Trying to hide a hurt heart...69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ptjF7EgsT
There was this other time when I went to a place I had never been to for the first time. I don’t know how I spent the whole day without eating. I was feeling drained down, but I kept on being in attendance at the event because I didn't mind being well invested in it.
I thought that since the people there seemed nice, I was going to come back again. It turns out I hadn’t seen anything yet. I did have great expectations the whole day. I tried to make sure that no one was to get to me, upset me, or anything, but it ended up being that way.. somehow..
At the beginning of the day, I had bought the event’s wrist band to remember it, even though the wrist band was really expensive.
When I saw how the tables had turned after sunset, I was really distraught and hurt deep down. It wasn’t even the first time that the place had hurt my feelings. I was in the process of getting over what had happened previously when this happened…
It was dark outside; it turns out I hadn’t noticed. I thought the people there were nice and all, but I was wrong. They shuttered my trivial expectations to the ground.
I took off and went and sat outside. I thought that excusing myself from everyone would give me space to take a breath, but the more hurt I felt, the more I just wasn't able to control it anymore. What had taken place was hurting so bad that I couldn’t stop crying.
Whenever someone would pass by, I would hold my bag in front of my face because I didn’t want to cause a scene by being seen by anyone bowling my eyes out.
Obviously, holding my bag in front of me wasn't necessary per se because it was already dark outside, but I didn't want my sad face to be a dead giveaway. I didn’t want to cause a crazy scene at that group of people’s event.
It went on and on and on, up to the point where I realized that I had to stop crying because my head was starting to hurt.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkosZVzSqW2
Every time I would look at the event’s wristband I was wearing on my hand, what had happened would replay in my head over and over again. So, I decided to get rid of the wrist band.
I took it off and put it in my hands. I thought to put it in my bag since it wasn’t logical to throw something that expensive away, but I then realized that it wasn’t going to make any sense carrying it around if it was going to haunt me with the memories of what had happened that day.
So, I left the wristband where I was sitting and said to myself, If it were meant for me to meet that wristband again, I was going to see it then. But for now, I had to leave it. And then I left.
Since I couldn’t stop crying, I just walked away, still crying. I wore my earphones and tried listening to my music at high volume, just to avoid thinking about everything that had transpired, because I thought that maybe the music could help.
I was really hurting, up to the point where I was having offing myself thoughts filling up inside my head. I just wanted all the emotional, mental, and physical pain I had to stop.
So, every single time I was crossing the road, a thought to not look up and just cross the road would come into my head. Sometimes I would lift up my head, and sometimes I wouldn’t.
I don’t even know how I was able to cross so many roads without being hit by vehicles, because even if a car had hooted its bell, I wouldn’t have heard it because I was walking wearing my earphones, listening to music on full blast, looking down.
I had dreamt of what was going to happen at this event, being a dreamer of things to come to pass and all that, but of course that part might have been left out for a reason, because I might have ended up kicking the bucket in my sleep.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYg78z81wMq
