[Darkness.]
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNanqP7kaEY
[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZugF6OBS1w
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPmURARrwY
ROXIE:348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6Flj8Jgbq
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqKuaHRoNG
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zbGvyOfD6
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3YxptXW3i
But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5JV6HzXMB
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbRY5z5jGr
That's true enough I suppose. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUG2rb234TU
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0AcEITSM4
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykHrGXPTw1
Pause.348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85Hm8FY7Ij
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudEh1b1G70
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljtLQl398u
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBoZwt2oLh
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55auVjUxYn
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5lNG0SCZQ
Pause.348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxqkXlxtpF
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOOtik6Xbc
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ibEeUfSHY
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ilYx37HZY
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpihMgSMnwH
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsOWM247QJ
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQCXRn4XVD
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7qF3ehWhW
Or would it be a super-heroine? 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4yQs0pNcN
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSde1Ml8F6s
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U9iIAHYzE
Pause.348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHf3woeZjp
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMSFEWjodk
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTtOewQK8J
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ470fr36yZs
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnPqxw2jL0
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0W0VMiFFA
Pause. 348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIcm151nxU
[Darkness.]348Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkV4kjGGTu5
