TW ! Mention of abuse and death !
The sun has already started setting by the time we get back to my house.
The wind has picked up a bit; the breeze making it cold, but not unbearably cold.
Hayden takes in a breath of fresh air and sighs, "why does it have to be cold?"
I shrug. It doesn't bother me. I like colder weather, it helps me think better, makes me calmer.
The wind dances around us, blowing the leaves around the ground and up. I push my hair out of my face. I haven't been able to get a haircut yet. I've been too busy fighting and hiding from reality.
Twigs snap under our feet as we walk through the forest.
"Are you staying for dinner?" I ask, hiding the hope in my voice. I don't want to sound desperate.
Hayden shrugs, "I'm not sure. I hope so. My mom is out with some of her friends so it would just be me and my dad." She explains, "we usually go out when mom goes with her friends."
I nod. I like it when Hayden stays for dinner. I don't have to worry about getting yelled at when I make a mistake when Hayden stays. But of course, it's very rare when she stays.
The house is warm. Laughter fills the house from the four men in the living room. When we walk in, Hayden's dad sees us and smiles. "Hey! Your back!"
Hayden smiles and she goes to give her dad a hug. I force a smile but stay where I am.
"Good timing, we decided we are going out for dinner!" Another says. Hayden's smile grows; she loves eating out.
"Jodies?" She asks, hopeful. Jodies is her favorite.
Her dad laughs. "Sure."
She squeals and wraps her arms around her dad again.
I look at the others, I catch my dad's eyes. They narrow just the slightest before he gets up and makes his way towards the door. He walks past me, putting his hand on my shoulder. He walks over to the door, grabbing his coat and keys. The rest of the guys (and Hayden) follow suit. I'm last, grabbing my coat and out the door. My dad holds it open, once I'm out, he closes it and locks it.
The drive is quiet and longish. We live on the edge of the city. We get there in about 35 minutes.
The restaurant is busy, kind of. We walk in, I'm at the very back of the group, behind Hayden. We are seated right away and handed the menu. I don't look at it, I already know what I want; so when the waiter comes by to take our orders, I speak first: "Salad and water please." The waiter nods, writes down my order and moves on to Hayden, who sits next to me.
I don't hear what the rest order, I'm too busy looking around the restaurant. I haven't been here since the new renovations. They re-did the paint job, got new seats and tables, and added a bar.
I glance around at all the people scattered around the restaurant. I know none of them; except one person. On the other side of the restaurant is someone I recognize.
Finnegan. He was one of my classmates in grade 10, before I was homeschooled. Not long after my mom died (around the end of grade 9). Finn sees me too. We hold eye contact. I never really knew Finn that well, we were both kind of loners.
He looks different then what I remember; his blond hair is longer than it used to be, his eyes are a deep purple, (as far as I can tell). He still has wings, black with purple. His skin is pale. There were rumors about him. Some say he was a vampire. I don't think he is, I know a vampire when I see one. His ears are slightly pointed; which doesn't help with the vampire allegations.
I remember when I first met Finnegan. It was getting close to the end of grade 9.
It was after my mom passed.
I was miserable; lost.
I remember hiding in one of the hallways that no one went in and just cried.
I remember when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. It startled me. I thought it was a teacher, telling me I couldn't be in this area. But it wasn't. It was Finnegan.
He crouched down in front of me and asked, "what's wrong? Are you okay?" I've never heard him speak before, so that was new. His voice was soft and kind of soothing
I shrugged. I didn't know. If I said I was, he would leave and I wouldn't have anyone. If I said no, I would have to explain why.
He shifted, moving to sit beside me on the floor.
Neither of us said anything. It was nice, I enjoyed it. Having someone, but not having to explain why I was in a dark hallway crying.
"You don't talk much, do you?" He says. I shrug. I used to talk quite a bit, until my dad got mad at me for talking so much.
That was the first time my parents had a real fight. My mom tried to defend me, saying that "I was just a kid" but my dad had other plans.
He grabbed her and dragged her to their room.
After that, everything changed: mom became silent, stopped talking. She stopped going out with friends. Mom and dad started getting into even more arguments, each one ending in dad dragging mom somewhere away from me. Each time mom got quieter.
She never told me what happened.
I remember the last argument. When mom was dragged away for the last time, screaming and kicking.
"Don't hurt my boy!" She screamed, clawing at my dads wings. "I will ruin you! Don't hurt my kid!"
Everything was quiet after that. She never came out of her room the next morning.
Dad called the police.
She died in the night. My dad cried. I knew something was wrong. But I didn't say anything.
I remember wondering what it was like to be Finn. He has real friends, a loving family, and good grades. Everyone loves Finn. He's a kind guy (from how I've seen him act), and smart.
I wondered how he could be so happy in a world like this one. I guess I never knew.
"Have you ever lost something so valuable to you?" I whisper, "something that has literally ruined your life?"
Finn turns his head towards me.
"Maybe? I'm sure there was something, but I wouldn't say it ruined my life." He replies.
"Did you blame yourself?" I ask, turning to face him.
"When I lost something valuable?" I nod. He shakes his head. "It wasn't my fault."
"What if it was?" By this time, I'm sobbing again.
I feel his arm go around my shoulders, pulling me towards him. More tears falling from my eyes.
"Sometimes, losing things can't be controlled. It just happens." Finn starts, "If fate can't get it one way, it will try and try again until it takes what it wants, or ruins someone else." I lean against him as he speaks. "Sometimes both. You can't blame yourself for something that was out of your control."
What if it could have been prevented? I wanted to ask. What if I just kept my mouth shut! Then my mom would probably still be alive!
"Don't blame yourself Danny." He whispers, holding me close. "When one thing is lost, another; just as valuable, will take its place. It just takes time."
I tried to believe that, but when nothing came into place, I gave up.
We don't look away. It's weird seeing him. We stare for who the hell knows how long. The waiter walks in front of me, with our food. Once he has moved, I look for Finn. He looked away, staring out the window; head resting on his hand.
Hayden tugs on my shirt.
"You okay?" She asks. I look at her. I hesitate for just a second before nodding.
"I'm fine." I reply, smiling. She nods and smiles. I glance at Finn, who is still looking out the window. I look down at my food. I shake my head. Then I eat.
About twenty minutes later, Finn leaves. Ten minutes after that, we leave. The ride home is quiet. Once back at my place, everyone says their goodbyes and disperse.
"Get to bed. Now." Growls my dad as soon as the others are gone and we get in the house. I nod and turn to head up the stairs.
My dad stops me. He grabs me and turns me around, grabbing my face and saying, "and if I catch you sneaking out tonight," he whispers, voice low and threatening, "I'll put you with your mother."
He lets me go, pushing me away. He walks off and I stumble to the stairs. The sound of a can cracking open rings in my ears as I make my way up the stairs.
As soon as I get to my room, I close the door, press my back (careful not to trap my wings) against the door. I take a deep breath, sliding down until I'm sitting. I bring my knees to my chest, lean my head on them. I try, I really do, but no matter how hard I try, I can't stop myself from crying12Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFVVxVIMZN
