許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcc4rXh4Eh9
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mm6ytYKqD
「急事。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeHr0WqQSW
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvxG8cJYOe
「你不吃晚餐？」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrt4LN2AedD
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSm8rGzmrW7
我沒應答，逕自出門。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMK0BlCUfb
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpJyTsnmqG
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNxWMX6jpi
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT7JXr0VKt
難以言喻的鬱悶。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls1xtRgJlx
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oSf5aBCyf
長嘆。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CHNoLyRty
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpI0GkNKHHU
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqroUgifZS
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58qLFODEHn
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel6ioiyjbB
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhzr09mHeN
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKhRjvFD0m
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNov6nK4D7
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMf1OHXzZ7a
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6FY3Pk6to
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01G4AiPxtp
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64rLII4xmv
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiyLsgtjTc
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cZJLGAXg9
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtAflUus2j
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQg85pE9GQ9
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnClzsup2L
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpvW07NElo
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2MTeEIpXk
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxmZIbo1kX
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhmP9DW1Vr
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4WqMEBbfQ
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTJ50Gq4NO
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGuzNkcN9c
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBs0MiOjK3C
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwed3RXy8s
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqihAlLaH1
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjzdy7ovvN
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSznp0MkETd
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDLeJKJjV4
註定的。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWpBOUitKp
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEExgbpF4J
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSduJbtLk0P
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICWoTlY33q
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3NDfnzYgZ
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjRCzgVSHf
停步。猶疑。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oRglEHCYi
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHl8oYuF1A
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhhVsmwf44
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWI9rB3vm1
轉身。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fqso3NjSQ
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFl1Q57fWUq
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9r3O5vS8t
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmWoEFmFGC
我回身走去。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdwx9hzfXV
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcumIKAJL9H
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAsLiQBMH6
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUZTpwG5eh
把小狗抱入懷內。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyQnvZ6eiZ
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXTAC0uCDM
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWPOpDA6aC
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBTYqP3ZFV
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5r2D7uXiw
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwn1XRecl1
海風？海濱公園步道？283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a00UIqVJf
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyq7RTqr8jw
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5yTD6rlTs
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bJ8LOITsD
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSe5GIKlhq
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ788aTbU0Cw
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BK01KDSWr
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzBw3uJVNc
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmkKocBjjW
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDj19kjpZT
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJNYF3X5jG
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5hO6C8Yuy
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVRW7K7asm
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCL3HH3mYm
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWDZTAB5yJ
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45l9OLmdyE
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3sTkhbe7h
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRYJtHMoiu
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyEHNfP3xl
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLXOFvTJWG
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMoZxF1mdD
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IpJiLMu8R
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdxkDpcG3F
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBHRBn3YbJ
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtVRQDvYrV
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbcZourtGC
鬱悶何來？283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI8XzFDUux
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRRHsKE0eR
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLgkfz5pBr
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2Ku12hZDL
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCshjtvRZJZ
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7yj1nOAF5
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZPp0nF0Cn
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUQKbEJm3b
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGvFV3kO0F
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN0zzsKoSn
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpsLEmVNln
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBr4e6fyE2
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCsYujls1p
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCV2TJiJjy
然後呢？根本沒有然後。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyaPUJZ1C9
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmt2RMFbDu
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDqA0GRFqp
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99YoRTEdRB
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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