
2020年2月13日
對,就像一齣最為套路的韓劇開場,當時才剛踏入大學年紀、身處異國他鄉的我甚至分不清,究竟是那些影視作品潛移默化的影響;還是身旁這個女人真的帶有什麼企圖;又或四周其他人造成的詭異歡樂氣氛影響……我彷彿在幾句對話間經歷了跌宕的起伏。164Please respect copyright.PENANAuRj47n8mYU
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以為能躲在暗處。164Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3RNE0ZBQB
突然被推上舞台。164Please respect copyright.PENANAD30T1YXqYQ
聚光燈焦點瞬間。164Please respect copyright.PENANAoBlgXTaz2r
成為紅鼻子小丑。164Please respect copyright.PENANA7PetptOOvW
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我至今記得當時感覺呼吸無法自控地在掌聲交錯下變得短促。這一切都是那台相機的錯,到底最初為什麼要送我這種破東西?164Please respect copyright.PENANAQrKINOfqtp
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全部、全部、全部、都是他們的錯!164Please respect copyright.PENANADs3Q6ddPKU
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是擅自死掉的父母的錯、擅自決定把我送去育幼院的兒童福利人員的錯、擅自送了我這台破爛相機的育幼院老師們的錯。164Please respect copyright.PENANAfMjA3LzQY7
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至於被擅自被誕生、被丟下、被養育、又突然被迫受到關注,這樣的話——164Please respect copyright.PENANA38zIYI9fCk
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「好熱鬧啊,大家在聊什麼這麼開心?」腦內思緒像即將點燃的黃色炸藥,卻在新的聲音加入後突然熄滅。164Please respect copyright.PENANAnhdc0eK8q3
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「啊,時宇。沒什麼啦,就剛剛發現你們這屆真的人才輩出欸,文莉竟然曾經在攝影展得過獎,你看!」164Please respect copyright.PENANA8YXSF1I2He
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……簡直越說越誇張。164Please respect copyright.PENANAvr6n4QZcIL
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「不是什麼攝影展,只是學校舉辦的校內比賽而已,參加人數也很少,有投稿就會展出的……」我試圖透過貶低自己、貶低這個獎項來緩和聚光燈的強度。164Please respect copyright.PENANAxutZxCRPTU
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權時宇跟全秋英貌似是舊識,我實在不想讓這個話題繼續有機會被延伸。164Please respect copyright.PENANAKXs8Xn4B7w
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「拍攝角度好清晰仔細呢……不過這麼特別的作品名稱是有什麼特別涵義嗎?」164Please respect copyright.PENANAgBzxKSLGVk
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話題的確被再次展開了。164Please respect copyright.PENANAsM41QXPZMq
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但意外的是權時宇什麼表情也沒有——準確來說,是依然只有那抹淺淡微笑,比起方才看見「死胎」時不同人臉上的驚訝、錯愕、驚嘆、不以為意,甚至是閃於一瞬卻過於直白的噁心——他只是單純開口向我詢問緣由。164Please respect copyright.PENANAwfaM47kcl9
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「啊?呃、那個……」沒想過會突然有發言權,我微愣了下,雙手下意識緊緊在身前交握,感覺指甲都有些深陷皮肉。「其實沒什麼特別的……涵義。只是剛好有個機會看見,覺得很美所以……拍下來了。」164Please respect copyright.PENANAcMKUqvAShW
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我說謊了,毫無意外地說謊了。164Please respect copyright.PENANAR1pwNtO24E
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畢竟就連校內展的老師評審們,都不曾過問我拍攝時的想法,突然間要挖掘出內心按下快門一瞬間的真相,才發現就連我自己都快要遺忘。164Please respect copyright.PENANARcVaS44lyD
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「什麼嘛,這麼簡單的理由?」不知道是誰隨後先開了失望的第一槍。「總覺得剛剛秋英說的解讀挺好的,還是文莉妳乾脆就採用啊?」關於調侃那回事的第二槍。「不行吧?作者怎麼說就怎麼是囉,這也沒辦法。」然後是語帶酸意的偽善圓場。164Please respect copyright.PENANAo3CqmXzwb1
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「也沒什麼吧?」卻是如剛剛再次一句話打破眾人的議論,權時宇抬眼回望向我,那是我們第一次四目相對。164Please respect copyright.PENANAHpIko1b6Yd
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「秋英有她的想法,但一件作品出自誰的手,就該以誰的版本和解讀為準。而且……我倒不覺得這樣簡單直白的感覺有任何不好,我反而不喜歡太過複雜的解讀。」164Please respect copyright.PENANAXpW0qNQdWu
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抬手抓了抓染過些許深色咖啡的短髮,他顯然對自己的說詞有幾分不好意思,但也許又是吃上了外貌紅利,風向很快便順應其說法而發生變化;出現全新的解釋與台階,彷彿都能看見一群眼見庸俗的人正護送著權時宇下台,生怕他摔傷一毫。164Please respect copyright.PENANA051bKWqpvq
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但不知為何,我好像……神奇地並不會像對其他人一樣,對權時宇第一印象感到差勁和厭惡。164Please respect copyright.PENANAP3At5BPp1M
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才剛如此想著,我腦海便一瞬閃過了以為已逐漸遺忘的,「他」的身影。164Please respect copyright.PENANAUv6KLStKeZ
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不,他們是截然不同的人。打從外表、性格、說話方式就有著決定性的差異,照理說完全不該是這樣發展的,一切都在當時那個瞬間變得詭異。164Please respect copyright.PENANAICXT4vVbRw
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『——我什麼錯都沒有啊!』164Please respect copyright.PENANAIxmjio0aRN
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「方便跟你……交換聯絡方式嗎?」164Please respect copyright.PENANA0alGiQh7Ak
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『所以當然有資格獲得幸福,對吧?』164Please respect copyright.PENANARltrMF16Rq
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那一刻,在思考能力得以回歸之前,我便已經當著所有喧鬧的同齡人面前開了口,手中遞出的手機都還在微微顫抖。164Please respect copyright.PENANA5CeKjtJZcp
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現在想來簡直不可思議。164Please respect copyright.PENANA8LuHJpOALe
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也許是因為——164Please respect copyright.PENANAU6RjXlbn6P
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……164Please respect copyright.PENANA7R59RqyGjl
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門鈴響了。164Please respect copyright.PENANAUFDWESivUg
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下次再繼續打吧。164Please respect copyright.PENANATWyXCIlJ1m
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[為您的新貼文新增一張或數張圖片]164Please respect copyright.PENANAETgO9kh4lj
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TBC.164Please respect copyright.PENANAx90alSBQG3