許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XkSghQETB
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqtk2rtz49
「急事。」261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFUQ3V1StY
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeW6nrbxz7c
「你不吃晚餐？」261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYNGJHzcxk
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7zieehYiR
我沒應答，逕自出門。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpAFXp27LP
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMb3aSrEYv
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsfBhZpxs3
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GutoXqH8t
難以言喻的鬱悶。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnEJ6DZYfA
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rqPRKepLj
長嘆。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavptsvX7Fl
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBEBq1GMEa
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZydgp7QBe1
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw0rcMEBln
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxpNpPL2bP
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaXQW44oXG
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tO3BEd2CO
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIC0Fwcwuk9
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kJSbonyOW
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqehVtzq0xp
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Jr5jiPeC7
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71O0wFm53Q
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1rGaaQvES
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLoGtuuyD0
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjl0rmoIIe
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4A31LQirz
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8173JLmLZl
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0Gl9UDVdO
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnEHC9sHlw
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHRoj0MDoH
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSKi47xcOu
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPzpaOiOAa
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8sCGptR5H
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6be47I9rL5
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnrcsZnRUh
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyEjd35CX4
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkveHrn1sQ
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKggX8zu0M
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9llXbPw2PR
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiYytWzbWe
註定的。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EyCybdldI
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE76d22t4eC
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebOB471T0E
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9phazXn1q
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ73s6UOBGg
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyf7PrWnTtN
停步。猶疑。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXnjZJ4wc8
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhz5Vi1TMm
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEqilmEgKD
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx55XZul16l
轉身。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ3TpvdumM
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ152Aj1dvvk
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAGwaADpSr
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjHHLys06Y
我回身走去。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDY8fGvHu3
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHVOKSGrJI
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6N5VvkrMZ7
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDobvlYOsPa
把小狗抱入懷內。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kBYR7AFEH
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtx2p45CAO
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiioxNjuwE
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6h2PLy74uJ
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue44vnNnTa
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlmqT4iMOE
海風？海濱公園步道？261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwRByJUacS
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzs9mIFWcka
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2zhdv3o6O
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOzPtpRcZr
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1h2Ba6Hmx
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiKSAS7GkR
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtNQjS86QW
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQhv2HDPhz
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisyMGiv6wr
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nOLMdqS5t
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kUvDiKAMc
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5bjbPbgzo
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofKxKd8CDb
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtNgSN7gjg
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlQMAerax7
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2qKkHNceJ
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG6ftXX07E
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuf9Z6nET2K
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2fXRH5fSt
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2HdC3M4Mq
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdxDKrX3mj
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsg3FfYnnHt
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzy8O3a6aEe
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGhgOfAaek
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKycsAZpqV
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvi6l74zNXT
鬱悶何來？261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbvADE9TOb
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWSNiL3o2L
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kVNIaBHO6
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2wqZxVGl8
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwfcIrYH33
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUj8YZG3ps
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyG8mFLpRU
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmcI2yVJT3
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT9wq9R4iy
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQlBhRlI2M
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzjoOeZ6on
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvBm2XmwVV
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRrH0IuTMb
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNukBSxTJCI
然後呢？根本沒有然後。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4qbU0y9ml
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIob0iyV2J
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCqHG2a59P
261Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKIiQRTc7o
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.24da2
