The reason why I wanted to die was that only two people wished me happy birthday. I sat there doing nothing as always, knowing I was a year older yet having achieved nothing.
The reason why I wanted to die was that I was told I was a pathetic, lazy loser who would never amount to anything by a stranger on the internet, and even though I was angry, I couldn't say anything because they were right.
The reason why I wanted to die was because of the dirt I couldn't scrub off. I tried and tried, but after a while, I got tired of trying.
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The waitress looked at me weirdly.469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eDHlc5chl
I couldn't solve a simple problem.469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Zx4wc0vjc
My lecturer sighed and shook his head when I asked him a question. 469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXKTdiPYtg
The assignment that was due tomorrow which I hadn’t started.
"The reason why I'm always longing for death is probably because I take life too seriously."
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The reason why I wanted to die was that I was always left behind. As my classmates strove and achieved their dreams, I sat there, twiddling my thumbs.
The reason why I wanted to die was that I failed my maths test. That must mean I was a failure, too.
The reason why I wanted to die was that my bed was so comfortable. It was cold out, so I couldn't help but think I wanted to stay in it forever.
The reason why I wanted to die was that no one would care if I disappeared. I was always the one reaching out to my friends, and when I stopped trying as hard, they never contacted me again. That was a little lonely.
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A collection of stamps. A message left unread for months. A videotape. Discarded CDs. Drawings left on the shelf, long forgotten.
"There's no place for me to belong. If you want to change tomorrow, you have to change today. I know, I know that, but still..."
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The reason why I want to die is that when I looked up, I was already too old for a lot of things. I'm looking at old photos, apologizing for disappointing my younger self.
The reason why I want to die is that I'm too lazy to go up a flight of stairs. I want to be special and have something to offer the world, but I can't even get up from bed.
The reason why I want to die is that my favourite series I've been following is finished. Now, I have one more gap in my life to fill with cheap entertainment.
The reason why I want to die is that humanity is so wretched. I'm reminded time after time that they bash others without a second thought, only caring about themselves. And I'm the same, too.
I had perfect attendance in school. My test scores weren't bad either. I was good at Physical Education, too. But in the end, I'm still trapped in the cage I've put myself in, passionless.
The reason why I want to die is that my heart has become cold. I shut others out by some sort of defense mechanism, but I can't unlearn another person's warmth.
The reason why I want to die is because I can't see a future for myself. Maybe I'll rot away like this, at the bottom of society.
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But today, I got up as well. I opened my eyes and climbed out of bed. Ate some blueberries.
It's not like I want to die, but that I don't want to live like this. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't change "today."
I want to live. I want to be happy.
Tomato egg rice. Spring onion pancakes. The thrill of riding a bicycle down a hill. That friend I still have things to say to.
Even if it's not a good reason to live, it's better than nothing.
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"I want to let them know I exist."469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pMCcliWot
"I want to stand on stage with a message to convey."469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Zv80NE0DC
"I want to make people laugh. Make them cry."469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9c61b61G9
"I want to hold someone's hand again."
Completing my Pokedex. Getting a million views on YouTube. Travel somewhere I've always wanted. Visit a club. Check everything off my bucket list.
There are a lot of things I have yet to try.
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And maybe, if I just keep myself alive, everything can come later.
You know, when you've failed so many times that you've given up on yourself? It's okay to lie there. But once more, I'll get up, pick up my mat, and walk.
Hopefully in the right direction, this time.
Here are some more reasons that got cut out:469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIdieBAP9F
The reason why I wanted to die is that everything felt empty. The feeling was continuously gnawing away at me, making every action meaningless.469Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYEVWcgPwm
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The reason why I wanted to die was that everything was so dull. When I walk outside, I see the same thing again and again, and there's nothing fun to do in my town that I've seen too much of.
