At the Port Authority thousands of travelers stream in and out of the terminal as buses board and depart with passengers. Despite being early, the air is muggy and hangs heavy in the busy station. At the end of a line of passengers Mechteld and Marquita wait. Mechteld is again over dressed for the hot weather. Long sleeves cover her scarred arms and a ball cap and sunglasses hide her composed face. Marquita clothes are looser and more comfortable than Mechteld’s, but the mix of anxiety and humidity causes sweat to steam out from under her hijab and trail down her face.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsp13oPmLst
To Marquita, the air of the Port Authority is a moist toxic mix of sweat and exhaust fumes. Each breath brings her a disgusting wave of dizziness and nausea, which makes her body sways and her hands and knees shake. As more and more passengers enter the terminal Marquita mind becomes increasingly more agitated. The thoughts of thousands of travelers begin to pour into her mind unfiltered, adding to her discomfort. Marquita looks to her side and sees Mechteld standing still, seemingly unbothered by the presence of so many people.
Doubtful thoughts begin to enter Marquita’s mind. Deep down she knows that if she gets on the bus with Mechteld she will be saying good-bye to the only life she’s known. Leaving New York meant Corona and her parents will be gone and if she were now immortal, they would become a distant memory to her. The thought makes her heart ache and eyes water. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to leave her old life and she certainly wasn’t ready to begin a new one with a stranger.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUjkzpkTGb
“If you’re going to escape this, now is the time. This is the place. If you get on that bus it will only become harder.” Marquita thinks.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN7J5Y0h9x
But, she knows that Mechteld won’t willingly let her leave. She had only seen a small fragment of her mind, but the glimpse she had was violent. And she can’t deny the desire to possess what Mechteld has. The power to be in control. The ability to not be powerless against herself.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yuYp2HuTG
“If I only had more time. I need more time to think. I still don’t really know who Mechteld is or why this is happening.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXAhyaGpoR
As more people join the lines, her mind becomes more disoriented. She struggles to focus on her own thoughts as she hears the inner dialogues of those around her. The one thought that comes through is how can she stop Mechteld from taking her away? Mechteld didn’t seem like the type of person who was scared of anything. Marquita watches the woman beside, who seems relaxed, but notices that behind her sunglasses she is watching every person and action around her. Marquita looks at the long sleeves of the thin hoodie that hides her disfigured skin.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SxLTbDGOI
“Lesson two: never draw attention to yourself. She doesn’t like to be seen. Is that what she fears?” Marquita wonders.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW2znnGhRK
She then asks herself, “Why don’t you scream? Draw attention to yourself. If you scream you can go home.” She tries to force herself to breath deep and find the courage to run, cry out or even look at someone but instead feels powerless. To her, it feels like a dream and she’s trying to run from a monster on paralyzed legs. She begs herself, “Don’t do this. Don’t allow her to take you.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRLJGDjJAr
Finally Marquita sobs out loud to Mechteld, “I can’t do this.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjQRXoyLPO
Mechteld leans in and whispers in a voice both forceful and encouraging, “You can do this, just take a deep breath.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTm3NeUoSok
Marquita tries to breath deep, but is only met with resistance from her own body. Her eyes water more as she feels pain start to spread through her chest. Marquita chokes on her words as she says, “I can’t breath. Please, I’m going to die if I do this.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxer4bZlSv
Mechteld looks ahead as she keeps her expression neutral. Out of the side of her mouth she assures Marquita,“You won’t die, you don’t even have to breath.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX719xaKTNz
Marquita holds her breath, desperate to find relief, but the feeling is unnatural to her. As she strains to keep her lungs full she feels her heart give one painful beat after another.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGocSlaK89p
“You don’t understand what this feels like.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYdd06BLAV
Mechteld nudges her forward and harshly says, “Believe me, I understand.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOkL0IW3gv
As they get closer to the front of the line Mechteld wipes Marquita’s sweaty tearstained face with her sleeve.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MFxLAtnb2
“Come on, look normal for a few seconds.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmdevLfWFe
Marquita can sense Mechteld becoming taut as they approach the front of the line. Her body is still, but her eyes quickly dart from the driver taking tickets, to the bus and then back to Marquita. When they reach the front of the line Mechteld places the large black suitcase to the side by the cargo hole of the bus. She gives the driver a soft smile while keeping her eyes down as she hands him the tickets. The driver holds the tickets as he takes in the two mismatched passengers. Marquita feels a tension in the pause. She begins to shake again, but Mechteld remains calm and still.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrhjMVLKYY
Pointing to Marquita, the driver asks, “Is she going to be okay?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjjmqAvGWv
Marquita's mind screams, “Do it! Do it now! This will be over!”, but her throat seizes and only a small gasps escapes.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCozktLl4Qi
Mechteld nods as she looks up at the windows of the bus, never meeting the driver’s eyes. “Yeah, just a nervous traveler.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDm1JXFVnSL
The driver’s gaze now lingers on Marquita, whose toffee skin was now gray and jaw tightly clenched. Her face was once again wet from sweat beading on her forehead and lip. As he examines Marquita, Mechteld watches the driver. Marquita tries to focus on him too. She wants to discern his thoughts from the numerous voices now screaming in her head, but she can only read the aura surrounding him. She knows his an honest man and empathetic, but suspicious.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yq0FQG8lG
Trying to meet Mechteld’s eyes, he hands the tickets stubs back and says, “Take the seats by the restroom, just in case.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHoZyT1eAH
Mechteld keeps her eyes averted, nods again and says thank you as she pushes Marquita forward. As they step on to the bus Mechteld grabs the back of Marquita’s shirt and quickly tells her, “Keep your head down. Use your eyes and ears.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclQ559XZRs
At the front the aisle Marquita watches the busy riders of the crowded bus. The passengers are mostly older couples going on vacation with a smattering of lone tourists and drifters. Marquita stands frozen as her mind screams, “No. No, No.” She stands until feels a prodding from Mechteld. Slowly she starts to move, holding her arms close to her while dodging elbows and bags. Behind her she can feel Mechteld’s overstuffed rucksack poking her back and moving her forward. Marquita keeps her eyes and the furthest two seats, never looking at the numerous passengers around her.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkToFmBr2UR
The close proximity to the others causes a pressure to build in her chest. Each step forward creates stronger compressions that strangles her lungs. The thoughts from those around her swirl into an incomprehensible clamor of, “When...?”, “What…?”, and “Did I…?” which battle her thoughts of, “What are you doing? Just turn around!”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0RzhFX21N
Halfway down the aisle she begins to hyperventilate, taking in loud shallow breath. A few fellow passengers turn to look at the wheezing girl. 586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LURiaUDEk
Keeping her head down Mechteld hisses through gritted teeth, “Remember lesson two? Don’t attract attention to yourself.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcgdgPuBqm
Panting, she answers, “I told you I don’t like crowds. There are too many people on this bus. They’re all shouting inside my mind.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXLL0vJIPR
Mechteld pushes Marquita past peering eyes. “Travel makes people anxious. They’re all thinking about the long journey.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8M0CuNqBRf
In a small exasperated shout Marquita retorts, “Yeah, I know. I hear them all!”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFU74tIj8Oo
“Keep your voice down!”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35ipZgWpZo
Finally the two women reach the back of the bus. Marquita turns to Mechteld with tears streaming down her face and pleads, “Don’t make me do this. I can’t take two days and a half days of this.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2cJD2zglq
Mechteld lightly guides Marquita to the window seat and softly assures her, “It’ll calm soon.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUeE8OU1qr
Marquita clasps her hands in front of her, knowing this is her last chance. With wide frantic eyes she begs, “Please, I want to go. Take me somewhere else. I’ll go to Baltimore.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqybR7QCFPM
Mechteld sits next to Marquita. She stares back into the girl’s scared eyes and tells her, “Breath deep. Don’t resist it, accept it.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXXV6fhrJH
Unsure if Mechteld is referring to her impending panic attack or her thoughts of escape she asks in a painful gulp, “What?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtnvIzXGy7
Mechteld leans into Marquita and in a low voice commands, “Listen to me. This is part of your training. Stop resisting. The more you resist the worse it will get.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGYVuwj74U
Marquita shakes her head as she grows paler and paler. She keeps her lips tightly sealed, trying again to hold her breath. More forcefully Mechteld orders, “Stop trying to run away. Breath deep. Let this come to you.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRVOGacgI5
Marquita lets go of her breath and looks to Mechteld. “It’s already here.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡianAGHAn2X
Mechteld keeps her eyes connected with Marquita’s. “Tell me what you feel.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OSrJI8VS9
“I feel like someone is squeezing my heart. I can’t focus my vision. I think I’m going to be sick.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbbnq1kToW
Marquita bends forward, putting her head in her lap. She wraps her trembling hands around her head trying to find relief. Tightly she closes her eyes as her muscles tense and contort her body.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamrUw6QCIr
“Breath deep. You’ll going to feel bad, but it will pass. Don’t resist. Accept. Accepting it is the first step to controlling it.” Mechteld leans forward and whispers, “This will end Marquita.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cANxQtIDf
Softly Mechteld reaches out her scarred hands and places them on Marquita’s wrist. Suddenly Marquita’s vision is filled with bright light and her erratic gasping ceases. The feel of hot humid air envelops Marquita and her vision is filled with a vibrant green. A thick jungle of trees, vines and moss now surrounds her. Above her is a canopy of branches and leaves that only allows the brightest rays of light to shine through. Her ears are filled with the songs of birds unfamiliar to her along with hoots, clicks and calls of hidden animals. A white-faced monkey catches her attention as it walks along a low hanging limb. Around her she can hear the sound of ocean waves and taste the salt in the air. Marquita can feel an emotion coursing through her; a feeling of intense happiness that, to her, could only be described as euphoria.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HENMeGdhl
She watches the monkey leap from it branch and land near a ripe fig. As it grasps the fruit with its tiny fingers its long black tail coils around the branch for support. To her side she could hear someone calling, “Mechteld, look at this.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw9YpSKlZW
Before she can turn to the voice, the trees, humidity and euphoria fade until only the beat of the ocean remains. Softly, over the din of the bus Mechteld whispers, “Listen to the sound. Count the waves.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtsPYHeqpW
One by one she counts the tides splashing as a hypnotizing concentration overcomes her. Gradually, the sound of her fellow travelers dissipates until finally the ocean is the only thing she can hear. As the beat continues, the grip on Marquita’s heart loosens and her breaths become deep and regular as a sedate sensation overtakes her.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTlqtyaLIZ
Mechteld removes her hands and Marquita opens her eyes. The voices return and Marquita finds herself sitting up on a now moving bus, merging into traffic. She feels a warm trickle from under her nose, but before she can raise her hand Mechteld givess her a tissue while saying, “Here. Your nose is bleeding.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImimjhJ0DW
As Marquita presses the tissue to her nose she asks, “How did you know it would pass?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwShgx4eVMw
She shrugs and impassively answers, “It always does.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpu94Frc7Jo
Marquita sits for a moment listening to the conversations and inner thoughts of the others. She no longer feels an intense anxiety, but her head continues to ache from the thoughts around her. She rubs her temples and she continues to hold the tissue as she leans her head against the seat in front of her. She turns her head away from Mechteld and looks out the window of the bus and feels disappointed. She didn’t run. She didn’t scream. She didn’t do anything.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡze1UlvCwjX
Disheartened, she complains, “I still hear them. They’re still loud.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotYnylVTBn
“This is only the first step. Overcoming the anticipation of fear is the beginning. After fully experiencing the attack you can know what to expect and then control it.” Mechteld answers, ignoring Marquita’s displeasure.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISJCgM5c7B
“That was the most intense it’s ever felt.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhMjEOXhGe
Marquita lowers the now red tissue and checks her nostrils for blood. Mechteld holds out her hand for the tissue.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMIcbgpXpM
“This is only a bus ride. Believe me you’ll have worse to come.” She crumples the tissue and buries it in her pocket. “You’re more powerful now. The power will grow as time goes by. That’s why you need to learn control now. You don’t need to make my mistakes.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQpOkHbAXs
“What mistakes do you make?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡww45Agw9FZ
“Let’s just say there are a lot of mistakes to be made. When you’re young and untrained you’re basically a child, more so in your case I guess.” Mechteld adds, gesturing to Marquita who begins to scowl. “You don’t know the rules and it’s easy to get into trouble. Plus, there are more than a few liars out there. Even when you’re psychic it’s sometimes difficult to know the truth. You can give your trust to the wrong people or allow yourself to be fooled.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ymJxDc266
The two women sit silently as the bus enters a tunnel. Marquita watches Mechteld as she sits completely still, her unshaking hands lightly resting on her lap. She keeps her eyes looking forward as she scans each of the seats ahead of them. Two empty rows separated them from an elderly Chinese couple reading newspapers. Despite the scene Marquita made while boarding, no one seemed concerned with the two women in the back.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iE3p9NGHl
“How did you learn all of this? How to calm down?” Marquita asks, breaking the silence.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5d6HBvH34
“It was taught to me a long time ago.” Mechteld answers, still staring ahead.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJas6rQBwj
“By the person who changed you?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsS0ugCyMU
Mechteld lightly shakes her and answers, “No. It took me over 100 years to find someone who could help me.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgG4HddOzKo
“The person who changed you didn’t teach you?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsm1MWPtol
Mechteld gives a small pause before replying, “He didn’t stick around. When I woke up I was alone. A few hours later he found me and told me to go to a city called Viborg, but he never came for me.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjl4azGA7U
Marquita searches her mind trying to remember what Mechteld told her only hours ago. Cautiously she inquires, “But you said that he showed you things and said you could become great if he changed you. Why would he tell you that and then leave?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdft7CYL8Ln
Marquita watches Mechteld fingers twitch slightly. She keeps her eyes averted as she answers, “I guess you’d have to ask him.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNZbynYUEQ
The doubtful thoughts enter Marquita’s mind again. She thinks, “She warns you about liars, but she’s the liar. Her story is false. Why would someone come to her as a child and change her as an adult? Why would wait years just to leave? Why would he let her burn? .....Mechteld herself said it’s difficult to know the truth, even for psychics.” Her thoughts race more, “Had anything been true? The jungle and the sound of the ocean felt real, but how can I know for sure? Were the thoughts in Mechteld’s mind merely illusions? Could it have been a scene she created to sooth the panic attack?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQRbL9vHse
Marquita then asks Mechteld, “That place…. the jungle and ocean. Is it a memory of yours?”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgEjGtmqtX
“Yes. Sometimes I go back to it when I need to feel calm.“ Mechteld fingers begin to twitch again, which she relieves by cracking the knuckles of her right hand.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoivyZFxl9x
Marquita thinks back to the feeling she experienced. For her, the feeling was one of the most intense pleasures she experienced in her life. She thinks hard trying to recapture the sensation: the freedom from anxiety, the weightlessness in her chest, and the uncomplicated bliss. She longs to experience it for just a second more, but now finds it elusive, like trying to remember a dream. Marquita turns to Mechteld who sits stoically.586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fAGFVePvA
“The feeling I experienced…it was…beyond happiness.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZJzBRvqoL
“It is a happy memory, but” Mechtled hesitates before carefully finishing, “…some things aren’t real.”586Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM3BmMZzrx
The answer troubles Marquita. Was Mechteld admitting to lying? Why try to fool her? Why was she working so hard take her? Why was she important?
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