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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAoICx0Lso
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifUCoYeyAo
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgLIfd8VyF
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYdKfeOqhk
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjMd7HR041
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHnkk3pQLl
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRmavokfDz
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY5bejZUxV
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡci8J9cYeSY
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElE0BJXhsa
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDnadCEQvv
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8Oo3siVgz
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVv3wwOpnw
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwMcH99PPy
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7InIWOtus
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUZYvnVXjk
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbtl4IqKU2
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRHDstebrH
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinTk1T0r8W
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZIMz1Pkqo
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAJ4n4qPIm
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4MyAOFJCI
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5s5tklqXsi
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOBKiop0cX
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxxTp3mHZD
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4Oo3yKRk4
You've met?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPysX1xYy0L
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIKYlLz3oM
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkiZiVWvEs
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLLJLr9SSt
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgN2FWG8cc
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKu8MsrKJo
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCWFxSsUMe
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqS6HucJePZ
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HSFPRma8l
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKt4Rs51KKA
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQODZbxFb02
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ofYXxQ062
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntOW2vNq02
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSHNQw7008
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbJype3hIi
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJJGSd4HoL
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwY7DOVxGW6
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz2LCNkKiG
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYknIy4mUf
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeSfX6lnet
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vBNcn7D5l
I know that already!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qnd9zJFX2
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKvadyI29S
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oObcL76Ba
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaxWEtN9W0
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWtoU08Her
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPURpRuRdi
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnDx4FAFHg
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDNYwvySVD
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVbdrVJ53h
No you're not!
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHHekMdnln
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCjswHylWM
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyqZ26nDsI
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatyXEN7MJE
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IpesXDf0C
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzywpP9JadS
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetup43t2AF
What?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TH9zkCjan
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMRXpsowli
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVgk5nrgbD
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuyrcrpzo5
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsHuvvqjoX
Long enough.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD0kUcFyl9
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZor9IvKKN1
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtR3Pvbkyb
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMVgX1y33j
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b475mAz47
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sBXA3Smng
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRd9yBCaN6k
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxpztM819n
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhtHeYyMrl
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRujI6c2U5S
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2OJ8z34pk
Thank you.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRgVMuEdIi
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy4EneURl8
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIp7vTbcTBZ
Does this mean you want me back?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpNnoJSXWN
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGr3dNSaih
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGqpWDDgzR
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSt7QAnt5Of
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPCAMXf3HG
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxlOp9oj2N
Well you can't have me.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTm3auXy7xk
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9kLRM3w0g
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaez3r7G0PW
WHAT?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb45jaf0P4b
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGQ1riusCm
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOiuknDWpX
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nnpLCfRUb
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp81Njsgizc
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVTWy3tb61
But...
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgUXTOgPrf
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQX0JNfdQj
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4EsBFu4Fq
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lPSOFhByH
CHANTAL grins.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7hKWrOro9
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzaYfWlkh6
But...
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiSt4DJoMk
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8twPN1HEC
CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWT6GpXXtm
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFPiFoimRt
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXARuAPB7L
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0OIzCdWuS
Gregory?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbjTcugiEb
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQeFn5VaTw
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FooSn0MX3
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezw5O6BNjV
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbN7Fp5YjzO
CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJxHMWjbAv
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrSrZp7yeJ
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dNLLHtjUo
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpBeJe52RT
Of course you are!
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDQW3w25Sd
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aQMUsBvMb
CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1WrRKUR8f
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj68k1WBLVu
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIvajWrM7B
THE END
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