8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qOLNGtMB1
But even so, 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8q7OcJ5xUd
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfuc9FkAN7
And every image an equal mirror 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLolDXlmyy
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5f3wVPzYN
You've moved up my doe dear, 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpp13zBXsV2
From 8 to 80 scenes. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgW4clIgFS
All that follows is true.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2w24FRcRE
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSgtMm6XXC
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGMv4BThQd
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Now55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6a0Omt9OjG
Not tomorrow55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSljycAmw6m
Yesterday55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOIJdwXPPB
It's happening now55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Jg7c9U0Jh
The damage today55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0s8rGjtzc
The crazed and the misloved55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaokVknDkFB
It's happening now 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JuOToBOog
Not tomorrow.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g3ByWepBK
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpOUzcktyT
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0BcPbvR8F
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZKog4Kfjl
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeD79xJTG4
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSxQhpCCMp
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLb8v85kSsc
Picking at feet with 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfM2YBJrna
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYwhcE6LzF
Crazy. See them come out now55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0JL0teauE
Treading around town, 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k2ffrfgEj
Don't try to stop them, they’re 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJXg3EUdFe
Starving, crazy. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniwq0u9QRX
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Split up into cities devoid of community 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIF6KFhwraW
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLq8GsBxG3
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4MxYsvMBY
I know 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumIYglQrCJ
I know 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcgw5Kww1I
I know that you hate them. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNVbVFRvSG
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And the universe warps 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfL7y1Bd2a
And my blood flow slows 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJerucmckc
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrafiDk9BW5
As we move further flow.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYMgopIPA6
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JarxeSOcL
I hear static when I cum55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3itizsX0E
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ9Mz569Kg
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUy0dk9NWe4
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwyjuIMRnk
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxjitmICVe
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AeOxWN4hc
I’ve made such a fuss. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdN1c3p43RW
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mfXz1cByQ
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx79JFLYLvj
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZObJ5RsE80
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUX1aiAvnV
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TCaA8GpHB
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BE9GW87oI
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSPOSpdE5O
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End. Safe. Found.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqpgW6fn07
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUtX5rgFq8
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99RDA1ScDQ
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbZgZgf61G
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SxthObnJU
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6bnfRQDCJ
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HY7ZLtUJH
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm6FxqXJv4
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7N1E6LcPp
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1ohvnWHjf
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzULtLNA7E
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoUjYuU6H3
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPSXRqET9j
This world is huge and carnivorous. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjTesOkd97
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8iqh1Lkc5
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1XwtV7p1y
Of the buildings which once were was.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4mXgiLmax
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaU2HWvgDU
Part one: I am dead and wake 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VJVcG2mni
Part two: I feel a new awakening 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LmYQLdYZg
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKqqMaXM9S
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YdKf9zQHF
Part V: this was meant to become the end 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZU5oR1LEV9
Part 6: But then this 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAL9zrvkyk
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQDQhPgpkr
Part eight: Backtracking begins 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi2P3tdcmX
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPapkcLXrr
10: drunk now, I become the ending.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWMsEHwl07
And that was Begbie’s story... 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuH1NYNvVgS
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuzmgLbSgU
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TccYQTk26
And I do not want this. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrR4x6mKwo
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Always take in more, for security, 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9wO20cZkG
Now I fly. (…)55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHSTAAvzvG
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxZ909QIw6
The mind: 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsX4QWb982h
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We touch the world 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN34xP22zov
And it all falls away 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUsA1wmjOa
We hear the word 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVJhEQkMMB
But it all burns with the day 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnl57QCKSM
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Now our mother lies in blood 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAqLLaEfKU
Father swims away 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eVVIuCCc7
And we find us all alone 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78Lu2F2OQA
Sadness song plays. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnuxeUsPWk
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Was it found? 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd4uE9FMvF
What was spent? 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrYUltYcfJ
Now that everything is lost55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLdZPUfYZF
What was found? What was spent? 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdaye0BYbU
But a sadness song. 55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLkCi3Wz2M
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.55Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyG0daVVYh
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