（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfIPzNXIAM
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHONuw38I0
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMTfCw0xSs
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5p0z4Jb0a2
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5TVRSprJd
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXhmKNR9qJ
我滿意點頭。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee73yhHuOm
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kXMEhou2a
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6if9CU3G5
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFG8aHFB1PA
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuadU3nlod
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QNK7sCG8W
「不知貴不貴？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5gyzBrI3m
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZTCnEs57n
「應該還好。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf76wHSKx0q
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rmblbZhZV
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgd1xaH3fe
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6SF1Amp4V
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUoWhh2MNe
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwijrKJj4ta
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK8I8xh94D
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhisJ5ehx3I
我震驚了。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mL0ThTdSz
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyf3jZdQ1Q
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrruziHFWH
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs61flV7k7c
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQ0qcmXZvH
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL5KnOtbKv
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Y7tBE2mzi
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TEgXnJsiR
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DAqGKyp5B
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWbc3JVq4U
What the hell?747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNVt6buflq
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3i2UHRgfK
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuIFg3Ij8f
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUyAxvO83E
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTio0i0FZww
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQ86HpRm7j
嘶——747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gtzSdCwD7
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ813XLJfRA0
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoujz1yV6kd
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYeFeiy2j4
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqfTsoqpCo
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGQ4UUDOWG
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyfPN61C98
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd908OvE0NL
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopuvvqTQGf
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfJzBUGzCG
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9eEnl5iWG
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWfWCeDg68
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssmtyF7a9S
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrwTgnkT8R
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UePfqXms8
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGEeOYXG2K
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hdYxW6E2J
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MCRbiA32y
然而高個子不為所動！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU85un5T8Zj
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDH8DJtl9j0
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxbGLi0hxl
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SZLHtVFDK
高個子依然面不改色！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdET8OzkgT
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq64JXuLkcJ
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBxZU5awlG
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbn3YMxxGDG
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SpXlnHiUK
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡct8Xi7J59I
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeZepommiK
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEVbeYaqUH
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPU70DOU57u
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSvuBUrpdY
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvMF7Y2Yhv
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndVWldIH1v
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9IIdk4Rxn
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxXK0M2Coy
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kgsg6Sdxb
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWl2uVZuPI
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhM81XvRoQ
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExp6wOqRiR
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPdEp0OEzM
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQg4UWtyT7w
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM1w3KSGs3
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwDYru5FXL
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSZO2FUo6x
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANRCgvVMwO
「所以不能吃嗎？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOfbUkP4LF
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpCLf69K0v
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3g8cLSuijn
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99lvQkjnx7
「但我餓了。」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Kqv4k9zCl
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHyKPNlQl0
「……」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURpKX8lQf1
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatYs1aCBYi
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7s9bn9xCY5
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeZ2u8FfD7
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWD7o60Qb4
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZkr3N1BFY
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlQ6h4nZ4L
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxK98wzsI0
「小語……小語……」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLSgc6drwC
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigAEAxnnkS
Gya——747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKhVI9ZRro
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajEZK3HYiN
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhn7k7nezO9
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6QHYCALJk
They are fucking gay!747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPEihxjp9N
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCDHmUdJui
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERcc1DPgBQ
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJYlhAEqRl
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTSPqSE3t6
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhj8g1DoK4
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGeBr4lmND
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasy1VmGFh0
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJM5HVu7WNa
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgKPEkvrzO
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl4ROk1Pfb
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8PRnxGGPe
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVUkSn2AxI
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqUoutqiJW
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQ4mqs4mDn
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsfheBpNvh
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIZVOgQgu8
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
747Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXSB0Jd6jN
