it is like an idiot, that's what I've been telling myself all along, but I'm still sad and annoyed at Velvet in this half-dead state, and every day that drags on makes me wonder whether she never wake up, if that's the case, it's better to let her die. I don't want to see you with tubes all over your body, the appearance of lingering to survive, t he appearance of being arbitrary manipulated by people is not like your style at all. Seeing your appearance like this, I can't help but want to terminate your life.
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This appearance of yours reminds me of my elder brother who became a dragon. Although he has always been by my side as I wished, he is no longer the elder brother I known. The part of the bing as my elder brother has long been corroded by malevolence.
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She promised not to be reckless and will survive, and she said she would not leave me alone, but she failed to keep her promise every time, she is really a bad liar, but my heart will be restless because of her. Like my brother, I like this human being who is always moving forward.
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So after hearing the news from Sorey that she was going to wake up, I rushed to her ward with all my strength to see how she really woke up.
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When I arrived, other companions arrived in the ward one after another. The situation was similar to when Sorey woke up. This is the result of her hard work. Everyone saw the real her and agreed with her presense.
Under the witness of everyone, she wake up from a deep dream and returning to our reality.
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She was very weak when she woke up, but she seemed happy to see everyone around, and she smiled lightly.
I'm so grateful to be able to wait until the day you wake up, I'm burying my almost thought of killing you in a corner of mind that probably won't be opened again. I'm thinking I should tell you about Sorey’s amnesia, I know that you will feel sad when you know it. Even so, I have to tell you, because the more delay, the more serious you will be hurt.
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In the end, I can only tell you directly after the doctor's consultation, you were already very lost, and I was a villain who told you such bad news.
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"Thank you for coming to tell me, Edna." Velvet thanked me with a sad smile.
It's your gentle act of ‘killing your emotion’ that shakes my heart, so you can't even be a straight bad person.
You've lied enough, just be honest with me at this point.
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"If you hate it, just say it. If you feel sad, cry, don't give me such an ugly smile."
I expressed my dissatisfaction unhappily, not wanting to accept her kindness to make me feel better.
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Regarding my words, she first showed a very surprised and uninformed expression, and was a little troubled. She lost her speech ability several times and wanted to organize a sentence. Then tears slowly pooled in the corners of her eyes, as if she realized her feelings later.
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What a big liar, she even lied to herself, before I pointed it out, she became unclear about her feelings, maybe she has lived like this until now. Because the real self is too fragile, she has to protect with lies. Still, now she is much better than before, more like a human being.
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My words will turn into a sword and destroy everything you have built with lies, including your ‘character shell’ as an 'older sister', come and show me what you are inside, this is the Punishment for your lies, I will watch you well.
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"It's so strange, this should be something I had hoped for, but... now it feels like my chest has been hollowed out." She whimpered and said intermittently.
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"Isn't this showing how you value him? This kind of thing is normal for human beings, after all, you two have experienced many things together."
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"But I... am not eligible...."
"Is that how you keep killing all your feelings and desires with low self-esteem? You don't need any qualifications for this kind of thing."
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She was surprised again, then looked into the distance as if admitting defeat, and smiled frankly.
"......Yes, maybe since my sister died, I have been forcing myself to be a good sister, to maintain the surviving family. The real me must be like an empty shell, but I also decided that I should seriously look for a way to live. I have decided......"
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Sure enough, the real she is as fragile as a child. At first, she just wanted to protect everything around her and hurt herself totally in the whole thing. In the end, she gradually lost herself. But she still stood up very hard. I saw her broken walked over unbearably, obviously so broken but wanted to protect me, and said that she would not abandon me.
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Although there are many differences between you and me, we are both afraid of being lonely.
In fact, you don't want to be left behind, you want everyone to be by your side all the time, you want to be loved so you will always act like this, then don't reject others.
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"I will accompany you to find, and so don't refuse us, leave us." I grabbed her chin and made her look up at me.
As my kind, my older sister, my little sister, my friend, I will not allow you to continue being so negative.
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I am well aware that human nature is difficult to change, you will not change, but I still want you to work hard to fulfill your promise.
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"Thank you...Edna. I will try harder."
This time you showed me a real smile.
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—---------------------------
sorey pov
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I don't spend much time awake every day, and sometimes I feel sleepy, and when I am awake, I have more urges to go out.
Monotonous white makes people crazy.
The days in the ward for the past three months can be said to be monotonous. Although there are people who visit me, I stay alone in the ward most of the time. Losing the memory of everyone makes me feel even more lonely and empty, the days spent with them do exist, but only vague shadows remain, it makes me feel very empty, but I can only keep finding the leftover fragments in the blank memory.
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There are not many superfluous things in the ward, only life-sustaining equipment, a unconscious person and windows to spy on the outside world.
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I know the bounded time is short, but I still can't stop urging for freedom .
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I longed for the outside, longed for freedom, my feet were confined in the ward, and all I could do was look at the almost unchanging scenery from the window.
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In addition to these, Mikleo brought me a book called the Celestial Records, which is a book that records the relics, history, and the footprints of the Shepherds. He said that I was very fascinated by this book, this I very much agree that even if I don’t know some words, I can still study the content of the book in the ward all day, and imagine the outside through the book, imagine the whole of the ruins in the record, and I can recall my past footsteps, because Mikleo has written all my records in it. This has enriched my ward life a lot, and I really appreciate Mikleo.
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I was stipulated to stay in the room, and I learned the characters, knowledge and history of this era through books, and recalled myself as a Shepherd.
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There was also a patient in a deep coma in the same room, named Velvet Crowe. .
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I heard from my companion that you seem to be my companion too, you seem to have tried your best to save me, and I have also tried my best to save you.
However, I have no memory of you who was once so important. The reason should be a severe blow to the head.
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Your background is so complicated that Mikleo couldn't explain it clearly to me, and Edna didn't tell me anything about you for her own sake. Only one person told me about you, his name is Laphicet, and he visits you often. I got to know about you from his discription, rightly say, he just told me about his journey, and I just remembered that journey was related to you. He and I described our respective journeys to each other, in this way In the process of doing it, my memory of the past also became clear. I remembered that we seemed to have had the same conversation, and I heard the gentle devil in his description again.
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Strong and fragile, selfish but selfless, terrifying and gentle, a human being full of contradictions.
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I know you, who have been in a coma, from Laphicet's one-sided description, and I am more and more curious about you.
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It is not the first time that I have this kind of curiosity. I feel that I have had this feeling before. It is not about my companions. It should be that I was also curious about you. Because I have heard it before, the same story, I became concerned about you, just like I am now.
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Even the situation where there are only the two of us in the ward is so familiar, as if it used to be like this: 2 people stay in the same ward, and I always look at you and think wildly.
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I imagine how we would start a conversation, and I imagine how I would invite you to travel with me.
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Seems like it's been done before, and I'm going to do it again.
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Talk to my friends, try to recall the past, look at the same scenery, study the same book, look at you, and then more than 3 months have passed, I still can't recall the memory about you.
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You, who had been in a coma next to me for a long time, showed signs of waking up, which made me very excited. I immediately went out of the ward to find other people and wanted to inform them, and then I went back to the place where no one had become a ward full of people. Looking forward to your wake.
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You called out my name lightly, I smiled, tens of thousands of words choked in my throat, even though I imagined many times, I had no idea how to start a conversation with you. Driven by the doctor, everyone left the ward, I It was also taken to other places for routine inspection, so the fact that I lost my memory was not revealed on the spot.
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But it also confuses me more about how to start a conversation with you.
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I went back to the ward with a nervous mood, the doctor had already left, and you were the only one left there.
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You, who were looking at the window with a blank expression, slowly turned your head to look at me who came in, and there was a bit of trouble and loss in your eyes, but you tried your best to show a smile on the corner of your mouth.
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"Sorey, it has been a long time."
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"Yeah…... Velvet. You've been asleep for a long time..."
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"Yeah...but why do you know my name?"
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"..What do you mean?"
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"I heard that you lost your memory, you probably don't remember me, don’t you?"
One word directly revealed everything, and you faced the fact that this might make you feel sad. It turns out that you already knew it, so your eyes became strange when you saw me coming.
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"um, yes."
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"Then why do you know my name?"
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"I am very concerned about your existence, and my heart keeps telling me that I have some kind of connection with you, so I ask other people about you, I am very sorry."
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"...No need to apologize, you knew it at first, but now...maybe it's some kind of fate. So, how much do you know about me?"
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You seemed to ask questions about what I know now, as if nothing happened, and continued the conversation with me as if unaffected. Although I have no memory at all, I know that you will not be fine, after all, how much you were seriously injured, and it is because of me, that means that I was very important to you in the past. The reason why you pretend to be calm now is because you are taking my feelings into consideration, because you don’t want to disturb me.
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"I heard about you and his journey from Laphicet, and know nothing else."
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"...Heh, then it has been way back to the beginning... Would consider turning us back into a relationship of strangers? Maybe it's easier for you."
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This question freaks me out, it's an option I would never have thought of, and it would definitely make you miserable if I agreed to it.
No matter what is behind that sentence, it is a choice that will sting and hurt yourself, but you proposed such a cruel choice to me without hesitation.
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Is it because you think this is the best for me? What a self-righteous thought, maybe because you have a low self-esteem, but you clearly shed tears in your heart when you proposed it.
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I have no way of knowing your real mood now, hey, I don’t know if you don’t say it.
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Even if I lose my memory now, I am sure that I don't want to hurt you.
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"I will not consider such a cruel option, let's meet and know each other again, the result will definitely be the same."
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You looked at me in surprise, looking very puzzled.
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"Why would you want to be with a murderer like me?"
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"I'm here now because you saved me, and you're not a bad person."
Villains don't wake up surrounded by people, expecting to wake up for a moment.
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"I didn't save you before we met. I saved you because you saved me. Then why did you want to get in touch with me before?"
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"Probably after hearing your story, I feel that you should be get your own happiness? No, maybe more simply, I just want to know you. It doesn't take many reasons to know someone, but I still want to know you now. So let's meet again."
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"...You really make me speechless, even if you lose your memory, you are still the same."
You smiled as if relieved, unintentionally revealing your unique tenderness, I couldn't help but stare blankly for a moment.
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This kind of smile is not what you call a murderer or the so-called Lord of Calamity in the world.
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Whether it is the Lord of Calamity cursed by the world or the Shepherd who saves the world, they are all just ordinary people in essence, and you are such an ordinary and gentle person in front of me.
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I can see this all the more clear because of amnesia that makes all memories blurry.
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Although I have lost my memory, the former me must also know your kind nature to want to save you. All my companions in the Shepherd period recognized your existence. Something must have happened before, but unfortunately I can’t remember now.
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"Then let's get to know each other again, Sorey."
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“It’s my pleasure to know you, Velvet."
……………………………………
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It took Velvet a week to go from body-filled intubation to life without so many instruments, but she was still not allowed to get out of bed.
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The days of being imprisoned in the ward were extremely boring for Sorey, and he might not be able to survive without that book, and it was even more unbearably idle for Velvet.
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Velvet Crowe has never been an idle person, and she will not give herself free time. It has not changed from before to now. Due to many reasons, even her own preferences have become vague, and now she does not know how to spend her free time.
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In the past, she didn't have time to enjoy leisure time at all, so she never learned what the so-called rest should be. Now forced rest is like torture for Velvet.
Because Edna did not allow Velvet to be treated with seraphic artes, which greatly prolonged the time Velvet was confined to the hospital bed, Edna still feels that this is the most correct decision she has ever made, and she has never seen such a troubled Velvet. This restriction itself greatly revealed Velvet's own psychological problems, and she had to face the problem head-on.
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During this period of time, Velvet has been unable to calm down. If Edna and Eleanor did not monitor her every day, Probably that she would start exercising herself in order to speed up her body's recovery function. But because of the monitoring, she could not do so, on such days and every day facing Sorey who has amnesia, her expression intentionally or unintentionally reveals loneliness and frequent daze.
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It does feel unbearable but she still force herself to accept everything, so that she is forced to be an adult in a flawed way but it is only a surface after all. The blank time intensifies the feeling of emptiness in her. If it is not for Edna and Eleanor to be with her all the time, the blank time may cause mental problems. It was a very decadent time, and she didn't know what to do. She began to study the function of a smartphone and so on. She thought about the way to live seriously.
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And Sorey is also hiding from Velvet intentionally or unintentionally. He was allowed to go out for a walk, and he made full use of the right to take a walk outside for a small adventure. He couldn't stay in the ward, he was anxious to restore his memory. Even if his doctor was replaced by The Old Doctor, the same opinion is given. The brain surgery to restore the memory to remove the blood clot was judged as too risky to proceed. Thus, in the end he had to rely on himself. He doesn’t know how to deal with Velvet because of the degree of guilt. Velvet’s tenderness with killing her emotion inside, him makes him don’t know how to respond to her. Simply put, he will be nervous and restless when he sees her. This is the interest urge of a teenager, at the same time, feeling heartbroken and powerless for the girl. He knew that the current self could not save Velvet, and he felt that he was not the one who saved her if he lost his memory, and he was doing everything he could to speed up the recovery of his memory. At the same time, he will come back every day to tell Velvet about the outside world, create opportunities for dialogue, and try to get to know Velvet anew.
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Regarding this obviously problematic situation, everyone had no choice but to hold a wait-and-see attitude, and they could only watch silently.
At the suggestion of Alisha, Rose decided to assign some paperwork to Velvet so that she would be busy with other things and reduce the time for random thoughts, which also became an opportunity for Velvet to relearn the words of this era spontaneously. Eleanor starts to pay attention to herr body, stop being hospitalized due to overwork, and switch from helping the revival to teaching Velvet about the words in the era. Sometimes Rokuro and Sorey happen to be in class together.
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As a person who has been alive since ancient times, Rokuro surprised Eleanor that his understanding of words needs to be improved. He himself said that because he focused on fighting, and the readings were assisted by Rose, Alisha and Grimoire, he was not really learning. After listening to it, Eleanor did not hesitate to catch him to come to study with Velvet every day.
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Due to her increased understanding of text, coupled with the development of smart phones and network technology, Velvet has access to many more things, including access to music, which greatly reduces the time she spends alone worrying about things, and having a new habit of listening to music. Sometimes she would share the music she heard with Sorey and chat with him. She began to no longer care about his amnesia, and calmly accepted the current daily life. Sorey also began to face Velvet normally, and also shared a lot about his life and things he did while on the ward, sharing the novelty he found when he was outside.
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Everything is slowly developing for the better, Velvet has not lost anything, and the decadent time has gradually turned into a peaceful daily life. Velvet also actively learns different things in order to be able to find the future direction. See Velvet's good changes , Edna and Eleanor are also relieved a lot.
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However, Velvet did not compromise the restrictions of being trapped in the ward. Sorey told her every day that the things outside made her want to go outside. When she slowly recovered and was able to get out of bed for a long-distance transfer, she start planning to sneak out, and secretly exercising in order to carry out the plan.
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Then one day, Velvet, who was tired of being trapped in the hospital room, sent an invitation.
"Hey, Sorey, you're still awake, right?"
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".........yes?"
"Would you like to go for a walk outside with me?"
"Huh? Velvet, are you permitted to go out?"
"It's not important, is it? I just want to see outside, and it would be a great help if you could show me the way."
"Okay...where do you plan to go out? There's a nurse on duty outside."
"Go out the window."
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Before Sorey had time to be surprised, Velvet had already opened the window and climbed out.
Sorey, who couldn't let go of Velvet from various angles, followed and left the ward together.
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Since the town is still in the renaissance stage, not many buildings have power supply yet, and electricity must be used sparingly, so the town has a few lights at night, and the stars become obvious.
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They went to the roof of the next building overlooking the town, Sorey continued walking while explaining, and they started a small adventure of patrolling the town at night.
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Looking down from the side of the hospital is the revitalized urban area that can be seen from the window of the ward. The restrictions of the window frame are lost, and the scenery next to it is greeted. They have been walking leisurely on the roof, going to the nearby factory area, they saw a few workers who were working at night holding a beer party and taking a break at night. They all focused on watching the football game broadcast on TV, and did not notice Sorey and Velvet who were secretly watching them from above. .
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"What are they looking at?"
"Football games, in this era, it seems that many men like to watch them."
"What is football?"
"It's a sport that adds different rules to kicking the ball. If you can go out, wanna to try?"
"It doesn't feel bad, alright."
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After watching for a while, they walked to the roof of the shopping district. This is the direction that people on the street will go when they see from the window. Since it is located in the back of the town, it has not been damaged, and it is an area that cannot be seen from the windows of the wards. , is also the place where Sorey once said that there are many things for sale. Now it is a quiet street due to the post-war situation, but Velvet, who remembers the scene here, can imagine how it was during the day.
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"You seem to like being here?"
"Yeah, how do you know?"
"You often talk about things here, and sometimes you bring some strange items, which I guess come from here."
"It's amazing, it's indeed here, but those items aren't strange, are they?
"It's so strange that it's very interesting, you can continue to bring it over, and I want to see more."
"Okay, I'll keep bringing it."
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In this way, they stop at every place for a while, and start a small conversation.
The scenery seen from the roof, the scenery of the town, the scenery of the starry sky, were all beautiful and familiar, and Velvet responded to him with a calm smile. This smile was different from the usual sad smile, as if it made him peep into the past Velvet. After seeing such a smile, his heart tightened. Sorey felt that he had done similar things before, and had seen the same smile that he wanted to protect. Maybe it was a clue to restore his memory, or maybe it was just a boy's excitement to a girl.
Although there are not many things he can do, he intends to act as a bodyguard this night to guard the girl who breaks the rules and asks him out for a walk at night.
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Seeing the vast sea on the roof made them want to take a closer look at the sea that picked up the stars in the sky in the dark.
They walked to the beach where they had shared memories. Velvet didn't say a word about the memories here, but just lamented the beauty of the night sea that merged with the night sky. The sound of the waves beating against the shore rhythmically became the only melody played in the night.
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“ The moonlight is so beautiful."
"Yes, it seems to be very bright tonight"
The two walking on the beach chatted aimlessly.
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"Velvet, why did you ask me to come with you today?" Sorey couldn't hold back the doubt in his heart anymore.
"I don't know, it's just my whim." Velvet only gave a casual answer, the walking pace slowed down, stopped and turned to look at Sorey, and said with a smile: "It's just that you made me curious and nostalgic about this world. You made me want to live, so I want you to take responsibility."
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The long hair fluttered with the wind and blended into the night, and the light-colored hospital gown turned into a silver skirt under the faint moonlight, silver light making the eyes that were staring at him look somewhat mysterious and charming.
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Seeing this phantom smile, Sorey was stunned, and when he came back to his senses, he head forward, lips on her lips, and then hugged her head with his hand, and pushed open the Thin lips that are not tightly closed with his tongue .
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The boy couldn't hold back his inner impulse, and kissed the girl under the moonlight.
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The moment Sorey suddenly approached, Velvet's heartbeat accelerated several times, and those emerald green eyes held onto her tightly as if staring straight at her soul. Then his lips pressed against hers, and his tongue penetrated into Velvet's mouth. The kiss seemed centuries to Velvet. This was also the first official kiss between Sorey and Velvet, and Sorey gently Stirring their tongues, sucking each other's little oxygen, maybe the technique is not very good, but it contains tenderness and affection.
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Velvet was frightened, at first she wanted to dodge her body backwards, and wanted to push Sorey away, but only one hand was not strong enough, and Sorey hugged her tightly to limit her range of movement, and she hugged her even tighter after resisting. Velvet forgot how to breathe, her body couldn't move as the oxygen gradually decreased, and there was a groan of struggling to breathe from her mouth. Her hand slowly slid down to Sorey's chest, she could only grab the hem of his clothes, pull it weakly, and finally gave up struggling, but she didn't really want to push him away.
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This should be Velvet's first kiss, she should feel angry and uncomfortable being taken away by a man like this, but she didn't feel this, her heart was beating wildly, almost unable to feel its beating, warm blood flowed to The whole body made the cold sweat feel sharper. The mood was frantic and calm so that the heart seemed to stop. The reactions of the whole body were so contradictory that Velvet could not correctly judge the situation.
During the short-term lack of oxygen, her head went blank, unable to understand what happened now, why Sorey did this, and her own mood. Then when she was really about to lose consciousness due to lack of oxygen, Sorey finally let go. After the kiss, Velvet's body limp weakly, allowing Sorey to continue to support her body that was about to fall backwards.
Velvet's mouth was still half-closed, she maintained a dazed and slightly flattered expression, a suspicious blush appeared on her face. She couldn't think of what to say about what happened just now, her expression remained at this attractive state.
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"Ah, sorry, I've seen it on TV before, I've been meaning to try this."
After calming down, Sorey realized that he had done something terrible, and hurriedly came up with clumsy excuses, which made Velvet, who had just been kissed suddenly, feel a little angry.
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"...Can you do this to anyone?"
"No!!! At that moment just now, you gave me the urge to do this. I didn't have this kind of thought when it came to other people. Although I lost my memory, I know that you are my important person, the person I want to protect all the time . Just now, I'm sorry.....Do you hate? Do you hate me?"
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"This... I... it's OK .” Velvet responded in a very low voice, so thin that it could be drowned out by the sound of the waves, but Sorey still heard her answer.
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"That's really great, although I don't have the memory, but I will take responsibility." Sorey took Velvet's hand with both hands, promising.
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Velvet tried to recover from the mood just now, and made another invitation:
"If you can't remember it, don't rush about it. I will remember the lost memory for you. In exchange, find what I want to do with me. Would you travel with me after we recover? To take a look at this world together."
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Sorey smiled wryly, looking for an opportunity all the time but the words he didn't say were preempted, and now he had to give his answer affirmatively: "Of course."
—---------------—----------------TBC—-------------------------------------------------------------
A.N.
I've been busy recently so I haven't been able to finish writing. I don't know if it can be counted as a Christmas gift. Anyway, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
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As I said, there is no central theme in this article, it is purely an explanation of the setting, and I wrote everything I thought of, and I couldn’t think of a way to organize it, so it was written like a dull description of setting somehow, rushing the progress.
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In the past, I was afraid that some people would not like to see Sorey and Velvet have any intimate behavior, so I usually released those in side story episode, but later I gave up and ignored it. This time I reminded in advance that “ If there are any clips in it that you don’t like, please just skip and see next.”
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If there is no accident, the next chapter will be over, I believe everyone can guess the ending.
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In case someone understands or has forgotten to set it up, I will add an explanation
- The first boy was one of the people rescued by Velvet, see Ch25 for details.
- The old doctor is the one who debuted in Ch1 (in fact, it should be explained in the last chapter but I forgot), I let him keep his nameless at the beginning, so that it is easier to remember him.
- The place by the seaside that is listed as a‘Grade A endangered species protection zone’ is Magiland. There are so many settings in this place that I might make a mistake. I just checked to see if there are any contradictions. It seems that there is no. It is originally a Towns that are dominated by seclusion have various information for concealment, and this is one of information for concealment.
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- Note, it doesn’t matter if you don’t read the following instruction, I just want to release the settings that I buried:
The setting of this chapter is temporarily modified from the setting of the second season (old) I made before. The setting of the child and the old doctor are the same but the way of appearance is different. The original setting is:
Sorey didn’t have amnesia, he recovered faster than Velvet and started to pick up tasks, Velvet was just discharged from the hospital a little later than him and started to act alone. Velvet went to the Tewks destroyed by her to see the situation alone while recovering from his injuries, thinking about how to atone for his sins. Because Sorey and the others were worried, they found out where Velvet was going and followed there. Velvet who went there was recognized by the survivors, and the survivors believed the rumors against Velvet, thinking that Velvet was the one who burned the village, so they attacked , caught her and beat her up. The teenager who recognized Velvet as the savior tried to stop the crowd from beating Velvet and defended her. Sorey came to Tewks and found the doctor, and the doctor asked Sorey to find out the whereabouts of the boy he adopted, and then Sorey and others found the teenager who confronted the villagers and Velvet who was beaten more severely. Sorey and Edna were so angry that they scared away the violent villagers. Velvet was transported to the doctor's clinic for treatment. After she woke up, the doctor explain the general situation and the current situation of the village to her, Velvet confessed everything to the doctor and apologized. The doctor knew that Velvet was the one who saved the boy, and at the same time, he hated her for indirectly causing the her wife to die, but he rescued her based on the fact that he would not let the saved person die, so after treating her basic injuries and suggesting to find a technician for repairing the prosthesis, he told her that he didn't want to see her. Velvet understood the reason, silently accepted the doctor's last kindness and decided to leave the village at night.
Taking a break in the clinic before leaving, Sorey came to visit Velvet in the ward, and was angry when he learned that Velvet had the idea of accepting their violence (anger) as atonement, because he wanted Velvet to love hmself. He said he didn't want to Seeing Velvet living like this repeatedly hurting herself, Velvet insisted that he should be punished. Sorey said he understood but because Velvet was his important person so he couldn't agree with Velvet's behavior. Velvet hesitated, Sorey added: "If you want punishment so much, I'll give it to you."...and then the punishment is a forced kiss.
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Then they went back to the village at night. Sorey thought about apologizing, but Velvet kept pretending to be asleep because she couldn't face Sorey. After returning to the village, Velvet was placed in a house, Eleanor stayed to take care of her and Sorey decided to go to the place of the prosthetic technician and separate from Velvet to calm down. Before leaving, Sorey wanted to say goodbye to Velvet, but Velvet was still pretending to be asleep, so Sorey had to leave a message to Eleanor. Velvet was told to rest and not move around. The time of Staying behind was very long, she couldn't stay in the house peacefully, and started cleaning and exercising in various ways. Eleanor was so angry that she directly restrained her with seraphic arte so that she couldn't move around. Rose learned that and assigned works to Velvet to make her calm, leading the need to learn the text of this era. The work is done, and because of the time separation and the forced kiss scene that keeps coming to mind, she understands that she cares about Sorey.
The rescued boy followed to Velvet because he wanted to repay her favor, and the doctor followed to Magiland because he was worried about the boy.
Velvet had no choice but to recover from her decadent life attitude because she had to take care of the boy who came suddenly.
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Then Sorey came back, and after a meal, Velvet asked him to go to the beach to have a chat alone, and they made up.
(At first I imagined this kind of setting after the ending, and the plot refers to some favorite stories, but because I altered the settings, Sorey lost his memory and Velvet was in a coma, all the settings have to be changed, probably into a better way.)
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