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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCSHXafmZn
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFu9vu1S4I
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QHfqYNt1z
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkW8Movjiqc
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIOzp4NjDd
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhFVIQFRdO
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc02XnQfpik
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTbcBEZFFJ
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtSdMAdzEu
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMGyYDykfY
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1dr2ifJNu
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8bF6idezY
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mf3OW6k7x
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HhX0TrWp6
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6430eHarZi
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEvZEvclW6
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pwy9OKPdh
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRwDRJFnVt
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NnhEFjr1Q
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW8W0iW2Ov
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKlmtuVSoo
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFnovmcWJD
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhobhxvsy7
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAqoRpDDhB
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmnqQ4BUQa
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfSwRwnOZE
You've met?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7W1lq4V9xb
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0gfnoIQ41
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsPIZlkSc8
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg87ODa07yK
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5r7GZQ16q
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7M1zQowNH
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZVUCjfk7h
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24SDx4NL2v
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoXs5PTI4F
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aNLtA1DTe
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOK3xftJNE
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy90xr50pFr
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrA4y3Nfuf
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSm1YKAUN2
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9G7SInOoj
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDswvJ7VsvB
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoffzN0UZDa
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8LJJCADCg
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQdauZrK5O
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QQgZyV0Ae
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YnZCFM1Hd
I know that already!
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlUWsaqndG
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDZJpW2vlK
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZfgTRpGXW
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukuyTOQra5
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeCWyyGFIn
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZdqEwdho4
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShwS5u51lQ
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZJ9dcleqm
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbfyM56RON
No you're not!
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SHARON211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SyUzrmtU3
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J7jsShEmQ
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ciiKBvQ9j
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SFJ4ljWog
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JVzlcN2Xt
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlDMFp4ugK
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2VbloB92E
What?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzvPn2V6Bc
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZVrpr3MF0
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhShuEYJRpg
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOFhryfKAu
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9on6O0sFgC
Long enough.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OAKCMqmBF
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8csirk1Eh
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhgs1jV3YX
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbHoVUubYF
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4opx0U6HKl
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXfoy6Rvw3
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOyr6NyvR9
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiYOUfUXli
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKICO50FhwN
Well, if you insist.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8wyQP8g0P
GREGORY takes the ring.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1TPwk8mRj
GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pzRZ2QKUa
Thank you.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3Fh52h6Ff
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pGC21gufn
GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCohoqPmE5B
Does this mean you want me back?
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliyFDQkj5S
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLz066ANhp0
HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW11akQNpgs
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGR7Fe1Rwq
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9YrBB7fiR
GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lfSzRATMy
Well you can't have me.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoiNIeAOTX
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7BF9SGmi2
HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2q8F4vLNKL
WHAT?
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAGPLpAHIA
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNTfpY0hV1
GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdDkH0veQO
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiUypukHP7
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXK44uH8epv
HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAawUcPyoU
But...
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0YvWAEQyz
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T1LaRRIIH
GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaq9RuHdDz
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJSb31Kj00
CHANTAL grins.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvf6OSgqpQ
HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe75qm9XIyh
But...
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOSivEeg1H
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJB1ERTYDj
CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71RPoUYxEE
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5eZFlBtVg
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkKHGfNTdg
HARRY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOg46pnpEMM
Gregory?
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHiBNFMhLj
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9COnYqe2I
GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJq9mLpiKDP
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFaBcHi6X7T
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsP5KZIOcz
CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL62UoS85Kg
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8INHiHIchj
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn5H0SIODr
GREGORY211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisQyIWbEEQ
Of course you are!
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFFqgTYLu8
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjmT8A7BzQ
CHANTAL211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5hRfLTFQl
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZg8ngJyK4
211Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEcFVwshZy
THE END
ns216.73.216.89da2
