Dsdevr 開拓者 - 自我

不要去以一個生物的外表去評價它。

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也不要以一個生物的内在來定義它。

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讓它自己去決定自己的價值。

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沒有人，也沒有法則可以有資格去定義任何一個生物。

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-出自人類著名哲學家，機械工程師兼性別平等主義者，哈曼拉·布蘭特之口

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-拉曼拉女士在2114年受頒諾貝爾和平獎，並在得獎演講中公開發表了以上的言論。

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-她在三天後不幸遇刺死亡，享年51嵗。

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「時，你喜歡動畫嗎？」

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「額……喜歡？」

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「那就好了！你喜歡什麽類型的角色？」

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「我想想……等等，怎麽突然問這些問題？現在我們不是在設計人偶嗎……你看，那邊的研究員都看著我們了。」

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「我在想啊，時你要不要把人偶弄成動漫人物的樣子？」

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「……」

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自從來到薩特拉基地已經過了4天，人偶的製作正在進行得如火如荼。

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經過薩特拉研究員的通宵工作，艾迪昨天終於成功解讀賽拉斯的轉魂技術，並研發出第一個複製樣本。當它帶著樣本跌跌撞撞地奔向主要研究室，但結果像一個搞笑卡通人物一般，一腦子撞在尚未開啓的防爆門上的時候，整個研究室再次充滿了快活的氣氛，也讓所有人難得地感受到勝利的真實。

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這也影響到時和凜子兩人，他們決定在今天開始人偶的設計。

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而現在，兩人坐在研究室的其中一角，身邊擺滿了各式各樣的外星儀器，以便協助凜子的工作（雖然她完全不會怎樣使用就是）。身邊走過的薩特拉都對兩人投以好奇的眼神，期待著他們會如何從薩特拉未曾設想的道路進行著研究 —— 而兩人的討論内容也的確是讓人……大開眼界。

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「就是難得有機會，你不想試試看成爲幻想人物嗎？」

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「我的確有聽過不少朋友許願，希望自己變成動漫主角，然後在異世界開後宮之類的妄想性發言。」

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「……虧你還說自己喜歡動畫。至少根據我對大學的男性同學的認識，他們都很憧憬像我們現在這樣的發展額。等等我……在哪裏……啊，有了！」

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凜子對時無奈的眼神並不以爲然，在研究桌上東翻西找，拿起了一塊類似手繪板的裝置。她從平板中抽出筆狀物，在板上熟練地畫起草稿。很快，凜子便完成了一個角色的框架。

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「看，你覺得怎樣？因爲時間關係我沒有添加太多的細節，但是這個角色應該蠻好猜的吧？」

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「讓我看看，西洋女巫形象和波浪長髮，千萬別跟我説是魔理沙[1]。我向天發誓……」

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「你這不是很熟悉嗎？還在裝無辜，結果試一試就露出狐狸尾巴了嘛。」

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「都飛到另外一個星球了，還是擺脫不了你們這些東方厨子……」時無奈地抱頭抱怨道，把手繪板精準地丟向最近的廢物回收器，魔理沙隨即被回收器無情地攪碎，裝置被壓縮的刺耳聲音與凜子的悲嘆交曡在一起。

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「別說這些沒完沒了的，我們認真設計一下人偶的外表吧。」

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「不，我一直都是認真的啊！」

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凜子捨棄剛剛猶如玩樂一般的氣氛，重新拾起那罕見的嚴肅模樣，以一副不可思議的樣子盯著時不放，讓少年一時之間出現了自己才是不認真的那位的錯覺。

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「所以，你剛剛是真的打算讓我以魔理沙的樣子走出去見人嗎……」

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「那只是一個例子啦。重點是難得有機會，你真的不會想體驗一下『另外一種人生』嗎？就像是平時玩游戲你也不會選相同性別，反而是會不假思索地按下女孩子的角色吧，我説的就是這樣一回事。」

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「游戲歸游戲，我本身是男的，假如突然變了性別也會很不習慣吧。」

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聽到這裏，凜子像是開啓了某些機關一般，瞳孔放大，一臉嚴肅地把懸浮椅子往時的方向一推，少女在一瞬間來到了時的面前。凜子以不輸尼克的氣勢逼近少年，把時嚇倒一個措手不及。

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「……什麽是性別？你覺得爲何我們會有性別之分？」

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「這不是廢話嗎？我們從變成受精卵的一瞬間，合成出來的基因決定了我們的身體結構，也定義了我們在人類繁殖的位置。是男是女不是我們説的算。」

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「你這番話真的別讓那些外國的跨性別主義者聽到。」

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「跨性別……哈！我倒是想看看一個只有跨性別主義者的村子在自然法則之下能怎樣持久地存活下去。我堅持生爲男性，是因爲這是我與生俱來的特質，是這片大地賦予我的定義。遵守它，人之常情而已。」

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「但這也只是地球的情況啊！」

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凜子激動地拍了一下桌子，周圍的研究員受到聲響的吸引，再次留意著兩名人類的爭辯。

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「在地球，我們的確受到先天的生理區分，除非特殊例子，我們也很難去改變他人對自己的性別印象……但是，在這片宇宙就不一樣了！假如有一天，你被綁架然後被改造成女的身體，那你現在是男的，還是女的？」

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「好問題……我應該還是會認爲我是男的，除非它們連同我的腦袋也一起拿去改造，或是讓我體驗一遍身爲女人的樂趣。」

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「你很糟糕額，還在一個健全的女孩子面前這樣說（臉紅）……不過這也剛好認證了我想表達的論點：你身爲何人何物，應該由你自己決定，而不是你的外表或其他人的意見。」

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「我也認同這個看法，但是這也會帶來另外一個問題吧，就是假如你對自己的價值認同會對他人造成影響，那我們還是應該讓你去定義自己嗎？」

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「（沉思中）」

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「我記得有一項新聞是講述有一名先天是男子的人，他認爲自己是女生，還得到了法律上的認可。結果平時上厠所的時候都會引起恐慌和不適，最後那個『女孩子』更是在厠所性侵了另外一名女士。我們當然有權利去確定自己的性別，但是我們也要對我們在他人眼中的外表，我們的生理欲望負責啊。」

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「這也同上，是一個關於人類自己的問題。為什麽我們會接受不了跟異性如厠？我們不但不舒服，還會怕，怕他們會圖謀不軌，而這也是我們對異性的刻板印象所帶來的嘛。但是，以剛剛的例子來説，我覺得不能把男子的行爲跟他的個人認同挂鈎。」

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「怎麽說？」

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「假如有一個漂亮的姑娘，然後她認爲自己是男的，結果一跑進去男厠，就一手抓住一個可憐的小男孩，把他性侵了，那你覺得她爲何要這樣做。」

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「怎麽覺得怪怪的……這只是反過來吧？而且這位姑娘應該是一個變態才會這樣做……」

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「就是啊！恐怕她甚至已經密謀已久了，這不是她是男是女的關係，而是他犯罪了，即使她真的認爲自己是男的，那他也是同性侵犯，不會改變他犯罪的事實。」

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「你剛剛説的都是漏洞百出的論點，例如我們不能假定一個人思想有問題，而且可能他也是受到生理特徵的誘惑才犯下罪行的，從一開始就是……」

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「偏題了偏題了！」

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「先偏題的是你吧……」

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「總之，我想説的是 —— 我們有決定自己是什麽的自由！無論你的外表如何改變，你也只會是你，我心中的那！個！時！」

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頓時，整個研究室掌聲如雷，歡呼聲覆蓋了整片空間。激動的凜子慌張地望向四周，發現整個研究室的薩特拉都在聽他們説話。少女立即發現自己說了不該説的話，滿臉通紅，猶如熟透的番茄一般。

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「……我又得意忘形了……謝罪いたします……」

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「也不需要到這個程度吧……」

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凜子露出死魚一般的眼神，精疲乏力地以罕見的陳詞道歉，加上凜子表白一般的發言，對此時也感到不知所措，但更多的是另一種心情……

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「……謝謝。」

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「沒……沒關係嗎？我剛剛一頓胡言亂語的……」

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「不，你説得對。最重要的，還是自己怎樣看自己啊。雖然我不知道你是怎樣看我的……但是，謝謝。」

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「……我也不相信時會產生什麽錯誤的自我價值，也不會去傷害他人的。所以，請跟從你心中的想法吧。」

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隨即，少年默默從研究桌上翻找，拿起第二塊手繪板。時回想起腦中的記憶，然後輕輕揮動著繪筆，為空白的手繪板添上綫條與顔色。

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經過了一段時間後，時把手繪板遞給凜子。少女充滿期待地接過畫作，細心觀賞少年的傑作……

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然後，凜子默默地皺起眉頭，用手輕輕地觸摸著她暗紫色的側髮，擺起一副煩惱的樣子。

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「我畫得不好嗎……對不起，沒有太多經驗。」

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「不……你畫得很好。説得這麽多，結果還不是畫了一位亭亭玉立的女孩子出來嘛。只是……」

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凜子故意壓低聲綫，不讓少年聽見。

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「原來你喜歡黑色短髮啊……」

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【關於自我的問題，我一直有跟朋友討論。這便是參考自其中一次對話wwww

也歡迎不理性討論哦~我要看到血流成河！】

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[1] 東方project經典角色

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