8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDqriJlPOb
But even so, 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYMbi5XkD8
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJBZVLgDoL
And every image an equal mirror 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsWdYXszfu
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXYma3sxt3
You've moved up my doe dear, 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPNHFVymrv
From 8 to 80 scenes. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2kFHgnf5a
All that follows is true.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UssY28BTY
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg93pebYo6
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObMzxJwPxP
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Now82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8lfKzX0ln
Not tomorrow82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qrprNclRs
Yesterday82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPxKF2MDN8
It's happening now82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh09rFwpYmz
The damage today82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLWnsJWLv4
The crazed and the misloved82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1WODjdjQS
It's happening now 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvCBoXshln
Not tomorrow.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBJN1GqKz2
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gebzYVkn6
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFDQcimtDz
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOyaLUsxMC
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0pIv3H2sz
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDDxQTgCt4
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbL5LnE1ZA
Picking at feet with 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkemiv20Rt
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWQKzGBH5W
Crazy. See them come out now82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLIt9iqpmO
Treading around town, 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTHlIKvRRt
Don't try to stop them, they’re 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuFmu0oaM6
Starving, crazy. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmk7BblVBbZ
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Split up into cities devoid of community 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLarQLNmv6
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBRfLOJjaG
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZaXugSiO6
I know 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vk7AzM2y8
I know 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWnfqMdsMQ
I know that you hate them. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtz1491qebO
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And the universe warps 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6FderuJct
And my blood flow slows 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRCYYVpXjU
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvkqLbMbka
As we move further flow.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ037Yq5NWo3
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZ93Be96TA
I hear static when I cum82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyntTqkTDS
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AyFY8GGPa
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBbiwfyDww
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKNobRHhtJ
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsB9t6pE5sk
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFfLsGJYkn
I’ve made such a fuss. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeGmim8GFG
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nmqXVshsh
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUVpWKX7bi
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qoLQS0JP0
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZqTLEPAxy
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazcPJGrgWB
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAGdk8860C
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDPDV2myEz
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End. Safe. Found.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27lkQzkUhm
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUrzR0XidE
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEISdyD3UX7
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3A3MY4oRF
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSFK2z64n2
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyrkWJvUlm
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr3Lzy9neP
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLY8wn6h5T
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9Tmxd5bYz
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwL72aixezo
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZU7hzdc6l
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVfiRvso3P
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEqKrDWxW3
This world is huge and carnivorous. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJibgA4Jd4e
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuXYwZigQH
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfZK0G1ZvV
Of the buildings which once were was.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Y5O3FtwgX
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vc6wmOLfz
Part one: I am dead and wake 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQ1J4f9g9X
Part two: I feel a new awakening 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIOKzJJaGx
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkDQhgGJd3
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBQvnNDKPe
Part V: this was meant to become the end 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vxogBaBw4
Part 6: But then this 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmPvkbBCvQ
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpIvICtLgC
Part eight: Backtracking begins 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0bU9phMiM
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXopzWthKjk
10: drunk now, I become the ending.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPtDF1Lo5f
And that was Begbie’s story... 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTW8kF6BQW
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVjaR0h33m
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NKFE3mu1T
And I do not want this. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9tkRk9wVX
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Always take in more, for security, 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cmNhqGTfu
Now I fly. (…)82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6i46rDK1g
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgVSvaEWyL
The mind: 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgX5hCz9BLu
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We touch the world 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAfZ2G6RSH
And it all falls away 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nNf9YZYBO
We hear the word 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqyt3EyKNV
But it all burns with the day 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGxC64jKZ4
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Now our mother lies in blood 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnxEtBKdjz
Father swims away 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfaZkBsD1q
And we find us all alone 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrcfRbxzT6
Sadness song plays. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ8k9BRpGQ
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Was it found? 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljRlP34bWP
What was spent? 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6AQL9vnW4
Now that everything is lost82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnckPOZ4tP
What was found? What was spent? 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCXNEIOTPN
But a sadness song. 82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVTNhGKncW
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPbulyMrXU
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