20210101153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjFu0dAXyv
Dear Terry (a year from now),
It's me again, well, you, but like, a year ago. You're familiar with this email subject at this point, I send this out from an email address that I log in once every New Year's Day to write and schedule this to be sent the following year. It's been what, the fifth year I've started doing this? 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlY0LOtfOC
Anyways, it's been a weird year. It should've been a new start for me, but it feels like everything's come to a halt. Like someone's pressed the emergency stop button or something. There's days where I feel like I'm the only one in this world, it's almost surreal. You wake up, you mind your own business, and all manner of chaos is happening outside your doorstep. But you filter it all out, and just continue inhaling, exhaling, and not caring. You know that feeling? Well of course you know, because you're just... me.153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuFX4w50gg
It's been half a year or so since I graduated, but I still can't find a job. There's job cuts left and right in the tourism industry with the lockdowns and the flight restrictions, so I've just dabbled in some part time service jobs every now and then. Now with all the COVID lockdowns and closures, all these service jobs are gone as well. It's weird not having anything to do, but luckily at least I'm not in a position where my finances are absolutely ruined, like some of my university friends. 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRA7uILXRm
I hope you're in a better position than me, I guess in both a career perspective and a mental perspective. There's been days where I just feel like the world could end with me in it and I wouldn't care any less. The path outside my front door lies one filled with death and despair. Someone on the same floor who's died from COVID last week. Father of two kids, not really the kind of guy who you'd expect to get done from COVID but here we are. There's all sorts of death and despair happening outside, and here I am, physically healthy but just lacking motivation to carry on.153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkfBx8hu9Q
I've been here for almost a month now, not once have I stepped outside the confines of my 500 square feet allotment. The stubborn stains on the kitchen walls, the wood plank arrangement in the apartment floor, the warning messages on the label of the water heater in the bathroom. Every nook and cranny of the house I've become immensely familiar with during these days of isolation. 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hC0LS9Cc3
The hours barely tick by, the days pass painfully slowly. Since graduation in July and the lockdowns, it felt as if though lifetimes have past since I've last torn a page off the calendar in my living room wall. July, with the drawing of a graduation cap on the corner, done by Amber, was ripped clean off the binder. August was torn off near the loops. Halfway through September, I threw away the entire calendar. Crossing off each day as it passed was simply just too much of a chore for me. I think it also somehow reminded me of my inactivity, in a way. 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU2Qqh07jE
Day by day, it feels like I'm just staring at the ceiling, awaiting my inevitable demise. I thought about calling Amber, but unleashing a torrent of heavy negative emotions on a whim to an ex was probably not the best idea. I thought about calling mum, but realised it'll only make her worry herself to death. Dad wouldn't understand a thing about anything I'd have to say, he'd just tell me to do some sports or something.153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaNc11c1uq
I'm just rambling at this point, but I don't think I've ever felt this way before but I have never felt as disposable as a human being than I have since these past few weeks. I guess I've never really been exposed to the fragility of human life, how it can all be taken away within the simple matter of days, hell, maybe even seconds.153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnju9NZiGbg
Speaking of seconds, I've got around 15 seconds till the clock strikes midnight. 10 now. You'd normally start hearing groups of family, groups of friends, start counting down right about now. 5 seconds. It's silent. 3 seconds. 2. 1.153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejNNUOahRj
Happy New Year!153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0QoUu2amV
Isn't it funny for quite a lot of people, the first word that often is said every year? Only a percentage of that people will actually experience a year of happiness. A even smaller percentage, might not even make it to the next year - where again, the cycle begins again with the word "happy". 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7njocEcBW
It's actually completely silent. There's no counting down, no cheering, no clinking of beer or shot glasses. It feels like the world has left me behind. Or am I the one who's left the world behind?153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDB4zyHC1wZ
The thinness of the walls usually carry all manners of sound from the next door through. When I first moved in I remember being annoyed at the little kids playing with each other on the other side of the building. They moved out not long after. After that, a couple of other tenants came and went. Through the years I've heard a couple having loud sex (finance fresh graduate, actually a pretty cool guy), I've heard dogs barking (young woman moving out for the first time, she's pretty cool too), There was also a older gentleman who moved in for a while and must have installed a TV in his room, because he had it on on full blast I actually ended up having to call security just to shut him up (the boomer type, I suspect he actually has hearing difficulties though). 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWCA5X5jwT
He died a few months ago, and after that came the family of 4, which became 3 as of a last weeks ago. 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDoM8DHHUa
That flat must be cursed or something. 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcVZE35tpI
Well, that's the "recap" part done, let's get the message done with as well.153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPN2mG4nu4N
Maybe by the time you read this, hopefully you're in a better place, both physically or mentally. Maybe you've gotten a job in the tourism sector. Maybe there's a huge boom in travel after the pandemic, so all manner of jobs suddenly become readily available, with good pay and benefits. Maybe we as humans finally recover and realise there's more to see in the world than just numbers and middle management. Maybe you'd have moved out, to a better place, or just mum's place. Maybe you've reconciled with Amber? Maybe you've found someone new? 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrCpJtrLJj
Or maybe the curse next door's finally gotten over to your side of the floor. Who knows what the future's going to hold. 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50Ba2BW11v
Oh well. See you next year then. 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDNr83WJXw
Best, 153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkVeSqTAE5
2020 Terry153Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oGErS3Uyg
