「你還可以嗎？」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C4gksPLlE
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkay5eZqvJ
「無法不可以。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgNvBW5QYn
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdrIRQL6EK
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4lojYet0I
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJAYUcn5QE
「謝謝你。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06tGLb0Zxj
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡog2KZfjVg3
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhPji8Zpsi
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7tiC2c0cq
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6VUrrO3Io
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpd4nkXr7j
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNKaOXL4KO
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAA4ld8sHg
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXTRoU7ocQ
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXheS2U5vOh
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLZ3n7elga
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudqyVKgA6k
「老婆……」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMrldVq6ud
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYW3M7PCH3
「有困難？金錢？」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4gyDb1BEx
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1TPBiYtWv
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0VfWsVlU6
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNwKmqKASz
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMAgt9MmZt
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaXEH0g8AZ
「嗯。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKhXMITD0A
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fXGl5qsj2
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zSwabDfMG
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVl3OqkIde
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqoOaUVk1f
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp02QlDDOUP
無能。無力。無奈。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtnmO3LCjR
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSG9zFUSd8
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MZGaESZIY
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEee0Efnt2G
剪不斷，理還亂。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbNq1BlEAY
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAq2K8Nw8i
勿剪，別理。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxdGwaSqQo
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvaESRRHmB
待時日將其化解。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZdLRC56M1
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1vACwQADX
莫操心。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMjkqPb18d
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpw3ES4cH2F
莫操心？704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7hOEPxsJd
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoturCGi9I
如何莫操心？704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiLoCPF7I8
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkCfiOzNaq
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM77IgLhhIT
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1ex6mBbnE
撐多久？如何撐？704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXAVeyzd5i
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO87oYPDvr
不知道……704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VyynJPPdd
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIpEPVvWap
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHxUlVblt9
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtxJDAzHQn
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgAg3l3Dap
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFfElHVBGz
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHoNPQN6xi
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEUTKQD9df
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zxz127KhI
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpOCHAMG2l
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOb5RyzSh1
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DpiEJc8QW
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTpjxt1bh1
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw68VTFIGO
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UblmGIeVE
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK31chAaf3u
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMSklHHgp8
我笑。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wP6SFZvny
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcFDV3aGal
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOUFhfSngz
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqemKa6TIow
忽爾不想回家。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBO37hDCth
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJLxkF9LcM
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHEc1Azmcd
「好的。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMyH3dwWyY
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFPRzoswZq
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3JMD7vMc9
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2onFTKD6rA
只會苦了自己。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNMSXHuiRv
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhX1OsGSxu1
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacTqpFp0lA
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0LQLDlNcz
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgqm4IR44p
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLCZDk9CVU
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEe7bN2GHb
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvtUWIE0CA
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ024W25QWlE
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlS7GoFxdN
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA16E0JMCy3
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN9iIekUS7
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekFvdAAYRB
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnQKfIHICD
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThIalCd76y
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyevkvxSx5q
一、二、三、四、五……704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7toLg9yrUA
註：704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tOPDnx4s5
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWcxzAUSNT
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfKaBLV9eS
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsXDZDZoY7
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslb8h0RAsg
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtBm1oHlwk
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSJ1k9doSR
704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRem5lShzDD
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》704Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3aAPB0qtg
