「你還可以嗎？」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsIgEh6KiG
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYhzNXxMGG
「無法不可以。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ2WnjxBQm
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFvSbsSUFf
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7xQTpYA10
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblkBaG905m
「謝謝你。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvNGphORG5
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59mmCOOdni
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xDOsNWP3P
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1fPEe64ua
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ageKLAcvy
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiJXAt2Khw
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOx2iKk1Tf
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjuLWWQLSS
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluZRExcLcU
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrckGp6nLM
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQed8pJCE3O
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AVLf8qC8L
「老婆……」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADrEv7CMGv
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMj3GHRTGAd
「有困難？金錢？」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRAQc0Kwe5
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFpldgA0u1
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBJ5ky4h16
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDUtc4qGoo
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgowkiD6eo
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNZSGq2ekI
「嗯。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXs5sHIvHP4
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8YW3zWRbc
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU18UtGG6ES
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuCFnPjUWM
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRGcGvyQSv
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxLTRH0CIu
無能。無力。無奈。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYLy6WsEnF
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1arPaiHstw
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCJEBAibSW
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIVUehN4W7
剪不斷，理還亂。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhPqnX8qqz
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqzcfR8hML
勿剪，別理。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8toTijqkg
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYAp2xMDJQ
待時日將其化解。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuLIzyr687
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGnMQuJcra
莫操心。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOtSoefBYE
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BmflkAKh9
莫操心？627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2MyZeNjxw
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSWbZsdekO
如何莫操心？627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz30htTs2Vz
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz26HqsObM
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNqu1iwn5l
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3P1ZkThWOt
撐多久？如何撐？627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmjx4dRpPL
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XINAr7bZZ
不知道……627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINqqZk3xP8
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAv9iMV8v1U
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02DaAkX09N
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPT7IBrRam
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Gx8q4PmQq
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8pJuR4xRF
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9u7TQB7VPQ
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdOfhdoHOZ
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyHaAF0uHy
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqSbo84E0z
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGCJiOzSxA
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXX55Jvgqv
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbiLvuA8bE
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxXlIuNxu6
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhamWGWI01I
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBmpv9AwXu
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1VG944NEz
我笑。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxLlZSpl1F
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYJwFAHRte
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgi2HN4bPu
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3AY46Vwfm
忽爾不想回家。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXrqofYyEs
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWtxaPnDT1
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavzssfmDGg
「好的。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8XRgyQtlM
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuKbNfmosa
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfeDIazCNK
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqKcmFWM3Q
只會苦了自己。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k2tG30SZw
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03NhBB5XOG
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmC0zlYDAH
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tQtk33f6u
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85mcsDkDNf
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdlHCiIhhx
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oj0LFA24I
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkKaOEjzun
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7T6L0I7N6
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7wnOLg3gx
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGub5cflrnz
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkuCKpqcCI
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCbnKv41tp
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGvAi87FDD
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqby8vldAqc
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNkysJdufU
一、二、三、四、五……627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfWQrmhEyU
註：627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXDtJv8Ez9
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyhWGgzkJu
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRASYHvHlBp
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzZU2lxSFr
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNECWMkCr7y
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaOouI3MLV
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDJrwg90Ks
627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ARbeB77k1
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》627Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvcQodajWP
