Roan looked up at Liam from where he sat on the floor. Liam stared down at the other boy fondly, his green eyes clear and amused.
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“Liam, please! C’mon, let’s go outside!” Roan pleaded, pulling at Liam’s trouser.
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“Roan, it’s raining,” Liam said, as if that would solve this argument.
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“All the more reason to go outside!”
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Liam sighed in exasperation and threw his book on a table and stood up, yanking Roan up with him. “Fine, fine, you stubborn fool, let’s go outside then.”
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Roan whooped and ran outside, hauling Liam with him.
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The two boys stepped out into the rain and ran down the roads. Roan watched as the other threw his head back and laughed. Triumph surged through Roan as he knew that he was the one who made Liam laugh like this. Liam was special to him. He was his friend. His lover.
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“Told you it’ll be fun,” Roan yelled.
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“When you’re sick tomorrow don’t come whining to me!” Liam shouted back.
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“But you’re here with me now, aren’t you?” Roan said. “You’ll be sick too then!”
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“Then we’ll just have to be sick together!”
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Liam grabbed Roan by the front of his shirt and pulled him into a deep kiss, hands entangled and their chests pressed together. They broke apart, gasping and grinning wide.
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“You’ll be with me forever, right?”
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Liam cupped Roan’s cheeks, smiling softly.
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“Yes, yes I will.”
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Roan loved Liam. Roan needed him. Liam was his only hope. Liam was like rain to him, always calmly, soothing his anxious, blazing flames.
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Hopefully, this rain will last forever, Roan thought.
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* * *
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Roan leaned against the wall, letting his tears fall down. He slowly collapsed to the floor in a sobbing mess. He glared at the letter he held in his hands.
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Dear Roan,
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I have to leave you. I have to leave us. I’m sorry Roan, I really am. But I have to do this. For both you and me. Please, forget about me. Find someone else. Find love again. I am so sorry, Roan but I have to leave.
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Liam
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A scream tore through his mouth, letting his tears fall on the paper. He crumpled the paper in his hands, wishing it would turn to dust. He refused to believe this. He wished all this was just another nightmare.
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No. This isn’t real. This isn’t happening.
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Roan tried to convince himself this was all a lie. It’s all just some stupid joke. But then, why was he crying? Roan curled up into a ball and rocked himself back and forth, yearning for Liam’s warm embrace. He wished Liam would just appear and take him in his arms again and comfort him like he always does.
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Roan waited. He waited for days. Months. Years.
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Liam never came.
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It seems the rain didn’t last after all.
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* * *
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Life played out in front of him like a video tape but Roan stayed frozen, watching and waiting for something he knew would never come. Here he was again, in front of their house. The house they had bought with their savings. It used to be a hide-out for them. A home. A place where they didn’t have to pretend. A place where they could exist. Roan still remembered the time they first moved in, all beaming laughter and wonder. He remembered it like yesterday, but the memory also felt so far away.
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Roan placed a shaking hand on the rusted door knob. The knob turned with a creak and Roan stepped inside, a wave of goosebumps grazing his arms. It felt like he just stepped into a whole new world. He looked at the dusted furniture and the worn down walls.
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God, how long has it been?
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He shook off the urge to shiver and sighed. He went to the living room and the sight brought back so many memories. The couch Liam would sit on and read to him while Roan would listen to his soft voice and at other times try to convince him to go outside. The shelf filled with trinkets and photos they’d collected when they travelled the world when they were young. The bookshelf filled with books Roan could bet his life on that Liam had read every one of them. The piano Liam played while Roan screamed his lungs out which made both of them fall to the floor in laughter.
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Roan laughed humorlessly, walking towards the wall and slipping down to the floor. He took out a crumpled piece of paper from his jacket and opened it. He read the words again. He thought the pain would dull eventually but it only grew worse and more unbearable.
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How dare he? How dare Liam expect him to move on from him when Liam was all Roan had? Forget about him? He’s tried. But Liam is stuck in his mind, the only face that would matter to Roan. Find someone else? Who could hold Roan with the same gentleness he did? Find love again? Where? He’s sorry? If he were, then why isn’t he here?
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Tears slipped down Roan’s face, for the millionth time. How long will he have to keep crying? How long will he be like this? He leaned his head against the wall, paper in hand, and he closed his eyes, wishing for something to end his pain.
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When he opened his eyes again, Liam was kneeling in front of him, watching him.
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“Liam,” Roan croaked out, reaching out a hand to touch him.
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His fingers touched Liam’s cheek. Roan brought their faces together for a soft kiss. His eyes fluttered shut as he tried to stay in this moment forever. But when Roan opened his eyes again, Liam was gone, as if he were never there to begin with.
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It had started raining outside, Roan noted. But where was Liam?
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