我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvBJcjrGqD
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlw6q64zQA
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcccPtrDEO
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlgkhMhWMU
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNJRfhJMV3
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPrK98r1Rz
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlgZGNevMg
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IAhAuA1Rl
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5C7WMh4vsS
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTo6GqwsQxL
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlycoQZurx
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCZeHZClkb
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopyD1BAFBE
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqBuDKNGbZ
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jbvqgAnbq
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim11vb6c9h
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVNYn2VYfR
熬夜……對，我的錯。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rYcRHbPft
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvpfLygVbL
的“林布蘭特”？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNlOL6xHNr
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehi2wcogre
吸了……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrpLZ1HJkD
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5fWPome8m
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sltesyfW5
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA0nPBloeF
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2sWtcVYsN
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevwSmoQZnu
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVKuSS6Mzv
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX3tIHuNic
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOsZMWodqX
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvb8vFgsngB
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6lXUu0rfW
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sQcN717ht
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEL8PsXY8n3
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwFo92zARO
怎麼辦？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLzMa9Mc8A
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4EZN1VV6b
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmVtOsVCCV
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSyBssguQN
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSvC8Fvolr
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabjuxihVyf
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqejojkYc8
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Oe3FGPqt5
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBuwnWDkx1
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWYCFRrbG1
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROm1SsYiNZ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mQSBvEvfP
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNCwasYQVw
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiJEg1fO7E
「下跪道歉」？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTx3WPc9yL
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpV0EsjcWn
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqI63zqkFP
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBFs7Y8bir
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOFQzuK0kT
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpF7gDcFJvE
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuVa946KEa
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyjJbSdih1
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenZJtvh7P0
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGx2PbX0U4Q
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbL2PvaAcqU
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuDpNUK7EO
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSSijF0C39
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnAWbKIgOK
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRleZDx3jxd
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdOFeXAILE
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8k5DTiAlRe
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrEDXw4tMb
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEWvhRwHny
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzl5X58sQO
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMSf1UnKe3
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGY0ygHFkvq
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoiw89jGok
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSjmEBN0IC
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7IHm3PeMu
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oJbiLqIpz
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCbfVFCOnF
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dNtBBthoE
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPE710IUuMy
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1ZsGLW9aM
「媽」…唉…又來了…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmR4khNdUF
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1B2ZxUShzE
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0u7JaEu4N
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnveFHtdRDb
咦…不對……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTATgnaH87
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrkUmB3D8W
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAqPjiIV9E
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxwAQywhAt
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9ODvfp7IE
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6szwPMg2z
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhkJfhWv6M
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDaskOyYlp
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CxyLmdkcC
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIyaJGUi6R
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznRGaQNj8h
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIClVfkXcXq
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmp4N4QcY55
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz1L8z1Q2T
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8ujqK9Dtv
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpHmz48p5j
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8lhv7qfua
　　443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiv5NyToy3n
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlbPlZozrJ
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BSdMQSf19
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZiS74kSo0
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWiK3vP5I2
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpC9fCCrlG
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aCsUc4wNI
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C4Qattoko
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhog9gsGbwd
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wQUUtRlLj
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgNQPOyHhQ
退不得，那就跑吧！443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84ZDcux6qV
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvaxxjx4YY
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvOFEXTpX7
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡke1Dr1F3Xe
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEpUTiMQjF
443Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR79jUmeacU
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。