I grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to face me. I would make him face me. I needed answers.
The paper had began to crumble in my angry fists. I held it in front of his face.
"Really?" I was so mad. 448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbE7gGm5CD
Breathe, I told myself.
He took a step back startled. "What?" He seemed confused at why I was mad at him.
Pfft. Fake. He knew exactly why I was mad. Maybe. Probably.
"What is this?" I tried again, calmer this time.448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzdoDLL6Zl
"It's the contract. I sent you the email about it." He still seemed confused. That made me sick.
"I never got an email from you." I stared him down, waiting for the next excuse.
He just looked more confused. "I was sure I sent it." 448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3cect2L1Q
He forgot. Of course. Just like how he forgot he told me that he would-
Cutting off that thought, I took another deep breath. "Ok, then. What is this?" I asked for the second time.
"I already told you! It's a contract for next Saturday. Plans changed with my client and they doubled the guests. DOUBLED. My brothers all have their own clients and there is no way I can do it on my own." He rubbed the back of his neck. "So I asked you."
"You asked me." I repeated him, nodding my head in disbelief.448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx5ZnFHWuC
Unbelievable. After all these years...
"Why me? You know hundreds of other people that could help you." I still couldn't believe it.448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDMeX3rMvi
"Because you're good!" He ran his hand through is hair, distressed. "Our styles match. I really need you!"
"You need me." I repeated him, again.
Honestly, I was flattered. I really was. Younger me would have said yes then fell over with excitement. But I'm not younger me anymore.
"You need me." I repeated for the second time. "Then where were you when I needed you?"
Here it comes.
"What?!" The confusion from earlier returned to his face.448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo84OopPHqQ
"No. No," I said with outward calm but inner rage. "I will not help you immediately when I have been asking you for three years to help me and you refused."
He took another step back. "What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I am talking about." Tears threatened to fall but I refused to show any sign of weakness. "I needed you when I was trying to learn. I had no idea what I was doing. But you did! You could have helped me and I begged you time and time again and you wouldn't! What about your motto hu?! 'Created to create to inspire.' What about that? Does that even mean anything to you? Or is it just like inspire people then 'good luck you're on your own.' You're willing to use your work to inspire people but not willing to be the face behind it. I needed you! I needed you." I had began speaking through gritted teeth attempting to hold my tears back. "Where were you when I needed you?"
His breath became choppy as if I scared him. Or maybe the truth scared him. "I refused to help you because you were doing fine on your own. You didn't need my help to get better. You were getting better on your own!"
"Oh!!" I finally understood. "So you thought I would take your clients if I became any better? Really? That's what this is about? You were afraid about loosing possible clients?!"
"No!" He cut me off. "I promise it wasn't that!! I wasn't afraid of loosing business. I was afraid of..." He trailed off, looking up at the starry sky.
"You were afraid of what? Afraid of what!?"
"You!! I was afraid of..." his hands were trembling, "you. I was afraid of losing my heart...448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4zwvtpQVA
To you."
My breath caught in my throat.
What. He was...what.
"I promised myself, that nothing would come between me and my work." He looked straight at me. "I knew that you would."
My head dropped. What was previously shouts and rage now became silence.
I watched the pavement beneath my feet as if it would tell me what to do next. What to say next.448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3aXlyzeIU
I could feel him watching me. Waiting for me to say something.
I took a deep breath, looking back down at the now completely crumbled contract in my hands.448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MeUAsASpE
Don't do this. Don't let your pride get in the way. You need to help him. Just like you needed him to help you. Show him how to help other people. I fought with myself.
I looked back up at him. Right in the eye. 448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMxcn5Q2wQ
No vulnerability. No terror. No admiration. Not even hope anymore. I had nothing for him.
I took a step forward and shoved the contract into his chest, still staring at him straight into the eyes. 448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKySWAV8Ml
He grabbed the contract from me but didn't remove his hand.
I spun on my heel and walked away.
"Please wait. Wait!" He called after me, but he didn't come after me. 448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aOyB1ce7U
Just like the coward he was.
The person I once admired. The person I once wanted to be like. The person I once hoped would help me. But not anymore.448Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0Skw3o3Oy
I didn't come this far to give up on my dream just because someone so small and insignificant got in my way.
I turned the corner, now without him to see, I finally let the emotions come.
I had finally left behind the last part of my younger life that had been holding me back for years.
I did it.
At first I felt disappointment. Sadness. Anger.
Peace.
Then I smiled.
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