（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXaFM1Ck4S
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacfVkg3Yi0
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3q4oQX06Xg
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvI48jKCXu
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19bFJhUIQ9
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljldG62rGT
我滿意點頭。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwFsfzBiQ4
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3gHQ8bq5a
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW7cDiBHxh
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCGIwRf2NQ
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Bv5HGpuO2
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsv0o96JBg
「不知貴不貴？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnU15bpzxrt
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4oyFcegIy
「應該還好。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81XibKKmsG
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIpLyZibz8
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf48wr6LDgZ
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87C4E6Mcny
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijChOkOuTp
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeraEUIbFw
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnWWj3ldYX
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrz32r5x5I
我震驚了。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxVNqqhe6U
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoXuB3xWNx
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrps7F03XfN
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJysxrC1bZ
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgJfOaAmJo
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXa7Ssvf3e
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZ1YWsyAaY
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtsvgOA4wg
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyVLiPoCVV
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJ3aCDudb3
What the hell?848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUR2sqOM2E
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBJupnQ8JP
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdhrVpWxtM
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DRZDKH1Jq
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdtSd8egNH
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAFd59URUT
嘶——848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0BNOdrquy
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYRV9tZssY
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3jj6XHT2L
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uO81cKTYh
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9nj5hk3Gh
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFK8GEmsmGL
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4rG7ZsR9U
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1aUZMMQxO
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPm3ChT8jU9
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUyPiuLcXU
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOgPsJNLD7
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyqm5YutZ3
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJKqNFiyno
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0lYdHkTid
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLznxq7ops
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz14KrpnmLZ
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzatiofnkBE
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbfWWGr3qz
然而高個子不為所動！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB16LZEhkma
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziWbF3ZGkA
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbgZqLNGbF
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUJzphxDmk
高個子依然面不改色！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Tph46jjO7
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Pdc8Bizqx
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtaZXSGTZB
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmtRpzgJVu
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29DbkxZJVA
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFF9G6I8Rm6
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPZUfbKXe4
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHxxub4pIn
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwcDhtkuuQ
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPUscvSxHC
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEnN5vzREb
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Fyvu898OZ
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwiUnDW9Gw
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hbmkikUw7
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagYmbKQMM8
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6SaNCUEq9
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39osjKi1sU
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7d6T4F7NPd
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1xhKHSM7Q
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZp4GZMqg1d
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgW3cUEZCKK
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7IJA5kdtV
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJ3BLeW4Ak
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqNv1vCXog
「所以不能吃嗎？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0cHFwvrxE
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMyowAMd4N
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh0yFiZeV9
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKGLPuF9GQ
「但我餓了。」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2oDZSd1Clx
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfv0dCVudu
「……」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjsdYc346D
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNJXfDAuhB
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXrFfrrME0
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fuVwILlqF
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAOsigg2JG
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2Qv1AiX1K
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpdlJMCMsm
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNVGVxd7ZZ
「小語……小語……」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJQWLD3Y7j
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4IQIy7uKF
Gya——848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKbBVxwRWJ
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQ1848x17n
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSrqumT040
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGzAgNsbXI
They are fucking gay!848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdREYieNGYg
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHc5MxYlnz
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvA4wKAPbu
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5AJljOTdP
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN3aCkF7PG
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJcvTsPXxe
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhnnntEAgM
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtg36AJ4yM
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6vGjz2kNG
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMRoCAo8oD
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84V0CrtGQl
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyegx0VYAxL
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zCJmJ6KC0
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIWfbTvJcQ
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvj6wpskIE
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2hf1rnvzP
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObrPFBQJGI
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
848Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCNpPi0uDI
