（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38Y79Tio9r
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXLfvh7YFa
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlrFLlvmDK
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48tEqAeuIc
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroljkOPtam
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTk2MSF2cCM
我滿意點頭。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfsuh5QniW
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvv8ceR3f9G
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREWw1v139R
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKv2D2vLErh
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4eZx04jtg
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVb6i5LggB
「不知貴不貴？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvg6ijQDBg
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5vgtegP9a
「應該還好。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzRaiSCtke
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsx7nZ4Dpv
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmuKYIXS57
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47enci5P73
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSigjEaIxc
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoLHjPKUN8
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjbvCpu2hL
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzamTf5Ymw
我震驚了。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiuSV3P9MV
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxijuXhZwPI
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iMG8Zf01D
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthbRUPxhf5
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXTNj3mxot
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn86kuMPQzV
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1XbkFxwZL
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIfxs8nRxM
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxdNTRMWRe
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycA3AbiQoe
What the hell?796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SPn768Q9z
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZO19aIsia
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz28AJw4S2G
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxng2qoJ03b
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyDPCggYX1
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLtbBGUU4O
嘶——796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqpOQsTJuH
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwB4qD8aif
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW65mQEIN4l
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCAJ8eTUPH
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIWtoZLypN
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJp3zAR4sw
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u3mptD6O6
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbwbo5BS0b
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tRxTSLKBo
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUytDBIY51j
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvRMwPREsb
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtJsuuqTF0
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLMYACyAia
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXns9rumA4n
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnJRmO0uUd
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnltY6p3KKJ
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUiJWUBg5m
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkm3deM6pA
然而高個子不為所動！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1bN0jMgsD
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHsz757qYc
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIyQXdKqjX
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOcVVF75Q6
高個子依然面不改色！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyjEXygP7k
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGLC07MaNM
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXyBVDKEZn
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6FUq70yQQ
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KHRNKuZxD
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9W3piuHYUT
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2svKjRCAo
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGS9BHSNCs
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxafiyUrgZI
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCajNb0SiQ
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4K52pmoNS
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5LGzqZUO8
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGoXplpgb2
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4GvDAJbmv
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxnnE9zCo6
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWKXajZUXN
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfa1lBw1Xs
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfQt5MRjXW
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pnrVcA4v8
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx2ExpRf8V
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AVNidUCjO
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bxDCpkOxP
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH1Lwtzm26
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFItqAil7FR
「所以不能吃嗎？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLPQ2Yt9JE
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoy1wtGefp
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8J8vlWEY9
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ijJIW62I2
「但我餓了。」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7aevTItfT
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZe16xGPjQK
「……」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXweRb4Ltb3
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvoOzfhkXf
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAAkoCPAT1
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO7qjDYjOs
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4xD4kYv6c
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x3whJ8esn
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGp2ook2C6u
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpM0TuC1Hvh
「小語……小語……」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63wqHqEsTp
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEjawgYHoQ
Gya——796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo5MQCfDf7
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOkjd18VAl
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYl2eejaZml
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmXOGZotWx
They are fucking gay!796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmvaoNh7YR
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFFPuD9Fsn
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB65MF4rhFU
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKA3fhJDkB
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2OASc86P1
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ7fUIY4df
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eDXptCVYM
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWYupLL7jx
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7KBdXTFBQ
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPYnDs85G2
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvszLhQY0eh
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMcFy4j5J3
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArQi41OZ2q
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hre0sLJAk
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5fFjIoGp5
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGurDLASZ0N
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QzghPpwJi
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
796Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQexnYHxac6
